The Good Guy on my Porch (Catalpa Creek #3)

by Katharine Sadler

  A noise from next door made me look that way and I saw Sandra on her porch. She blew me a kiss of support, her expression sad. I scanned the block, but it looked like she’d been the only one out for the show.

  “Come on, Buddy. Let’s go inside. We can watch Benji again.”

  Buddy hopped up and stiffly followed me in. I watched him settle in his dog bed and then I flipped on the T.V. to his favorite show. I dug my cell phone out of my bag and I called someone who wasn’t my favorite person but was the person I most needed at the moment.

  “Dilly?” Lance said. “What’s up? Is something wrong with Carrie?”

  “No.” Lance was a good guy, a better friend to Carrie than I was, which was probably the only reason I disliked him. Other than the fact that he and I had similar taste in men and he’d stolen a guy I’d been crushing on at the club more than once. “It’s time, Lance. I’m ready.”

  “Really? Are you sure? Because I saw your face before your bungee jump last month and I don’t think—”

  “I’m ready. Set it up.”

  “I can probably get us in on Monday,” he said. “I’ll check and let you know.”

  “Thank you, Lance. I’m sorry I’ve been kind of jerky to you.”

  “Whatever. I’ll call you when it’s set.”

  Lance’s cousin worked at a small airport on the other side of the mountains, and Lance and I had often contemplated visiting him there and taking his class. I’d always chickened out and Lance didn’t want to do it alone, but I was finally ready. I was going to skydive and prove I wasn’t afraid of anything. Not a single, damn thing.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Oscar

  I hadn’t seen Dilly for two days, hadn’t had her in my arms or in my bed, and I missed her so much it physically hurt. I’d considered going over and knocking on her door more than once. The problem was, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if she might be right. I might not be ready to accept the demands her mother made on her time. I might not be able to handle a girlfriend who could never travel with me.

  “Hey, boss,” Millie said when I stepped into the salt spa. I was running late and was exhausted. It had only been a week, but I didn’t sleep as well without Dilly in my bed. “Everyone’s already here for the meditation class.”

  I rubbed a hand over my face. “I forgot we added another class. We’ll give them this one free, since I’m late.”

  She nodded. “You okay, boss? You’re looking rough this morning.”

  Millie was a good receptionist, a hard worker, and the bluntest person I knew. “Nope. Got dumped.”

  She nodded, lips pursed. “I heard. Sorry, boss. If she couldn’t see how great you are, she doesn’t deserve you.”

  I tried to smile but couldn’t manage it. “I should get in there.” I dropped my bag behind the desk, slipped off my shoes and went into the largest salt room in the place. It was colorful and cavernous and felt like walking into an actual cave. I was really proud of it.

  “Hey, everyone,” I said. “I’m sorry I’m late. This class will be free of charge. Please see Millie for refunds and coupons after class.”

  The ten people in the room cheered. I sat in front of them and got to work instructing them on technique and guiding them through a meditation. In the quiet moments, my mind wandered back to Dilly. I couldn’t help wondering if her mother was manipulating her, if she was forcing Dilly to stay in town through guilt and faked melt-downs. It was an uncharitable thought. Obviously, the woman was ill, but how was it healthy for Dilly to so completely give up her own life for her mother?

  Until I had a solution worked out in my head, I couldn’t go to Dilly and honestly say that we should be together. So, I’d spent the previous evening researching anxiety and paranoia, and I’d been trying to understand what her mother might be going through, to figure out a way to make this work for all of us.

  Even as I was researching though, I couldn’t help wondering if I was wasting my time. Dilly had never said she loved me, and her mother’s illness might have just been an excuse to get out of a relationship that wasn’t right for her.

  “Oscar?” Mary said from the back of the room. “Are we finished?”

  I glanced at my watch, surprised to see so much time had passed. “Yes. We’re finished. Don’t forget to see Millie about those refunds.”

  Everyone shuffled out and I watched them go, my mind shifting back to thoughts of Dilly, of the way she’d smiled at me, the way she’d kissed me. She’d been happy. I knew she was.

  “Oscar,” Mary said. She put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m great. How are you?”

  She frowned. “I mean how are you doing with the break-up?”

  I knew Mary was a good person, but I wasn’t dumb enough to give her anything for the gossip mill. Dilly didn’t need anyone talking about her in a negative way. “I’m really fine, Mary. Dilly and I were good friends before we dated and we both decided, mutually, that we’re better as friends. Dating was an experiment, but it didn’t work out for us. No big deal.”

  Her frown deepened. “That’s too bad. I think Dilly could really use someone like you in her life. Especially now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She shook her head and patted my shoulder. “I’ll see you next week for class.”

  She left, and I watched her go. Was Dilly okay? Had something happened? I hurried out to the reception desk and my cell phone in my bag, but I stopped myself before I brought up her contact information. She didn’t want my help, she’d made that abundantly clear.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Dilly

  “Why are you doing this?” Lance asked. “Does it have anything to do with you and Oscar breaking up?”

  I stared out the windshield of Lance’s car as he drove over the mountains. Why did it still hurt so much to hear Oscar’s name? It had been four days since we’d broken up and I’d never been sad about any relationship more than twenty-four hours. That was my allotted allowed wallow time. I loved him, more than I’d ever loved anyone, but I’d made the right choice. I’d made the sacrifice, I’d given up what I wanted to protect both of us. Why did doing the right thing have to hurt so much? “Oscar and I weren’t that serious,” I said. I’d heard from Mary exactly what he’d said about our break up and it seemed like a good story to me. She’d said he’d looked great, happy, not broken up at all. I was happy for him. Really. It was better that he could forget me so easily. He deserved to be happy. “I just decided I’ve put off jumping out of a plane for long enough.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t get why you do this stuff. I can see it terrifies you, and you don’t even look happy after. It’s not like you get a real charge from the adrenaline rush.”

  And this was the other reason I didn’t like Lance. He was too perceptive and, when he thought he was onto something, he didn’t let it go. He was thoroughly obnoxious that way. “I’m a masochist. I’d totally be down with S & M, but there’s not a scene in Catalpa Creek.”

  He laughed. “Bullshit. You cried last year when you fell and skinned your knee outside Philistine’s.”

  “I’d had a drink too many. Everyone gets weepy when they’re drunk.”

  “You were totally sober when you got that paper cut at Willow’s flipping through a romance book about BDSM. You insisted Willow bandage your paper cut and you didn’t buy the book. You told Carrie that paper cut was all the BDSM you could handle.”

  Damn Carrie and her big mouth. She thought that story was hilarious and told it every time we all got together for drinks. “Fine, so I’m not a masochist. I just like to prove to myself I can do something that scares me.”

  “I get that. Do you have to be so extreme about it, though? Carrie is going to kill me if you don’t make it safely to the ground.”

  “Does that happen?” I asked, my heart pumping a bit harder. “I mean everyone survives, right?”

  “Mostly everyone. Your chan
ces of dying are about 1 in 100,000.”

  “So, of every 100,000 people who skydive, one person dies?”

  “That’s what it means, yes. Rethinking this?”

  “Nope.” I would prove to Oscar and everyone else that I wasn’t afraid of anything. I wasn’t hiding. I was living, experiencing every moment to the fullest.

  Before I was ready, I was being strapped into some sort of rigging I was too nervous to remember the name of and climbing into the plane behind Lance. I would be tandem jumping, holding onto someone else, which meant, if I freaked out, I’d take her down with me.

  The plane flew way too quickly to the necessary altitude. I was connected to my partner, but my vision was going blurry, my mouth was dry, and my heart was pumping so hard I couldn’t catch my breath.

  I watched Lance and his partner leap from the plane, but I couldn’t see them falling, couldn’t see them over the lip of the plane floor. Then my instructor tried to step us toward the door, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. Oscar was right. I was afraid. I was afraid of loving him, because that meant it would hurt to lose him. I couldn’t lose him, couldn’t lose anyone else I loved. I’d meant to never let myself care about anyone enough that losing them could really hurt me, but he’d slipped through my defenses. He’d lulled me into thinking he was just another guy, when he was everything. He was all I wanted and all I could never have and jumping out of a plane would prove nothing. It wouldn’t prove that I’d never become like my mother, wouldn’t give me the license to take a risk on Oscar when it would be his life I was risking. I never wanted to be a burden on anyone, I never wanted to trap anyone else the way my mother had trapped me. The thought stung in its harshness, but I couldn’t take it back. I loved my mother and I would do anything for her, but I didn’t love the restrictions her illness had put on my life especially since she was even more miserable than I was and nothing I did ever really helped her.

  “It’s okay,” my instructor said in a soothing voice. “Just step to the door and we’ll jump through together.”

  “No,” I said, my fear fading. “I don’t want to do this.” I really didn’t. And not just because I was scared, but because what sane person ever really wanted to jump out of a plane?

  “It will be fine,” she said. “I promise.”

  “I won’t ask for my money back. I just don’t want to do this.” Because it would prove nothing. Overcoming my fear of jumping out of a plane in no way improved my life on the ground. Oscar was right, I wasn’t living and I was afraid. Acknowledging my fear changed nothing. I couldn’t leave my mother, because what scared me most was losing her the way I’d lost my father, was letting her down and being the cause of her death. I couldn’t date Oscar because he deserved better, but I could accept I was afraid.

  My tandem partner sighed, but she didn’t argue anymore. She unhooked us from each other and told the pilot to land the plane. I sighed with relief. I was so looking forward to getting back to the ground and safety, but I wasn’t looking forward to facing reality. I couldn’t fix my fear with bungee jumping or sky-diving, I could only fix it by letting people in, by letting someone close, and I would never do that to anyone I cared about. I just couldn’t drag them into my world.

  The plane eventually landed, and I’d never been happier to get back on solid ground. Lance ran over to me, his grin so wide it threatened to split his face. “That was amazing,” he shouted. He wrapped his arms around me and jumped me up and down. “I am so high on adrenaline right now.”

  I laughed with him, but I didn’t regret my choice. I was glad he’d had fun, but I had no desire to get back in that plane and jump. He set me down on my feet and sobered. “Why didn’t you jump?”

  I shrugged. “I decided you were right. Jumping out of an airplane isn’t going to fix my problems and it isn’t going to prove anything that really matters. And I really, really didn’t want to do it.”

  He beamed. “Can you say that again?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You were right.”

  He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight against his side. “Whaddya say we go home and hit Pasta Warehouse for Mimosas and lunch?”

  “That sounds amazing.”

  We walked back to the hangar, where we got out of our gear and Lance picked up the photos and video he’d had made of his jump. His expression in the photo was amazing, excitement and wonder mixed with abject terror. “I’m framing this and hanging it on the center of my living room wall,” he said as we walked to his car.

  “What was it like?” I set my purse on the floorboard and climbed in.

  “It was like falling so fast it felt like my lungs were outside my body,” he said as he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. “Then the parachute popped, and we started floating down to earth so slowly. It was like flying. And the views…” He shook his head. “I could do that every day and it would never get old. Never.”

  “That sounds amazing.”

  He glanced over at me. “Regretting you didn’t jump?”

  “Not even a little bit.”

  “So, this means you won’t be dragging me and Carrie out for hang gliding or para-sailing or anything like that?”

  “Nope. I’m going to admit that I prefer to have both feet firmly on the ground and I’m going to be okay with that. It’s a perfectly sane response.”

  He grinned.

  My phone chirped from my bag and I pulled it out to see a new text from my aunt asking where the hell I was. My heart sank. My aunt had gotten in late the night before and I hadn’t seen her, yet. If she was asking where I was, it meant something was wrong with my mother.

  The long list of missed texts and phone calls meant there was something seriously wrong. “I need to make a quick call,” I said.

  “Go ahead. I’m just reveling in my post-jump glory. I should have done this years ago instead of waiting for you.”

  “Especially since you didn’t need my support at all.”

  “I was glad to have you there, though,” he said with a warm smile.

  Was I actually becoming friends with Lance? “I want to see that video later, since I couldn’t see your jump from the plane.”

  I dialed my aunt and put the phone to my ear. As much as I didn’t want to jump out of a plane, I’d rather be free falling through the air than making that phone call.

  “Dilly. Where are you?”

  “I’m on the other side of the mountains. About an hour out. What’s going on?”

  “It’s my fault. Mary wanted to visit your mother. Everything was going fine, until your mom asked where you were, why you weren’t with us. She said she had a bad feeling and that bad feeling grew to her believing we were there without you because we were going to trick her into going to that home in New England. I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer and then she went totally…” Aunt Mellie sighed. “Her usual mega meltdown.”

  I felt sick. I was going to be sick. “Was Mary there for all of it?”

  “Yes, dear. I’m so sorry, Dilly, but we’ve kept your mother’s secret long enough.”

  “Let me talk to Mom.” I listened as my aunt walked through the apartment, her heels clicking firmly on the floor.

  “Dilly?” My mother’s voice was raspy. She sounded broken and scared and desperate.

  “It’s me, Momma. I’m sorry I missed your call. I was at the movies with Carrie and had my phone set to silent.” I ignored the look from Lance, but I could feel it burning the side of my face.

  “I was so worried,” she said. “Can you come over? I need to see you. I need to know you’re all right.”

  I racked my brain, but it was as sluggish as my body and in total freak out mode. If Mary knew about my mother, the whole town would know by tomorrow and my peace would be shattered. It would be like my father had died all over again, the pitying looks, the careful words, like the wrong thing said would break me. “I’m…I’m babysitting, Momma. I can’t leave the kids until Carrie gets back. I’ll
come see you the minute she gets back, okay?”

  “Can you call her, Dilly? I need to see you, now.”

  “There was a crisis at the Inn. They need Carrie’s help and she can’t leave until everything’s been resolved. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  She gasped, and I regretted my choice of words. “A crisis? Is it Nora? I’ve had such a bad feeling that something terrible was going to happen.”

  “Nora’s fine, Mom. It was a burst pipe. Everything’s fine. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Okay,” she said, calming a bit. “Don’t rush. Make sure you’re careful getting here.”

  “I’ll be careful. I have to go. The kids need their lunch.”

  I hung up and breathed deep through my nose, trying to settle my roiling stomach and calm my racing heart, but I couldn’t calm down. Everything was going to change and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. Vaguely, I heard Lance saying my name, but he sounded really far away, and my vision was going cloudy.

  A hand pushed my head down between my knees. “Slow deep breaths, sweetie,” Lance said. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  I felt better with my head down. I followed his advice and took slow, deep breaths. “I’m okay,” I said after a few moments. “I’m better.”

  He lifted his hand and I sat up to see him kneeling next to me. My door was open, and we were parked on the shoulder of the road. “We’re stopped?” I asked, my panic returning. “We need to go. I need to get to my mom.”

  He put his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay,” he said in a calm voice. “I’ll get you to her, but right now you need to focus on you. Are you okay?”

  “I’m okay. Just freaking out.”

  He smiled. “No kidding.”

  I smiled weakly back. “Can we talk while you drive? I really do need to get to Mom.”