by Vera Quinn
“What are you doing woman and why do you have so many groceries and all those boxes in the back of your SUV? There’s no way with the brothers left at the clubhouse we can eat all this food. It’s too much.” Kat has her hand on her hip and looks at me.
“Rye is the only one coming from the clubhouse. Everyone else will be gone. I already asked. In the morning when Rye pulls himself away from the two biker bunnies in his bed he is going to lock the clubhouse up and he is coming to join all of us for a family dinner. I guess you can call it lunch and dinner.” This woman is not making sense or maybe I am just going crazy.
“Three people cannot eat this much food, woman.” Kat smiles.
“No, this would be too much food for three people but not for six people for lunch and then another five for dinner. Tara and Rome are on their way here and they are dropping Joey off with Rye at the clubhouse. After Callie and Devil watch the grandkids open their gifts in the morning they are going to be here tomorrow afternoon.” Kat has a twinkle in her eye and she is smiling. This woman hasn’t smiled like this in forever.
“Why?” It’s a simple question.
“Why not?” Kat comes back with a flippant answer. That makes me smile.
“I don’t understand, what has changed?” I ask Kat. I need her to say it. Kat cocks her head to the side and walks over to me.
“Are you going to make me say it?” She asks me with a smile on her face.
“Yes, Kat. I need the words. I need you to explain what it is you want. What we are? I will not settle anymore. I have tried to be understanding. I have tried going caveman on your ass and every time you walk away. I need the words from you.” I tell her. “I’m too old and tired for these games.” That takes the smile off Kat’s face, but it is replaced with something I have wanted to see for so long honest emotion.
“Bourbon you are not old. You are a fine aged whiskey that goes down smooth.” Kat says, and I start to turn away. I don’t want this. I need truth and she sees that. “Okay. I am sorry. I know I owe you a lot and you have been very patient with me, but I need you, Bourbon.” That’s a start. “After Steel hid important things from me after everything we had been through for years I couldn’t trust anyone. Not even myself, well, mostly myself. How could I have been with a man for so many years and not even know him? I didn’t trust my own judgement and I had so much pain inside me and I couldn’t see past it. I think I wanted to hurt you and push you away to punish myself.” I pull Kat to me, but she pushes me back and looks at me. “No, you wanted to hear this so listen to me and hear what I am saying.”
“Okay.” I tell her.
“I know I upset you when I helped Maddie get away from Dra. It’s not that I don’t like Dra. I don’t know the man, but I understand Maddie’s fears. I see myself in that scared girl so much. I had the same fears and the question of “would I still have my children if I had the nerve to leave?” If my children hadn’t been brought up in the club would they still be alive?” Kat has tears running down her beautiful face and I want to hold her, but I know she needs this.
“Kat if you had left Steel you wouldn’t have had all your children or not the exact same ones. Could you have given any one of them up? Babe, you did the best you could with the hand you were dealt. No one can fault you for decisions you made unless they can walk in your shoes for a day and that just isn’t possible.” I try to give comforting words, but I am just not that type of person. I can only give her my honest opinion.
“You see, that right there. That is, you, trying to give me an out. I’ve never had that before. Steel was a hard man and he never gave an inch, but even when I do something that you don’t like, you still try to give me the benefit of the doubt.” Kat is trembling as she cries softly. I can’t take it anymore. I step closer to her and rub my hand down her back to try and calm her. “I should have known with what happened with Tara that when I helped Maddie it would hit too close to your own history and it would upset you. I just didn’t think. I wanted to help Maddie and B.”
“Kat, the fact that Lena kept Tara from me for twenty-two years hurt but I need to take my part of the responsibility for the situation. I fucked a lot of women when I was young and never looked back. I am responsible too, even if I didn’t know Tara existed, but the day we found out Maddie took off with B, I was thinking of Rye’s situation.” I look down at Kat and I see she understands what I am saying, but I need to make sure. “My situation with Tara is screwed up, but we are finding our way. We still have time. Rye and Joey have time, but time ran out for Sheila. Rye will never get time to make it right. He had to bury her, and I would not wish that on anyone. The first time Rye laid eyes on Sheila was in the morgue. No one, man or woman deserves that. Rye is changed forever because of it and if he ever finds Lena, she will be put to ground without warning. The same can be said for me. Sheila was my niece and the BlackPath MC takes care of family.”
“I’m sorry for not talking to you before I helped Maddie and I am sorry if it brought you anymore pain, but I won’t lie and say I am sorry for helping Maddie. Can we agree to disagree?” Kat hugs me close. I kiss the top of her head.
“That we can.” I can give Kat that. Dra and Maddie are not my family and even if I don’t like what happened I will jot judge Kat for doing what she feels is right.
“Can we have a nice Christmas as a family?” Kat asks me while looking up at me.
“Yes, we can or at least try. I would like nothing better. How did you talk everyone into coming to my cabin? The roads are awful.” I ask Kat.
“They weren’t that bad and we all have four- wheel drives. Tara and Rome should be here any time. They were just going to drop Joey off at the clubhouse with Rye. Tara wants to make sure her brother and uncle show up on time. Joey’s still on military time so he is up early every morning plus she wanted to give Joey and Rye a little time alone. Coffee smells ready.” Kat looks at my coffee maker. She steps back from me and turns to the cabinet and gets us both a cup down. “You do want some, right?”
“Sounds good. The last few times that we were together you would be adding some whiskey into your coffee.” I tell Kat.
“Callie heard us making plans to come and see you. So, she talked Devil into setting the alarm for four AM and when they finish opening gifts they are coming here so the grandchildren can open the gifts we got them.” I look at Kat because she is avoiding the last thing I said. “I am not adding anything to my coffee or anything else these days.” Kat’s drinking was becoming a problem before. I am hoping she is telling me the truth about her drinking.
“You mean you bought them presents.” I correct Kat.
“No, I mean we bought them. They’re from both of us. I know you have been busy with everything that is going on, so I took care of it the same way you have taken care of so many things for me. I wanted to do this. I kept you in mind with everything I picked out. I am trying to rectify my actions of late.” I did not expect this from Kat. I didn’t even expect to see Kat over the holidays, but I see in her eyes for some reason she needs this, and I can give her this.
“Alright but I have Tara and you a present already. Rye and I have never exchanged gifts and the holidays have never been much of a celebration since Whiskey and Ma died. We used to watch his boys open presents and we’d have a meal.” I see Kat’s eyes soften. “Don’t feel sorry for us. We kept ourselves busy in other ways.” Kat knows what I am talking about. Rye and I are used to getting lost in a bottle and fucking our way through the holidays. Not something I am proud of, never even really something I thought about. Like everything else in my life, it was just the way it was.
“Are they wrapped? I brought some extra paper. When Tara and Rome get here we will get the tree set up and decorate it and then put the gifts under it.” Kat seems excited about Christmas. She has something close to happiness in her eyes or am I just seeing what I want to? “It’s been so long since I have had a real family holiday of any kind.” I hear a strong knock on the door. What now? I
kiss Kat softly and walk to the window to look out.
“Rome and Tara are here.” I tell Kat and then walk to the front door and open it. Tara is standing there with a big smile on her face. She steps up to me and gives me a big hug. I put my arms around her loosely at first, but I am overcome with emotion and pull her in for a tight hug. I feel something inside of me relax and I am filled with love for my daughter. I am not used to this feeling, but I damn sure like it.
“Merry Christmas Dad.” Tara says as I let her go but I pull her back to me and hug her again. I am still not used to the dad thing, but Tara melts my heart every time she says it. I feel my eyes burn but I can’t give that to anyone, so I try to change the mood.
“Is that biker of yours still treating you right?” I kiss the top of Tara’s head and step back a little and look at her. “I’ll kick his ass if not.” I have been worried about Tara since her miscarriage but looking at her I can see she is happy at the minute. I know it will always be with her, but Tara looks rested and the color is back in her cheeks. That is an improvement from the last time I saw her. I step back in the room, so Tara and Rome can get in the door.
“Rome is always good to me.” Tara says to me but then walks over to Kat and gives her a hug. Rome steps up to me and sticks his hand out. I take it and give it a good shake. Then I pull him into me and give him a manly hug. Men don’t hug often but with Rome bringing my daughter here, so I can spend our first Christmas together gets him one from me.
“Come in Rome and make yourself at home. Kat has some coffee if you want a cup or there is some beer in the refrigerator. How are the roads?” I try to be nice for Tara and Kat. It’s not that I don’t like Rome, but no man will ever be good enough for Tara. She deserves a picket fence and the whole fairy tale that young women dream about but being with a biker she is not going to get it. Maybe they will be happy, but I haven’t heard anything about a wedding yet. Tara is new to the biker life and I don’t think she’s grasp the importance of an ol’ lady yet. I just want her happy. Rome walks over to Kat just like Tara did, so I close the door. Rome hugs Kat and we are all left looking at each other.
“Thanks, Bourbon, but I am good. We stopped and got some hot chocolate in town at the convenience store.” Rome answers me. “The roads are alright, as long as you slow down and pay attention and they said on the radio it is supposed to start warming up after midnight. It’s supposed to be in the forties tomorrow so Devil and Callie should be good coming in.” Rome is standing there with a couple of a duffle bags in his hands.
“Bourbon will you show Rome where to put their things and then you two can unload my SUV.” Kat tells us. “Tara and I will get the turkey put in the oven, so it can cook slow tonight. I need the oven for rolls and a ham tomorrow.” I reach over and take one of the bags from Rome.
“This way. I will put you two in extra bedroom downstairs, so it will be plenty warm tonight in case the electricity goes out tonight because of the ice.” I would prefer them upstairs but being this far out in the country during the winter you never know when the electricity will go out when the ice hits. I have a generator, but I normally just heat with the fireplace. The last couple of years is the first time I have spent this much time here. It was just easier to stay at the clubhouse. I see Tara and Kat with their heads together before Rome and I leave the room. Those two are up to something.
“Did you get my surprise for your dad here?” I ask Tara. We are standing close together and Rome and Bourbon are walking out of the room.
“Joey has them in the back of his truck. Are you sure about this Kat?” Tara has something to say and I know I need to listen. Tara isn’t sure of her relationship with Bourbon. I think mostly because she has never had a father figure in her life so is not sure of the whole dynamic of it.
“Tara, if you have something to say just please say it. It’s just us and we are friends so just express whatever it is that you are thinking.” I reassure the young woman.
“Are you sure this is what you want? You have been on the fence and that is not fair to you or dad. I guess what I am trying to say is, I do not want to see either of you hurt. You have both had a tough few years.” Tara is trying to state it nicely, but I know she is trying to make sure I am not going to hurt Bourbon. It is what daughters do, and even if she is late to the game, she is taking her role as a daughter seriously.
“I’m positive Tara. Just trust me. Now help me get this bird in the oven so we can decorate the tree we picked out. It won’t take them long to get all the stuff in the house and situated.” I step up to Tara and hug her. I like Tara and I hope we can become closer. I miss my Kimberly. I know I can never replace her but having a female that I can share things with would be nice. I’ve never had very many female friends. Tara hugs me back and then steps back. “Whose idea was it that Joey brought his truck? It was a great idea or Bourbon would see his gift tonight and I am not ready for that until Rye is here to make it official. Those two are a package deal so it needs to be in front of Rye.”
“Joey wanted to have his truck at the clubhouse in case him and Rye butt heads again.” I look at Tara. I didn’t know Rye and Joey were having problems adjusting to their new relationship. I guess the surprise is on my face. “When Rye gets to drinking he wants to hear about Sheila. Joey and Sheila were never close. Sheila and our mom were the two close ones and then there was Joey and myself. Joey’s stories of Sheila aren’t all good and Rye defends Sheila’s actions. Joey and I have heard the same thing from our mom for years and Joey won’t excuse Sheila’s upbringing for her being selfish. We were all brought up the same way. We loved our sister, but she had a mean streak, and everything was always about her and our mom. I guess it is hard for Joey to just find his dad and instead of Rye wanting to get to know the man Joey is that he wants to know more about Sheila. I told Joey it is Rye’s grief of losing his daughter before he knew about her, but Joey just wants a relationship with Rye. Rye is drowning in regret.”
“I can see if Bourbon will talk to Rye. Bourbon is the only person that Rye listens to. Sometimes I think those two share a brain on some things.” Tara is shaking her head. I know my attempt at humor to lighten the mood sounds flippant, but it is not my intention.
“No. I think this is something that Joey and Rye are going to need to work through by themselves. Joey is a very private person and he does not like talking about feelings and such. I swear it is a male thing. Rome can be the same way.” Tara half laughs at the end. She doesn’t know how right she is.
“Maybe tomorrow will help.” I turn to the sink and wash my hands and dry them off then Tara does the same thing. “Let’s get this food started.” Tomorrow should be interesting anyway. I see Bourbon and Rome walking out into the cold to get things brought into the house.
I am laying here in my bed and thinking about the night I just shared with Kat, Tara, and Rome. It was the closest I have had to a family night in years, if ever. I loved the way Kat and Tara’s eyes lit up as we put the tree up and decorated it. I couldn’t take my eyes off the two. The woman that I have fallen in love with and the daughter that I would kill for. I hated for it to end but we had to get some sleep for the big day today. For the last month I have dreaded today and been trying to figure out a way to make it just go away but I am looking forward to it now more than anything. I couldn’t believe that Kat had Christmas shopped for the two of us. After Kat and Tara had decided to turn in I told them I was locking up and I snuck the two gifts that I have under the tree. I didn’t want them to see the two boxes until tomorrow. I have Rome something, but it is not new, and it isn’t something that could go under the tree. I fought myself on the idea but went with my gut.
I watch Rome with Tara. I have since I first found out they were together which is the same time I found out Tara is my daughter. He loves Tara and she loves him. They only have eyes for each other. They gravitate towards each other when they are in a room together. I have never even seen Rome look at another woman in a sexual way and if
he wants to keep breathing it better stay that way. I watch Rome closely when I am around him. I don’t know if I am expecting him to show his true colors and he is more like his brother Stacks or what, but I have no complaints so far. I will say he protects my daughter with everything he has. When Tara lost their child it almost killed them both, but Rome brought himself out of it to be there for Tara. I respect him for that and that is the reason I can accept him as her man. He thought of her first, and himself second.
Kat slept in my arms all night long. It’s hard to believe that at one time in my life I would have found letting a woman sleep in my bed all night a weakness. I was a pompous ass when I was younger. I thought needing someone to share my life with would have made me weak. I know now, loving someone is a gift in life not everyone gets. My alarm starts blaring and I try to reach around and shut it off, but I can’t do that without moving Kat. I try pulling my arm out from under Kat’s body, but she sits up and looks at me. “Good morning handsome and merry Christmas.” Then she bends into me gives me a small kiss on the lips and then reaches over me and turns the alarm off. I try to pull her into my body, but she scrambles to the end of the bed. “I told you last night that we are not having sex while your daughter is in the house. They’ll be gone later this afternoon and then we can play.” Kat shut me down last night, but I am glad to hear that she isn’t planning on packing up and leaving when everyone else does. We need to talk.
“Merry Christmas and woman, no one stops me from doing anything in my own house.” I know Kat is going to stand her ground, but I give her hell anyway. I smile when I say it.
“If Tara and I do not get busy on pies and the sides we are eating, then we won’t be eating until Devil and Callie get here later and I need coffee.” Kat is grabbing clothes from her bag and heading for the bathroom. “I’m going to take a quick shower.”