by Lilia Moon
Fuck. “I left the club because I was tired of being everyone’s Dom for the week. I wanted something else. You know that.”
He nods slowly. “I do. What have your relationships been like since then?”
Not what I’d hoped. “Different neighborhood, same problems. People drawn to my money, or my lifestyle, or the good-looking guy in a suit on their arm. None of them were amazing women living in small houses filled with the energy of family and cookies and pride and self-sufficiency.”
His lips quirk again. “You have it bad.”
I do. “It turns out the only reason she’s letting me through her front door is because she thinks I’m a present from the sex fairy and I’m going to turn into a pumpkin sometime soon.”
“She’s got reasons to think that,” Damon says quietly. “I probably didn’t help in the way I set you guys up, and Ari might have dug that hole even deeper, but think about it from Gabby’s perspective. She knows you’re a hot bachelor entrepreneur and the Dom everyone used to fight over.”
I stare at him. “How the hell does she know all that?”
He holds up a finger. “First, she does all the client research for Emily, so I imagine she Googled you to make sure you aren’t a serial killer.”
I wince. “Google thinks I’m a hotshot playboy.”
Damon raises a wry eyebrow. “They’re not that far wrong.” He holds up another finger. “Second, you had her sit down with Ari and company yesterday. Emily’s seriously pissed off we were out of town for that, by the way.”
I groan as I connect the dots. “Someone would have told her about my rep.” Hotshot playboy Dom. Guy with all the skills. Spanks them and leaves them panting.
He nods. “I’m guessing so. I’m sure they were intending to reassure her that you’re a great person to introduce her to whatever demon-possessed ideas they came up with.”
I manage a laugh. “They were very inventive. And very good at figuring out what Gabby might enjoy.”
He stares at me. “Shit, you move fast.”
My brain, the one that can analyze deals and find angles and navigate tricky negotiations, is finally coming online. “And that’s part of the problem too. I got her naked on our first date and we’ve barely stumbled out of bed since.” Which is pretty much the definition of hot, sexy fling.
He’s nodding slowly. “That’s a fixable problem. The other one is harder.”
He’s parsed this differently than I have. “Which other one?”
“The one where she thinks she’s not in your league.”
Punch to my gut, delivered. “Like I’m some kind of prize sitting on a shelf she’s not good enough to play for.” That burns all the way up my throat. “She’s the prize here, Damon. Why can’t she see that?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. But one thing I learned with Emily? Words don’t fix this shit. Not way down deep where it matters.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Gabby
“Hello, darling.” Ari is waiting for me on Fettered’s front porch. She stands up and kisses both my cheeks. “Mattie’s inside scoring us all drinks from the bar.”
I smile at the warm greeting. She’s the perfect antidote for what’s ailing me. “You look like you fell out of a French fashion magazine.”
“Perfect.” She grins down at her outfit and pulls me in the door. “It’s for a scene I’m doing tonight. I’m supposed to look all scary and sexy and unapproachable.”
Right now she looks about as scary as Shani’s poodle, but I firmly believe Ari can do anything she sets her mind to. “I won’t ask what happens after that.”
Mattie walks toward us, carrying two martini glasses. “I totally will.” She makes eyes at Ari. “Who are you playing with?”
“It’s a surprise.” Ari tries to assemble her face into something prim and proper. “And you guys are here to talk work stuff, not the constant stream of sexy Doms in my life.”
Mattie’s eyes get soft. “Still trying to find someone who can handle you?”
Ari shrugs.
It’s a look I’ve seen on all three of my girls. Not something she wants to talk about—and I know a little something about timing. She’ll talk when she’s ready. I take one of the glasses Mattie’s holding. I’ve worked with her quite a few times, and she’s wonderful with picky wedding guests, but it feels a lot different to be meeting here. “Thank you for coming. We’ve only done a few events here so far, and it’s a complicated venue. I’m really happy you’re going to be working with me.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Working for you, sweetie. And happy to be doing it.” She grins. “I like it when somebody else is in charge.”
Ari snorts beside me, and then grins as my cheeks turn red.
I just shake my head. “We’re a team. I’m smart enough not to even try to be the boss of two people as competent as you are. We’ll do this together.”
Ari grins. “We can fight about who wields the flogger later. Kitchen first, or bar setup, or possible table configurations here in the lounge?”
I hold up my laptop. “We have a program that can help with the tables if we measure the room.”
Mattie’s eyes light up. “Oh, sexy toys.”
Ari snorts again.
“What? I like computers.” Mattie sticks out her tongue and then looks at me, chagrined. “Damn—sorry, Gabby. You’re my new boss and I’m acting like a nitwit. I’m not used to being in work mode when I’m here.”
Ari slings an arm around her shoulders. “She’s the club’s resident brat. That’s our code word for a submissive who plays lots of practical jokes and gives the Doms fits whenever she can.”
Mattie raises an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure I share that title.”
Ari flutters her eyelashes. “Who, me?” Then she wraps her other arm around my shoulders. “And Gabby here can totally handle us acting like brats. She’s the one teaching the Doms to cook.”
Mattie’s face lights up. “No way.”
This is the strangest work meeting I’ve ever had. And exactly the distraction I needed.
Ari grins. “Damon set his French toast on fire a couple of weeks ago and she hands him the fire extinguisher, totally calm, and asks if he needs instructions on how to use it.”
That seems to be turning into a very viral urban legend. “It was a very small fire.”
Mattie shakes her head, laughing. “Okay, I know better than to mess with you now.”
I smile. “I’ve seen you handle Tonio in a snit.” He’s an amazing chef—and a very temperamental one. “And that woman at the Tremblay wedding who wanted to know every ingredient of every appetizer that had ever touched your tray.”
“Nobody will mess with the two of you.” Ari lets go of us and heads behind the bar. “How about I dig up a tape measure and we can play on the computer first? Table setup in here can be kind of tricky.”
I’m on board with that. “Emily said to figure out if we can maybe add more coffee table seating instead of regular tables. Keep things informal, let people move around.”
“Ooh.” Mattie dances in a fast, exuberant circle. “Harem pillows.”
I blink. “I’m not sure I want to ask what those are.”
Ari laughs, her head still buried behind the bar. “It’s basically floor pillows where people can sit and eat at a low table. We could do it Japanese style with tatami mats on the floor and sleek, simple coffee tables. Or with elegant jewel tones for the pillows and fancy candles on the tables for a more exotic vibe.”
I can see both in my head, and they would be lovely. “That would give us options, depending on how many vanilla guests will be at the event.”
Mattie raises her eyebrows. “Vanilla peeps here? Damon’s okay with that?”
With some very clear rules. “Lounge area only, and daytime only, but even with that, demand is going a little nuts.”
Ari surfaces with a tape measure. “Found one.” She winks at me. “And because we’re excellent multitaskers, you can
tell us all about the fun you’ve been having while we measure things.”
I turn away to hide my face. Something bad happened to the fun this morning, and it put hurt in Daniel’s eyes that’s drilling small, deadly holes in my happiness. “Let’s start with that wall over there.”
Mattie heads where I pointed, pulling out the tape measure as she goes. “Wait, what gossip have I missed?” She waggles her eyebrows at me. “Talk, so that I can live vicariously.”
I keep the leaking mess inside me as tamped down as I can. “I was introduced to a nice man in my cooking class. We’ve had a few dates.”
Her eyes widen. “Your Dom cooking class?”
I realize, too late, what I’ve just said.
She’s at my side, hand on my arm, in an instant. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I’ve been in the lifestyle for ten years. I totally didn’t mean to out you. Please believe that I know how to keep my mouth shut, and I totally know better than to ask dumb questions like that.” She looks like she wants to disappear into the floor. “Especially when you’re my new boss.”
Ari’s joined us, and she doesn’t look much happier. “My fault. I’m used to goofing off with you, Gabby, and I totally wasn’t thinking.”
I reach for both their hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s hopefully not life-shattering news that I have sex. I don’t want either of you to feel like you need to be careful around me.” I manage to work a smile onto my face. “And so far you’re not even close to the kind of talk that’s happening in my office these days.”
I exhale gratefully as the guilt slides off both of their faces.
Mattie looks over at Ari. “You’re right. She’s the nicest person ever.”
They’re being so sweet, and it’s undoing the chains on the box where I’ve stuffed all my worry and heartache.
Ari stills beside me. “Gabby, what’s wrong?”
She has the same scary radar Daniel does. I try to smile at her, but I can’t pull it off.
“Uh oh.” She takes my hand and leads me over to a soft leather couch. “Those are sad eyes, girlfriend. Want to talk?”
Mattie clears her throat behind us. “I’ll just go count wine glasses or something for a bit.”
I turn to look at her. “We’re a team. Please stay.”
She comes over and crouches down by the couch. “You need a friend to talk to right now, and Ari’s the best. I’ll be in the kitchen. Take your time.”
I wince as she walks away. “I’m here to meet with her.”
Ari pats my hand. “She’ll wait. She totally understands what you need right now.”
I don’t. I sigh, and give in to the words in me that need somewhere to go. “Things have been going very well. Daniel’s wonderful, and I’ve really been enjoying my time with him. This morning, Jules stopped by unexpectedly with her girls, and even that was lovely.”
Ari raises her eyebrows. “He handled the demon toddlers?”
I smile at her. “As well as you do.”
She looks surprised. “Wow. I totally wouldn’t have guessed that.”
I look down at my hands, knotting in my lap. “After they left we were having a conversation, and I did something wrong, but I don’t know what.” I relay the conversation as best as I can remember it.
She stares at me. “Huh. I have no idea.” Her face shifts. “But I do know this. You blame yourself way too fast, chickadee. He asked for a little time to think. That’s not on you.”
She didn’t see his eyes. “He was hurting.”
She leans into my shoulder, her eyes gentle. “Until you know otherwise, that’s on him. He’s not your standard vanilla guy, Gabby. He’s a Dom. Whatever happened, he’ll come talk to you as soon as he can. Your job is to not think more stupid thoughts than absolutely necessary until he does.”
I nod. It’s really smart advice. “I’m trying. It’s hard.” My insecurities have always fed best on uncertainty, and right now all they can see is the hurt in Daniel’s eyes.
“Good.” She scowls. “Of course, he’s a jerk for making you wait this long. That’s totally a given.”
I lean into her warmth, strangely comforted.
She squeezes my hand and pulls me up. “Come on. Let’s go find Mattie and do what subs do when our Doms are being jerks.”
I follow her, bemused. “What’s that?”
She turns to walk backward and grins. “Chocolate.”
This time I do manage a smile. Apparently some things are universal.
Chapter Forty-Three
Daniel
Gabby’s exactly where Ari told me she would be. Two blocks away from Fettered, headed for the light rail station. I hurry to catch up with her, eyeing the leaden-gray skies with displeasure. This isn’t a conversation I want to have in rush-hour public transit—or in the rain, either.
I run the last few steps, catching her elbow just before she steps into a crosswalk.
She jumps—and then realizes it’s me. Which sets a whole storm of things loose in her eyes.
Shit. “Hi. I know I left in a hurry this morning. I’d like to talk about that, if you can make some time for me.”
She glances up at the sky.
This isn’t going to help undo the mirage of the hotshot playboy, but we need time and space for this and I happen to have some that’s conveniently located. “My place is only a few blocks away.”
She takes a deep breath. “No sex, Daniel. Not until I understand what happened this morning.”
Smart woman. “Absolutely.”
She falls in beside me, a woman who’s clearly used to walking.
I last half a block before I pull her toward a bench outside some random apartment building. Words aren’t going to fix all of this, but I need to start there. I sit down, face her as best as I can, and take her hands. “When you called what’s happening between us a fling this morning, it caught me off guard.”
Her eyebrows fly up. Clearly not what she was expecting to hear.
“It took some time and a kick in the pants from a couple of friends to understand why you might think that.” I take a deep breath. “I have a well-deserved rep as a man who never spends more than a few weeks with anyone. It started back when I was heavily involved in the lifestyle. Long-term relationships are a hard thing to pull off in the kink world.”
She looks at me, sad and a little skeptical. “Emily and Damon are doing it. Scorpio and Harlan too, although I guess they’re both still pretty new relationships.”
They’re freaking miracles is what they are. “I think it’s getting easier. It makes me feel really old to say this, but a lot changed in the ten years between when I landed in the lifestyle and when Damon and Harlan did. They grew up in a world where grandmothers read kinky stuff for their book clubs.”
She’s trying to smother a grin. “Clearly I need to join a different book club.”
I want so badly to hold her. “You’re not a very typical grandmother.”
“No, I’m not.” Her voice is soft now, uncertain.
I can explain complex business deals in a few short sentences. I’m making a total hash of this. “I was a really popular Dom, but I didn’t have a life. Part of the reason I left the club is because I wanted one.”
She’s nodding. “I worked from home as a bookkeeper when my girls were growing up. It was a great way to be there for them, but sometimes I yearned for a life outside of being their mom.”
I gather the precious piece of herself she’s sharing with me and hold it close. “Is working for Emily your first job outside your house?”
She smiles. “The first good one. I tried a couple of accounting positions, but I like people. And I like doing a little bit of everything. It’s kind of like being a mom, but I get to go home and put my feet up afterward.”
She’s good at being a mom. I’m good at being a Dom. We’re both looking for what lives beyond those things. “You got smart faster than I did.”
She tips her head, eyes quizzical.
“I stepped out of the kink world, but I brought the way I learned to approach relationships out with me. Sex first. Show off my skills.” I grimace. “I had you naked a couple of hours into our first date.”
She flushes, but I can see her unhappy confusion. “I didn’t mind. I really liked it, actually.”
“I know.” I sigh and try to pull some semblance of my shit together. “But I mind, because I’ve given you the impression that what I want from you is some hot sex for a few weeks.” I paused, astonished at just how hard the next words are to say. “I want something entirely different than that.”
She’s staring at me.
It’s time to lay all my cards down. “I’m a forty-five-year-old man who’s good at sex and terrible at relationships, but I’d really like to try.”
Astonishment dawns in her eyes. “With me?”
I want to take those insecurities of hers and set them on fire—and the arrogant idiot moves I made that fed them. “Yes. With you.”
She opens her mouth to say something—and the skies open. Huge, cold, soaking drops of rain.
Fuck.
I pull Gabby to her feet, disbelief, gaping insecurities and all, and run.
Chapter Forty-Four
Gabby
Even the lobby of his building is rich.
I step through the doors out of the downpour, wincing at the mess we’re making on the pristine marble floor.
Daniel shakes his head, spraying droplets everywhere. “We’re two drowned rats. Let’s go upstairs and find some towels.”
I try to dry my face on my sleeve. It’s a losing battle. “It never rains that hard here.”
He smiles ruefully and leads me over to a very shiny gold elevator. “It does feel a little like the sky gods are picking on us.”
I stand quietly, trying not to shiver. I think maybe the sky gods have just done me a huge favor. It’s hard to think on a mad sprint through a torrential downpour, but I’m thinking now. Trying to process the last words he said to me.
Trying to process my own deeply telling reaction. An amazing man tells me he wants to be with me, and the first reply that came to me—the one the rain drowned out—was to ask why.