Frosty Blues: A Westbrook Blues Novella

by Thandiwe Mpofu

  Where’s the lie? Westbrook Blues seized to be our home the moment we lost our innocence, our hope, our baby…

  “Yeah well, I haven’t told her that I have plans for us yet. Now, like I said before, fuck off.”

  “I don’t know, King.” He tsks. “She might just want to be ‘normal’ this festive season. Didn’t she decorate your apartment with lights and shit?”

  Looking up, I see the ornaments and the twinkling lights from the living room through the open door.

  It irked me the day she went out and bought all that shit. I don’t really remember a time that we actually celebrated Christmas or any holiday that wasn’t Fourth of July or all that shit.

  It was always vacations to Aspen, cold, dark mansions in Europe, and so much unresolved tension.

  So, it wasn’t surprising that when we got older, the boys and I opted to go camping, cause a bit of trouble then come back after the new year. I never wanted to think about Star at the time for various reasons but now…

  What if all of this, the decorations, the texts to Noah, the fact that she’s been distant with me for weeks… what if she’s sending me fucking smoke signals?

  I know that something’s going on with her that I’ve been wrecking my brain, trying to figure out.

  It’s there in the way she stares into the distance when we go out and grows silent, not at all present with me.

  It’s the look of deep longing on her face when we pass noisy families with their kids, all dressed in fucking ugly Christmas onesies.

  There’s no doubt that we’re still grieving. I still wake up in a cold sweat every other night, images of blood covering Star’s lower body filtering in my head, hearing the words no one should ever—no parent to be should ever have to bear.

  But how does that all tie in with all this shit?

  “Well, that was a long time ago, plans change and shit. As soon as school closes, Star and I are out of the country.”

  “Riiiiight,” he says skeptically. “And where exactly are you going?”

  “To the tropics,” I say, almost immediately.

  “Really?” Noah scoffs. “Remind me, if I remember correctly, the last time you took her to some remote island, didn’t you feed her some crappy seafood then had the audacity to lose your mind when you discovered what we’ve all known for years that she’s allergic to seafood?”

  I feel myself get angry, as shame blooms in my fucking chest.

  “Well. I forgot! And she didn’t say a word until after she ate the damn fish!”

  Noah’s laughing maniacally. I can hear some clinking, then something shatters to the floor. I bet my last dollar that it’s a bottle of Jack.

  “The blind trust or dumb faith shit that girl has in you will be the death of her, I promise you that.”

  “Shut the fuck up!” I seethe, my mind flashing back to the night we arrived at the island.

  We made love.

  We did a bit of sightseeing, the promise of a long vacation hanging over us like a sweet scent and then it was dinnertime.

  The next thing I knew, her face became all red and puffy, her neck swelling up as her eyes grew red and she started wheezing, unable to breathe.

  The fear that gripped me by the throat that night, it was as if the darkness of the sky had filtered into my already bleak soul as her beautiful eyes grew frantic with fear. Then there’s the unforgettable fact that I could have lost her. And now, Eli’s fucking pissed with me about that shit. He doesn’t know that I’ll never forgive myself for what happened that night, even though she tries to let me forget about it.

  “Hey, I’m just saying. I want to come to New York this Christmas.”

  “Then you fucking do that but keep me and the love of my life out of it.”

  “The love of your life, huh? Isn’t that sweet?” he mocks. “You know, I am drunk and high, but Jack Daniels would never dim my clear memories of how things haven’t always been all lovey-dovey between the two of you.” I’m so stunned, I don’t even know what to say. “I mean, I remember a time when you used to hate her guts. And the time you used to make her cry all night long,” he says cruelly. “Remember that, King P?”

  Anger races down my spine.

  I sit up straight in my chair, picking up Noah’s cruel tone. The joking banter and mild annoyance I had for my best friend is now a blazing inferno that I can hardly control.

  I grip the phone, visualizing him with a clarity that annoys me. I bet he’s clutching his favorite bottle of Jack to his chest like an unloved child, in some dark, seedy room, saying whatever the hell he wants without a fucking filter on his damn mouth.

  “Listen you fucking lowlife,” I start, my voice low and hard. “I know you’re going through some messed up shit right now, shit you don’t want to talk about, let alone face like a grown man, but being petty and bringing up my fucking complicated past with Astraea is a fucking low blow. Even for you.”

  “It’s true though, isn’t it?” he counters angrily. “Because I remember that. I remember when you broke her leg.”

  The fuck? He’s gone too far now.

  We’re both breathing hard. My voice is strained with the weight of my anger. “If you’re looking for a fucking fight, asshole, be upfront about that shit and just say so. But what you’re not going to fucking do is throw my mess and fuck ups in my fucking face. Nobody’s throwing your drunken escapades, your petty behavior, and your public fucks with hookers in your face.”

  “I…”

  I cut him off, too angry to hear whatever he has to say. “You’ve gone too far, you shithead, but for the sake of our friendship, and that girl who loves you so damn much, I’m going to give you one fucking pass. Just this once.”

  “I don’t need your fucking passes, especially from a hall monitor like you,” he seethes. “But hey, truth hurts, doesn’t it?”

  I can hear the bitter tone of his voice through his slurred speech all low and pathetic.

  “The truth, huh?” I grit out. “Well, let’s see. Is it that you’re a drunk pitiful asshole? Hating yourself and the rest of the world like we asked you fall in love with a girl you didn’t know shit about? Is that the kind of truth you want to hear, asshole?”

  “I didn’t…”

  “You’re spiraling and breaking bit by bit every fucking day. I kind of get it, but the next time you say shit like that, I’m going to wring your fucking neck.”

  “Good, maybe then you’ll be putting me out of my fucking misery.”

  And the line goes dead.

  Good, because I was done talking to his sad ass anyway. Merry fucking Christmas you piece of shit.

  “Well, that was interesting,” a low, smoky, sultry voice says from behind me.

  Closing my eyes, I let out a long, frustrated sigh as her sweet voice washes over me.

  I felt her presence moments before, but I was too caught up with the whole seafood poisoning nightmarish flashbacks and the horseshit Noah was spewing, I forgot to catch her in her eavesdropping act. Damn that idiot Noah to hell and back.

  “It should be to you,” I groan, rubbing my temple.

  “Oh?” she mutters lightly. “You think so?”

  “I know so. This is all your fault.” I keep my voice low and serious, almost smirking when she shivers in excitement at the danger hovering close by.

  This girl…

  Still gripping my iPhone with a death grip, I swivel around in my chair to look at the stunning visual that is my sexy, beautiful, fiancée.

  The girl that has managed to break me a million times and still mend me all in the same breath.

  No one spins my life out of control like she does.

  And she does it so effortlessly, with just the mischievous twinkle of her bright eyes, holding my entire existence in her hands.

  But then again, she’s been doing that from the moment I saw her all those years ago.

  Immediately, our gazes clash and hold, like magnets.

  It’s like my world shifts and settles
into perfect peace. My heart starts beating with renewed vigor, the blood in my veins rushes hot going straight to my dick, but hey, I’ll take pleasure any day since it’s doing Noah a courtesy by chasing away all the anger Noah sparked in me.

  Her presence does that.

  I don’t know how she does it, this girl, hold me so firmly in her soft grasp that I’m putty in her hands. A puppet. A toy that she can play with. But the most fucked up thing about it all is, I don’t fucking mind being used by her.

  It used to piss me the fuck off but now, now I live for her.

  “It’s my fault, how?” she questions, the stars in her eyes sparkling with mischief but I don’t miss the concern there as she watches me back.

  “Don’t do that,” I whisper. “It won’t work.”

  “Do what?” She widens her eyes some more, trying to look innocent, no doubt.

  I narrow mine at her as stirrings of sharp arousal shoot through me, going down my spine until my dick hardens.

  We’re so in tune with each other, that it doesn’t take long for her to feel what I’m feeling.

  Her cheeks tinge red with a rosy blush I want to follow, see where it leads… Fuck, it’s been long since I last had her. Ten whole hours to be exact.

  “Look at me like you’re not guilty of enabling that asshole,” I say. “You need to let him grow up.”

  “Ace don’t be like that. Noah… well, he’s just going through a lot right now and he needs us,” she says softly, wringing her fingers against her palm nervously. I narrow my eyes at her even more. “Now, more than ever.”

  Of course, she’d say that. Why am I even annoyed at the obvious?

  “He has a mother, you know,” I mutter. “He can go cry in her arms.”

  “Christina is even more worried about him. He isn’t exactly talking to her right now. Actually, both he and Emmett are going through some stuff. The three of you need each other.”

  The three of us…

  Once upon a time, we used to be four. Her boys. And now…

  “Baby, some of us are not like you and your rowdy girls. We don’t get over shit by having drunken dance parties, pillow fights, and all that shit you do when that bitch, Kim…”

  “She’s not a bitch,” she says, cutting me off, jutting her delicate chin out. Defiant as usual.

  “Really?” I deadpan, staring at her beautiful face. She knows exactly what I mean.

  “Well, I mean, she’s also going through… stuff.”

  “Stuff, huh?” I raise a brow, and she blushes, making me smirk. “I still don’t like her.”

  “Oh, well, the feeling’s mutual I think,” she says with a sigh. “Can’t you try though? You know, to like each other?”

  Like Kimberly Allory? She’s nosy, audacious, bitchy, and maybe even mean… besides, there’s the thing about her lies and spying that almost cost me Astraea and broke Noah to this point of shameless assholery, but as I look at Star, it’s the look of hope and optimism in her eyes that guts me.

  Even after everything that has happened, Star is gentle and kind.

  She gives people second chances who don’t deserve it. Something I’m unable to do… even after all this time. Sometimes I wonder if that forgiving nature of hers extends to the constantly growing elephant in the room, her twin brother.

  “Is there a law that states I have to ‘like’ your best friends?” I question, standing up now, unable to withstand the agony of being this far away from her. “Maybe it’s a commandment?”

  She smiles, her angelic face glowing as she watches me. “Hmm, I should have a chat with whoever’s in charge of making commandments and all that jazz, so they add that little tidbit,” she says, but my gaze is on her breasts, heaving up and down with each quickened breath she takes as I advance on her.

  Fuck, she’s gorgeous and I want to fuck her.

  “It wouldn’t work,” I murmur.

  “You like Ivy well enough,” she protests.

  “That’s effortless,” I say, smirking at her annoyed expression. “I’m still wondering how sweet, innocent Ivy can like Kim of all people.”

  She snorts. “Ivy is as innocent as you are saintly, Ace,” she says, that naughty glint back in her eyes.

  I wrap my arms around her, and my heart kicks up a notch. She sucks in a breath, her eyes fluttering up at me through her long lashes as she wraps her arms around my neck, tugging the hair at the nape of my neck.

  “Hey,” I groan, staring down at her utterly fuckable lips and back into her large brown, twinkling eyes. God, this girl is gorgeous.

  “Hey,” she breathes.

  “How are you?” I whisper, leaning down inch by inch.

  “Good now,” she whispers, all out of breath and shit. “How are you?”

  “Fucking missed you, baby.”

  “Oh God, Ace,” she breathes. “I miss you every second I’m not with you.”

  Jesus. Undo me like a fucking string, won’t you?

  I’ve prolonged our torture long enough. I can’t fucking stand it anymore.

  Swooping down, I take her lips with mine, kissing her like a starved man who hasn’t enjoyed a delicious banquet in a long time.

  The blood in my veins is rushing, causing a riot in my veins. I can hear the swishing as my heart races against her.

  I want to pin her against the wall, fuck her senseless, but even now as we kiss, she seems… a bit distant.

  I pull back, pressing my forehead to hers.

  “I told you not to go,” I say, breathing hard and fast as I stare into her eyes, unable to ignore the nagging at the back of my head. So when she looks away, the nagging morphs into alarm.

  Did something happen while she was out?

  “Not go to class?” she says, looking anywhere but at me, her arms still wrapped around my neck, her body tightly fused to mine. “You’re such a bad influence.”

  “Star…” I mutter, the muscles in my stomach tightening. I palm her cheek in my calloused hand, wanting her to look at me. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she says, looking up at me, but not directly at me. Another thing she’s been doing for a while. “Why would anything be wrong?”

  I’m silent for a while, studying her closely.

  Usually when Star is upset or having a hard time shaking off her day, the signs are obvious. It doesn’t take her long to tell me what’s bothering her or for her to ask for advice.

  But right now, I don’t know, she’s not sad or stressed… it’s something more that I just can’t place my finger on.

  So, panicked and annoyed, I blurt out the first accusation that’s still lingering in my head.

  “Is this about what I just said to Noah?” I demand.

  She looks up, directly into my eyes and my heart seems to stop beating as the shadows in her eyes become apparent. Dark shadows, but of what? Inner anguish? How long have those been there?

  “Well…” she trails off, biting her bottom lip.

  “What’s going on in your pretty head, Star?” I question, not liking the sinking feeling I have in my gut.

  “Why don’t you want Noah to visit?” she blurts out, biting her lip again. “I mean, it sounds like he’s screaming for help.”

  I sigh.

  “Baby, Noah’s been a jerk all our lives…”

  “No, he hasn’t,” she says, pushing away from me. “He was kind. Caring. Sweet. And now…”

  “Now life has dealt him a shitty hand, just like some of us. All he needs is to realize that the dealer is always unfair, life is always going to be shitty. Maybe then, he’ll realize he has to grow the fuck up.”

  The issue is simple enough, but as Star narrows her eyes on me, it’s obvious she doesn’t agree.

  “Ace, he’s been taking blow after blow. First Craig left him, then his asshole of a father left… and then I… I abandoned him when he needed me…” she trails off again.

  I grow perfectly still, haunted by the memories of her absence at a time I seriously thought I wouldn’t b
e able to survive without her.

  I ball my palms into fists. “What are you trying to say here, Star?”

  Star clears her throat, her eyes softening when she looks at me. “All I’m trying to say is, Noah needs you. It’s hardly an unsolvable case, Ace. Why are you ignoring him anyway?”

  I’m currently not giving a fuck, especially when the asshole doesn’t have a filter on his mouth, but I can’t say that to her.

  “I’m not ignoring him. I just don’t have time to deal with him and his feelings at the moment.”

  “Ace…”

  “Baby, what’s so wrong about wanting to spend a couple of weeks alone with you?” Without that whining jerk.

  She looks down then, twisting the diamond ring on her finger. The longer she’s silent, the more my mind races with all sorts of reasons why she’s been distant with me.

  That anger still lingering in my tissues comes back, fanned by the confusion and the walls Star is building around herself, trying to keep me out.

  “We’re together all the time, Ace. I mean, we live together now. Let’s not forget how pissed my dad is about that.” Ah yes, it’s not just Star’s food poisoning that has Eli and his fucking jerk of a son, my ‘used-to-be’ best friend, George, all twisted and bitter with me. It’s also our current living arrangements.

  “Okay, but what does that have to do with fucking anything, Star?” I grunt, narrowing my gaze on her. “You are wearing my ring and even without that, you agreed to be mine forever.” Not that I needed her two cents on the matter. This life is meaningless for the both of us without each other. I don’t need to rehash the time she left me even though I still think about it at random.

  “I am yours, Ace, I’ve been yours, but all of that is beside the point. Noah…”

  “Can stay wherever he’s getting his dick sucked,” I say, watching her closely. “But that isn’t new. What’s going on with you? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you don’t…” I trail off.

  My fucking heart starts thundering in my chest, tension coiling in my body like I’m being packed full of dynamite sticks, awaiting her confirmation to blow me up.