The Trouble with Christmas

by Kaira Rouda

  “It’s okay,” Lily said. “But I’m not jumping into anything with Cole. I think he’s interested, but I told him I need time.”

  “Good for you,” Avery said.

  “But you still look worried.”

  “I guess it’s the trouble with Christmas. It’s a big holiday, and Bob’s getting married on December 25th, and well, I don’t want you to jump at the first guy who shows an interest just because it’s a great time to be in love,” Avery said.

  Lily stood and walked over to the bar to fill her glass. She looked over at the Christmas tree they’d decorated and spotted her ornament. She smiled. “I know, Aves. I know. That’s the other problem with the holiday season. If it’s real, you tend to doubt it because it seems too cliché, you know?”

  Evalyn walked into the room and smiled at Lily. “Hello dear. I hope your new friend enjoyed the decorations at his house. Avery and the crew and I had a hoot putting them up,” she said. “Dinner time everyone.”

  Lily hurried over to hug Evalyn and followed her out of the library. She planned on having a quick meal with the Putnams and then heading to Cole’s house. It could actually be the perfect ending to the perfect day. She texted Cole her plans.

  He responded back that he would pick her up in his heated golf cart. She smiled. Even better. She’d bundle up extra warmly in his black coat.

  In the formal dining room, the third Christmas tree, sporting a nautical theme with navy and red shiny balls, twinkled in the corner. Lily sat between James, who was seated at the head of the table across from his father, and Mark. Avery was across the table from her. Jessica was sitting across from Evalyn.

  “It sure will be great when Denton, Blake, and Samantha get here,” Richard said, passing the spinach salad to Avery.

  “When do they arrive?” Lily asked. She was anxious to see Denton and to meet Blake’s girlfriend, Samantha. Avery liked her so Lily would, too. Nobody could believe Blake was in a relationship that had lasted longer than a few dates.

  “Denton will be here on the twenty-first, as soon as he’s finished with exams,” Evalyn said, a twinkle in her eye flashed for her youngest son. “Blake is harder to pin down, of course. I assume he’ll arrive on the twenty-fourth and leave on the twenty-sixth, unless Sam can talk some sense into him.”

  James smiled and turned his attention to Lily. “So, when is Bob marrying that Postle girl?”

  Lily could barely process the question; her brain couldn’t believe he’d asked it.

  “James,” Avery said. “That is inappropriate. Bob is a bastard and we all think so. We don’t care what he does or when he does it.”

  “Avery, language,” Evalyn said, “But I agree. Good riddance.”

  Lily took a moment to absorb Evalyn’s kindness.

  “I made a mistake, James. I almost married a self-centered narcissist. Thankfully, he found a richer prize. But it still hurts. I still feel shocked, but I’m determined to move on and find someone who can love me for who I am. Someone who can focus on love, instead of business and find happiness, and I hope I can find that someday. Of course, I wish the same for you. Pass the potatoes, please.”

  The room was silent as James handed the bowl of mashed potatoes to Lily, glaring at her with his steely, navy blue eyes. If looks could kill. She realized he’d taken her words more personally than she meant. Or maybe she did want to say that to squash, once and for all, any Putnam matchmaking attempts. Even Jessica, nibbling on a long, red nail, shot her a withering glare.

  “James?” She wasn’t sure what to say to make amends. “I didn’t…” she began.

  “So, Richard, have you been out on the course?” Mark jumped to her rescue.

  James stood and tossed his napkin onto his plate. “Excuse me.”

  The entire table was stunned as he quickly walked out of the room. Jessica pushed her chair back and followed behind him, wobbling on her stiletto heels.

  “You hit a nerve, Lils,” Avery said quietly.

  “I’ll go talk to him,” Evalyn said, beginning to stand up.

  “No, please, Evalyn, it’s my fault. Let me go speak to him. I’ve upset him and ruined dinner. I’m sorry,” Lily said and hurried out of the room. She saw the front door close as she reached the foyer and rushed to pull it open.

  “He wants to be alone,” Jessica said, hands on her hips. “I know Avery doesn’t like me and thinks my manners suck, but I don’t know why she thinks you’re such a prize.”

  Lily ignored her and hurried outside. James stood on the porch, staring out into the blackness of the ocean beyond. It was a starless, chilly night and Lily could see his breath clouds.

  “James, I’m sorry,” she said, stepping onto the porch and closing the front door. The twinkle lights in the garland gave the porch a peaceful, candlelight like glow.

  “Me too,” he said, still not facing her. “I didn’t mean to bring up the jerk. I’m glad you’re free of him.”

  Lily hugged herself, relieved they would get past this. She hated tension with any member of Avery’s family. She watched James kick the toe of his loafer against the porch railing. Finally, he turned to face her. He shoved his hands into his pants pockets, and he stared down at the floor like a little kid who had been scolded. Lily had never seen him look so humble, so young.

  He suddenly looked up and his dark blue eyes stared straight into hers. Lily tensed.

  “The trouble is, I was so glad to hear about your broken engagement that I even agreed to celebrate my birthday at that tiny restaurant with my family, when it wasn’t even my birthday,” he said.

  “That was really nice of you. Avery was worried about me, I guess.”

  “That’s the thing. I was worried about you, too,” James said, taking a step closer to where Lily stood. “I still am. I, well, now that you aren’t engaged I was hoping that we could spend time together, be together.”

  He exhaled as his words collided in her ears.

  “No, James, you don’t. Not really. It’s just that we’ve known each other such a long time, and we’re both a bit lonely, and the trouble with Christmas is that it makes you feel alone if you aren’t in a romantic relationship.” She grasped at words, wanting to explain so that he wouldn’t be hurt. “That explains Jessica. She’s not your type. Not really. You’re just in that holiday state of mind where you think you need to be a couple because everybody else is,” Lily said quickly, trying to diffuse the seriousness of his statements.

  “I care for you Lily, I do. I always have. I still remember that night.” He took a step closer and touched her cheek.

  She covered his hand with hers.

  “James,” she whispered. “I care about you, of course I do, but not like that.” She searched his eyes, trying to gauge how to proceed. “That night was so long ago. It was an impulse. It wasn’t real.”

  “It felt real to me.”

  Lily didn’t know what to say.

  “I was in high school, James. You were just finishing sophomore year in college. That was a long time ago. I think of you like a brother,” she said. “I love you because you’re Avery’s brother. I’ll always love you. but not like that.”

  “Like what?” James said, his voice low, his eyes dark.

  “You know,” Lily said, dropping his hand. She felt uncomfortable and began to back away. Suddenly James’s hands were on her shoulders, pushing her against the side of the house.

  “James, stop,” she said firmly not wanting things to be bad between them.

  “How do you know unless we try?” His lips were a whisper from hers.

  She turned her head away.

  “James, no,” she pushed him away.

  “My God, I’m so sorry, Lily. I thought you might feel the same about me. I mean we’d be perfect together.”

  She shook her head afraid to look him in the eye and see his expression of hurt or anger. Most women never said no to James.

  “Lily, I’m so sorry.”

  “James,” she said, wanting him to
go, wanting to get away herself, but she had to fix this for Avery. “Let’s talk, please.”

  “We don’t need to talk anymore, Lily. I really didn’t mean to push it. I thought. I hoped,” he stopped again and turned away from her. “I understand. And I’m sorry. Please believe me, it won’t happen again.”

  “I believe you.”

  James walked down the remaining stairs and into the dark night.

  Lily’s body began to shake. She didn’t want to hurt him, and wasn’t even sure why he would think there was a future for them. Had she lead James on somehow? She should go back inside and sit with Avery’s family, but she didn’t feel ready to face them. Maybe she should just text Cole to come pick her up.

  “Lils, what are you doing out here? Get inside,” Avery says, yanking open the front door and spotting her friend in the shadows. “It’s cold.”

  “Coming. Wonder if you could give me a ride to Cole’s,” Lily said, not making eye contact. Her shivering was making her voice sound weird. She hoped Avery wouldn’t comment.

  “Sure. Mark and I are going to go to the inn for a drink. We’ll drop you on our way. I’m excited to see the candy cane red and white decorations at night,” she said, pulling the door closed behind her. “Meet down here in ten minutes?”

  “Perfect,” Lily said, hurrying up the main staircase to avoid any conversation. She felt Jessica’s stare but ignored her.

  Once inside her bedroom, she let out a sigh and started to relax. She didn’t want to think about what happened with James. It was a misunderstanding, and she’d handled it. It was over. Just like her engagement. She walked over to the large bedroom window. Typically, the stars and moonlight illuminated the ocean beyond, but tonight the landscape was eerily dark. She wondered if maybe she shouldn’t visit Cole. She didn’t want to lead him on, but she really enjoyed his company, his smile, his kind eyes, his strong arms. All of him.

  Her heart rate kicked up just thinking about his kiss earlier. She had told him she needed time, but was that really true? She felt a slow burn deep in her core as she anticipated seeing him, talking to him, touching him that she couldn’t remember feeling for Bob, or for any man like this. But how could she trust her feelings? How could she feel so strongly about Cole, even lust after him, when a couple of weeks ago she’d thought she was going to marry Bob? She’d been excited about marrying Bob.

  Was she rebounding? She didn’t feel like it. Cole was perfect. He felt right. He was smart and dedicated and willing to admit mistakes. He wanted to do good work with his life. And he was so honest with his feelings. Lily realized now that she and Bob had never discussed their hopes and dreams and mistakes like she and Cole already had. She craved emotional closeness but to be honest, she had to admit Cole was hot, hot, hot. She felt like she was going to ignite every time he looked at her. Maybe for once in her life, she should throw caution out the window and just embrace her feelings and her desires. Not be so consumed by fear.

  Taking a deep breath, Lily texted: “Still okay to come over? Avery can drop me in 10 min.”

  Cole responded: “Hurry.”

  Lily sent back: “:)”

  Smiling, Lily hurried into the bathroom to freshen up, grabbed her warmest coat from the closet—full-length white wool with a matching white cashmere hat—and her red mittens, her purse, and Cole’s coat for an extra layer. As she closed her bedroom door behind her, she said a silent prayer that James wouldn’t be in the hallway.

  She ran down the hall and paused at the top of the stairs, spotting Avery and Mark waiting—the perfect couple. They held hands and smiled at each other.

  “Hey, you look gorgeous,” Mark said, finally glancing away from his wife.

  Lily laughed. “I’m wearing the exact same thing I had on at dinner, but you’d know that, if you ever looked away from Avery,” she said. “You two are the most perfect couple ever, but that isn’t news to you,” Lily said as she pulled on her coat, hat, and mittens and followed Avery and Mark out the door.

  They climbed into the covered golf cart, Mark at the wheel, and zipped off into the dark night.

  “Ooooh it’s perfect!” Avery exclaimed as they pulled up to Cole’s cottage. “Look at the red and white lights, Mark! So fun!”

  “You are a Christmas nut just like your mom, Aves,” Mark said, parking so he could help Lily out.

  “Do you guys want to come in?” she asked, hoping they’d say no.

  “I think we’ll let you two have some private time,” Avery answered, blowing Lily a kiss, and by the way Avery cuddled up to Mark, Lily thought it would be good for Mark and Avery to have some alone time as well.

  Lily smelled cinnamon and some other spice as she knocked on the door.

  Cole opened the door. He wore a white t-shirt that hugged the muscles of his shoulders and arms. His jeans fit him perfectly. Lily resisted the urge to hug him. She smiled and he gently tugged her inside, waving at Mark and Avery. The sound of Nat King Cole singing Christmas songs filled the air.

  “Hello, beautiful,” Cole said and kissed her on the cheek as he helped her take off her coat. His cottage was warm and inviting. Cinnamon candles burned on the table in front of the roaring fireplace. The Christmas tree was lit, waiting its ornaments. The lights throughout the cottage were dimmed, adding to the sense of comfort. “Make yourself at home, Lily.”

  She walked into the family room and sat on the big white couch in front of the fire. She felt warm, and safe, and as Cole joined her on the sofa, she smelled his clean scent, and stared into his amazing baby blue eyes. She relaxed close to him and Cole raised his hand and tucked her hair behind her ear.

  “I missed you,” Cole said softly. “We were only apart four hours and twenty minutes, and all I could think about was you and your eyes, and your smile,” Cole said.

  Lily swallowed. Her turtleneck felt too tight. She pulled at it and wished she’d worn something not quite so prim. Her stomach clenched at the thought.

  “We’re going to decorate the tree, right?” she said, smiling.

  “Later,” Cole said, his blue eyes darkening as he ran his hand through his thick blonde hair.

  “You wanted to talk about the shopping list for the Christmas meal?” Lily asked, in a conspiratorial whisper.

  “Definitely later,” Cole said. “I’d really like to talk about us.”

  Lily was certain her turtleneck would strangle her.

  “Us?” she whispered and he nodded, gently tipping her face towards his.

  Slowly he lowered his lips to hers. Lily sighed into his mouth and relaxed into him, loving the strength of his body. She walked her fingers up his forearms and pulled him closer to her as he deepened the kiss. And this, this is perfect, this is Cole. Lily was dizzy with desire but he broke the kiss.

  “You are so beautiful, Lily. So perfect,” he said and played with the bottom of her turtleneck. She smiled, stretched both arms into the air, and he pulled off her sweater. The cooler air of the room hit her warm skin, and goose bumps sprung up across her upper body. Cole pushed her gently back onto the sofa, knelt next to her, and softly kissed her stomach. Lily shuddered. His kisses moved up between her breasts to her neck and her forehead, and then finally, to her waiting lips. She moaned as she pulled him against her breasts, and ran her hands around his broad shoulders and down his back.

  “Cole, should we slow down?” Lily said, “I don’t want to ruin anything, not before Christmas.”

  “We’ve only just begun, Lily. You could never ruin anything. I’ve never wanted anything, anyone more than you,” Cole murmured, his blue stare pierced her heart. She felt a fire burning inside, a fire he’d flamed. His lips were on hers again, hungry, his tongue slid inside her mouth as his hand gently brushed her nipple through her bra. Lily moaned and arched so her breasts pushed into his hands. His fingers slid around her back and unhooked her bra.

  “Oh, Cole,” she said as he pulled her bra off and buried his face between her breasts, moving to suck a nipple until it was fir
m, and then he kissed his way slowly to the other breast. Lily plunged her hands into his hair. His fingers stroked her nipples and his lips sent shivers throughout her entire body until Lily felt an explosion deep inside. She reached for him, ran her fingers under his shirt and relished his hard stomach. She slid her hand lower, traced the waistband of his jeans before she pressed her palm to the front of the denim, cupping his erection.

  Suddenly, he took both of her hands and pulled them to his lips, kissing the top of each before he stood up. He looked down at her, lying half-naked and pulsing with desire.

  “What?” she asked. She frowned, and he rubbed her pouting bottom lip with a finger before he sat beside her.

  “I want to take it slowly. To make our first time special,” he said and hugged her against his strong chest.

  She was confused, a little hurt. “You changed your mind?” she asked and burrowed her face in his chest, breathing him in deeply. He was right. It made her want him more.

  “No, not at all. I thought I could control myself better, I’m sorry,” he said. “I mean it. But I want to make sure you’re ready. Because I’m all in.”

  Lily’s insides were still clenching with need, but her heart listened. “That’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me,” she said, finally lifting her head away from his chest to look Cole in the eyes. She felt so many emotions, but one of them, she recognized, was close to love. As she looked at his strong chin, his caring face, she smiled. He pulled her up off the couch and wrapped her in a tight embrace. The Christmas lights, the Nat King Cole songs, the smells, this man—everything was perfect.

  Finally, she’d calmed enough to have some fun. “Well, take off your shirt then,” she said, thinking it’s only fair she should get to see him topless. He pulled the t-shirt off over his head and she admired every toned muscle he revealed.