Walking on Air

by Catherine Anderson

  “You play beautifully,” Pop told Laney between songs. “This is the nicest evening, not to mention holiday, I’ve had since I lost my wife and kids.” A moment later he was smothered by hugs from Nan and Laney. Christopher wormed an arm through feminine bodies and took the old man’s hand, and Gabe grinned across their heads at him. Tyke winked at him.

  Gabe thought everything about this night was beautiful. It was, hands down, the most perfect in his memory. He only wished he could be here next Christmas, and then the Christmas after that, long enough to learn the words to all the songs and be able to belt them out with confidence. It wasn’t easy for him to be satisfied with only this one evening, only this one month.

  Okay, it was impossible. He wasn’t satisfied. Being grateful and being satisfied were, he was learning, a hell of a long way from each other. He truly was grateful for the time he’d been granted. But it wasn’t long enough. A lifetime of this sort of happiness wouldn’t be long enough.

  • • •

  Nan pushed all thought of what would come in the morning from her mind, determined to make this Christmas Eve wonderful in every way. As she handed out her gifts to everyone, her heart ached, but she didn’t allow that to show in her expression or in her manner. Gabriel. Whenever he wasn’t looking, she feasted her gaze on him, memorizing little details that she would be able to hold close to her heart later if she lost him. The gleam of his black hair in the candlelight as he bent his head to unwrap the harmonica Laney had gotten for him. The deep, rich sound of his laughter after he blew on the instrument and made a horrid noise. The graceful movement of his large hands, which she’d once likened to paws but now knew were capable of incredible gentleness. And the way she got lost in the dark brown depths of his eyes when he met her gaze.

  “My belly tells me it’s time for dessert!” he announced after everyone had opened their presents. “I’ve got my name on two of those sticky rolls, and the peach pie is all mine.”

  “Nuh-uh!” Christopher abandoned his harmonica to follow Gabe into the kitchen. “I ain’t never tasted peach pie!”

  Nan wasn’t sure she could eat, but after making a sample plate for Tyke, she fixed one for herself and sat beside the old man on the settee to pretend she was nibbling.

  “Thank you so much for bringing me here,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion.

  Earlier, Tyke had removed his sack coat, revealing the sleeves of the once white shirt he wore under his waistcoat. Once white were the key words. The cloth had gone yellow with age. Nan decided she would be quite busy over the coming weeks fashioning new garments for Laney and Christopher’s honorary grandfather.

  “I am delighted to have you here,” she assured him.

  “I’m thinking I need to go on home once I finish dessert. You’re very kind to make me feel like part of your family, Nan, but the truth is, you don’t have room for me here.”

  “Nonsense! Gabriel and I have worked it all out. For tonight, you shall sleep in our bed. Tomorrow evening we must empty my upstairs workroom. It is just at the end of the hall, and it’s plenty large enough for two single beds. You and Christopher will have to share the space, but with all the shelving for storage, I think it will work out nicely. Don’t even think about going back to that empty house. I won’t allow it. We’ve all decided to keep you!”

  He laughed and shook his head. “I’m not taking your bed. Until three weeks ago, I slept in a chair every night.”

  Nan leaned close. “Oh, please do take our bed. Gabriel and I are hoping for an excuse to sneak away downstairs for—” Nan broke off, not quite crediting that she was about to say such a thing. Her cheeks went fiery hot. The long-unused laugh lines at the corners of Tyke’s eyes deepened, but he managed to keep a straight face. She floundered ahead. “Well, we are newly married, and with children in the house, we get little privacy. You understand?”

  Tyke grinned around a mouthful of apple pie. After chewing and swallowing, he replied, “So my staying tonight will give you a reason to sneak out?”

  “Precisely,” Nan agreed. “And I shan’t have to worry about Laney waking up from a bad dream, because you shall be here to comfort her.”

  “All right, you’ve twisted my arm enough,” he said with a chuckle. Then his expression went serious. “I’m told that your husband must take a dangerous walk right before dawn.”

  Nan’s heart caught. “Who told you?”

  “At first I got the information by eavesdropping on a conversation between Laney and Christopher. She was explaining what Gabe had meant on my porch when he said he’d seen me through the clouds.” Tyke shrugged. “Then, with some leading questions, I got the story firsthand from her.”

  “And you don’t believe a word of it?” Nan asked tightly.

  Tyke gazed at the flickering candles on the Christmas tree for a long moment. “Actually, I have good reason to believe all of it.” He sent Nan a solemn glance. “But that’s a story for later. I think you should herd us all off to bed to dream about Santa Claus leaving gifts in socks while you spend what remains of the night with your husband.”

  Nan took Tyke’s advice to heart and went to her workroom to collect enough quilts to make her and Gabriel a pallet downstairs.

  • • •

  Nan expected the next several hours to be the most torturous of her life, but somehow Gabriel made them the most precious. After placing lighted candles in strategic places around the shop and drawing all the curtains closed, he took Nan into his arms to waltz to music they heard only in their hearts. He looked so handsome in the crimson shirt she’d made for him that merely admiring him took Nan’s breath away. Oh, how she loved this man.

  As they whirled slowly around the shop, Nan tilted her head back to smile up at him. “How did you do this to me, Gabriel Valance?”

  His strong white teeth flashed in a crooked grin. Nan traced every line of his dark face, committing each to memory. “What exactly are you accusing me of doing to you, Mrs. Valance?”

  “You stole my broken heart,” she murmured, “and then you relentlessly mended all the cracks so none of the marvelous feelings you’ve given me can ever leak out.”

  “Ah, Nan.” His gaze clung to hers. “Have I really filled your heart with marvelous feelings?”

  “So many marvelous feelings that I’ve lost count.”

  “What about in the morning? Will you have no regrets then?”

  The very thought of that broke Nan’s heart all over again, but she was determined not to spoil what might be their final evening together. He knew without words from her how shattered and utterly devastated she would be when she lost him. Please, God, don’t take him from me. Please don’t. “You have been a gift in my life, Gabriel, a perfect and precious gift. I will never regret a single moment that I’ve had with you.”

  He hunched his shoulders and gathered her close against him as he led her into yet another slow turn. “I’ll never regret a single moment, either. I just wish I didn’t have to leave you.”

  Nan squeezed her eyes closed. Pain lanced through her chest. It felt as if steel claws were shredding her heart. “Please, Gabriel, let us not speak of that just yet. I am not strong like you are, I’m afraid, and I fear I shall get weepy and cling to you with such ferocity that you won’t be able to leave the shop at the designated time.”

  “I’m not strong,” he said, his voice raspy next to her ear, the rumble of each word moving through the wall of his chest to vibrate into her body. “Truth is, I’m a coward, so afraid I’ll lose control that I’ve chosen to pretend it won’t happen instead of facing it.”

  “Maybe it won’t,” she whispered, wishing with every ounce of her being that it could be true.

  His arms tightened around her with almost crushing strength. “Let’s pretend this is the first night of the rest of our lives,” he said firmly.

  Then he swept her up into his arms a
nd carried her to the pallet, where he reverently divested her of her clothing and made love to her. Nan allowed herself to float into paradise with him, glorying in every touch of his hands on her skin, losing herself in every deep kiss, and spinning with him through starlit blackness when their passions peaked.

  Afterward, they clung to each other beneath the quilts. Nan felt drained. At any other time, she knew she would be limp with exhaustion. But nerves and irrepressible dread kept her body taut, her heart racing, and her lungs aching with sobs she refused to release.

  As if he sensed her desperation, Gabriel simply held her for a long while. Then he finally spoke. “Where is the Pinkerton report?”

  “It’s back on the shelf where you first hid it.”

  “I thought I told you to hide it someplace safe where you’ll be sure to come across it? If the angels erase your memory of me, I want you to find that document and read it so you’ll know a murder charge isn’t hanging over your head.”

  “I’ll find it there, because I dust the shelves once a month.”

  “Oh.” He chuckled. “Of course you do. It’s the perfect hiding place.”

  “And if those angels rob me of my memory of you, they are Satan’s handymen, not God our Father’s.”

  He drew the quilts close around them to create a cocoon of warmth.

  Nan kissed him on the neck. “You’ve yet to give me my other gift,” she said.

  He arched a dark brow at her. “Pardon me?”

  “The long, slender box. I saw you with it yesterday. You gave nothing shaped like that to anyone. I can only assume it was a gift for me, and you’re waiting to hand it over!”

  He laughed. Then his smile faded. “Ah, that gift. It’s nothing to do with me, Nan. That one’s from Santa, and when you find it tomorrow, be sure to read the letter he left for you inside the box.”

  Nan’s chest tightened. She had never believed in Santa Claus and wasn’t about to begin now. Only somehow she suddenly yearned to believe. Santa Claus was magical, and she was in frantic need of a little magic just then. “Where do you suppose Santa hid that box?”

  “Out by the woodpile.” There was no glimmer of laughter in his dark eyes when he met her gaze. “When the fires burn low, you or Laney or Christopher will be sure to find it. Save the letter, Nan. Keep it in a safe place. You’ll have that to remember me by.”

  Nan couldn’t bear this a moment longer. She could already feel the pain of losing him tearing through her. Robbed of the ability to speak, she sought solace in his strong arms. He made love to her again, this time with an almost frantic urgency, and afterward, as they lay with their limbs intertwined, Nan felt a tear slip down his cheek.

  Or was it a tear slipping down her own? Silent heartache. Though no clock sat in her workroom, she could hear the seconds ticking past inside her mind. “What time is it now?” she asked him.

  He groped for his jeans and pulled out his pocket watch. After he flipped it open, he stared at the face for several seconds. “Two,” he finally told her.

  The next time Nan asked, he checked his watch and whispered, “Three.”

  Her voice sounded thin, hollow, and unfamiliar when she said, “You must leave at four.”

  “Yes.” That was all he said for several minutes. Then he broke the silence. “Will you do something for me, Nan?”

  “Anything,” she whispered. “Absolutely anything.”

  “When I start my walk up the street, will you stand at the window?”

  Tears burned like liquid fire in her eyes. “Oh, Gabriel.”

  “Please, Nan. It’s important to me. Last time, your sweet face . . . Well, seeing you there, my beautiful angel at the window, it helped somehow. Promise me you’ll be there again so I can see you?”

  Nan wanted to say that she would be out in the street, holding tight to him and walking right along with him. But she knew he would protest if she revealed that wish. Gabriel wouldn’t want her out there. He’d worry about her safety, for one, and he’d also want her to be at a distance when he drew his last breath, which he believed would spare her some of the ugliness.

  “I will be there; I promise,” she whispered.

  His arms trembled as he hugged her close. “It doesn’t hurt,” he told her. “If they let you remember anything, try to remember that. I felt no pain. And I’m not afraid.”

  Nan figured she was terrified enough for both of them. Gabriel had told her at Baden’s house that nothing and nobody could interfere with the angels’ plans. Was she really so foolish as to think that a woman’s plot to save her husband could thwart fate?

  When it came time for Gabriel to dress, Nan threw on her nightgown and wrapper so she could help fasten the buttons of his new red shirt and then smooth down his collar. Her hands shook, revealing the intensity of her emotions, but she strove to keep her eyes dry and to smile, which might possibly be her final gift to him.

  He reached for his guns on the table, then stopped as he heard someone on the stairs. Laney burst into the room, and ran to him. She flung her arms around him, nearly strangling him with the intensity of her grip. Her shoulders shook, but she made no sound. Then, as suddenly as she’d appeared, she was gone. They heard her muffled sobs as she raced back up the narrow stairs.

  Gabe picked up his gun belt. Nan saw him hesitate, and then he laid it back on the table.

  “What?” she whispered.

  “I’m not wearing them,” he said hoarsely. “Not this time.” His firm mouth tipped into a travesty of a grin. “No snakes out there to shoot, only a boy with more guts than brains.”

  That boy meant to kill her husband. Pete Raintree. Nan had grown to detest that name. She wondered where the fellow was right now. Was he already hiding in the shadows? Or had he taken a room at the hotel, where he could watch for Gabriel to step out into the street?

  Gabriel tipped his hat onto his dark head. After adjusting the brim, he touched it in a final salute to her. “You’re one hell of a lady, Nan Valance. The greatest honor—and pleasure—of my whole life has been to be your husband.”

  Nan fought for control, but her eyes filled with tears anyway. “I love you so very much. Don’t go out there, Gabriel. He can’t shoot you if you stay in here with me. Please don’t go!”

  Nan winced at the hysteria in her voice. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t do this to him. For Gabriel, walking out that door would be difficult enough without tearful pleas from her.

  “I can’t hide from God, Nan. Nobody can.” He drew her into his arms and murmured against her hair, “This is foreordained. And tears can’t save me.”

  “What can? Something has to! What can?” She heard herself practically screaming and managed to bite down on bubbling hysteria.

  “Pray for me,” he said thickly. “If anyone’s prayers go directly to God’s ears, I’m certain yours do. So just pray. Maybe your voice will ring through heaven with such force that the gates will swing wide-open for me this time.”

  Nan couldn’t pray for him to go to heaven, not when she so desperately needed him to stay here on earth. Somehow she walked with him across the shop. Somehow she stood at the door to bid him a final farewell. Somehow she didn’t sob when he kissed her deeply.

  “Don’t say good-bye.” He straightened and smiled down at her. In the flickering candlelight, he looked so beautiful to her—tall, dark, wonderful, her beloved Gabriel, the man who’d given her the priceless gift of laughter. “I can do everything else, Nan, but I don’t think I can stand hearing you say that word.”

  She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. He turned, hesitated, and turned back to flash her one last grin. “Don’t forget your present from Santa. I love you, Nan.” His smile held fast. “Watch my face as I say that. I love you, Nan.” He paused. “Are my brows twitching?”

  She shook her head.

  “Am I shifty eyed?”
<
br />   She managed another shake.

  “Do you believe that I mean it, deep in your heart?”

  She couldn’t speak, so she nodded. He seemed to understand.

  A long look. A kiss. Another long look. Then he left the shop and closed the door softly behind him.

  Sobbing, Nan ran from window to window to tear open the curtains. But by the time she could see out, Gabriel had already vanished. She ran to fetch a candle and set it on the windowsill, telling herself that she would stand there so he could see her. She’d promised, and it was a vow she meant to keep.

  Clasping her hands over her heart, she trembled with trepidation. Where was he now? At the saloon? Was he just now ordering a bottle of whiskey? Was he thinking of her? Or was he thinking of the bullet that would soon be buried in his chest? Nan had never felt so helpless. How could she stand here and do nothing while some no-account killed the only man she’d ever loved?

  “No,” she whispered. “No, no, no! I need him. We need him. And he needs us. Oh, please, no.”

  Nan prayed as she’d never prayed, the words disjointed in her mind, one thought breaking short and going in circles just as another took shape. Then, as suddenly as if someone had shouted it out loud, it came to her.

  God helps those who help themselves.

  With a gasp, Nan bolted across the stretch of floor to her workroom archway to stare at the guns Gabriel had left on her project table.

  Chapter Twenty

  Everything is pretty much the same as last time, Gabe thought. Or was it? As he crossed the saloon to stand at the bar, he couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was slightly off somehow. Had there been so many men inside the establishment the last time? Gabe hadn’t taken a head count that first morning, but now several of the tables had a couple of fellows seated at them. Strange. It was just after four o’clock in the morning. Very few people were normally still drinking at this hour. They’d either passed out or they’d gone home to sleep. And to top it off, it was Christmas morning. Didn’t these fellows have families?