“Yes.” Connor nodded hard.
“Very real.” The worry in Martin’s voice said he could have done with a little less realism.
“Say goodbye to your father, boys, and hop in the backseat. We’ve got just enough time to get to the truck show.”
“Bye.”
“Yeah, bye.”
Julia stared hard at them, and then they trudged back toward Vic and looked up. “Thank you for having us over.” Connor half whispered the words and there was really nothing thankful about his tone or his posture, but he did what he needed to do without a hissy fit, so that was good.
“Thanks, Dad. Sorry I messed up your game station thing.”
“I’ll get a new one.”
Martin nodded, chastised. He walked back to Tanner’s SUV and climbed in beside Connor and shut the door.
Julia turned back to Vic to make introductions. “Vic, this is my friend Tanner. Tanner, this is the boys’ father, Vic.”
“Trooper Tanner.” Vic didn’t put out his hand, but then, neither did Tanner. “I heard about you.” The way he said the words made it sound like he wasn’t all that impressed.
But his gaze went sharp when Tanner slung an arm around Julia’s shoulders and pulled her closer. “Same here. Thanks for getting the boys back on time. We appreciate it.”
Tanner started to turn, but Julia hung back. “We need to set things up for spring break.”
Vic’s expression changed. He raised his hands, palms out. “I’ll text you.”
Julia nodded. “All right.” Relief softened the boys’ features when she climbed into the front seat of Tanner’s car, and when they’d pulled away from the parking lot, all four of them breathed easier.
Vic didn’t wave, and didn’t offer a second goodbye. He simply turned, climbed into his car and headed east on the nearby Interstate.
A part of Julia wanted to find out more about their weekend, but her rational side won the mental battle. They talked about trucks, noise, crushers and dominator-style tires and by the time they got the boys’ home after the two-hour show, details about the weekend didn’t much matter. Had she gotten to have that nice, long talk with Tanner?
No, because two boys and bedtime prevailed, but there was plenty of time for that later. Right now it felt good to have the boys back home with her. They’d made a big step forward, she knew that.
But it had drained her mentally and plain old normal sounded real good.
* * *
Tanner answered the lawyer’s phone call on Monday morning. “We’re all set, papers have been filed, the defendants’ attorney has been apprised and the lawsuit is being withdrawn.”
Tanner had been waiting for this notification. Now that it came he wasn’t sure how he felt. He hoped and prayed he’d done the right thing. He’d been angry at the doctors and midwife for so long, he wasn’t sure how to handle this new reality. Did having the lawsuit dismissed mean he’d minimized Ashley’s and Solomon’s existence?
No.
And yet it felt that way, as if he’d let them down again.
He glanced at his watch, decided he’d forgo lunch later to stop by the hospital and visit Gracie Jayne’s baby. No matter what happened, she shouldn’t go a day without someone stopping in and holding her. Loving her. Some folks would think he was nuts. They’d say a brand-new baby couldn’t discern who was holding her, cuddling her, feeding her, but Tanner didn’t care what others thought. It made him feel good to provide that time to a struggling newborn, and that wasn’t something he took lightly.
* * *
“Did you hear the news?” Miranda Matthews stopped into Julia’s office midmorning. “Your buddy has dropped his lawsuit against me.”
“My who has done what?” Julia stared up at Miranda, perplexed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Miranda.”
“Your new guy, Tanner Reddington?”
“My friend Tanner,” Julia corrected her, but from the rise of heat in her cheeks, she was pretty sure Miranda wasn’t fooled a minute.
“Okay.” Miranda put her hands up and made air quotes with her fingers. “Your friend Tanner has dropped the lawsuit he filed against my old practice. I just got a call from our attorney.”
Julia’s heart tripped and fell. She tried to wrap her head around Miranda’s statement, but it wasn’t computing. “Tanner was suing you?”
“Yes.” Miranda sank down into the chair opposite Julia, chagrined. “You didn’t know?”
Julia shook her head. “How would I? You’ve never mentioned a name—”
“Privacy rules. I never met him, but I recognized the name when someone said he was helping at the clinic. His wife was attended by our midwife—”
Julia’s heart shrank. Tanner had lost his wife and son, a fact she’d just learned...
Then sued the midwife taking care of her. “What were the grounds of the lawsuit?”
“Gross negligence and failure to act.”
Her heart raced. This was the scenario every OB doctor and midwife hated. In obstetrics, there was no second place trophy. You either won the race and delivered a child or you suffered dire consequences. There was no in-between, and she’d listened to the ache in Tanner’s voice yesterday, knowing how he must have felt, but unaware he was suing Miranda’s former team for malpractice.
“Anyway, the suit’s been dropped. The insurance company was going to settle this week, before the court date.” She stood. “Now we don’t have to. I don’t want to bring up such a sore topic with the guy, and I had no idea he lived here in Kirkwood when I relocated here, but I’m grateful for what he’s done. The whole thing was heartbreaking, but totally unpredictable. It couldn’t have been an easy decision for him to make because the insurance company was prepared to make a six-figure settlement. Tanner Reddington answered a lot of prayers today by making this go away.”
“I’m sure he did.” Julia uttered the simple words, but the pressure inside her chest mushroomed. No wonder he’d acted weird around her when they first met. And his reaction to the pregnancy clinic?
Understandable in hindsight.
But to keep this from her said he either didn’t trust her, didn’t trust midwives or didn’t trust anyone, and how could she lose her heart to another man who kept secrets? Love was nothing without trust, so this precious emotion she’d been nurturing for Tanner was obviously not returned the same way.
She’d trusted him.
He’d hidden his deepest feelings away.
Her private line buzzed, the hospital calling. “Julia Harrison, how can I help you?”
“Julia, it’s Wanda. I wanted to tell you that Gracie Jayne Montgomery’s mother intends to put in a formal request for custody of her granddaughter.”
She’d expected this. Assumed it was coming, because how could anyone who might have ever loved Gracie Jayne turn their back on her innocent child? But if this was the best thing for the baby, wouldn’t Gracie Jayne have indicated that? If she trusted her family even the littlest bit, wouldn’t she have turned to them at some point? And why get Julia involved at all, other than as a medical practitioner, if the baby was going to be awarded to the very people who banished Gracie Jayne from the family?
“...as we forgive those who trespass against us...”
She recited the familiar passage from the Lord’s Prayer often, but right now the meaning tread harshly on her soul. She’d forgiven often in her life, the warmth of charity calmed her soul, but to learn of Tanner’s duplicity and then receive Wanda’s phone call?
She wanted to curl up someplace and cry, except she couldn’t. What had she told Tanner yesterday? That when everything went bad, she had to put it into a locked mental compartment and throw away the key because she had a job to do, a job of bringing life into the world.
And that’s exactl
y what she did. Tanner’s lies went on one side, Gracie Jayne’s antagonistic family went on the other and she locked away the emotions both stirred. It was Holy Week, a week of commemorating Christ’s triumphant ride into Jerusalem and then his trial and death. A week rife with emotion for believers.
Right now this week was proving to be rife with emotion for multiple reasons.
Chapter Fourteen
Tanner called Julia midafternoon. The call went to voice mail, not unusual for her busy workdays. “Julia, can I come by tonight once the boys are in bed and have that talk we mentioned yesterday? Let me know if that works for you. Oh, and I just stopped to see the baby. I met her grandmother.” He tried to hold back the sigh, but couldn’t quite do it. “We need to talk about that, too.”
She didn’t return his call. She didn’t text him. And when he finished his shift and double-checked to make sure his phone was on, it was. And still no word from Julia.
He texted her then because maybe the voice mail function wasn’t working properly. “Can we talk tonight? I can bring pizza.”
No reply.
He climbed into his car and pulled into Marty Harrison’s driveway fifteen minutes later. The door burst open and Connor raced down the steps to greet him, wearing his new The Extreme Dominator Rules!!! T-shirt from the monster truck show. “Mr. Tanner, everyone thought my shirt was the coolest one in school today and my teacher said my show-and-tell was really exciting to hear!”
Tanner laughed and scooped him up. “I expect it was, but it’s a little chilly to be running outside without a sweatshirt, isn’t it?”
“Not if it’s just for like a minute,” Connor explained and the earnest tone of voice made Tanner smile. “For just a minute it’s okay, Mom says.”
“Well, Mom’s pretty smart,” Tanner admitted, and when he looked up, Julia was framed in the door, watching them. Sadness blanched her features when their eyes met, but when Connor turned and jumped out of Tanner’s arms, all traces of angst vanished and she greeted the boy with a big, broad smile.
Connor dashed off, the overgrown pup barked halfheartedly at Tanner, then trotted after the boy to the lower family room level, leaving Tanner and Julia alone. He stepped in, even though he wasn’t asked, and when he did, she took a firm step back, arms folded tight around her middle.
Uh-oh. “I called you earlier.”
She nodded, but said nothing and another warning bell sounded. “And then I texted you.”
“You did.”
He studied her for a few seconds, then frowned, confused. “I was hoping we could sit down and have that talk we put off yesterday once the boys are in bed tonight, but I’m sensing I’m in trouble and I’m not sure what I’ve done. Care to enlighten me?”
“You were suing Miranda.”
She’d heard about the lawsuit, and the fact that she hadn’t heard it from him made it bad. “Yes.”
“Actually, let me get this right,” she went on. “You were suing her and her whole practice including the midwife your wife had picked as her primary.”
His fingers tightened. His knuckles ached. “I was. And now I’m not. It’s pretty simple, really. I wanted to blame someone for what happened. God and Ashley’s obstetrical practice got the brunt of my anger. I know that doesn’t make it right, but you’re a medical professional, Julia. I expect you’ve seen the different ways people handle grief before, haven’t you?”
“I don’t do secrets, Tanner.”
“I should have told you sooner.”
“But you didn’t, and I made a pledge when I moved here that I would never allow myself to be put in a compromising position. The lack of trust and respect—” She winced as if pained. “I won’t ever let that be part of my life again.”
“It’s not like that, Julia.” He took a step forward and she took two steps back, then pointed at the door.
“Love without trust is not a mistake I intend to repeat. It’s not the fact that you were suing their practice,” she continued, her gaze hard. “That’s your legal right. It’s the fact that you hid it from me for weeks and I had to hear it from a colleague, a colleague who wants you to know she’s grateful for the reprieve.”
So the doctor appreciated his change of heart, but Julia, the woman who’d managed to lay claim to that same heart, had lost faith in him.
“Mr. Tanner! Mr. Tanner, can you stay and play with us? Mom’s making supper and we could do smash-up-derby car crashes on the floor. Grandpa’s floor makes the cars go super fast!”
He turned and the sweet, earnest look from Julia’s youngest son made him long to stay, but the blank expression on Julia’s face said he’d lost that right. “Wish I could, bud. I’ve got stuff to do tonight.”
“Maybe another time?” Connor moved forward quickly and grasped Tanner’s hand, and with that touch, grabbed his heart, as well. “I’ll keep everything all picked up so you can come play with us, okay?”
His throat went tight. His face ached with false cheer. His chest felt hard and stiff, as if the weight of a thousand anvils sat firm against his breastbone. “You do that. See you later, okay?” He crouched down and Connor threw himself into Tanner’s arms.
“I’ll be super good. Martin, too. That way we can do cool stuff together soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
He turned to go, wishing she’d reconsider. Ask him to stay. Understand that he hadn’t meant to hurt people, he’d just...
Just what? Wanted to share the pain? Spread the agony out? Make everyone suffer?
He shook off the thoughts as he pushed through the door.
He pulled onto the road, heart heavy. Julia’s face had been so untrusting and sad. So sad. Connor had been so excited, then disappointed. Even the big pup had looked confused when he left, as if hoping to have a little time together, then thwarted by emotions he didn’t understand.
He longed to talk to somebody. Someone who wouldn’t think he was a terrible jerk and a no-good, very bad person for hating his life when Ashley and little Sol died.
Marty’s truck was parked down the road outside the McKinney Farm barn. He hesitated, then pulled into the farm drive and parked next to Marty’s rugged pickup. Julia’s father might hate him for letting this happen, but on the other hand, no one in Kirkwood would understand his change of heart better than Marty. He strode into the barn as Marty and Piper’s uncle finished wiping down a newborn calf with straw ticks.
“You’re in some deep trouble, son.” Marty straightened, rolled his shoulders and continued ministrations to the new little bull. “I do believe I warned you not to break her heart.”
“You did, sir. And yet I managed to mess up anyway.”
“Hmm.” Marty scowled, then stroked a gentle hand along the calf’s spine. “He seems sound, Berto. And nice conformation. He’ll do well at market.” He turned back to Tanner, jerked his head for Tanner to follow him and walked across the barn to the scrub sink alongside the milking parlor. He turned the water on, let it get hot, then started scrubbing up. “So you messed up your timing royally. Now what?”
Tanner wasn’t quite sure. “Grovel?”
“A good start.” An almost smile softened Marty’s jaw. “I see heartbreak waiting to happen all around Julia these days. That baby waiting on a home in Clearwater, the boys being pushed into a situation we can’t change and one that they hate, the contractor is messing up the time frame on fixing her house and now she gets to toss heartbreak over you onto the already smoking fire.”
“She deserves to be happy.”
Marty scoffed, wiped his hands and cuffed Tanner’s arm. “It’s not about what we deserve, it’s about God wanting us happy. Tanner, if you just step back and look at this situation right now, all of it, what will it take to make Julia happy?”
He frowned. “Me?”
“Got it in on
e!” Marty wiped his arms and hands with a clean towel, then tossed it into the soiled towel bin next to the sink. “Woo her. Court her. Make her smile the way a woman likes to smile, then you marry her and make her happy. And if you don’t, I’ll be the first in line to mop the floor with you, okay?”
“You think she’ll forgive me?”
Marty rolled his eyes. “Julia’s been happier the last few weeks than I’ve seen her in years, so yes, she’ll forgive you. After you grovel, of course. I’d start with flowers, if it was me, but then I’m probably out of touch with what women like.”
His phone rang just then, and Tanner had no trouble telling it was Laura on the other end. Marty winked and said, “So you liked the flowers all right?” Tanner had to smile.
He waved goodbye, and when Marty laughed at something Laura said, Tanner recognized the emotion. It was the sound of love through laughter, an emotion he was determined to bring back to Julia, no matter what it took.
* * *
She’d faked being happy last night because the boys were there. And she’d put on a smiling face this morning for the same reason. But as Julia slipped into the NICU midday, she didn’t want to smile. She wanted to cry because her life had turned upside down in a few short weeks. She picked up the baby, then settled into the rocking chair next to her crib. The infant’s scent filled her. The soft breathing, the steady heartbeat, the occasional tweaks and jerks of a small but healthy newborn, all spoke to her.
This baby was a blessing, regardless of how she’d come into the world. She was a gift from God, a tiny human in need of tender, loving care.
She leaned back, rocking the baby, praying, wondering what exactly Gracie Jayne had wanted for this child, because more than anything else, shouldn’t a mother’s wishes take precedence? She must have dozed off because the next thing she heard was the soft voice of the nurse calling her name. “Julia? Are you asleep?”
She had been, but she pretended she wasn’t. She opened her eyes, but it wasn’t just Amy, the current nurse standing in front of her. A woman stood next to her, an older woman, well into her sixties by Julia’s estimation, and very well dressed. She studied Julia for several seconds, and when Amy brought a second rocker over to the baby’s curtained area, the older woman took a seat.
Healing the Lawman's Heart Page 16