Irish Crown

by Nashoda Rose

  My phone vibrated in my hand again.

  Ally spoke, but I didn’t hear her, all I heard were Curran’s words replaying over and over in my head.

  My phone stopped and started again. I yanked from her grip and staggered back two steps. “I have to go. I need to get out of here.”

  Ally nodded. “Okay. Okay. Let’s grab our stuff and we’ll go to the farm right now.”

  I didn’t wait for her as I rushed toward the locker room to grab my things. My phone continued to vibrate and I knew it was Deaglan.

  But I couldn’t talk to him right now. I couldn’t talk to anyone.

  I was in a daze, unable to comprehend what was happening around me.

  There were sounds. Lots of sounds whirling in a hurricane of thoughts and emotions. I couldn’t grasp just one because they were moving too fast.

  I pushed open the door into the change room, Ally right behind me.

  My phone vibrated again.

  The screen flashed Deaglan Calling. I pressed Decline and shoved it in my pocket.

  My mind was a chaotic scramble of words and thoughts.

  It was as if I was in the middle of the ocean, treading water in the darkness.

  Slowly sinking while the sharks circled.

  Crown. House of sluts. We’ve met.

  Oh God, I was going to be sick. I half-tilted with one hand on the lockers for support.

  Keep it together.

  Ally put her hand on the small of my back. “Do you want me to call Deaglan?”

  I jerked upright, shaking my head. “No. I… I can’t see him right now.” I undid my lock, but it took five tries because my hand was trembling.

  “Okay. I’ll text Vic to see if he can meet us out front.”

  “I can’t wait for him, Ally. I can’t,” I hitched my bag over my shoulder and tagged my purse off the bench.

  I pretty much jogged out of the hospital with Ally on my heels. Within minutes, we were in her car and on the road.

  The friction inside me was agonizing as Curran’s words and my love and trust in Deaglan were constantly at war with one another.

  “Eva, what’s going on? Shit, you’re shaking like a leaf.”

  I undid the window and closed my eyes as the breeze wafted across my face. “Curran. He was there,” I said.

  The car jerked to the right as her head snapped to look at me. “Jesus Christ. He was there? In the hospital?” I swallowed, nodding. “Jesus, are you okay? No. Shit, you’re not okay. Did he touch you?” I shook my head. “Was it by accident? I mean, was he hurt or something and that’s why he was there? Does Deaglan know?”

  I inhaled a ragged breath, trying to calm the catastrophic storm twisting inside me. “He came to see me and told me… he told me stuff about Deaglan. God, I don’t know what to believe right now, Ally.”

  She reached across and squeezed my hand in my lap. “Don’t believe anything he says, Eva. He will say or do anything to get what he wants.”

  I nodded. “I know.” And I did know, but it was hard not to have doubts when it made sense. I didn’t want it to make sense. I wanted it to be lies and I needed Deaglan to tell me it wasn’t true.

  I took out my phone, ignoring Deaglan’s numerous texts messages, as I typed.

  Eva: What’s Crown?

  My phone immediately rang and my finger hovered over the decline button, but I needed to hear it from Deaglan. I needed to hear the truth.

  I didn’t give him a chance to say anything as I blurted, “What’s Crown?”

  “Where are you? We need to talk about—”

  “What’s Crown?” I shouted, my stomach snaking into a tightly coiled ball.

  Deaglan swore beneath his breath. “Eva, damn it. Tell me where you are. We’ll talk about it. I’ll explain everything.”

  No. No. It can’t be true. “What the fuck is Crown?”

  “I’m not doing this over the phone, baby. We’ll talk about—”

  I threw my cell out the window.

  The phone shattered when it hit the shoulder, bits and pieces flying into the ditch.

  Bits and pieces of me right along with it.

  The tires crunched the gravel as we drove up Charlotte’s driveway three hours later.

  After I told her everything Curran said about Deaglan, Ally called Charlotte and Kendra to let her know what happened.

  Vic called Ally and he did not sugarcoat how pissed he was we left town without him. She gave him the address, not that he wasn’t capable of getting it, and he hung up on her.

  And Deaglan… he called Ally’s cell numerous times, but those calls she did not pick up.

  Ally shut off the engine and placed her hand on my thigh. “It’ll be okay.”

  “Yeah.” One day. One day it would be okay.

  I climbed out of the car and inhaled a deep, quivering breath.

  The screen door squeaked on its hinges and Charlotte ran out with her two large dogs prancing at her side. She didn’t stop until her arms were wrapped around me.

  “That piece of cow manure Curran. Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you?” she asked.

  “I’m okay.” But I wasn’t okay. I was angry and hurt, and yeah, there was a quiver of fear that hovered. But the fear had nothing to do with Curran. It was the fear of losing Deaglan.

  She pulled back. “I know you might not want to hear this, but Deaglan called, wondering if you arrived yet.” I should’ve known he’d get Charlotte’s number, “He said he couldn’t reach you, so I told him your phone ran out of juice. I don’t think he believed me.”

  A wet nose nudged my hand and I ruffled the mastiff’s large square head. “I’ll talk to him later.” Much later when my throat didn’t feel like it had rope burn and my stomach wasn’t swimming with drowning butterflies.

  Charlotte looped her arm around my waist, and I lay my head on her shoulder as we walked up the house. “Let’s get you a drink.”

  “I’ll be there in a sec,” Ally called as we stepped onto the porch. “Kendra’s calling.”

  Charlotte ushered me inside. The dogs followed and took up their spots in cushy dog beds in the living room. “Sugar with scotch. You need a Mary Poppins evening.”

  Scotch being the medicine with the bowls of sugar extravaganza on the coffee table.

  “Be right back. I need to check on Maddie. You know where everything is.” She ran up the narrow steps and I went into the kitchen.

  I reached up into the cupboard and took out three glasses and poured scotch into each of them. But I didn’t wait for either of them and instead swallowed mine. Then I coughed on the fiery liquid.

  I cradled the glass in my hands and leaned against the counter, inhaling a ragged breath.

  He was thinking of staying.

  He was trying to stay. With me.

  And yet, how could I be with someone who kept something like this from me? This wasn’t about his past. What he’d done. What happened to his mother. This was now.

  And he owned a brothel in Ireland.

  I was drowning in a sea of withered daisies. The petals, heavy and suffocating, as they held me beneath the surface.

  I loved Deaglan.

  Loved him still.

  Because love didn’t drown. It treaded water. It fought to survive.

  I just didn’t know what to do with that love. How to keep it and hold it and trust it.

  What made everything so much worse was that I heard about Deaglan from Curran’s mouth, and that was like a fist straight to the heart.

  I carried the three glasses over to the couch and sat as Ally walked in. “Kendra is coming first thing in the morning,” Ally said as she dumped her bag on the floor.

  She plopped down on the couch beside me and slung her arm around my shoulders, drawing me close. “Deaglan called me. I didn’t answer, but I texted him that you’d call when you could.”

  I had a feeling that didn’t go over well.

  I nodded. “I know I have to talk to him, but I just can’t right now.” I wanted t
o be strong when I did it, stronger than I was in this moment, and not break into a million pieces.

  Ally tightened her hold. “Uh, well, you have until morning, according to his last text.”

  Shit.

  “Aunt Eva,” Maddie cried as she ran into my bedroom and jumped on the bed. “Aunt Ally is here, too. And my birthday isn’t for weeks and weeks.” Sitting up, I looped my arms around her waist and dragged the five-year-old down next to me and tickled her.

  Maddie squealed and giggled, struggling to get away. “Stop. Stop. Aunt Eva.”

  I stopped and kissed her on the cheek. “Hey, birthday girl.”

  She giggled. “Aunt Eva, it’s not my birthday. Mom, says it’s sixty-five days away. And guess what?”

  “What?” I asked, smoothing back her long blonde hair.

  “She says I can pick my present this year.” She scrunched her small nose. “But I can’t decide because I like so many things.”

  “Well, what makes your stomach flip-flop and you smile so much it hurts?” I asked.

  My heart clenched. Deaglan. Deaglan made me smile so much it hurt and caused my stomach to flip-flop.

  Maddie blurted, “Annabelle.”

  “Who is Annabelle?”

  She sat up and tugged on my hand. “Come on. Come on. You can meet her. She has twelve piglets and they’re soooo fat and always eating and playing. She is fat, too, but that’s because she was in a tiny, tiny cage and couldn’t move before Mommy stole her.”

  My brows lifted. “Your mom stole her?” But it didn’t surprise me. Charlotte would do anything to help an animal being abused, including being arrested.

  She nodded. “Annabelle likes to put her head in the red bucket and it sometimes gets stuck because it’s not for her. But I help her get it off. Come on. Get up. Get up. There is a man with a gun who sounds funny outside and another scary man with a gun, too. But I’m not scared of the scary man because the man who speaks funny said the scary man is afraid of dogs.”

  “Okay, birthday—” My body straightened and eyes widened. “Pardon?”

  She crawled off the bed. “Come on, Aunt Eva, we’re making pancakes.”

  She darted from the room like a little speck of fairy dust, and I heard her telling Ally that I was coming to see Annabelle and her babies, too.

  I fell back on the pillow and closed my eyes, feeling like I was going to throw up.

  That lasted all of two seconds before I scrambled from the bed, and with my back against the wall, I peeked out the window.

  It was barely dawn, and there was Deaglan’s car. The classy, silver, four-door car, and he was leaning against the hood with his arms crossed. I was unable to see his expression, but I saw the tension in his body and there was nothing casual in his limbs.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  He was here. Deaglan was at Charlotte’s at six in the morning, and according to Maddie, so was Vic, although I didn’t see him.

  I had to pull my shit together. But it wasn’t easy when all I wanted to do was run downstairs and leap into his arms.

  I went to the washroom and brushed my teeth, then changed into jean shorts and a grey T-shirt before making my way downstairs. Ally was setting the table and Charlotte was stirring pancake mix in a stainless steel bowl. Maddie grabbed the cutlery out of the drawer as she recited all the names of the piglets to Ally.

  The last stair creaked under my weight, and both Ally and Charlotte stopped what they were doing and glanced up at me.

  “Maddie told me,” I said. “How long has he been here?”

  Charlotte shook her head. “I don’t know. I saw headlights late last night, but it was the other guy you told me was coming—Vic.”

  Ally walked over and put her hand on my arm and squeezed. “Do you want me to tell him you don’t want to see him? I will. If you need me to.”

  I shook my head. “No.” And I had a feeling Deaglan wouldn’t leave until he saw me.

  Maddie dumped a pile of cutlery on the table and ran to the door with the dogs trailing after her. “I’ll tell them it’s breakfast time,” she called as she darted out the door.

  “Maddie. No,” Charlotte called as she dropped the fork in the fluffy batter and ran to the door.

  But it was too late. We all stared out the front window to see Maddie run across the yard to Deaglan. He pushed away from his car, and crouched in front of her, so they were eye level.

  I choked back the wrenching sob that threatened to escape.

  My heart cracked. It was like it had been frozen for the last fifteen hours and now it broke apart as I stared at him.

  His eyes lifted from Maddie as if he sensed my eyes on him. My chest tightened and my heart stumbled, trying to find a rhythm. But like everything else inside me, it was unable to find steady.

  I walked toward the front door, and Charlotte touched my hand and offered a reassuring smile. The screen door squeaked when I opened it, drawing Deaglan’s attention away from Maddie.

  He straightened, eyes on me.

  Maddie tugged on his hand. “Come on, Mister.”

  Charlotte came up behind me. “Maddie, come inside, please.”

  “But he says he likes pancakes,” she called, still holding his hand.

  Deaglan said something to her, and she glanced at me before releasing his hand and running along the stone path and up the two front porch steps.

  She stopped in front of me. “He said he wants to talk to you, Aunt Eva.”

  I swallowed and forced a smile. “Okay.”

  “Then can he come have pancakes? He said he used to make dog pancakes for his little brother a long, long time ago.” My breath locked and my eyes shifted from Maddie to Deaglan, who stood watching me.

  “Inside, my little care bear,” Charlotte said, and ushered her daughter into the house.

  The screen door slammed shut behind me and jerked my body into action.

  I walked toward him, and part of me wanted to throw my arms around him, and the other part wanted to throw him a punch. I did neither.

  I stopped a foot away from him and realized my mistake the second his scent slammed into me.

  His jaw ticked. “You saw that bastard.”

  “Yes.” I didn’t know how he knew I saw Curran, but I guessed it was Greta.

  “You saw the man who beat you. Who put you in the hospital and went to jail for assault, and you left town.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “Jesus Christ. That shit cannot happen again, Eva,” he ground out. “Fuck.”

  Anger percolated, and I stiffened my back and raised my chin, which was a lot easier to do when his eyes weren’t looking at me. Not because I was scared of him, but because vulnerability swam in the depths of his eyes and I wanted to take it away.

  “What’s Crown, Deaglan? Tell me it’s not what he says it is.” Please tell me he was lying.

  He dipped his chin and stared at his feet for a second. “I can’t,” he replied.

  I’d have fallen if he hadn’t grabbed me as my world crumbled. It wasn’t until he confirmed it that I actually believed Curran.

  Because I also believed in Deaglan, I still had a sliver of hope.

  Until now.

  His arms wrapped around me and I shoved hard at his chest, pushing him back to pound my fists into him as tears streamed down my face.

  It was true. Damn it, why? Why?

  “Eva. Christ. Eva.” His voice cracked as he held my wrists to try and stop me from hitting him. But it only fueled my anger.

  Because I loved him. I goddamn loved him.

  I staggered back, hands curled into fists at my sides. “Who the hell are you?” I shouted. “What are you? What are the cages? Are you a pimp? Do you pimp out the girls and take a cut? Is that how you make your money?”

  The words tasted thick and raw in my throat. Wrong. They tasted wrong.

  “You know who I am, Eva.” His eyes remained on me, unflinching and hard. It was like a shield slammed shut over them.

  “Obviously, I know
fuck all about you.” I swallowed, not wanting to ask, but knowing I had to. “Do you fuck them, Deaglan? Is that why you went home for five days? To fuck your girls?”

  It took him three strides to reach me. He didn’t touch me, but he towered over me and it took everything I had not to run.

  “I’ll let you ask that once, Eva. Once. Because despite what you think, you do know me. And you fuckin’ know I’d never do that to you. I’ve never touched any of them. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I’ve done things I hate myself for, but owning Crown isn’t one of them.”

  My heart squeezed until it bled.

  “My mom was a prostitute, Eva. It was her pimp who used her and beat her for years until he killed her.” I choked back the sob. “Those girls were just like her, living with no protection from pieces of shit assholes who beat them when they didn’t make enough money.” He cupped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “The cages. Yeah, I fought in cages. I did it since I was fifteen years old. But it earned me a name. A name that gave the girls protection. They have a safe place to live and they keep the money they make. All of it, Eva.”

  “They live in your house? He said they live in your house.”

  “My parents’ house. When they died, I turned it into a place they could stay instead of the streets. But I don’t live there, Eva.”

  I closed my eyes, willing away the tears. “I don’t… Deaglan, I don’t know what to think right now.”

  His hand dropped and he moved away, shoulders slumped. He raked his hand through his hair before turning.

  He raised his head and our eyes locked. “I don’t deserve you, Eva. I fuckin’ know that. But I’m not giving up on us. And I’m asking you not to give up on me, baby.”

  I choked on the tears as his words filtered into me. I closed my eyes and tried to come up with some semblance of words to string together, but I couldn’t.

  Crown was there to protect girls like his mom. The one person he wasn’t able to protect. But there was so much more of him I didn’t know. But what really hurt was that it was Curran who had told me. He’d thrown it in my face and left me scrambling for air.