by Sabre Rose
“You left me, Derek. Do you understand that? You. Left. Me. Not the other way round, not by some mutual agreement. You left me for another woman. I had to change everything about my life. Everything,” I emphasised. “And now you’re back, and you simply expect me to give up everything I’ve built because you want me to?”
“Everything you’ve built?” He snorted and I glared at him. Pulling himself together, he looked at me apologetically, lowering his tone to continue. “Not because I want you to. But because I thought you would want to. Didn’t you enjoying working for me?”
“Until I found out you were fucking the slut in the next office.”
“Lauren!” he exclaimed. “Enough! This is not you, speaking like this.”
“And you would know this, how?” I yelled.
“Because you’ve been mine for the last thirteen years!” Unable to control his anger, his voice rose in volume until it matched my own. “Not that you would know, based on the way you’ve given me the cold shoulder since we got back together. Barely a kiss, not one single cuddle.”
“Cuddle?” I scoffed. “Are you serious?” My blood was boiling. “You’re seriously going to have a go at me for not having sex with you when you’ve been off fucking, yes I said fucking, another woman?”
“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this, Lauren.” Derek kept his eyes glued straight ahead, his nostrils flared and eyes flashing in anger.
“Let me out,” I said, reaching for the door handle.
“Don’t be stupid. We’re just about there. Why are you getting so upset, anyway? It’s hardly like pouring coffee for other people has been your lifelong dream.”
“Let me out of this car now, Derek Lees!”
He pulled over and I climbed out and slammed the door. He followed me for a while, telling me through the open window how stupid I was being and how I should get back into the car. I walked all the way home without acknowledging him, flopped down on the couch and cried. Then I dragged myself off the couch long enough to change into my pyjamas, shove some food in Smudge’s bowl and grab a bottle of wine. I drunk it straight from the bottle while watching another episode of Blood Too Sweet, and I cried some more. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up the next morning with a parched throat and smudged and blurry eyes.
Derek hadn’t texted or called.
17
LAUREN
“Hey buddy,” Gabe greeted me when he walked in that afternoon.
Butterflies flitted across my chest at the sound of his voice, but I mentally squashed them, breaking the wings that hovered against my heart. “Hey, yourself,” I replied.
He grinned and I couldn’t help smiling back, even though my head ached and my eyelids felt like they had been exchanged for sandpaper.
Stepping closer, he put his face in front of mine. “Ouch,” he said, reeling back from me. “You look like shit.”
“Why thank you,” I replied sarcastically. “It’s partially your fault, actually.”
Gabe’s eyebrows shot up. “Taking in the fact that you look like you barely got a wink of sleep, I’m wishing it was.” He laughed and then held up his hands under my hard glare. “Lighten up, buddy.” He winked and pulled himself up onto the counter, ignoring Mark’s hypocritical look of disapproval.
“Peta will shoot you if she hears you were sitting on that damn counter again,” Mark said, folding his arms and standing in the doorway.
“Well, let’s hope nobody tells her then.” Gabe turned back to me. “So, do tell me, how is this,” he circled his hands in my direction, “my fault?”
“Stupid zombie programme.”
“You watched it?”
“I had to go to the video store for the second season.”
“I told you you’d like it if you just gave it a go.”
Gabe kept chatting away for most of the night as the customers rolled through the door. Tuesday nights were always quiet and by eight o’clock the café was empty. Mark was in the kitchen, cursing, and cleaning the oven while Gabe and I restocked the flavour shots. He kept up his chatty demeanour until we were alone.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, stepping close and lowering his voice. His scent was intoxicating and I had to physically stop myself from leaning over and inhaling him. “It hasn’t been the same here without you.” His eyes flicked over to where Mark’s backside was visible, poking out of the oven. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Gabe,” I said, gently scolding him but at the same time wishing he would reach out and do it again. My cheek burned where his finger had brushed it.
He stayed close but didn’t touch me again. “How is it going, anyway? Are you, Derek, and the man-stealing-bitch happy?”
I rolled my eyes and tried to hide the fact that after a week together, things were not going well. It was just a temporary glitch though. Derek and I would make it back to where we had been. Maybe.
I decided the best way to handle the Gabe situation was to pretend that nothing had ever happened, so I plastered on a smile. “You mean the lying-man-stealing-bitch?”
Gabe’s eyes widened. “One extra word?” And then it dawned on him, the meaning of the first. “No way!”
I nodded and couldn’t help the thrill that passed over me when sharing the gossip. “Yep, all a total lie.”
“So he comes crawling back to you and you accept that?”
“It’s not like that,” I said quietly.
Gabe’s eyes moved over to Mark again and he stepped even closer. He took the flavour shot bottle out of my hand, laid it on the counter, and then tipped my chin so I was looking up at him. “I want you back,” he said.
I closed my eyes, certain that if I looked into his for much longer my resolve would melt and I would sink into his embrace. “You never had me, Gabe.”
“Yes, I did. I don’t care if I ruin your chance at fixing your relationship. I don’t care if people call me the devil. I will have you again.”
“Please don’t, Gabe.” I was begging him to stand back, let me go, because I didn’t think I had the strength to do it myself.
“Look at me,” he said and my eyes rose, despite my resistance. His gaze was scorched with lust and I longed to satisfy it. But instead, I pulled myself away and held my hand to his chest to keep him from following.
Gabe’s eyes slipped down to where my hand lay planted against him and pain flickered across his expression. My ring stood out prominently against his black t-shirt. He swallowed and his chest rose and fell. “You’ve got his ring back on,” he stated quietly.
I nodded and withdrew my hand. My heart pounded in my chest. I wanted to rip off the ring and toss it away, but for what? A boy who slept with me over a bet? A boy who only wanted me now because I was the forbidden fruit?
“I told you I was back with him.”
“You told me that you were giving him a chance. I just didn’t think you would really go back to him. I thought I was still in with a chance too.”
“Gabe, you know we can’t actually be together.”
His brows formed a frown. “Well, why were you so upset then? Why did you talk about trust and hurt if you never thought we could be together?”
I sighed and leaned against the counter. “I guess I just got caught up in the fantasy. You’re so…” I raised my eyebrows, trying to think of the right word. “Well, look at you, Gabe. You’re gorgeous. And I guess I kind of got drunk on all the attention you were giving me. It wasn’t until I found out why that I realised it was nothing but a fantasy.”
“But it doesn’t have to be, we could be together now. Just say the word. Kick the lowlife lying-man-stealing-bitch-believer to the kerb and be with me.”
“I’m years older than you.”
His gaze was direct and he took a step closer. “I don’t care.”
I sighed and struggled to find the right words. “It just wouldn’t work. What would people say about me?”
“So, you’re saying you would be embarras
sed to be with me?” The hurt in his eyes cut at my heart.
“No.” I shook my head. “No, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Gabe took a step away, his eyes clouding over. “So you only slept with me because you were physically attracted to me, nothing more,” he said. “I thought you were different, Lauren. I thought you saw more of me than that. All my life that’s the only thing people have said about me. I guess the tables have turned now.” He walked backwards a few steps, his eyes burning holes in mine. “Tell Mark I had to leave early.” And he walked out the door.
18
LAUREN
The next night Derek appeared at work. He pulled me aside and apologised, saying it was difficult for him knowing how much he had hurt me and also knowing there was no way he could ever make up for it. Gabe walked past and glared at us talking in the storeroom. He looked much like I did the day before. Red, tired eyes, glazed from too much alcohol and not enough sleep. For the rest of the night he wouldn’t meet my eye. In fact, he barely acknowledged me at all.
* * *
Thursday night Derek took me to the movies again and afterwards, he walked me to the door. Only this time, when he leaned in for a kiss, it wasn’t a chaste peck on the cheek. He crushed his mouth against mine and held me against the door, pawing at my breast. “How long are you going to make me wait?” he breathed roughly in my ear.
I pushed him away. “It hasn’t even been two weeks, Derek.”
“It’s been months,” he moaned.
I couldn’t understand why he kept saying things like that. All it did was remind me of why it had been a few months. It never seemed to occur to him though.
“I miss you,” he whispered, stepping closer and bringing his mouth to my neck, gently peppering it with kisses.
I willed myself not to think about Gabe kissing the same spot but it was hard not to. The difference in the way I felt was poles apart, but I reminded myself it was only because Gabe was daring and tempting and forbidden. Had I been with him for as long as I was with Derek, my body’s response would have been different. Still, I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, it was his face I saw. The way he smiled and how one side of his mouth twitched higher than the other. The gleam in his eyes. The feel of his skin under my fingers.
I shook my head to clear the thoughts. “Not tonight, Derek. It’s just too soon.”
Derek stopped his attempt at seducing me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a warm embrace. “I’m so sorry, babe. I should have never put you through what I did, especially after…” He looked at me and stopped talking.
Tears welled in my eyes, and I pulled back from him, trying to brush them away.
“It was never my intention to hurt you. You believe me, don’t you?”
I sniffed the tears away. “I just need to take things slowly, Derek. I’m still trying to come to terms with everything in my head.”
“But you know I love you? You believe me when I say it, don’t you?”
I was torn. Part of me wished to yell and scream at him but the other part just simply couldn’t be bothered. And that was the part that scared me. The part that just wanted to forget the hurt, forget the last few months and just go back to the way things were before. It would be so tempting to run into Derek’s arms, fall into bed and forget all the pain of the last few months. But I knew it would still be there. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to go over the horrid details out loud. I just needed to process them within myself and come to terms with them in my own way.
Derek sighed deeply when I didn’t answer. “What about the weekend?”
“What about it?” I asked, suddenly feeling tired and worn and ready to be done with this conversation. I wanted to crawl into bed. Alone. I couldn’t help smiling inwardly at that. Wasn’t it typical? For nights, I had longed to share the bed with Derek again, and now, faced with the chance, all I wanted was to be alone.
“Could I stay the weekend? I’d bring an overnight bag and we could just give things a go. See how it feels to be properly together again. A sleepover. And I wouldn’t pressure you into anything you didn’t want to do.” On seeing my hesitation, Derek kept talking, “I know you want to wait, to give things time, but I don’t know what we are waiting for. Tracey is gone. She is out of my life for good. I swear. You took my ring back. Why not give it everything we’ve got? What have we got to lose?”
I told Derek I would think about it. I knew I should just say yes. Everyone would be happy if I said yes. Mother, Peta, Shrek. But a certain man with blond hair tucked behind his ears kept appearing in my thoughts. It didn’t seem fair to Derek if I was still plagued with thoughts of him. Still, there was a part of me that knew Gabe would just stay there unless I did say yes to Derek.
* * *
Peta sighed, put her hands on her hips and looked around the café. “You would think it was a week night or something.”
The café was unusually quiet for a Friday night. It was just Peta and I left, as she had sent Jordan home early. It may have had something to do with the fact that Gabe had requested the night off. There were a few groups of girls that walked in and promptly left again when they saw he wasn’t on. The clock seemed to tick louder than usual and I was having a difficult time blocking out the noise in the silence of the café.
“Guess we may as well start cleaning now,” Peta said. “We’ll leave the coffee machine until last.” There was a moment of silence as I stood and glared at the clock. “You alright?” Peta asked. “You’ve been awfully quiet the past couple of days.”
“I think we should take down the clock, or remove its batteries or something,” I muttered.
Peta just raised her eyebrows.
“It’s too loud,” I insisted.
She folded her arms and leaned against the counter.
I sighed and slumped my shoulders. “Fine,” I groaned. “Derek wants to stay the weekend.”
“And?” Peta asked.
“And I’m not sure if I want him to.”
She looked surprised and pulled herself up to sit on the counter. “I’m going to clean it later, anyway,” she said, brushing aside my look of feigned shock. “Have you not, you know.” She pumped her fists together and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“Hmmm,” Peta said.
“Hmmm, what?”
She held up her hand innocently. “Nothing, just hmmm. And why do you think that is, Miss Greer? Or, is it Mrs Lees again? I noticed the ring.”
My ring shone brightly and I twisted it around my finger. It was a pretty ring, not your usual engagement style. It was rose gold, set with rubies. It was Derek’s grandmother’s and meant a lot to his family.
“I thought having him back is what you wanted?” she said when I didn’t reply.
“It was. It is.” It was hard to explain how I was feeling. I loved Derek, I really did, despite everything he had done. It would be so easy to simply fall back into the way things were before, but there was that constant nagging in my mind, reminding me of what he had done. Who he had done. And then there was Gabe. Despite my efforts, I couldn’t shake him from my mind even though I knew it was foolishness. “I’m just really confused.”
Peta slipped off the counter and wrapped her arms around me. “It’s okay,” she said. “You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to make him wait. You’re allowed to refuse, if you want. You just make sure you do what you want to do and not listen to what anyone else wants.” She pulled back and held me at arm’s length. “I will always be on your side, no matter what. Okay?”
I smiled. “Okay.”
“Much better.” Peta straightened her apron. “Looks like we’ve got customers.” She nodded to where a group of drunken young people were staring in the window. My heart leapt into my throat when I saw one of them was Gabe with his arm wrapped around Haleigh, the bikini-clad girl from the beach. Drew’s ex.
Gabe presse
d his forehead against the glass. “You still open?” he yelled.
“Not for the likes of you, Gabe Thornton.” Peta laughed. “And take your sticky head off my clean windows!”
Gabe jerked his head off the window and stumbled backwards so Drew had to steady both him and Haleigh.
“Oh great,” Peta said, shaking her head. “He’s off his face. This should be interesting.”
Gabe and his entourage spilled through the door. “Hey buddy,” he said, looking over at me. “Having a good night?” I ignored him and turned away. Gabe clapped and rubbed his hands together. “What shall we have, people? My shout.”
Peta keyed the orders and I began making the drinks. Gabe stood, his arm slung around Haleigh, watching me. “Not too hot, remember,” he said, leaning over the counter. “I don’t want a burned tongue. I’ve got to put it to good use later.” He drew Haleigh close to him and kissed her. I stared at the milk frothing about the jug and tried not to let the jealousy that rose from the pit of my stomach show on my expression. He was playing games that I didn’t want to play. “I’ll bring them over,” I said, without looking up.
“Sorry.” Drew stood in front of me. “I tried to stop him coming here, but there’s no reasoning with him when he gets like this.”
I shrugged and plastered on a smile. “It’s none of my concern.”
Drew’s expression told me he knew otherwise.
“But how do you feel about it all?” I nodded to where Haleigh was sitting on Gabe’s knee.
“Over it.” He shrugged. “Gabe’s rather persistent when he wants something, even if his methods are a little off.”
I just raised an eyebrow and finished making the orders. I wasn’t sure if he was referring to Haleigh or me. Drew helped to take the drinks over to the table. Haleigh was still on Gabe’s knee, which he jiggled violently, causing her over-exposed breasts to wobble. She wrapped her arm around his neck and looked up at me, blinking not so innocently.