Bittersweet

by Jannine Gallant

  Nora patted her lips with her napkin. “It’s horrible we need a man like that in our little town.”

  “It’s a sign of the times,” Wesley said.

  Doc Fredericks stroked his neatly trimmed gray beard. “What do you mean, Wes?”

  “It’s the railroad.” Wesley held up his hand. “Don’t misunderstand me; I think progress is wonderful. We wouldn’t be anywhere without it. But as the opportunities for profit in the west increase, so will the number of men like Jack Craven. Money drives greed and vice.”

  “Isn’t that the truth,” Hank said. “It’s why I’ll be content to farm for a living.”

  Mary smiled at her husband. “And I won’t worry so much. I didn’t mind when the only trouble in town was an occasional saloon fight on Saturday night, but now it’s different.”

  A faint cry echoed down the hall, and Tess stood. “Excuse me. My daughter just woke from her nap.”

  Emily sat on Wesley and Nora’s bed, rubbing her eyes. She smiled tremulously at Tess.

  “Hi, sweetie, how was your nap?” Tess picked up the baby and cuddled her in her arms. Emily relaxed against her shoulder and released a shuddering sigh.

  Tess smiled. “How would you like some of your grandma’s potatoes and peas? You can nurse later.”

  The women made a fuss over Emily while Tess sat her in Lottie’s old high chair and tied on her bib. Then she began the slow process of getting food into Emily’s mouth. Nora was serving chocolate cake for dessert when Tess decided both she and Emily had had enough. Using a wet cloth, she cleaned her face and sat her on a quilt with a rattle and an old rag doll.

  Lottie took a bite of chocolate cake. “I’m looking forward to the church picnic, but I wish I hadn’t been so quick to accept Simon Jaffee’s offer to escort me.”

  Fay pushed her spectacles up her nose and frowned at her niece. “Simon is such a nice young man, and he has an excellent future in his father’s law office.”

  “Yes, but I have my eye on someone else.” Lottie smiled coyly. “I shouldn’t say anything more until I know how the gentleman feels.”

  Tess caught her mother’s gaze and rolled her eyes. Just when she’d finally stopped thinking about her sister with Daniel, Lottie alluded to the subject again. She pushed her cake away, her appetite gone.

  “Too bad you can’t go to the picnic, Tess,” Lottie said.

  Tess took a sip of water. “Oh, but I intend to.”

  Fay glanced up from her cake. “What do you mean? You can’t possibly attend a strictly social function, not while you’re still in mourning.”

  Tess looked around the table. “Eight months of mourning is enough. As much as I loved Rory, it’s time to put aside my grief.”

  “Are you certain you’re ready, dear?” Worry lines creased the corners of Fay’s lips. “After all, eight months isn’t such a long time.”

  “It seems like an eternity. I need to start living again. I need to be with people. You can understand that, can’t you?”

  Wesley pushed back his chair and came around the table to rest his hands on her shoulders. “I think you’re making a wise decision.”

  Fay looked from Tess to Wesley. “People will talk.”

  Tess’s voice shook. Uncertainty crept in to destroy her confidence. “They can say what they like. My friends will support me.”

  “Of course we will,” Mary assured her. “You’re so young, Tess. I know what a difficult time you’ve had, and there’s Emily to consider. I’m sure you’ll want to remarry one day.”

  Lottie frowned. “Is that what this is about, finding a new husband?”

  Tess studied her sister’s resentful face and wondered why she cared. Lottie was beautiful and had her choice of men. It was hard to believe she was jealous. “We’re not in competition.”

  “No, of course not. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

  “I should change Emily.” Tess left her unfinished cake on her plate and picked up her daughter, ending the conversation. She took Emily to the spare bedroom to change her diaper and sat down to nurse her. Worry ate at her, and she couldn’t help wondering if she was making the right decision. Her aunt’s concern and her sister’s antipathy fueled her doubts, but loneliness stiffened her resolve.

  She finished nursing Emily just as Mary knocked on the door and poked her head into the bedroom. “Hank and I are leaving. We’ll see you at the picnic.”

  “Hank doesn’t feel badly about quitting as sheriff, does he?”

  “No, honey, I think he’s relieved.”

  “Good, because I would hate to think I was in any way responsible for his decision. I meant what I said earlier. I realize it’s not Hank’s fault Jack Craven hasn’t been caught.”

  “He knows you and Daniel don’t blame him. We’re both hoping this new man will have better luck.”

  “I’ll pray for it.” Tess straightened her dress and followed Mary to the door to wave goodbye. After they’d gone and Doc Fredericks took his leave, she gathered Emily’s things.

  “You’re not leaving already, are you?” Nora asked.

  “It’s getting late, and I have chores to do at home.”

  “Well, take some of the leftover roast beef with you so you don’t have to worry about what to fix for supper.”

  “Thank you, Mama.” Taking the packet of roast, she tucked it into Emily’s bag and kissed Nora on the cheek.

  “You bring that sweet baby in to see me again real soon.”

  “I will, Mama. Goodbye, Lottie.”

  “’Bye, Tess,” Lottie said with an airy wave. Tess was relieved she wasn’t still angry. Though they struck sparks off each other more often than not, she didn’t like being at odds with her sister.

  Wesley waited outside with the horses. He helped Fay and Tess up onto the buggy seat before handing Emily to her mother. As they trotted out of town, Tess leaned back and sighed.

  Wesley glanced over at her. “You’ve given it a lot of thought, have you, this decision to give up your mourning?”

  She turned and met her father’s gaze. “I have. You don’t think I’m being hasty, do you?”

  “Not if you’re comfortable with it. May I ask why you’ve decided this now?”

  She looked down at Emily dozing in her arms. “She’s getting so big. Soon she’ll miss not having a pa.” Tess squeezed her father’s arm. “Look how close we’ve always been.”

  Fay touched Emily’s soft cheek. “You can’t marry again just for the baby’s sake. That would be a mistake.”

  Tess turned to her aunt. “I don’t intend to. I liked being married. I loved Rory with all my heart, but even if I can’t find that kind of love again, I’ll be content to share my life with a man I like and admire.”

  “Those are fine qualities, my dear, but you can’t build a marriage on respect alone,” Wesley said.

  Tess sighed. “I can’t imagine it, but maybe I will fall in love.”

  “I hope so. You have a lot of love to give.” Wesley pulled the horses to a stop in front of the farmhouse and helped Tess and Fay down from the seat. “Do you want me to come get you for the picnic next Saturday?”

  Fay cleared her throat. A blush colored her cheeks. “Actually, Douglas offered to drive us both into town.”

  Wesley’s hazel eyes twinkled. “Did he now?”

  “Yes, he did.” Smiling, Fay hurried into the house.

  Tess looked at her father, and they both grinned. She watched him drive away and bent to pet Shadow. “Come on, boy. Let’s make sure that weasel didn’t get our chickens.”

  * * * *

  Tess stood before her bureau brushing her hair with long, soothing strokes. The kerosene lamp cast a warm glow over her features reflected in the mirror. She studied her face intently, trying to see herself objectively. It had been a long time since she’d worried about her appearance.

  Her eyes were a pure, bright green, and her nose was short and straight. The scattering of freckles across the bridge was a definite negative. Her
mouth was a little too wide for her face, but at least her teeth were straight. She was pretty, she supposed. Rory had told her she was, and so had Daniel in a casual sort of way. She was still thinking about Daniel when she heard a noise in the yard.

  “Tess,” a voice called softly.

  She walked to the open window and looked down. “Daniel?”

  “I was checking the stock and saw your light. I wanted to make certain you got home all right.”

  “We’re fine.” She smiled down at him, pleased by his concern.

  “Good. Is Emily asleep?”

  She nodded and leaned on the windowsill. “Do you want to come in?”

  “No, you’re getting ready for bed.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll go now and let you get some sleep.”

  “Thank you for checking on us, Daniel.”

  “Sure. Goodnight, Tess. Hug Emily for me.”

  She stared down at the yard for several long minutes after he’d gone. Daniel was handsome. She wondered why she’d never noticed before. She supposed it was because she always thought of him as her friend and Rory’s brother. It felt odd to regard him as a man. Strange in a way that made her heart beat a little faster. Smiling, she walked over to the bureau and blew out the lamp.

  Chapter 3

  It was a beautiful evening, warm for May, and bright with starlight. Tess shut the kitchen door and whistled for Shadow. He bounded over to her side.

  “It’s too nice a night to be cooped up inside with a child who refuses to sleep,” she told the dog. “I thought we would go visit Daniel.”

  Shadow cocked his head as if listening to her words then raced ahead with his nose to the ground. She followed at a slower pace. Her frustration with her daughter evaporated in the tranquil night air, and she pointed up at the sky.

  “Stars, Emily, lots and lots of stars. Aren’t they pretty?”

  Emily babbled back at her, and Tess kissed the crown of her head, loving the heavy warmth of her daughter in her arms. When she topped the rise leading to Daniel’s house, she saw a light shining through the open barn doors. He often spent his evenings there building furniture. Working with wood was a passion of his, and the pieces he created were lovely. The crib he’d made for Emily out of oak was beautifully turned and carved and so sturdily constructed it would last for generations.

  “Do you mind some company?” she called out, poking her head through the open barn doors.

  “Tess?” Daniel’s disembodied voice echoed from the back of the building.

  “Do you have many women visiting you this late in the evening?”

  He rounded the side of a stall and smiled at her. “I’ll never tell. Come on back but leave Shadow there. He might disturb Bertha.”

  “What’s wrong with Bertha?” Tess asked in concern. “No, Shadow, stay here.” Leaving the dog in the doorway, she carried Emily down the line of stalls to the far end of the barn. The smell of hay and livestock made her nose itch.

  “She’s in labor, and it’s been rough. I’m glad you stopped by. I may need your help.”

  “Of course.” Tess set Emily on a clean pile of straw well away from the prone cow. Bertha looked up at her through glazed eyes but made no effort to rise. The cow’s misery was obvious, and Tess sympathized with her predicament.

  “I think the calf is backwards. I’m going to give her another half-hour, and if she hasn’t made any progress, I’ll try to turn it. Can you stay that long?”

  She nodded. “Emily can sleep here as easily as she can in her own bed.”

  “Isn’t it late for her to be awake?”

  “She took a long nap this afternoon and absolutely refused to go to sleep when I put her down earlier. I was at my wit’s end and decided to take a walk.”

  “Are you a trouble maker, sugarplum?” He squatted next to Emily and tickled her with a piece of straw. She giggled and grabbed his hand.

  “When I saw the light, I guessed you were working in your shop.” Tess sat cross-legged beside him.

  “I haven’t had much time for that lately. The last piece I finished was the table for Nora’s entry hall.”

  “She loves it, Daniel. You know, if you ever grew tired of farming, you could build furniture for a living.”

  “I would never give up this place. There’s nothing like working your own land, pouring your heart and sweat into it.”

  “I feel the same way, and I wasn’t born to farming the way you were.” She stroked Emily’s hair. The baby’s eyes drooped.

  “The place we had in upstate New York wasn’t anything like this. There we had to fight the forest for every acre of land. The fields were a lot smaller, and we raised more livestock. Rory and I spent many spring nights in the barn helping out with difficult births.”

  “He often talked about when you were boys.” She smiled, enjoying the nostalgic moment. It felt right sitting with Daniel, reminiscing about the man they’d both loved. “Rory told me about some of the pranks he played on you.”

  “Did he mention the time he locked me in the outhouse? I think he left me in there for two hours. Of course he got a whipping for it when I told our pa.” Daniel grinned. “If I hadn’t snitched on him, he might not have tormented me so often.”

  “Still, you two were great friends.”

  “Sure we were. Neither of us would have come west alone. Sometimes when I’m thinking about the crops or the livestock, I’ll turn to comment on it to Rory. Then I’ll remember.”

  “I do the same thing.” Tess sighed. “I don’t want to forget him, but I want it to stop hurting. When can we have the memories without the pain?”

  “I wish I knew.” He slid over and put his arm around her shoulders, giving them a squeeze. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

  “No, I’m glad you did.” She leaned into him. His shoulder was hard beneath her cheek, and he smelled faintly of sweat and hay. Awareness stirred deep inside, surprising and disturbing, awakening feelings she chose not to examine too closely.

  She pulled away slightly and cleared her throat. “It bothers me when people hesitate to mention Rory’s name, as if they’re afraid of reminding me. It’s not likely I’ll forget.”

  “I know; they do the same with me. Enough reminiscing.” He jumped to his feet and gave her a hand up. “Emily is asleep, and it’s high time I did something to help Bertha. It doesn’t look like she’s going to have this calf on her own.”

  Tess squatted down by the cow and stroked her sweat-dampened coat. Bertha emitted a low moan every now and then but otherwise lay still. She winced, memories of her labor with Emily sharp and painful.

  “We have to get her on her feet,” he said. “I’ll need your help.”

  “Just tell me what to do.”

  “Stand by her head and try to keep her still once she’s up. Come on, Bertha. I don’t like this any more than you do.” Daniel grunted as he heaved the cow to her feet. “She might try to bolt when I start prodding around in there. I’ll tie her if I need to.”

  “You’ll be a good girl for me, won’t you?” Tess wrapped her arms around the cow’s neck. “Stand still, Bertha. I know it hurts, but he’s trying to help you.”

  “The calf is breech.” Taking off his shirt, Daniel went to the wash basin and scrubbed his hands and arms with soap. “I’m going to try to turn it.”

  Tess knew this was no time to be examining his bare chest, but she couldn’t help noticing the hard muscles in his arms and shoulders. His chest was covered with reddish blond hair that narrowed as it crossed the flat plane of his stomach. He looked up, and she hastily turned away, embarrassed to be caught staring.

  “Are you ready?”

  She nodded and stroked the cow’s neck. Daniel inserted one arm inside her. Bertha huffed out a breath. Tess spoke quietly, calming the animal.

  “How is she doing?”

  “She’s fine. Scared, I imagine.”

  “I think I almost have it.” His brows drew together as he strained to reach further into the
cow. “There, that’s got it.” He removed his arm and went to the basin to wash.

  “Can I let go of her now?”

  “Sure. She shouldn’t have any problem finishing this on her own.”

  He put his shirt back on, and they settled down on the straw near Emily to wait.

  “You can go home if you like,” he said.

  Tess didn’t want to leave. Steamy air redolent with the smell of livestock combined with Daniel’s presence, lulling her into contentment. “I want to see the calf born.”

  “As often as I’ve watched births, I still get a little thrill each time. Of course nothing compares to when you had Emily.”

  “Why, Daniel, are you saying I looked like a cow?”

  “There were certain similarities. You both had the same glazed expression in your eyes, but I think you yelled louder than Bertha.”

  She poked him. “Say what you will, but you should have seen your face when Mama told you to roll up your sleeves and get ready to help.”

  “You remember that?”

  “It’s about the only thing I do remember. The doctor came shortly afterward, and the rest is a blur.”

  “Thank the good Lord for Doc Fredericks. I was never happier to see anyone in my life. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house.”

  They smiled at each other. When Bertha bellowed, he jumped up and hurried over to catch the calf as it slipped from its mother.

  “Are they all right?”

  “I think so. The calf looks fine.” He set it down gently, and the cow immediately set to work licking her new baby.

  “I’m glad. She’s very pretty with that star shaped blaze on her forehead. That’s what you should call her.”

  He glanced over. “Call her what?”

  “Star.”

  “You can name her anything you like. Thank you for helping.”

  “I’m glad I was here.” Bending, she picked up Emily, who emitted a little whimper and settled against her mother’s shoulder. “I should take her home.”

  Daniel walked with them to the open doors. “It certainly is a beautiful night,” he said, staring up at the sky.