“What did you say was the name of the place where he worked again?” Kait asked.
“Mangus Enterprises in Boston. I think it’s an financial management firm in Boston. I’ll have to look it up. He said he was in Human Resources. But he’s thinking about moving to New York.”
“Heck, then he’d be right near us. He’ll come around, Mom. You’ll see.” Always the optimist, my Erin.
Chapter 34
Jame started a round of chemo in August and was too sick and weak from it for us to go ahead with our wedding plans. He would have a three-week break in the middle of September so we chose September 24th and arranged for a local minister to come to our house for our vows.
As I watched him go through chemo, I saw his indomitable inner strength. It was not a pleasant experience and it wiped him out, but he kept walking and trying to exercise. He wasn’t able to work during this time and I took on very few assignments so I could spend all my time with him.
I heard back from Michael, a text that he was interviewing for a job in New York at the end of September and that he would stay in touch. I told Jame and the girls his news and we hoped that he would come sooner rather then later.
“Why don’t you just invite Michael to the wedding? Does he even know you and Jame are getting married?” Kait wanted to know.
“I didn’t tell him, sweetie. He’s still hasn’t committed to getting to know us all better and I think it would be pushing it to invite him to his parents’ wedding. Awkward, don’t you think?”
Erin chimed in. “Well, he should get off his ass and make a decision!”
“Just give him time, Erin.”
“Yeah well, what if Jame doesn’t have much time? Oh, I’m so sorry I said that, Mom!”
“It’s OK, sweetie. It is something I think about. Scares the hell out of me.”
“I think someone should kick Michael in the rear and get him off his duff. That’s all.”
Jame said he needed me to come with him to sign some legal papers his lawyer had prepared for him. I thought I was going as some sort of witness.
Once we got there I found out how much love my dear almost-husband had for the children and me.
His lawyer, Seth Goldman, outlined the whole thing. Jame wanted a new Will made up, naming me, his wife, as executor and beneficiary of his estate. He also included Erin and Kaitlin and Michael as equal beneficiaries.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Well my old one left everything to my mother. It’s not what I would want if something happened to me like a car accident or something.”
Or something. He also had a medical Power of Attorney leaving me to make medical decisions for him and a Living Will that outlined what quality of life he wanted if the decisions needed to be made. I had such a lump in my throat as I signed the papers. He was turning his whole life over to me.
“Hey Cath, you know you need to do this too in case of a car accident or something.”
Or something. “I will, Jame. I’ll get right on it. It makes sense that we both get this in place.”
As September 24th, approached our little wedding didn’t take much planning. I ordered lunch to be delivered from our favorite restaurant and the minister would show up.
The only disappointment was not hearing much from Michael. It seems that we would marry without his father meeting him. I was so sad for Jame.
But he would have no sadness! Jame joked around, got some of his energy back, and shaved his head bald because some of his hair was falling out anyway and he claimed he wanted a ‘new look.’
“I’ve wanted this cool bald look for such a long time but my hair was too thick. Now I can do it. Don’t you love me bald, Cath?”
I have to admit, it was a good look once I got used to it.
Jame insisted on a wedding cake and that he would take care of ordering it. Erin and Kait teased him mercilessly about the cake design insisting he would put a basketball theme on it. Jame said to wait and see.
Things started getting more festive around the house. Three days before the wedding, Kait called from school and said she and Erin were going on a road trip to visit a friend at another college, but they promised to be home by Friday night.
“Crazy kids! They better be back by Friday. I’ll kill them if they’re not.”
“No you won’t kill them, Cath, because then we would have NO ONE AT OUR WEDDING!” Jame grabbed me around the waist and swung me around the kitchen. He was getting his strength back and it felt so good!
We made sweet, sweet love that night.
Friday night came quickly and Kait called to say they were almost home and did we have anything to eat they were starving. I quickly ordered pizzas and chaos reigned as the girls arrived home at the same time as the pizza delivery guy.
Jame opened the door with money for the pizza, and Erin and Kait pulled in the driveway beeping their horn. I came to help carry the pizza in as Jame finished paying the delivery boy and glanced at the girls getting out of the car. Only there weren’t two getting out of the car, there were three. A very tall body unfolded itself from the back seat and my heart leapt into my throat.
Kait and Erin giddily ran up to us dropping kisses on our cheeks with a “Hi Mom! Hi Jame! We’re home!” while Jame confusedly watched the newcomer. As he came into the light, Michael gave me a wave and said, “Hi Mom! You did tell me my sisters were a lot of fun, right?” I almost dropped the pizza.
Jame stood still, reality not really registering for him yet. Michael approached him, “Hi, um, Dad? Holy shit, you look just like me!”
Erin and Kait pulled us all inside, with both of them talking at once about how they drove to Boston to yank Michael’s sorry ass and bring him home for the wedding. Jame still stood there not saying a word yet, staring at Michael.
Erin snapped her fingers in front of Jame’s face. “Earth to Jame. Come in please. Yes, come here please and meet your son.”
“It is so freaky how much you two look alike,” Kait laughed shifting her gaze from Michael to Jame and back again. I was still holding on to the pizzas when Erin took them out of my hand and made Jame and me sit down at the table.
“God, we’ll never eat if you guys can’t get it together.”
“Michael…son, it’s great to see you.” Jame finally spoke. He looked like he was witnessing a miracle, which we were! My heart was overflowing to see all the happiness here tonight. He reached out his hand and our son grabbed it in a hearty handshake. They grinned at each other.
The kids all dug into the pizza with Michael complaining about Erin’s driving and how they wouldn’t stop for any food for him. They drove all the way from Boston like that and got to know each other very well apparently. Jame’s eyes stayed glued on Michael.
“Jame, I think you’re freaking Michael out. Stop staring!” Erin play-slapped Jame’s bald head.
But Michael was staring too. And his grin lit up his entire face.
“How did you girls find Michael?” I wanted to hear this.
“Mom, do you realize how easy it is to find someone on the Internet? You told us his name and where he worked. We called him and said we wanted to meet him and that we’d be at his office on Thursday after he got off work. We went out for dinner and voila! Here we are.”
Michael finally opened his mouth. “Yeah, they said they only wanted an hour of my time but they double-teamed me with a guilt trip until I said I would come with them.”
“What? Guilt trip? More like we kicked your ass to make you realize how much you were missing out on,” Kait yelled.
“Thank you so much, Erin and Kait, for bringing Michael home to us,” Jame teared up a little.
“No problemo, Dad, “Erin answered. “Just one big happy family!”
Jame broke down as we lay in bed, arms wrapped around each other. His tears fell for a long time with no words spoken. I just held on to him as tight as I could.
Saturday morning was a little chaotic with all of us getting ready for the w
edding at noon. The restaurant delivered the meal and as I was putting it all in the fridge, Michael came in.
“Mom? OK if I call you Mom? That’s all Kait and Erin talked about was Mom this and Mom that. It seems stupid to call you Cath now.”
“I would love that, Michael, if you’re comfortable doing that.”
“I want to tell you thanks for not pushing me too fast to come here and meet everyone. I probably would have resisted the more you pushed.”
“I’m glad you finally decided to come.”
“Decided? You know what determined daughters you raised?”
“Yeah, yeah I do. Pretty strong willed, those girls.”
“This may come out all wrong, but I’m really glad I am here to see my parents get married. Not many kids get to do that.”
We both broke out laughing and he reached down and gave me a hug.
“On no, here come more tears,” Erin walked into the kitchen. “I swear, Mom, no makeup for you today. All you’ll have are black streaks down your face.”
“I’ll have you know I bought waterproof mascara just for the occasion.”
“Well, I hope it works.”
The doorbell rang just as I went to go upstairs to get dressed. The cake delivery girl stood there with a big white box in her arms.
“Your wedding cake.”
I took the box into the kitchen as Jame followed me in all showered and freshly shaved (head and beard!)
“Open it,” he said.
“I’m afraid to. What did you put on the cake, Jame?”
“Open the box and see.”
It was a beautiful white wedding cake with a picture of us on top. It was our junior prom picture and we were standing arms around each other and smiling under a banner that said, “Dreams Do Come True!”
“Awwww, Jame!” I flung my arms around him knowing that he had more than delivered on his promises.
Our vows were simple: promise kept, love forever.
As I gazed around at our family, our family, sitting around the table for our wedding lunch laughing and teasing each other, I knew for sure that waterproof mascara doesn’t work.
Chapter 35
October passed with more chemo, more scans and more doctors’ appointments. Michael told us he got the job in New York and was moving there in a few weeks. Jame was so happy and started making lists of all the things he and our son could do when he lived so close.
“Jame, Michael is a 26-year-old in New York City for the first time. Do you think he’ll want to spend all his free time with us?”
“Hey, if I put 20 things on this list and I get to do three of them with him that will be fine. I just want things to look forward to.”
He had just started on a new round of chemo, stronger than the last and more debilitating too.
Jame lay sprawled out on the couch one morning, fighting nausea and said, suddenly, “Cath, did I ever tell you I always wanted a dog?”
I was suspicious right away. “No, you never told me that. Why?”
“When I was little it was too much work and I was too busy to take care of a dog. In college, guys lived off campus and had dogs but I lived in the athletic dorm and we weren’t allowed to. Then I lived in cities and traveled for my work so it seemed mean to bring a dog into that situation.”
“Jame, where’s this going?”
“Cath, can we get a dog?” He gave me his best pleading, soulful look.
“What the heck would we do with a dog?”
“Well, we’re not traveling now and I would take care of everything. I’ll train it, feed it and walk it. I would take total responsibility for it. You wouldn’t have to do a thing, Cath. You won’t even know he’s here!”
I had to laugh. He was like a little boy. “I think I would know if we had a dog in the house, Jame.”
“Would you just think about it, please?”
“I don’t have to think about it. I am not your mother. If you want a dog, go get a dog.”
That got him off the couch although not very quickly. He walked over to me without his usual exuberance. Putting his arms around me, he whispered in my ear, “Thank you, my love, for everything you do and are for me.”
Jame’s quest for a dog became an obsession. What kind, what color? No puppy mills or mall pet stores. And no big box pet places either. He carefully researched all breeds, checked online for rescue organizations, and scanned the local newspapers for “Puppies for Sale” ads.
He texted all three kids asking their input and opinions until Erin asked me to stop him. “Mom, I’m in midterm exams and he wants me to check out the shelter up here. Tell him to leave us out of it!”
What he did not do was have the energy to go out looking for his dog. I found his lists with addresses and pros and cons for certain breeds next to the computer. Was he too ill to follow through on his plan? That thought saddened and worried me.
We had an appointment with Dr. Hadler at the end of the month to review Jame’s recent scans. He was having pain in his back and shoulders. The day before the appointment I told him to come in the car with me.
“I really don’t have the energy to go anywhere today, Cath. I’ll need it all for tomorrow. Can’t you do your errands by yourself?”
“Come on, it’s a beautiful crisp fall day out. You don’t have to get out of the car. Just breathe in the fresh air and see something else besides the inside of our house.”
He reluctantly agreed and I could see him grimace from his back pain as he settled into the passenger seat.
“Where to, my sweet one? The cleaners? Food store?”
“Just some errands, silly. Lean back, close your eyes and open your window a little. It’s a beautiful day. Enjoy it.”
I think he dozed a bit as I drove 20 minutes to the county animal shelter. I nudged him awake and waited for him to focus his eyes and realize where we were.
When he saw the sign over the building, he turned to me with a huge smile. “You mean it, Cath?”
“Yes, let’s go get your stupid dog.”
I have never seen Jame so serious as he was looking at all the dogs and puppies. And they were all so adorable. Barking, wagging their tails, hungry for a touch, some attention and a home. It took him about fifteen minutes when he dropped to his knees in front of a furry yellow lab mix that sat quietly watching him.
“Hi Bo. I’ve come to get you out of here and take you home. Are you ready, boy?”
Bo gave one yip and stood up as if to say, “Yes, I’ve been waiting for you, Jame.”
We went straight home with his new dog. Bo lay contently on Jame’s lap in the back seat. I dropped them off at home and ran to the pet store for everything we needed. Of course, Jame already had a list made up.
From that day forward, Bo, who turned out to be a 4-month-old Lab-Golden retriever and who-knows-what-else mix, and Jame were inseparable. It was as if Bo knew he had been chosen to do something important and miraculous- comfort Jame as he battled his cancer.
The meeting with Dr. Hadler brought more bad news. The melanoma had spread to his spine and shoulders. His pain could be kept under control by more meds. Jame hated taking more meds.
“We think that we will abort this round of chemo, Jame. It’s not handling the cancer spread.” Dr. Hadler said.
“What’s next then?” Jame pushed for more.
“Unfortunately, there’s not much more we can do, I am so very sorry to say. The only possibility, maybe, is a clinical trial that’s just beginning. There are no guarantees with clinical trials. We are experimenting with new combinations of drugs that fight other diseases and apply them to specific cancers.”
“Put me on the list and when do we start, Doc?”
“I’ll give you the clinical trial protocol information booklet. You need to read it over so you understand the risks. We’ll set another appointment for next week and we’ll go into it in more detail.”
“I appreciate that. Doc, if the trial doesn’t help, what are we talking here?”
Dr. Hadler’s manner gentled and he reached out to hold Jame on the arm. “We’re talking about 3-6 months, Jame.”
Chapter 36
Jame made plans to fly to South Carolina in early November to see his mother and tell her what was going on. He was uneasy about it, but he teased, “Well, I don’t want her walking into my funeral and seeing you and Michael and having a heart attack.”
We tried joking. We tried living in denial for a while. Not much helped.
Missing Pieces of My Forever-Heart Page 11