Frosty Blues: A Westbrook Blues Novella

by Thandiwe Mpofu

  He stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “You still believe that shit?”

  There’s history between Emmett and me, history that I visit constantly because in my mind, that’s the only way he’s mine and no one else’s.

  Obviously he doesn’t see me that way, because if he did, he’d never ask me that.

  “That your heart beats exactly as it should?” I murmur. His lips press into a firm, unhappy line, the ghost of a smile I saw before now gone, his face now in a perfect impassive mask, acting like he feels nothing. “Yes, I still believe that.”

  He stares down at me for a second. “Then you’re proving to be an even bigger fool than I first thought.”

  And he walks away.

  My heart sinks deeper in the quicksand I once again find myself in with each step he takes.

  This is what I do whenever he gives me just a morsel of attention. I go all the way in, give him everything I am, hold him to the promise in his eyes. Meanwhile, he’s just toying with me until bam, just like that, he obliterates me and then walks away from the damage.

  I need to sever this… this toxic crush to this man. He doesn’t care for me. Not the way I do. I need to purge him out of my system.

  Trying to keep the pain hidden, I turn around to go get my bag, wiping a lone tear away and stop dead when I see King standing there, watching me.

  Judging by the vacant look in his eyes, he’s been standing there a while.

  “I…”

  “He’s an asshole,” he says. “We all are. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you’ll decide what works for you and what you want in your life.”

  And with that, he hauls out my bag with ease and then closes the back door.

  “I can carry that,” I croak and he laughs.

  “Knowing Marie, I’m pretty sure she raised you to be a strong, independent woman.”

  I sigh. “She sure did.”

  Of all the things my Gran has taught me, I’m pretty sure the ideology of being strong is the one I wholeheartedly believe in. The rest is like pick and choose what works but that one value, I will never abandon it.

  So why on earth are you acting like you might fall apart over someone who doesn’t see you the way you want him to see you?

  “Good, that same sweet, stern woman also taught me a few things too,” Alex says. “One of them is to take care of my girl and those that matter to both of us. You’re one of those people.”

  “Why do I sense a but somewhere in there?” I whisper.

  “That’s because it’s there.” He steps closer to me. Suddenly the rumors about Alex King having an aura about him that inspires fear and loyalty all in the same breath, come alive in my mind. He’s both ruthless, that much I know, and the most loving, from all the stories Gran told me and my own friendship with him. “See, in light of everything that has happened before, love, trust in this group is running low.”

  “That means…?” I whisper, hating how desperate I sound.

  “Prove yourself.”

  “What?” I stutter.

  “You deserve to be here, but some things are not given just by invites.”

  I get what he means. Things like the bond between all of them, the unspoken pacts and codes they live by, that’s not easily given.

  The Blue Boys might not give a shit about the law, but they sure as hell have rules. “Prove yourself, Ivy.”

  And with that, he walks away.

  I stand there feeling bereft, the beauty of the house in front of me now muted. Prove myself? To be one of them? Do I even want to be?

  Is it even worth it? Is Emmett worth all that mess?

  Don’t break.

  Don’t break.

  Don’t fucking break, useless heart.

  “Was that necessary?” I demand, keeping my voice low as I grab Ivy’s bag from King’s grasp forcefully. I can take care of her, just not the way she believes she wants me to.

  “Well it was so fucking necessary,” the asshole says with a chuckle. “For me anyway.”

  “You knew I was listening?” I groan, wanting to punch the bastard all the way back to his lair in hell. “You’re a fucking ass, you know that?”

  “Oh, what do you know? I just mentioned the same thing to a beautiful queen just a few seconds ago.”

  “Stop it,” I grit out. “Leave it be.”

  “Not my orders, man.”

  “Orders?”

  “Who else would interfere in your fucking sad love life when you’re living vicariously through strippers and wanna be actresses?”

  Astraea!

  Fuck.

  Honestly I should’ve seen this coming. All the calls, the texts, the checking in, being treated like a fucking broken toy, it wouldn’t surprise me that she’s interfering with something that will never work.

  “And that whole prove yourself rubbish, who is that?” I demand, stopping him.

  “That’s all me,” he says, facing me head to head. “You’re my fucking brother, I fucking care if they prove themselves.”

  “Well fuck you, she doesn’t need to do any of that,” I growl, keeping my voice low. “I’m no good to her, she’ll soon find that out.”

  “Ah, you’re worked up,” he taunts. “Are you that protective of her?”

  I’m bristling with repressed anger so suddenly, I want to knock this asshole out.

  “If you think I’ve forgotten the time you kissed her on George and Raea’s thirteenth birthday, you’re fucking mistaken! I could carve your pretty little face for that right now,” I grit out. “She was never yours.”

  “Yeah, sure asshole but is she yours?” he counters, and I fall silent.

  Shit! Is she mine?

  King knows I’d never claim anyone lightly. None of us declare intentions or possessiveness without meaning it. But for me, I can’t…

  “It’s fucking different and you know it.” The nerve of this asshole. “Now go mind your fucking business and stay out of her ear with your bullshit.”

  “Trust me, as long as she loves you, I’ll forever be in your business.”

  Love me? Ivy loves me?

  “Look at your face, I mean Astraea,” King says with a dark chuckle and I all but blow out a shaky breath, the stupid thing in my chest pounding irregularly but still painful.

  “Man, she needs to stop,” I murmur and King laughs. Actually throws his head back and laughs.

  “Good luck with that.” He walks away just as a tiny, soft body wraps itself around my back, her arms securing in front of me.

  “Hey Em,” she whispers, and I sigh. She’s holding me with a featherlight embrace, as if I’m made of fucking glass that might break at any moment.

  “Hey, beautiful,” I murmur, but my gaze is on another. She stands in the doorway, looking uncertain, definitely listening in. God, the beauty that is Ivy.

  She’s forbidden. One that I won’t touch or mess up. I know better than to hurt her like that.

  But still even now, all I want to do is hold her in my arms. Fuck this fucking life!

  “Thanks for coming,” Astraea says.

  “Did I have choice?” I grunt.

  “No, but I’m grateful either way. I know you didn’t want to come.”

  I close my eyes on a sigh. Is there anything she doesn’t know? Actually, is there anything King won’t indulge her with? Including the blunt truth?

  “It’s not that, it’s just…”

  “Christmas reminds you of your mother and you miss her.”

  Well then. Rip the duct tape off the underside of my fucking balls without warning, why don’t you?

  I struggle to recover from that one.

  Astraea moves around me. I lift my arms to assist her, and then look down at her upturned faux innocent face when she’s now hugging my front, her head directly over my stuttering heart, a reminder of my stuttering speech that she helped me overcome when I was younger.

  But now, if I attempt to so much as speak, I swear that shameful stutter might come back,
especially with Ivy watching me.

  I look up and hold Ivy’s gaze. Her wide almond eyes watch me back, trying to figure me out as they always do. The hope there… what do I do with that when the fact is each heartbeat is getting me closer to the inevitable?

  “I love you,” Astraea whispers sadly, looking up at me. Hopeless, I watch as Ivy’s hope crashes and burns at my feet.

  I open my mouth, wanting to tell her that it’s not what she thinks, but how many times do I have keep hurting her? She doesn’t need me.

  “I know, Astraea,” I whisper back, looking down at her, knowing damn well that King is watching us like a hawk. The fact that he hasn’t hit me yet is because he knows he has her in every way. Her heart, soul, and everything else between their heaven and hell.

  “Forever,” she whispers.

  “Forever, babe.”

  Only forever is not a long time. Not for me, anyway.

  When I look up, Ivy’s gone.

  Astraea pulls back, then stands up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on my jaw. “I’m glad that your heart is beating.”

  Don’t break.

  Don’t break.

  Don’t fucking break.

  “Me too,” I mumble, feeling suffocated when I look around to see King, Kimberly, and now Spider and Noah who appeared out of thin air, staring at me with something uncomfortably close to pity in their eyes.

  Fuck that. “At the risk of pissing King off, where’s the room I’m fucking you in, babe? Just to return the favor.”

  A favor for King, when he fucked her in my room at the Brooke House just to fucking prove a twisted point. Asshole.

  King growls over Astraea’s hearty laughter and says, “Upstairs, the first door on the right.”

  “Let’s get it on, then. Hard and deep?”

  “Oh my gosh, yes!”

  King’s growls grow deeper and louder, but we ignore him. Astraea thinks this is a joke. The guys in here know it’s not.

  “He totally deserves that,” she says with a laugh. “But I think he might blow a gasket.”

  “I’d like to see that,” Noah says, dragging past us and into the cabin.

  “Come on, Em, it’s gorgeous!” Astraea says excitedly, grabbing my hand. I follow along, wondering where Ivy went. When we enter the house, it’s as if I’ve just entered some kind of Winter Wonderland on steroids.

  The place is beautiful, that’s a fact, but the decorations are… well, so Astraea. There are blue twinkling lights over white furniture and in the middle of the foyer is a big ass white Christmas tree?

  “Is that supposed to be a Christmas tree?” Spider questions with a frown.

  “Yup.” She claps her hands, bouncing off to where King stands looking like he’s constipated.

  “I like it.”

  “Thank you, Spider! Well, since everyone is here, I have good news and bad news.”

  “This whole operation is already bad news so more of the same please,” Noah says, chugging down a bottle of water like it’s a sport. Good, at least he knows to keep hydrated without me making him.

  “Well, since you asked nicely, Noah honey, there are only four bedrooms in this cabin.”

  “What?”

  “Yup, knew this was coming.”

  “Oh gosh,” Ivy whispers, but somehow I hear her. “Really, Raea?”

  “What? It’s going to be awesome!” she hums. “It’s just that some of you are going to have to share.”

  “Not me, I know that for sure,” Spider says, grabbing his bag and heading for the stairs. “Where’s mine?”

  “Right at the end of the hall, as you requested,” King says.

  “As he requested?” Kim demands. “Was there a request hotline that we missed?”

  “Apparently,” Noah chimes in. “Probably inaccessible with this shitty network and Wi-Fi.”

  “Hey, hey! Many of you have been out here before, for all your camping trips and all that crap you did without me, you already know how the signal sucks out here,” Astraea says, calm as ever, a small smile on her face. “You can go bitch in the rooms you’re sharing but be done with your pity party by five o’clock. Everyone’s helping with dinner.”

  “Can’t we just go out?” Noah mutters.

  “Well, we could but where’s the fun in that? Besides, there’s bound to be a snowstorm soon, so best to stay here.”

  Ah fuck.

  “Now you’ve done it, Raea,” Ivy’s sweet voice says from behind me. “Well done, you.”

  “Oh, thanks babe, but I hardly have power over the weather.”

  “Didn’t his majesty, King Alexander have a hand in it?” Kim says sarcastically and I snort, unable to help it.

  “Fuck you, Kimberly,” King mutters.

  The girl just smiles, then turns to Raea. “So how are we dividing this shit?”

  “Well, Ace and I already have our room. Spider just got his, so that leaves two rooms left.”

  “Raea,” Ivy whispers, in obvious distress. “You can’t mean…”

  “It’s up to you, there isn’t a gun to your heads and no one’s judging,” she says with a sly smile on her face like Kim didn’t just slap the lights out of Noah a few minutes ago. Her intention dawns on me and I groan.

  “With all the money y’all have,” Noah mutters, his gaze locking on me. I just nod, “you couldn’t get a bigger cabin?”

  “We could,” Astraea says sweetly. “But I wanted this one.”

  “Apparently,” Noah mutters as he leaves the room.

  “Suck it up, Noah!” she calls after him with a laugh. “It’s going to be fun!”

  My phone goes off at that moment and all eyes turn to me.

  “What? I have pretty good network coverage. Sue me,” I mutter, walking away.

  “Good, at least when we need to get the fuck out of here, someone has coverage,” someone who sounds suspiciously like King says, but I’m out of the big room. Walking past the empty den, I grab my phone from my pocket and sigh seeing the name flashing on the screen.

  “You have bad timing, jerk,” I mutter.

  “Hello to you too, friend,” George says sarcastically. “Are you enjoying yourselves out there?”

  Sigh.

  “I’m not the one who thought not to invite you.”

  Fuck. This is fucked up on so many levels.

  “Did you talk to her for me?”

  “Don’t you have her number?” I close my eyes, staring out at the lake behind the cabin. Staring out at the landscape, I see why Astraea wanted this place and invited all of us out here, but not inviting her brother…

  “I do, but I just…”

  “You haven’t called her?”

  “I did, several times actually, but she’s been avoiding me.”

  “Do you blame her?” I mutter, trying not to be angry. “You’re not exactly her favorite person right now.” Or King’s or even Noah’s for that matter.

  “Well, no, but fuck man, I just want to talk to her, I feel…”

  “Iced out and ignored because of what you did to us?”

  “Well, yes,” George sighs heavily. “You’re talking to me though.”

  “Because I don’t have time to be holding grudges.” I’ll be dead soon.

  “See, I fucked up, real bad, man.”

  “You did but what’s even crazier is you haven’t bothered to explain why.”

  “I realize that, that’s why I’m here.”

  I pause, growing still. “Here where?”

  “Here. In Colorado.”

  Ah fuck.

  “Is this it?” Ivy questions when we open one of the bedroom doors. It’s spacious, with a large king sized bed enough to fit ten people at most.

  “I guess it is,” I say, feeling tired. “You’re good with sharing a bed?”

  “Think of it like a slumber party, you know, disregarding the brooding sexy gods in the room beside ours, we’ll be fine,” she says, ever the optimistic one.

  “They’re in the room beside us?” I glan
ce at the door a little ways down the hall and sigh. Sleeping with the enemy down the hall, yay! So exciting. Not.

  There are only two rooms on this level, I guess the other rooms are upstairs.

  “Yup, but I’m pretty sure they’re not going to be sharing,” Ivy says from within the beautiful room. “They’re too virile and manly for that shit.”

  “I don’t give a damn what they do,” I snap. “They can go sleep outside without a stitch of clothing for all I care.”

  “Uh, okay,” Ivy says, grabbing her bag, her eyes filled with concern.

  “What’s wrong? I’m pretty sure they’ll be just fine. They’re big boys after all.”

  Ivy shrugs, looking at me with eyes filled with concern. “Are you sure? I mean, haven’t you noticed Emmett and Noah giving each other the silent treatment?”

  Ah yes, there’s that. I noticed how they didn’t even speak on the plane or on our drive here. It’s as if they don’t even see each other.

  “Hmm, you’re right.”

  “What happened between them?”

  “What happened between all of us is the question,” I mutter. “Something’s always happening, Ivy. It’s as if we never catch a break.”

  “But Emmett, he’s always so reserved, doesn’t like drama.” I smile at her. Of course she knows all about Emmett Easton, the silent all-knowing god.

  “Babe, none of them like drama from what I’ve seen, of course you already know that.”

  She looks away, looking nervous all of a sudden. Bingo!

  “Yeah, but drama follows them like a dark cloud.”

  “It’s all a mess, Ivy, which is why this is a bad idea.”

  “I’m sure Raea knows that.”

  “And yet she gathered us here anyway, like lost sheep.”

  “Is she wrong though?” I sigh. She might not be wrong but I’m going to give her hell for it. “It’s going to be fine.”

  With a heavy sigh, I follow her into the room, but head straight for the large windows that overlook the mountains. Below, I can see a frozen lake, blending with the pines, creating a beautiful landscape anyone would enjoy a holiday in.

  “It really is beautiful, huh?”

  I sigh. “It is, I wish I could enjoy it as much as I should.”

  “Who said you can’t?”