“It’s the right thing to do.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
Tanner hung up the phone, sat back in the driver’s seat and stared at the hospital in front of him. He’d made a bold step forward.
Would it bring him a chance to make a life with Julia?
He didn’t know.
But from now on, he’d be able to wake up and look at himself in the mirror and not dislike the man he’d become. For that alone, his decision was worth it.
* * *
Watching Tanner leave the NICU, a host of options rose before Julia. His open affection for this baby showed what a man was capable of if he loved children. Seeing him hold the newborn, talk to her, rejoice in her, was a refreshing change. She stopped in a small alcove once the baby was asleep. She hadn’t heard from the boys, and she’d promised they could call her, so not hearing from them was good, right?
But motherly concern pushed her to dial Vic’s number, and when he answered, she didn’t waste time exchanging words with him. “Vic, can I speak with Martin, please?”
His drawn-out sigh made her wait long seconds. “Must you? I’m just getting them accustomed to how things work around here. If they talk to you, it’s going to mess everything up.”
“How can talking to their mother mess up anything? You’re being ridiculous. Put Martin on the phone.”
“And you’re being your typical overprotective self, which is why they have problems in the first place.”
Problems?
Concern and worry flashed through her. Martin and Connor didn’t have problems. They were normal boys who loved to talk about gross things and climb higher than they should, but that’s what boys did. When they weren’t pounding on each other. “Put him on, Vic.”
“Mommy?” The tremulous note in Martin’s voice made her knees go weak. “Can you come get us?”
She wanted to race three hours across upstate New York and rescue her babies. But she took a deep breath, calming her nerves before trusting herself to speak. “What’s going on, honey?”
“I don’t think Daddy likes little boys around. Connor’s scared.”
“Are you scared, honey?”
Martin’s intake of breath said he was fighting tears. “I’m trying not to be. There’s nothing to do here and our dad says we can’t watch TV because it’s stupid and it’s too wet and cold to play outside, and there are no toys here. I just wanna come home, Mom.”
Julia’s heart broke into a million pieces. She gripped the phone, fought tears and wondered if judges had any clue what children went through when parents couldn’t be trusted. “Put your dad back on, please. And, honey, I love you. I’ll pick you guys up tomorrow, and then we’ll go to the monster truck show, okay?”
Martin’s silence said he couldn’t trust himself to speak, and that stirred Julia’s protective instincts further. “Wait, before I talk to your father again, let me talk to Connor, okay?”
“’Kay.” The muffled voice said he was losing the battle to fight tears, and with Martin, tears had been a common occurrence when he was smaller. He’d gotten tougher this past year, but would forcing him to make these visits reverse his progress?
“Mommy.” Connor’s pragmatic little voice came on the line and stirred her emotions further. “I miss you. I keep trying not to cry, but then I kind of have to cry because I just want to be with you like all the time,” he confessed in a voice that sounded strong and plaintive at the same time. “And I tried to tell my dad that I wanted to call you and he said no, we shouldn’t bother you, that you were too busy working and we’d see you tomorrow. So I’m really, really glad you called us because I just wanted to talk to my mom.”
Regret pierced Julia.
Was she wrong for moving the boys to Kirkwood? Had she made the decision out of anger or concern? Had her choices put her beloved boys in this awful situation?
“You can talk to me anytime, Connor. Put your father on the phone and I’ll make sure he understands that.”
“’Kay! Bye, Mom. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said the words because she had to, when what she wanted was a visual reassurance that the boys were all right. When Vic got back on the phone, she had to count to ten to keep her voice somewhat controlled. “You told them they couldn’t call me?”
“I’m preventing them from using you as an excuse to ignore me,” he retorted. “We’ve already had over two years of that.”
“Your choice, Vic. Not mine. And furthermore—” She paused as Tanner’s words from the night before came back to her. His confession of how he hated the endless war between his parents, the constant drama. But how could she stop this when her emotions were on overload?
You can’t. God can. He is the Alpha and the Omega. The one true God. Remember those sweet words you know so well? Come unto me, all who are burdened and weary, and I will give you rest.
She breathed deep as realization swept her. She needed to calm down and prevent their anger from becoming the norm. She thought hard, then noted, “The weather’s crummy for doing outside things.”
A moment of silence reigned, then Vic replied, “I thought we’d spend time today in the park, but we can’t because it’s cold and wet. And I have work to do on weekends, it’s not like I have all the free time in the world.”
She ignored his self-pity speech purposely. “Do they still have the dinosaur exhibit at the museum?”
He hesitated, then said, “They might. I haven’t looked.”
“That’s always a good rainy day thing. Or one of those indoor play arenas, but they’re crammed with kids on a Saturday.”
“An indoor playground?” Again a moment of silence stretched long. “They have those?”
“There’s an Ithaca family fun website, Vic. I used it on my days off when I lived there. It will tell you where and when things are going on. You can find things to fill this afternoon and evening just by checking it out. Kids never do well with lots of time on their hands.”
“You’ve got that right.” He paused again, then breathed deep. “I’ll try that when my work’s done. See you tomorrow.”
No thank you, no gratitude, but at least he said he’d try, and that was a big step forward for Vic because her suggestions had fallen on deaf ears long before their marriage crumbled.
Her pager went off. She moved toward the labor area with mixed emotions. If Vic followed through on his promise, he might be able to salvage the rest of the day. If not, the boys would be miserable and cantankerous.
But they weren’t hurt, they weren’t in danger and she needed to focus on the positives. She didn’t dare think of Martin fighting tears or Connor’s false bravado because right here and now, she needed to focus on the young mother laboring down the hall...
But she’d be lying if she pretended that was an easy thing to do.
Chapter Thirteen
Tanner handed Julia a steaming hot caramel macchiato and jerked his head toward his SUV promptly at one thirty the next afternoon. “Road trip. You and me and these.” He held up the four tickets to the truck show and grinned. “I brought earplugs, too. Because I’m that kind of nice.”
She laughed, accepted the coffee and climbed into the passenger seat quickly. “I can’t wait to see the boys. These have been the two longest days of my life.”
“And yet you delivered a baby—”
“Two,” she told him. “And then Dr. Matthews took over.”
“How did you keep your mind on your work?” He used the curved farm driveway to come back onto the road and turned to face her at the intersection just east of McKinney Farm. “It had to be tough.”
“Same as you or anyone, I guess.” She sipped her coffee and shrugged. “When I’m with a patient, everything else goes on hold
. I tuck my personal life into a little room and shut the door because when I’m delivering a baby, I’ve got two lives in my hands. I can’t afford not to be at the top of my game.”
He’d had to do the same thing in his job, but he knew there were times his attention was diverted in the jumble of emotions after losing his family. That’s why he’d changed locations, because everything around Erie was a reminder of what he lost. “You go into ‘the zone.’”
“Yes. But right now my heart is racing and I can’t wait to see my sons. When I talked with them yesterday, I wanted to cry and hit someone at the same time.”
“Did you?”
She shook her head and laid her hand on his arm, and the touch of her fingers felt good and right. “No, and that’s because of you.”
He frowned. “Me?”
“Yup. I remembered what you said about your parents, and I stuffed a virtual sock in my mouth and tried to stow my personal baggage away and handle the situation the way a reasonable person would do it.”
He angled a smile of respect her way as he approached the Interstate. “Did it work?”
“It helped.” She sipped more of the coffee. “I don’t know if he took my advice, but it felt like I was in control of my end of the situation. And that was huge.”
“Learning not to fight...” He mulled her situation as the car accelerated. “I think that’s a lesson I could use, too.”
She poked him. “You’re one of the calmest people I know. Quiet. Deep. Maybe too deep sometimes.”
He’d tiptoed around her initially because the combination of her occupation and his anger jumbled things.
Now he had his head on straight. And tomorrow her associate should find out that his litigation had been dropped. He opened his mouth to talk with her about it, but her phone rang. She answered quickly, and the smile on her face said it had to be one of the boys. “I’m on my way, too! Tanner and I will meet you guys in an hour.” She put them on speakerphone and both boys’ voices came through loud and clear.
“Can we get T-shirts? Because I think monster truck T-shirts are cool, Mom!”
“Can I touch the Extreme Dominator?”
“Will we be late?”
“Does Mr. Tanner love big trucks a lot?”
The last question was typical Connor and made Tanner laugh as he answered. “I do, Connor. I’ve been waiting to go to one of these shows for years, so you guys have given me the best excuse ever. Are we ready to r-r-rumble?” He roared the last word and the shrieks of delighted laughter said his efforts pleased the boys.
“I’m ready!” Martin sounded happy and relieved.
“Me, too!” Connor said.
“I need to focus to drive.” Vic’s terse voice said he didn’t find the conversation all that amusing. “See you in an hour.” Click.
He hung up before Julia could respond, and she stared at the phone before tucking it away. “That’s Vic.”
“I heard.” Tanner reached over and grasped her hand lightly but kept his eyes on the road. “Wanting to drive safely isn’t a bad thing. But that rude voice?” He shrugged it off. “I think he’s jealous.”
“Jealous? That’s silly. We’re talking about a man who cheated on me several times. He couldn’t care less about what I do.”
“You’re wrong, and I’ll tell you why,” Tanner explained. “He’s the kind of guy who likes control, so he was okay when he was in charge of the situation, making the choices. You changed all that. I expect that’s a downright uncomfortable position for him to be in. The boys are happy with you, and you’ve moved on with your life. That makes controlling guys like him really uncomfortable.”
“Does it make me stupid?” The note in her voice said he shouldn’t take this question lightly. “To have fallen for a guy who ended up like this? Shouldn’t I have seen the signs?”
Tanner shook his head because in his line of work, power-hungry guys were often the toughest to read. “Guys like Vic are good at spinning things, including themselves, any way they want to appear. But they’re never satisfied, and no matter what others do, they’ll never fill the void inside a guy like that.”
“That’s how it was.” Julia made a face, then shrugged. “And while a part of me would prefer that he stay away and not annoy us, I know the impact of being abandoned by your father can’t be good for kids.”
“God made kids resilient for a reason,” Tanner told her. “And speaking of which, the little princess looked great this morning.”
“I stopped by, too, right after church. She seems alert and sweet and absolutely beautiful.”
“My thoughts exactly. So what happens tomorrow if Gracie Jayne’s family wants her? Have you figured any of this out? Do you want to consult a lawyer?”
“I don’t know.” She pressed her hands together as she considered the question. “Right now I’m trying to deal mentally with what the boys are going through. Is it foolish to consider throwing a baby into the mix? An unexpected newborn that drops into our laps if Social Services and the courts agree? And the fact that they very well might agree has me examining this from every angle. Would it be in the baby’s best interests? And would it shortchange the boys?”
Tanner scoffed at that. “A new baby enriches the family, doesn’t it?”
“It should,” she agreed. “But generally you have nine months to wrap your head around it. To suddenly have a baby appear on the scene on top of their father’s reappearance might mess them up.”
“Or teach them to be open to change. And that realization might be the best gift of all.”
“You’ve fallen in love with this baby.”
He glanced sideways, saw her arched brow and shrugged the shoulder closest to her. “Guilty.”
She sighed. “Me, too. And that’s a problem because my plate’s already pretty full.”
“What about if it was our plate, Julia?”
Silence answered him. He glanced sideways again, and the look on her face said she wasn’t sure she’d heard correctly. “What if you and I were to make this our family project? You. Me. The boys. The baby. I can’t imagine anything that would make me happier than taking that responsibility on with you.”
“Are you—?” She gulped, and he nodded.
“Asking you to marry me? Yes. And if you need time, I understand because I know this is quick, but I knew the first night I laid eyes on you, that God put you in my path.”
“You weren’t exactly God-centered and you were supergrumpy. I’m not sure that first meeting should be a deciding factor.”
He laughed because she was 100 percent correct. “I was stubborn and stupid. I’ve improved. We’ve got time, Julia, but I wanted you to know what I’m thinking. I’d like a second chance with someone, and I’d like that to be you.”
* * *
His words stirred her heart, but there was a lot she didn’t know about Tanner Reddington. And she couldn’t afford a mistake, couldn’t risk the boys’ well-being, couldn’t—
“I was married before.”
His quiet voice held her attention.
“We were pregnant with our first child when Ashley went into a sudden cardiac arrest.”
Julia’s fingers clenched. Her breathing tightened.
Sympathy for Tanner enveloped her because he’d walked a heartbreaking bend in the road no one had seen coming.
“We lost her that day. They delivered the baby by C-section, a tiny little boy named Solomon.” The catch in his voice said he still had trouble talking about his loss. “I had him with me for about twelve hours before he joined his mother. And then they were gone. Both gone. In the space of a day I’d lost everything I loved. Everything I cared about. My dreams and my hopes of being a normal family that loved each other just...” He clenched his jaw slightly. “Went away.”
Tears f
illed her eyes. She’d never lost a patient like this, but others had, and the heartbreak of the double loss could shatter souls. “Tanner, I’m so sorry.”
He nodded, his chin firm, his gaze forward. “I came to Kirkwood to forget because I couldn’t live in a town with all the reminders, but now?” He tipped a glance her way and the surety of his expression sent her heart racing once more. “I want to move ahead. Start over. And in the years since I lost my family, nothing has gotten through to me until that night I met and rescued you. There’s a reason for that, Julia, but if you don’t feel the same way—”
“I do feel the same.”
His jaw relaxed into a quick smile. “Yeah?”
“Yes. Because I think you’re right, I don’t think our meeting was accidental. I think God’s timing has a hand in all of this, and I’d like to talk about this more.” She reached over and grasped his right hand as their exit ramp loomed closer. “A lot more, actually. Later. Deal?”
He nodded, winked and steered the car onto the Alfred/Almond exit. “Deal.”
He pulled into the parking lot of the convenience store a moment later. Vic’s sleek coupe was parked in the shade of the lone tree, engine running. He climbed out of the driver’s side, and the boys followed, half falling in their eagerness to see her.
“Mom, you’re here!”
“Mom! I missed you so much, like even more than when I leave my bear at Grandpa’s!”
“That much?” She buried her face into their combined hugs, then pulled back, laughing. “You look wonderful, boys. Did you have a good weekend?”
Their faces froze. Neither one made eye contact with their father. Connor looked at Martin. Martin returned the look, then scuffed the toe of his shoe into the gravel with so much force, the rubber toe guard on his sneaker tore. “We tried to,” Connor finally answered. Worry creased his little brow. “We rented a movie last night that was really good and I wasn’t even hardly scared of the wolves. Mostly.”
“Well, good, because it’s just a movie and there are no wolves around here. But they sure do make things seem real in the movies, don’t they?”
Healing the Lawman's Heart Page 15