by Abra Ebner
I faked another smile out of habit as his words sent a shock through my core, how did he know about the plants?
Edgar laughed as he glanced back at me one more time. I had forgotten that smiling didn’t work on him and my eyes blinked as his laugh triggered something in my mind, an image I’d remembered as he gracefully exited the room.
As he closed the door behind him, my gaze fell on the black raven on the white table. Fear washed over me and I walked toward the door, keeping my eye on the carcass as though it would jump back to life. My limbs were tingling with urgency and my breath was hot and quick.
As I burst through the lab doors, the sun blinded me as I looked to the sky and drew in one deep breath. I hurried to reassemble the jumble of information I had just been handed as Scott came running from the building across the path, panting as though he’d just been chased.
“Are you ok?” He looked exceedingly concerned.
“Yeah,” I paused as he grabbed my arm, “Yeah I’m fine, he just…” I thought of another lie, “wanted to tell me about the hawk, he’s healing very well.” I was in a daze.
He nodded as his mouth gaped, “Oh good cause one more minute and I was going to have to burst in there and make sure you weren’t dead on the floor.” He chuckled to himself.
We walked to the greenhouses in silence. I was too lost in my thoughts to pretend to be interested in Scott’s trivial life. I put my hand to my chest as we walked into the field, Scott still eyeing the grasses with caution. Edgar knew what was in me, but how, and how had he known me? There were so many questions I needed answers too, I wanted to know why.
In class my mind was useless. Though the sunflower seed I’d planted a little later than everyone else was already a three-inch bud, I hadn’t cared. When the teacher questioned me, I just shrugged it off as though I myself was truly amazed at the strange occurrence.
I was frustrated that Edgar had now somehow decided to care about me as though I were something to inspect. He had been the one to save me in the meadow, but then how? How was he also the raven, and why had he killed the raven that was threatening me? These facts were all hard to believe, and his face, its utter attraction was amazing.
After classes were over I ditched Scott at the cafeteria and went back to Edgar’s lab but it was already locked. My hopes to find my answers today quickly faded. Despite my mental fear to be around him, I couldn’t resist. I had never been attracted to the guys back home, never tried to have any sort of relationship figuring they would eventually see my freakish nature and leave. But Edgar, he was different, something about him felt so appealing, so deeply attractive, and besides, he already knew I was weird.
I walked in disappointment back to my cabin where I laid down. After a moment of thought I got out my newest journal and drew the field from my foggy memory. I added the dead bird as I tried to remember the events. There were three things I listed about the scene.
The first was that the spying raven would not enter my field of life that had grown around me. It was like the flowers were protecting me.
Second, as I had become paralyzed on the ground, the grass around me had actually died. It had seemed really odd, especially since that had never happened.
And third, the fact that it had been Edgar that saved me, Edgar that was somehow the armored raven.
I pondered the evidence and found nothing to warrant its occurrence. Frustration passed over me as I threw the journal across the room, hitting the log wall with a deep thump. I threw my angry head into the pillow, depressed that I still felt nothing.
The darkness of the night rolled in unnoticed as I fell asleep. There, my fogged mind was again in the field, but to my horror, everything was lifeless. All the grasses and wildflowers had wilted and the trees were no more than torched sticks spearing from the ground. I was horrified, the whole world seemed to be dying and I felt hopeless to save it.
As I looked to the edge of the clearing, I saw Edgar standing there. His eyes were dark ebony and there was no smile on his face. I called to him but he did not move. He stood there still and dark in his angered beauty, in a trance as though controlled by a force beyond himself.
When I looked down at myself I gasped. My body was no more than a transparent fog. I was a ghost, soulless and invisible and as the wind picked up, I was completely blown away.
VISITORS
I abruptly woke in the darkness of my room, finding it pitch black and silent. Lying completely still, I listened for some sign of what had woken me, any kind of rustle, but there was nothing. My eyes shot about the room, trying to breathe as quietly as possible, judging the hour but finding the darkness too hard to discern.
There was sweat already beading on my brow. My nightmares were ferocious as though some door to my dread and fear had been propped wide open. I felt for my body, relieved that I was still here. As I released the breath I had been holding, there was a strange shuffling noise and my eyes shot to the corner where I heard the distinct flutter of wings. My heart began to race as I stared through the darkness toward the location of the sound, waiting for something to move as I readied myself for whatever could come.
“Edgar?” I whispered, my heart pounding hard against my ribcage.
My eyes stayed locked on the corner as the dark shadows began to move. I was quick to react as I reached to flip on the lamp, my hands trembling with the switch, unable to coax it to work.
“Estella, it’s me.”
I instantly froze as I recognized Edgar’s voice.
A merciful laugh filled the small room. “It’s alright,” he whispered in a calming tone, “I didn’t mean to wake you, apparently I’m not as graceful as I’d hoped.”
I let go of the lamp cord but my body remained rigid.
His shadowed figure walked toward me and I sat up with caution as he perched himself at the edge of my bed. He was careful to keep his distance and I noticed as his eyes caught what little light there was in the room, glowing like a beautiful cat. I dropped the lamp cord and turned to face him, my movements slow and measured. I could smell his inviting scent billow across the bed and I breathed deep before reacting.
“You scared me,” I hissed as I finally exhaled.
“Sorry,” he apologized again, a mocking tone to his voice, “I just needed to come see you.”
Shocked by the forward comment, I furled my brow, feeling violated, “Were you watching me?” I asked in a sharp tone.
He laughed, “No, I just got here.” He adjusted himself on the bed and my heart rate quickened, “Though, not a bad idea.” I caught a glittering glimpse of his teeth as he smiled.
I was still trying to understand why he was here. “Okay,” I paused, “So why did you need to see me?” I questioned in defense.
He sighed, “I have to leave for a few days, just until Sunday.”
I intently listened, wondering what this had to do with me.
“I just needed to check on you before I left, make sure you were ok.” His voice was full of sincerity.
“I’m fine,” I spat. I didn’t need him to protect me. Despite my attraction toward him, something about me still didn’t trust him, especially now that he’d broken into my room.
He laughed again, sarcasm filling his voice, “Yeah, seems like it.”
I crossed my arms in defiance, my eyes now adjusting enough to make out his pearly outline in the darkness. A part of me was strangely disappointed that he would be gone, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him.
“Just,” a grave sigh seeped from his mouth, “Just don’t go in the woods again, not until I get back.” His eyes flashed away from me and I could see him looking to the windows, “There are things out there you can’t trust.” He leaned his elbow onto the foot of the bed, “If I didn’t have to leave, I wouldn’t, but it’s important.”
I nodded in acceptance.
He stood and walked toward the door, “Just promise me ok? Stay here, around people.”
I took a deep breath before answering,
my head full of questions I’d thought up that day, “I promise.”
He exhaled, a sense of relief crossing his eyes and face, “Do you need anything? You know, before I go?” He was as still as a statue with his hand on the handle of the door.
His request was odd and it began to make me wonder as a thought popped into my head. A sly glimmer filled my eyes and my lips curled into a fake vindictive smirk. He gave me a stupid look; he had known I was acting.
“What is it?” He had a perceptive grin on his face now.
I sat up as excitement pulsed through my veins, “I just wanted to ask something.” He nodded as I formulated the right words, “I just need to know. What exactly do you know about me?” I blurted, blushing at the somewhat awkward question.
His hand fell from the handle to his side and he walked back toward me. “What do I know?” There was a chuckle in the back of his throat and his gaze fell on the nightstand where he grasped the framed letter and brought it to his face. His teeth like diamonds in the dark.
I intently watched as he touched his finger to the glass. I was trying to read the strange expression that came to his face, but in the horrid light, it was hard to tell.
“Estella,” his eyes were fixed on the words in the note, “You are amazingly unique. I don’t even think you can grasp just how much.” He placed the frame back on the table, bringing his gaze back to me. “Until you realize…”
I leaned forward, hanging on his every word.
He’d stopped himself before he answered, “You will see Elle, I promise. When I have more time, I will explain all this.” He stared at me with adoration, “There just isn’t the time right now.” The way he said my name was as though he’d said it a million times.
Frustration filled my mind and I dropped the fake act. “Well,” I wanted to urge him to tell me more but I found his stubbornness to be impossible. “Well then, tell me something else,” I uttered with urgency, trying to keep him here a bit longer.
My mind shot to the feather and how it had been like tiny armor, cutting into my finger like a razor. But I couldn’t formulate the right way to bring it up, not yet at least, so I quickly thought of something else in my attempt to hear him talk a bit longer.
I heard his steady strong breathing as he waited with patience, though I could tell he needed to leave, “What more do you wish to know?” he raised his eyebrows in curiosity.
I looked into my lap, picking at my fingernails. “Well, this one’s sort of childish but,” I paused, looking back up at him as his body loomed over me, “No one seems to know how old you are, I just want to know because you seem so young.” I held my breath knowing it was a dumb question, but still one that had perplexed me all day.
A boisterous laugh filled the cabin, “Of all the things you could have asked me,” he chuckled a bit more, “You chose to ask me that?” His eyes glinted, “You know you could have asked me anything, I was in the mood to be truthful.”
I cursed to myself for not asking the first question as he looked deep into my eyes. I began doubting myself, “Yeah,” I said sheepishly.
He noticed my damaged ego as he leaned his head down toward me, his face just inches from mine and his breath eloquently brushing my face. “To them,” his opal eyes were glimmering, “I am very old, yet look deceptively young.” He saw the shock cross my face, “But to you Estella, we are the same age.”
I gave him a confused look as he stood up straight, reaching in his coat pocket and retrieving a glowing feather. I further cursed as he handed it to me. Now had been the perfect time to ask. I looked at him with a reproachful glare as I gingerly plucked it from his gloved hand, examining it while avoiding its sharp razor edge. He had just affirmed his involvement with the pearl raven, but I was still unsure exactly what that involvement was.
In one brisk movement he turned and walked toward the door, “Just be safe Estella, and do try to go back to sleep.”
He opened the door and turned his head to look out, smirking one last time before taking off at a run. As I watched, completely astonished, there was a sudden burst of commotion and the footsteps turned to a flutter as the door slammed hard behind him.
I winced at the noise, coaxing my breathing to eventually slow to shallow waves in my chest as I stared at the door for a moment. I tried to process his abrupt invasion as I looked to where my mother’s framed note sat in the dark.
Turning on the light, it was just the same as it always had been. The rumpled edges still ragged as though it were a hundred years old. The sudden dose of adrenaline faded and my nerves released as I sat there in silence, reading the fateful words over and over. I tried to find whatever had made him look at the words the way he had, something I’d missed hidden inside them, but there was nothing more than there had always been.
In just a few short days my life had drastically changed, becoming something far more than I’d expected. I figured being out here would be enough of a challenge for me, let alone finding a whole other world of mystery and a strange sort of boyfriend that was half human and half something completely not. I set the frame back on the table, pulling the covers up to my eyes and flicking the light off to allow my vision to adjust.
The quiet was growing on me, just as long as it wasn’t too quiet. There were a few distant sounds of crickets and they comforted me. I had learned that as long as they were singing, nothing bad would happen.
Sleep crept back in on me and I could no longer force my eyes to stay open. I fell into my dreams where I once again returned to the meadow, but this time, to my relief, it was in full bloom. The weather was warmer than the fall weather now, more like mid-summer temperatures. As my eyes glanced around the misty dream, everything felt safe and my head was calm.
As I peeked down at my body, I was shocked by the warm sensation in my chest, relieved that my body was still there. As my gaze filtered back up, Edgar entered into the field and I instantly took notice, not just in sight, but in my heart. A true smile crossed my face as a feeling I’d never known came alive in my soul, the intrusion making me gasp for air as I struggled to recognize the sensation. As he approached, I brought one hand to my face, feeling a tear roll over my soft skin as I realized I was happy. He was almost to me now, and the warm feeling in my chest was stronger than anything I’d ever felt.
As I reached out to touch him it all dissipated as the morning light in the cabin rapidly grew brighter, beckoning me to wake. I opened my eyes and sadness rolled over me like a heavy wave. To my regret, the happiness I had felt had all been a dream. I sat up, more tired then I’d been since I’d arrived at the college and I rubbed my eyes with ferocity.
The light of day had finally come and I let a sharp exhale exit my mouth, disappointed that the sleep was gone, but relieved to find it was Saturday. I was looking forward to the fact that today I could at last take my time getting ready. I threw my legs to the side and gradually stood, shuffling to the kitchenette where some sample packs of coffee sat next to the small coffee maker. I turned on the water as it laboriously pumped out of the spigot and into the cup holder.
As I switched the machine on, the glorious smell of beans filled the small space as I shuffled to the bathroom. I turned on the water to take the first shower I’d had in days, though I really didn’t need it. I was always clean, always perfect, and it irked me. I stepped into the lukewarm water, breathing steadily as I gained the courage to submerge my head under its cooling wash.
Today, as it was every day, my soul was just as empty as it had been. I felt for my dream, trying to revisit the feeling of happiness that I’d imagined. As I struggled to muster it out of me I became frustrated and angry. I kicked the wall, infuriated at my life. My chest rose and fell as I breathed hard, forcing my needless anger to subside as I put my head under the water again, accepting my fate.
As the burning fury left me, melancholy took its place as I realized Edgar was gone. The familiar tingle I had felt toward him was faint, wherever he was it was too far away for me to f
eel. I shut off the water, unable to handle the temperature much longer. I grabbed for a towel and tiptoed back into the room, trying not to drip water on the floor. There was nothing worse than putting on fresh socks and then stepping in a shower puddle. I rummaged through my bag for some clean jeans and a shirt, finally finding my last pairs.
I quickly dressed and walked back to the kitchen. Grabbing the only cup from the empty cabinet, I jumped at the sudden sound of feverish knocking at my door. I put a hand to my heart and closed my eyes, wishing it weren’t Scott but knowing I wasn’t so lucky. I shuffled to the door annoyed, swinging it open with a look of contempt on my face.
“Hey!” he sang.
I rolled my eyes in annoyance, all I had wanted was some peace, “Oh, hey Scott.” My voice was filled with obvious disappointment.
“You want to work a little on that paper today for Professor Edgar?” My hopes that he would go away, at least until noon, were fading as he bounded into my cabin, invading my space.
“Uh…” I watched as he began searching the whole room like an excited dog, “Sure.”
“Wow this place is totally cool, you’re lucky.”
His energy was making me nervous. I watched him as he walked toward my bedside table, reaching for my framed letter, “Hey!” I yelped, lunging toward him and grabbing his shoulders, distracting him by twisting his body around and plopping him on the bed, “Just sit, ok?”
He looked at me with a happy smile as I walked back to the kitchen and grabbed my coffee to take the first sip I’d been longing for.
“So what do you think about the raven?” he asked, bouncing like a child on my bed as he sat there, “What’s your theory?”
I thought for a moment about what could possibly sound logical. “He probably just got here by boat, some cruise line or something,” I blurted carelessly. Or by magic, which was what I was beginning to believe.
Scott nodded, contemplating my theory, “Yeah that’s good.” He looked to the ceiling, “My theory is he was brought here by smugglers. What do you think? Sound relevant enough to convince him?”