Bittersweet

by Jannine Gallant

  “Of course I care, but it isn’t new, not for me.” His voice rose. “That’s the reason I can never have you. Rory trusted me not to act on my feelings, and I won’t betray his trust.”

  * * * *

  Tess stared at the empty doorway in stunned silence, listening to the sound of his retreating footsteps. When the kitchen door shut, she walked to the window. By the light of the moon, she saw Daniel standing beside his horse, his head pressed against its neck. She could feel his pain like a live thing inside her, tearing at her heart.

  He stood there a long time before he mounted his horse and rode away. When he did, she knew his decision was made. He was a man of pride and integrity. He thought he was doing the right thing, the noble thing. Nothing she could say would change his mind.

  She squared her shoulders and turned away from the window. If she wanted to marry again, she would have to look beyond Daniel for a husband. She thought of Nathan, picturing his good looks and warm smile. He was strong and kind, and he seemed to care about her. The knowledge should have cheered her, but it didn’t. Tears clogged her throat as she climbed the stairs to her lonely bed. Daniel was the man she wanted. Daniel was the man she loved.

  * * * *

  The temperatures rose as June came to a close. The corn grew tall in the fields, and Daniel expected a bumper crop. Each day he rose before dawn and worked until after dusk. He poured his life into the fields, working until he was too exhausted to think. He saw Tess occasionally, but they hadn’t talked since the night they’d almost made love. It was for the best. It was the way it had to be.

  He was in the south pasture setting new fence posts when the sheriff drove into Tess’s yard. Nathan climbed down from his buggy, holding a bouquet of flowers, and walked to her front door. Tess opened it. Swift took off his hat and stepped inside. The door closed behind them, and Daniel turned away.

  Tess was getting on with her life. It was to be expected. Still, his heart ached, seeing her with another man. After picking up his tools, he headed home. He washed off the day’s grime at the pump and went inside. The silence of the house hit him square in the chest.

  He pictured Tess’s kitchen, warm and inviting. In his mind he saw her moving back and forth between the stove and the table, getting supper ready. Fay sat at the table with a cup of tea, and Emily played on the floor, crawling where she had a mind to. Into this scene of domestic tranquility stepped Nathan with his flowers and his charming smile, his eyes full of desire as they rested on Tess. Daniel cursed silently.

  He couldn’t stay home tonight, imagining what was going on in Tess’s kitchen. He hurried up the stairs, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. In his room, he tossed his dirty clothes on the floor and grabbed clean ones from the armoire. Then he ran back downstairs and out the door, slamming it shut behind him. Minutes later he galloped out of the yard.

  In town, he tied his horse in front of the Silver Slipper Saloon and went inside. He headed straight for the bar and asked for a whiskey. After tipping back the shot, he turned to survey the room, nodding to a couple of acquaintances. James Hill entered the saloon. He stood in the doorway, observing the crowd before joining Daniel at the bar.

  “What’s a newlywed like you doing in here?” Daniel asked. “If I had a bride at home as pretty as Rebecca, I know where I’d be.”

  “I’m on duty.” James nodded toward a corner table. “There are a few drifters in town I want to keep my eye on. They see my badge and are less likely to start trouble.”

  “Of course you’re on duty. The sheriff is out at Tess’s place.” Daniel poured himself another shot from the bottle sitting on the bar.

  “I don’t usually see you in here, Daniel, especially on a week night.”

  “I felt like having a drink.”

  James punched his arm. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Swift being at Tess’s, would it?”

  “Can’t a man drink around here without having his motives questioned?”

  “Sure he can.” James slid off the bar stool. “I’ll leave you to it.”

  For the next hour, Daniel drank steadily. He talked to a couple of ranch hands he knew and lost a game of darts to one of the drifters James had mentioned. Finally he took his bottle of whiskey and retreated to a table at the back of the room. He looked up when a hand with long crimson nails touched his sleeve.

  “You mind sharing that?” the woman asked, smiling down at him.

  Daniel studied her. She was one of the girls who worked in the saloon. Judging by the lines at the corners of her eyes, she was past thirty but still pretty. She reminded him of a rose in full bloom, just before the petals start to wilt. His eyes dropped lower, and he swallowed. The rise of her breasts strained against the low cut bodice. It had been a long time since he’d last been with a woman.

  “Have a seat. I’ll get you a glass.”

  “I brought one.” She set it on the table.

  He poured her a drink, his hand not quite steady. “I like a woman who comes prepared. I’m Daniel.”

  “I know. I’ve seen you around town now and then, though not usually in here.”

  “I’m normally too busy for drinking, but sometimes—” He stopped speaking and tossed back the whiskey. The room spun.

  “Sometimes a man gets lonely, am I right?”

  “You’re right, uh—”

  “My name is Cora.”

  “Nice to meet you, Cora. I’m afraid I’m not at my best.”

  “I’m not complaining.” Her gaze met his, and she touched his cheek. “In fact, I like what I see very much.”

  “The feeling is mutual.”

  “Then there’s no reason to waste time talking. Would you like to go upstairs?”

  He thought dimly of Tess standing in her kitchen wearing nothing but her nightgown, her eyes shining with desire. Then he pictured her opening her front door to Nathan. He shook off the memory and focused on Cora.

  “I’d like that.”

  “Are you sure? That’s a ferocious scowl you’re wearing.”

  He tried to smile, but his heart wasn’t in it. “I’m sure.” He rose to his feet and swayed. Taking her hand, he led her toward the stairs.

  Her room smelled of the floral perfume she wore. The overpowering odor coupled with the whiskey he had consumed made his stomach churn.

  She urged him toward the bed. “Sit down. Let me pull off your boots.”

  Daniel did as she asked. He leaned back against her pillows and watched her remove his boots. Then her clever fingers went to work on the buttons of his trousers. Her hand brushed against him, and he grew aroused. He shifted his hips, allowing her to pull his pants down his legs.

  “Nice,” she said, staring at the bulge beneath his cotton drawers. She stepped back from the bed and loosened the ties fastening the bodice of her dress. Peeling the sleeves off her shoulders, she revealed a pair of full breasts.

  Daniel swallowed and wished he still had the whiskey bottle. His mouth felt as dry as an August day. His gaze roamed over her curves, lingering on her hips as her dress fell to the floor.

  “Do you want to take off your shirt, or are you in a rush?”

  “No hurry. I have all night.”

  “That’s fine by me.” She stepped out of her pantalets.

  She came to him, completely naked. He saw hunger in her eyes and wondered if she really wanted him. If her desire was an act, she should have been performing on stage.

  “Let’s take off the rest of your clothes.”

  He stood, grasping a bedpost to steady himself. While she unbuttoned his shirt, he pulled off his drawers and socks. When she leaned up against him, he fell backward onto the bed. Cora came down on top of him.

  Her hands were everywhere, touching his chest and stomach, moving lower. He groaned and closed his eyes, pretending it was Tess touching him. But when her mouth found his, he couldn’t pretend any longer. She tasted of whiskey, not tea. She smelled of strong perfume, not fresh air and soap. His desire withered.

/>   “Oh, oh,” she said. “We have a problem.”

  Daniel sat up. He held his head in his hands, feeling sick to his stomach.

  “You’re not going to puke, are you?”

  “No. I’m sorry, Clara, but I have to go.”

  “It’s Cora, and I’m sorry, too. Maybe if we try a little harder?”

  He shook his head then stood and pulled on his pants.

  “Got an attack of guilt, did you? A lot of men can’t finish the job when they start thinking about their wife waiting at home.”

  He buttoned his shirt and sat on the edge of the bed to tug on his boots. Standing, he pulled money from his pocket and set it on her dressing table.

  “I’m not married, but I can’t take you while I’m wishing it was someone else.”

  Cora reached for a silk wrapper to cover herself. “I like a man with principles. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”

  His lips twisted. “Maybe another time.”

  He left the saloon by the back stairs, swaying a little as he walked around the building to get his horse. The cool night air sobered him up some, and though his head ached, he felt capable of riding. He mounted and turned the horse toward home.

  Staring up at the star-filled sky, he cursed out loud. “Damn you, Tess, you’ve made a monk of me. Damn you. Damn me.”

  * * * *

  Tess shut the door behind Nathan and leaned against it. She looked across the room at the flowers he’d brought her and smiled. He really was a very nice man.

  She turned down the lamp in the front room and went into the kitchen. A stack of dirty dishes waited for her, and with a sigh, she set to work. Fay had tactfully gone upstairs after dinner, and she preferred to face the chore now rather than in the morning. While she scrubbed the greasy sparerib pan, she thought about her evening with Nathan.

  After Daniel’s rejection, Tess decided to take an unequivocal step toward furthering her relationship with the sheriff. When she saw him at church, she invited him to supper. He agreed with flattering enthusiasm.

  Nathan was a gentleman. He chatted pleasantly with Fay while she put supper on the table and was charming and attentive throughout the meal. After Tess put Emily to bed, they sat in the front room drinking tea and talking about their pasts. When the hour grew late, he left her with a kiss on the cheek and a promise of more to come warming his eyes. Tess wasn’t certain how she felt about that.

  She finished the dishes and was ready to head upstairs when she heard a noise in the yard. Shadow jumped up and ran to the kitchen door, whining.

  “What is it, boy?”

  He barked once and pawed the door. She opened it and looked outside. By the faint light of the moon, she saw the figure of a man hovering just below the porch steps. Her heart pounded.

  “Who’s there? I have a gun.”

  “It’s me, Tess.” Daniel stepped into the spill of light from the kitchen door.

  She let out her breath as her fear subsided. “You scared me to death. What are you doing here at this hour?”

  “Just checking to make sure you’re all right.”

  “Of course I’m all right. Are you coming in?”

  He took a step forward and stopped. “I’d better not.”

  “What’s wrong, Daniel?” Tess went out onto the porch and touched his arm. He turned his head, and she smelled the whiskey on his breath.

  Disappointment flooded her. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but it wasn’t this. “You’ve been drinking.”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “Are you drunk?”

  “Not anymore.”

  “I think you’d better come inside.” She pulled him forward, but he resisted. She frowned and rested her hands on her hips, confused by his mood.

  “Is Swift gone?” he asked in a tone so low she had to strain to hear him.

  “Nathan? Yes, of course he’s gone. How did you know he was here?”

  “I was in the south pasture when he drove up.”

  “Is Nathan the reason you’re checking on me?” she asked, annoyance sharpening her tone.

  Daniel didn’t answer. He let out a sigh and sat down on the top step. She sat beside him and reared back. “What’s that smell?”

  “Whiskey.”

  She leaned forward and sniffed then got to her feet and walked down the steps into the yard. She stood with her back to him and her arms wrapped around her waist, pain eating at her.

  “What is it, Tess?”

  “You smell like perfume. You’ve been with a woman.”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “What do I think?” She whirled to face him. “That you went out tonight, got drunk, and laid with a whore? Is that what I think? How dare you come here straight from the arms of another woman and question me about Nathan.”

  “I didn’t sleep with her,” he said. “I couldn’t.”

  Her heart broke. “You expect me to believe that when you reek of cheap perfume?”

  “I was going to, but I didn’t.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She pressed her hand to her trembling lips. “What you do is your own business. I have no right to be angry.”

  He stepped forward. “Tess.”

  “No, Daniel, don’t touch me.”

  His outstretched hand fell to his side. She stared at him and blinked back tears.

  “It’s for the best. Now I know there really isn’t any hope for us. If you loved me, you would never have gone to another woman.”

  “That’s not true.”

  She ignored his protest. “I think you should go.”

  He heaved a shuddering sigh. “Can I see Emily sometimes?”

  His question broke her control, and tears slid down her cheeks. “Of course you can see Emily. I’m not asking you to get out of our lives. I just want you to go home.”

  “Oh.” He rested his hands on her shoulders. “Please don’t cry. I can’t stand it.”

  Tess wanted to forgive him. She wanted to lay her cheek against his chest and let him hold her, but she couldn’t do it. His betrayal was too great. She shrugged off his hands and headed for the house.

  “I’m sorry,” he called.

  She stopped at the door and leaned her head against the frame. “So am I, Daniel. So am I.”

  Chapter 7

  Tess opened the kitchen door on the morning of Independence Day expecting to see Nathan, but Daniel stood on her stoop. She regarded him in silence for several moments before taking a step back. Pain squeezed her heart.

  “Hello, Daniel, please come inside.”

  He removed his hat and stepped into the kitchen. He smiled at Emily dressed in her Sunday finery, sitting on a blanket in the middle of the floor. Tess smoothed the skirt of her dress and clasped her hands together.

  “You look lovely. I came to offer you and Emily a ride to the festivities.”

  “That was thoughtful of you, but I made other plans.”

  “Are you riding with Doc Fredericks and Fay?”

  “No, we’re not. They left a few minutes ago.”

  His smile faded, and he turned toward the door. He stopped with his back to her. “If you don’t want to go with me, just say so. You don’t have to make excuses.”

  “I’m not making excuses. Nathan is coming for us. I’m expecting him any minute.”

  “Oh.” Daniel opened the door.

  Tess touched his arm, feeling the muscles tense beneath her fingers. “I hope you’re not angry.”

  “Of course not.” He turned to face her, his eyes sober. “I should have known you would already have plans. Offering you a ride was my way of saying I’m sorry about the other night. I hoped you’d forgiven me by now.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  “Yes, there is. I shouldn’t have come here, as drunk as I was, and I had no business questioning you about Nathan.”

  “I accept your apology.”

  “Thank you.” His expression was unreadable. “I guess I’l
l see you in town.”

  She nodded and followed him to the door. She leaned against the frame as he crossed the yard and climbed onto the wagon seat. He didn’t look back.

  Tess let the screen door fall shut and turned toward Emily. “Well, that’s that,” she said. It didn’t matter that her heart broke a little every time she saw Daniel. She had to think about the future. “Let’s put on your bonnet, sunshine. Nathan should be here soon.”

  Tess was ready and waiting when he arrived. He helped her into his buggy and handed Emily up. “All set?”

  She nodded and looked down at Shadow who stared back with a mournful expression. “I’m sorry there isn’t room for you, boy.”

  “I saw Daniel leaving,” Nathan said. “You should have asked him to take Shadow.”

  “I didn’t think of it.” As usual she’d been worrying instead. “It’s probably best if he stays home. This way I won’t have to spend the day keeping track of him.”

  He started the horses, and the buggy rolled down the rutted driveway. “Why was Daniel here?”

  “He stopped to offer us a ride into town. I told him you were coming for us.”

  “You’re a popular lady.”

  “That’s an exaggeration. You’re the only man who’s interested in seeing me.”

  “What about Daniel?”

  She hesitated. “He’s my friend, nothing more.”

  His eyes revealed his uncertainty. “I admit I’m jealous of all the time you two spend together.”

  “I don’t see him that often. Summer is a busy season for both of us.”

  “I hope you won’t be too busy to spare some time for me.”

  Her lips firmed. “When someone is important to me, I find time for them.”

  He squeezed her hand. “I’ll make sure it’s time well spent.”

  They left the horses standing in the shade of the church and walked out to the big oval track plowed in the prairie grass. The horse races were getting underway.

  “I see my folks and Lottie,” she said. “Shall we watch with them?”

  He nodded, and they joined the Gallaghers as the gun sounded for the start of the first race. On the track, eight beautiful animals ran full out, urged on by their riders.