The Difference

by Kaylee Ryan

  My heart pounds against my chest. I know I should say something, maybe tell him he didn’t have to be so short with her, but I can’t seem to form the words. Instead of feeling sorry for her, I’m elated for me.

  He chose me.

  Placing my beer in the cup holder in front of us, I turn to him. Reaching out, I run my hand along the week-long beard. “Can I kiss you, Luke?” I ask softly.

  He leans in close. “Every day for the rest of your life.” He doesn’t give me a chance as he presses his lips to mine. Just a quick peck, but the sentiment is there. Pulling away, he laces his fingers through mine, and we settle in to watch the rodeo.

  Looking around, there are way more women here than men, and from the conversation from the rowdy group behind us, they’re here for the riders. That’s fine by me. The only man who has my attention is sitting next to me.

  “You like Wrangler butts?” he whispers in my ear, causing me to laugh.

  “Meh, they’re not bad,” I tease.

  “Not bad, huh? What does it for you, Addyson?” He’s joking, but his facial expression is anything but.

  “You’re wearing Rock’s, right?”

  “Yeah, Rock Revival.”

  “That’ll work.”

  He throws his head back in laughter and places his arm around my shoulders. That’s how we sit throughout the last hour of the show.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, if you could remain seated. We have special guest Eric Ethridge here tonight,” the announcer says once the final bull has been ridden and the last barrel has been raced.

  “Did you know about this?” I ask Luke.

  “Yeah, I knew someone was going to be here, but I didn’t look into it. I’d never heard of him. I just wanted you to see the bull riding.”

  “You want to stay?”

  “That’s your call. I’m good either way.”

  “Let’s stay for a song or two?” I suggest, watching as the crowd thins. Mostly those with small kids.

  “Fine by me. You need another beer or anything?”

  “No, I’m good. Thank you,” I say, just as the lights begin to dim. The remaining crowd climb to their feet, as do we. His hands move to my hips, and then the heat of his body aligns with mine. He wraps his arms around my waist, and without hesitation, I relax into him.

  Eric Ethridge begins to play “If You Met Me First.” It’s not exactly us, but it’s pretty damn close. It fits us. If I had met Luke prior to all the others before him, I can’t help but think that things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn’t have pushed him away. His hold tightens, and unable to control it, I turn and wrap my arms around him. We slowly sway to the music, letting the lyrics speak for us.

  “Maybe you still can,” Lucas whispers in my ear as the song ends. He doesn’t say it, but I know he’s referring to the song.

  I look up at him. The room is dark, but I can see the intensity in his eyes. Standing on tiptoes, I place my lips next to his ear. He bends to help me, his hands on my hips. “I want to,” I confess. “Just give me some time.”

  His reply is to crush me in a hug with his strong arms. It rivals every hug I’ve ever received. “You ready?” he asks before pulling away.

  “Yes.” With my hand held tightly in his, he leads up the stairs, out of the arena, and to his truck.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lucas

  * * *

  As we walk out of the arena hand in hand, I feel as though we’ve made a giant step forward tonight. I’d never heard of that artist, but that song, although not our exact situation, the sentiment is perfect for us.

  I want to.

  Her whispered confession has me smiling wide. I’ve fallen for her. Not just, hey I like this girl, but hey, I can see my future with her. We’re on the right track, and I can give her all the time she needs.

  “You hungry?” I ask once we’re both settled in my truck.

  “I am.”

  “What sounds good?”

  “We could just grab a pizza or something and take it back to my place.”

  Although the idea is appealing, there is one that appeals to me more. “How about we take it to mine? I’d like you to see my place.”

  “Sure,” she agrees easily. No hesitation. I love this new side of us. I can only hope we keep moving in this direction.

  She calls in our order for pizza and boneless wings, and by the time we get to the mom-and-pop place just down from my house, our order is ready. When we pull into my driveway, she gasps.

  “Luke, this is your place?” Astonishment fills her voice.

  My chest fills with pride. I designed this place. “Home sweet home,” I tell her.

  “I love this house. I’ve driven by here hundreds of times. This is my dream home.” She stares out the window into the night. I have floodlights on the house, lighting it up.

  Something else, something I can’t explain mixed with the pride I was feeling earlier warms my chest. “Well,” I say, parking in the garage. I made sure there was an attached bay large enough for my truck. “Let me give you the tour.”

  Room by room, I walk her through my house. She’s quiet as she just takes it all in. We start upstairs. There are four bedrooms, two full bathrooms, and an open entertainment area that looks out over the living room. “This is huge,” she comments.

  “It’s my forever home.”

  “Definitely,” she agrees, following me back downstairs.

  Again, I take her through each room. She stops in the kitchen, her mouth hanging open. “Holy cow, this is huge.”

  “You cook?” I ask.

  “No. Well, I mean, yes, I can. I know how.” She fumbles for her words as she runs her hand over the granite countertop. “I just don’t do it often. Not much fun to cook for one, but if I had a kitchen like this, I’d probably cook big meals every night. I’d be as big as this house.” She laughs.

  “Well, my kitchen is open to you anytime.”

  “You cook?”

  “I do. Mom taught me and my sister, Anna. Said she wanted us both to be independent.”

  “My mom was always in the kitchen when I was growing up. I loved watching her. She made it all look so effortless.”

  “We should cook together,” I suggest.

  “Yeah. We should.” She grins. “It’s beautiful, Lucas. You should be proud.”

  “There’s one more room.” I point to the hallway off the kitchen. Her eyes light up. “Go on back. The door is at the end of the hallway.”

  She doesn’t hesitate. I follow behind her, wanting to see her reaction.

  “Wow,” she whispers.

  “This is my room,” I say, sneaking up behind her. She doesn’t move a muscle as she takes in my room, maybe my stealth skills are not as good as I thought they were. She turns in a circle taking it all in. I try to see it through her eyes. Black king California four-poster bed, black nightstands nestled on either side, black dressers, gray walls, with a gray, black, and white striped comforter set. It’s very masculine, as it should be since it’s just me.

  “This is you.” She turns to face me. “It suits you.”

  “You haven’t even seen the best part.” I reach for her hand and lead her to the bathroom.

  “This is huge.” She pulls her hand from mine to explore. “This shower is big enough for ten people,” she comments.

  “A man has to have room.”

  “What exactly are you doing in this shower, Lucas?” she asks, then immediately holds up her hand. “Forget I asked. I don’t want to know.”

  I grin. “Just showering,” I assure her. “There have only been two other women in this room other than you.”

  “Oh.”

  “Damn it, that’s not how it was supposed to sound. My mom and my sister, Addy.

  They’re the only women who have ever been to this house.”

  She nods, but I’m not so sure she believes me. When she turns, she rushes to the

  clawfoot tub. “This is awesome, and I’ve never seen one th
is huge before. You take a lot of baths, do you?”

  “No, I’ve actually never used it.”

  “Then why have it?” She tilts her head to the side, studying me.

  “My wife.”

  I see her face instantly pale.

  “No,” I rush to say.

  Fuck!

  “Addy, no, that’s not what I meant. I meant my future wife.” I could seriously smack myself. “Come here, look.” I clamp my hand around hers and lead her out of the bathroom and to the two walk-in closets. “This one’s mine,” I tell her. I make sure she gets a good look, then lead her to the other door. I push it open and flick on the light. The shelves are bare. I keep fucking this up. I can see she’s closing off on me and I can’t have that.

  I pull her into my arms, her back to my chest so she can see the empty room. “I’m a planner, Addyson. I plan every detail of homes and buildings, and that flows over into my life. I wanted my dream home, my forever home. I also want to marry someday, have a couple of kids. I needed to know that my family could grow into this house, that when I finally find the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, she would have everything she needs.”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  “Addyson.” I turn her in my arms and cup her face in the palm of my hands. “I swear to you. You can call my mother and ask her. Hell, call my sister. Anna would be thrilled to tell you all of my shortcomings, but I can promise you being married isn’t one of them.”

  “Are you hiding anything? Engagements, weddings, kids?” she rattles off, her voice flat.

  “No, baby,” I say softly. “None of that. Never been close to being engaged or married. I don’t have any kids, but I want all of that.”

  Her eyes stare into mine, the brown orbs wavering on trusting me. Not leaving anything to chance, I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial my mom. “Hey, Mom,” I greet her when she answers.

  “Luke, I thought you were on a date.”

  “I was, I mean, I am. Addy loved it just like I thought she would.”

  “That’s great, dear.”

  “Mom, I need a favor?” Addy tries to pull away, already shaking her head, but I hold tightly. “You see, I keep putting my foot in my mouth with her, and well, I need her to ask you a question, and I want you to answer her. Can you do that?”

  “Of course. Luke, is everything okay?” I’m sure she detects the desperation in my voice.

  “It will be,” I assure her. I hand the phone to Addyson. “Ask her.”

  “No. Lucas, this is crazy.”

  “No. It’s not crazy. I keep fucking up.” I hear my mom scold my language, but I push through. “I need you to be able to trust me, Addyson. Please, just take the phone and ask her.”

  She nods. She needs this. “H-hello,” she says into the phone. I keep my arms around her waist, holding her close. “Hi.” Her face blushes. “It’s nice to talk to you as well. Luke talks about his family all the time.” I can hear my mom tell her that she’s heard a lot about her, which is an understatement. Addyson is all I think about and talk about these days. “I’m sorry he’s bothering you with this,” she tells my mom. I can’t hear her reply, but Addyson smiles. “Yeah, so we uh, we were talking and—”

  “Just ask her, Addy,” I whisper.

  “Has Luke, I mean, Lucas, has he ever been married or engaged? Does he have any kids?” she rushes to ask. “Not that any of that matters to me, but I’ve not had the best of experiences with men and lying and I just… I would just like to know the truth up front,” she sighs, sounding almost defeated, and I hate it.

  I can’t make out what my mom is saying, but I can feel Addyson’s body relax against me. I kiss the top of her head. I just hope this doesn’t push us back when just a few hours earlier, I felt as though we were finally moving forward.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Prescott.” I assume my mom scolds her for that when Addyson says, “Gail.” She listens then says, “That would be nice. Just have Lucas let me know.” Another pause. “Thank you, you too.” Addyson hands the phone up to me.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Luke, she sounds lovely.”

  I smile down at Addyson. “She’s more than lovely, Mom. She’s the difference.” I wink at Addyson, and she rolls her eyes, which tells me she gets my reference. Not only do I want to be that for her, but she’s also that for me. I may not have had all the drama she’s had in relationships, but I haven’t found the one. Well, until now. I’m sure the woman in my arms is the only one I’ll ever want forever. I promise Mom I’ll call her later this week, and end the call.

  “Our pizza is probably cold.” I kiss Addyson’s forehead and lead her back out to the kitchen. Surprisingly, the pizza is still warm. We fill our plates, grab two bottles of water, and settle in the living room.

  “I’m sorry,” she says once we’re seated. “I know I’m acting crazy, and calling your mom…” She shakes her head. “I’m embarrassed.”

  I reach out and place my hand on her knee. “I know you’ve had a hard time. Hell, that’s how I met you that night. I heard you talking about it. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. My mom, damn, my entire family knows about you. I have nothing to hide from anyone. If a phone call to my mother helps you work through your fears, then we can call her as many times as you want.”

  “It’s so hard for me to trust, and that’s not fair to you, Luke. I know that. I’m being unreasonable and what’s worse is I don’t know how to stop it.”

  “You don’t. Time will. You let me show you I’m not any of those bastards from your past.” I pause then decide to go for it. I’m all-in with her. “I’m your future, Addyson.”

  She nods, her eyes glassy with tears. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

  “We have a lifetime,” I tell her. “Now eat. It’s really going to be cold.”

  After we’ve finished eating, we head out to the deck.

  “Wow, the outside is just as stunning as the inside,” she says, looking over the three-tier deck at the hot tub and the pool.

  “Thank you. There are some lounge chairs over here.” I point to the corner of the top level we’re on. I settle on one of the larger chaises and pat the spot next to me. “Sit with me.”

  To my relief, she doesn’t hesitate to sit, pull off her boots, and curl up against my chest. “This is nice.”

  “It is. I’m glad you’re here, Addy. In my home, in my space. I’ve pictured you here a thousand times, but you being here, sharing a place that’s so special to me with you is better than I could have imagined it to be.” We let the quiet of the night surround us, just happy to be here in this moment with one another. Time passes and when she starts to yawn, I know it’s time to take her home. Except I don’t want to. I want her here. With me.

  “Sleepy?” I ask.

  “Yeah, it’s been a long day.”

  “I can take you home if you’re ready.” I pause. “Or you could stay. Here. With me.” She’s quiet, and I start to worry I said the wrong thing for the third time tonight.

  “When you say with you…?” she questions.

  I don’t need her to say it. She’s not ready for more, and I’m okay with that. “I mean, you and me, just like this in my bed. I want to hold you.”

  More silence.

  Nothing but the silence of night surrounds us.

  “Okay.”

  Her softly spoken words reach in and touch my soul. She stands, gathers her boots, and waits for me to join her. Hand in hand, we head back inside the house. I take her with me as I lock all the doors and turn off the lights. In my room, I pull my T-shirt out of my drawer and hand it to her. “You can sleep in this.”

  “Thanks.” She disappears into my monster of a bathroom all on her own. I strip out of my jeans and T-shirt, leaving on my boxer briefs. I turn off the overhead light and switch on the one on the nightstand.

  The door opens, and she walks out. Face scrubbed free of the little makeup she wore, she looks stunning, especially wearing my shi
rt. “I-I wasn’t sure if you have a favorite side of the bed,” I say, trying not to toss her on the bed and make love to her. She’s a fucking vision standing before me.

  “No preference.” She surprises me when she walks to the left side of the bed, the opposite side of where I’m standing, pulls back the covers, and climbs in.

  I do the same and then turn off the lamp. She moves to the middle of the bed, and I meet her halfway, holding my arms open for her. It takes her a few minutes, but she eventually relaxes. “Night, Luke.” She yawns.

  “Night, Addy.” I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes. I fall asleep quickly with her tucked safely in my arms.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Addyson

  * * *

  My eyes blink open and then close tightly, blocking out the bright sun shining through the window. Lifting my hand to block the light, a deep chuckle wraps around me like an embrace.

  “I’ve been fighting that sun for the last hour,” Lucas’s deep voice declares from behind me.

  I roll over in his arms. “Why didn’t you get up and close it? I could still be sleeping.” I poke him in the chest.

  “Two reasons. One, I told you I would hold you all night, and I’m a man of my word. Two, I don’t know if this is a one-time thing. I don’t know how long until I get to lie with you beside me like this again, so I’m soaking up every ounce of you I can while it’s here and available.”

  I can feel embarrassment flush my cheeks. I should tell him there will be more mornings like this. I should tell him he’s broken through my walls, and I’m falling for him. Instead, I keep it light and playful. “You’re a sweet talker in the morning light.”

  “Nah, that’s just me, Addy. The me that is falling so fucking hard for you.” He reaches out and smooths what I’m sure is my crazy bedhead hair out of my eyes. “I know it’s soon, but I’m falling, Addyson. I want to make that known. I don’t play games and have no intention of starting now.” My heart trips over in my chest at his confession. I want to believe him, and on some level, I do. I’m still just hesitant. I have a feeling losing Lucas would rival any prior pain my heart has endured.