Bittersweet

by Jannine Gallant

“Maybe I’ll mention it to him.”

  She looked up quickly. “It’s my news, and I’ll be the one to tell him.”

  “Fine, but you should do it before word gets out.”

  “I will.”

  “Once you tell him, it might change everything.”

  She stared at her sister. “What are you talking about?”

  Lottie smiled. “Oh, you know me; I’m just talking.”

  The screen door squeaked as Nathan and Wesley entered the kitchen. Nathan cleared his throat. “If you’re finished with the dishes, Tess, I’d like to take you home. James asked for the evening off, so I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

  “Pa can take me and Aunt Fay home,” Tess said.

  “Are you sure it won’t be a bother?”

  “Of course not,” Wesley answered.

  A cry sounded from down the hall. “Emily’s awake. I’ll get her and be right back.”

  Nathan followed her. “I’m sorry I have to leave.”

  Tess picked up Emily and cuddled her against her shoulder. Turning, she smiled at Nathan. “I don’t mind, really.” In truth she was relieved.

  “Can we have supper together one night this week?”

  “Of course. Come out to the farm anytime you like.”

  His dark eyes sobered as he watched her. “Tess, have you decided to turn down my proposal?”

  She stepped forward and laid her hand on his arm. “No, Nathan, I haven’t. We’ll discuss it when we have more time. Please don’t worry.”

  His lips curved beneath his mustache. “I’ll be out to see you soon.” Bending, he kissed her. “Goodnight, Tess.”

  * * * *

  “I was a little surprised by your news.” Wesley turned in the buggy seat to study Tess. “I hadn’t expected you and Nathan to settle matters so quickly.”

  She rubbed Emily’s back with slow, soothing strokes. “Nothing is settled.”

  “Your mother implied it would be shortly.”

  When she didn’t answer, Fay patted her hand. “Nathan is a fine man. It’s obvious he cares deeply for you.”

  “Yes, he does.”

  “It’s a shame you don’t return his feelings,” her father said.

  She drew in a deep breath. “I care very much for him.”

  “You don’t mention love. Don’t you both deserve love in a marriage?”

  She stared down at the top of Emily’s head, unable to bring herself to meet her father’s gaze. “Nathan knows how I feel.”

  “I’m pleased you’ve been honest with him.”

  She clamped her teeth together. “Marrying Nathan is the right choice, the only choice.”

  “Are you happy, Tess?” Fay asked. “Lately, I haven’t seen much joy in you, and it worries me.”

  She looked straight ahead, choking on her doubts. “I’m happy.”

  Wesley slapped the reins against the horses’ rumps. “Then I won’t question you further.”

  Despite his words, his concern was palpable. Tess touched his arm. “You know I’ll be content having a husband again. You know I’ll find satisfaction in giving Emily a father.”

  “I do.” He squeezed her hand. “I only hope you’ve chosen the right man.”

  She let out a frustrated breath. “I can’t marry a man who won’t have me, Pa.”

  “No, you can’t.” Wesley turned the buggy off the road and pulled up in front of the back porch. He helped Fay down and then Tess.

  She paused beside the door after her aunt went inside. “I’m not making a mistake, Pa.”

  “I can see you believe that. I hope you won’t regret your decision when Daniel finally comes to his senses.”

  “It’s been almost a year. He won’t change his mind.”

  “You’re sure of that?”

  She nodded. “I’ve given him every inducement. To try harder would be an embarrassment to us both.”

  Wesley kissed her cheek. “Then he’s a fool.”

  Tess watched her father leave. She stared after the departing buggy until Emily squirmed in her arms. Wearily she went into the house.

  Daniel was a fool. But I’m a bigger one for loving him.

  Chapter 13

  Tess stood on the platform holding Emily as the train race up the tracks, slowly growing larger. Smoke billowed into the bright blue sky, and a long whistle sounded as it approached the station. She jumped when a hand touched her shoulder.

  “I got your message,” Nathan said. “You’re off to Denver?”

  She nodded and raised her voice to be heard over the noise of the train. “We’ll be back tomorrow evening.”

  “I wish I could go with you—” The rest of his words were lost as the engine roared past and screeched to a stop.

  “What, Nathan, I couldn’t hear you,” she said.

  “Never mind. Have a good trip.”

  “We will. I’m looking forward to a little shopping.”

  Nathan frowned. “I don’t like sending you off alone with Daniel.”

  “Aunt Fay planned to come with us, but she woke up with one of her headaches. She would have been miserable traveling. If we don’t mention it, no one will know she stayed home.”

  “I don’t care what people think. I’m more concerned about what Daniel will want when he has you alone.”

  Guilt ate at her as she remembered their moment in the rain. “Daniel and I are alone together all the time. He doesn’t want anything from me.”

  He cupped her face in his palms and kissed her lips then ran one finger down the side of her cheek before stepping back. “I have to go.”

  He strode down the platform, his shoulders set. When she turned, Daniel stood by the depot door. His brows drew together in a scowl as he stared at Nathan’s retreating back.

  “I have the tickets,” he said, coming toward her. “If you’re ready, we can board now.”

  He picked up her satchel, and Tess followed him to the passenger car. He helped her up the steps and took her elbow to guide her down the aisle toward the front of the car. They were barely settled on the soft, upholstered seat when the whistle blew and the train jerked forward. Emily pressed her nose against the window.

  Tess grinned. “I feel the same way, but I’m too old to push my nose against the glass.”

  “When was the last time you were on a train?”

  “Several years ago.” Emotion tightened her chest. “Mama and I went shopping in Denver before I married Rory.”

  “Then it’s time you went again.”

  She refused to let the reference or the memories dim her high spirits. She wouldn’t dwell on her husband’s last train journey. It served no purpose. She was away from the farm with two days and a night in Denver ahead of her. She intended to enjoy every minute of it.

  “I’m sorry I gave you so little time to prepare for this trip, Tess. When the letter came yesterday, I wanted to leave right away. I’ll start harvesting the corn as soon as we return.”

  “It doesn’t matter. With Aunt Fay staying home, she can tend to Shadow and the chickens.”

  “Rebecca’s brothers are feeding and watering the stock for me. I’m thinking of using some of the profits from Uncle John’s house to hire Isaac to help with the harvesting.”

  “That’s a good idea. Harvesting corn is a two man job.”

  “It will certainly go faster if I have help.”

  Prrairie grasses waved beneath a cloudless sky. A hunting party of Indians rode in the distance. When the train spooked a small herd of bison, Emily bounced up and down on her sturdy little legs, screeching in delight.

  “That’s something you don’t see very often anymore,” Daniel said as the herd thundered away from the train.

  “No, we used to see them all the time when we were young.” Tess put out a steadying hand to hold Emily upright at the window. After a while she crawled onto her mother’s lap. The rocking motion of the train lulled her to sleep.

  She stroked her daughter’s hair and thought about the day ahead. Spending tim
e alone with Daniel was a bittersweet pleasure. It felt like they were a family, but it was all an illusion.

  “Will the lawyer be expecting us?” she asked abruptly.

  “I sent a telegram telling him we’re coming. The man buying the house paid our asking price, and he’s taking all of Uncle John’s furniture. As soon as we sign the papers, we’ll get the money. The whole transaction shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

  “Will there be enough money to fix my house so it doesn’t flood in a rainstorm?”

  Daniel laughed. “You know nothing short of moving it to higher ground will solve that problem.”

  “A girl can dream.”

  He picked up her hand. “Is that what you dream about, having a dry house in the rain?”

  Tess looked down at their hands, and her heart slammed against her chest. His was tanned a deep brown. A sprinkling of reddish blond hair covered the back, and the palm was hard with calluses. Hers looked small and pale in contrast. He turned her hand over and ran one long, brown finger down her palm. She shivered.

  “There’s not much point in wishing for something I can’t have. Lately, my dreams have taken a more practical turn.”

  “You never used to be pragmatic.”

  “I didn’t have a child to consider then.” She stroked Emily’s soft auburn hair, and her lips firmed. “I have to do what’s best for her.”

  “Is what’s best for Emily right for you?”

  She glanced up and met his gaze. “It will have to be.”

  “Tess, what have you done?” Daniel asked. His voice sounded almost fearful.

  She looked away and cleared her throat, trying to find the right words. When she opened her mouth to speak, the conductor strode down the aisle.

  “Box dinners,” he called, “just two bits each.”

  “Are you hungry?” Daniel asked.

  She let out her breath, relieved at the reprieve. “I am. I was in such a rush this morning I didn’t have time for breakfast.”

  “Neither did I.” He dug a couple of quarters from his pocket. “I’ll take two dinners, please.”

  Tess shifted closer to him and laid Emily down on the seat. The box dinner contained a roast beef sandwich, bean salad, an orange, and a piece of pie. She folded back the paper wrapping on the sandwich and took a bite.

  “Should we wake Emily?” Daniel asked.

  “No, I brought some crackers and applesauce for her. I’ll feed her when she wakes up.”

  By the time they finished their dinners Emily was stirring. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Daniel leaned across Tess and smiled at her. A tingle raced through Tess at the contact. Lowering her hands, Emily smiled back.

  When she had her breathing under control Tess handed Emily a cracker. She ate with enthusiasm, finishing the applesauce just as the train slowed for the final stop.

  “There’s a hotel near the station where Rory and I stayed. It’s comfortable and convenient. We’ll go there first and get rooms before we see the lawyer,” Daniel said.

  “That’s fine.” Tess watched out the window as the train approached the station. The platform was crowded with people. Beyond it she could see the busy streets of Denver.

  Daniel carried their satchels, and Tess held Emily while they waited their turn to exit the railcar. When they reached the platform, they followed the flow of people toward the street. There were buggies and wagons and people everywhere she looked. Tall buildings lined both sides of the street leading away from the depot. The activity thrilled her, so different from the slow pace of the farm.

  “This way,” Daniel said, taking her arm.

  They walked two blocks to a small hotel with a sign above the door reading Maxwell’s. Inside the lobby was cool. Tess sat with Emily while Daniel paid for their rooms. He returned a few minutes later with the porter who carried their bags up to the second floor. The man opened the door to a suite decorated in lilac and cream. Tess looked around the comfortable sitting area. On either side of the room was a door leading to a bedroom.

  “This is lovely, Daniel.” She peeked into one of the bedrooms. Inside was a big four poster bed with a crocheted, cream colored spread. The walls were papered in a pattern of lilacs in gilt lozenges.

  “Take whichever room you like.” He cleared his throat. “I asked for a suite because I thought it would be nice to have the sitting area.”

  “Oh, it will be. I can sit out here and watch the street below while Emily naps.”

  “Good.” His eyes smiled hesitantly into hers. Leaving her bag on the bed, he took his into the other room. When he came out, he glanced at the ornate clock standing on a corner table.

  “It’s almost three o’clock now. We should leave soon to see the lawyer. I told him we would be there before three-thirty.”

  She smoothed back a few wisps of hair that had escaped the knot at the back of her neck and tucked her blouse more firmly into her skirt. “I’m ready. Let me change Emily’s diaper, and we can go.”

  Daniel carried Emily as they walked west toward Matthew Dobbs’s office. It was on the second floor of a building housing an accounting firm and a real estate company. A young man in a pinstriped suit took their names and led them through the reception area to a closed door. He knocked softly and opened it. An older man with gray hair and a drooping mustache rose to greet them. He shook Daniel’s hand and smiled at Tess.

  “This is Mrs. Moran,” Daniel said. “Tess, meet Matthew Dobbs, Uncle John’s lawyer.”

  “A pleasure, ma’am.” Dobbs shook her hand. “I’m sorry about your husband.”

  “Thank you,” she answered.

  Dobbs pulled out papers awaiting their signatures. They signed their names with a sharpened quill pen on the lines he indicated. When they were through, he handed Daniel a bank draft.

  “That’s all we have to do?” Tess asked.

  Dobbs smiled. “That’s all. I’m sorry you had to travel so far just to sign your name a few times.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind. I’m enjoying the trip.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. It was certainly a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Moran.”

  She shook hands again and thanked him for his time. The same young man who had admitted them escorted them to the door.

  Back on the street, Tess paused in the doorway to admire the bank draft. “Look at all those zeros. It makes me feel like buying something.”

  Daniel smiled at her. The expression in his eyes stole her breath. Why is he looking at me that way?

  “You can buy whatever you like.”

  “I can’t. Emily needs a nap before supper. We can go shopping tomorrow.”

  “Do you want to go straight back to the hotel?”

  She nodded. “I’ll take a bath and get dressed while she naps. I want her in a good mood when we go out for supper.”

  He walked them to the door of their suite and paused in the hallway. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

  Tess touched his arm. “You don’t need to stay away on our account. Emily is a sound sleeper.”

  He cleared his throat. “I have a few errands to run. I’ll ask them to bring up your bath water on my way out.”

  Tess frowned as she watched him hurry away. He was acting strange, high-strung and jumpy. She turned the key in the lock and entered the suite. She couldn’t worry about Daniel’s moods or the reasons for them.

  Tess lay in a tub of steaming water and closed her eyes while Emily slept. She sighed in pure pleasure, enjoying the rare opportunity to relax. When the water began to cool, she climbed out of the tub, wrapped herself in a big towel the maid had provided, and stood in front of the mirror.

  Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks were flushed pink from the heat of the bath. She studied her glowing expression, and guilt stabbed her. She had no right feeling so happy when the reason for it was Daniel. Instead of looking forward to the evening ahead, she should be missing Nathan.

  Tess dropped the towel and put on her chemise then sat at the dressing tabl
e to fix her hair. She pulled it up high off her face and pinned it in place. A few tendrils escaped, and she curled the damp ends around her finger. When she was satisfied with the results, she slipped on her petticoats and the dress she’d made for Rebecca’s wedding.

  Tess studied her reflection in the mirror and smiled in satisfaction. She looked her best. She wanted Daniel to think she was pretty. She knew she shouldn’t care, but she did. She closed her eyes, torn by conflicting emotions. Her heart warred with her practical nature.

  She stood at the window watching the traffic below when a soft knock sounded at the door. She opened it and stepped back. Daniel made no effort to enter. He simply stood and stared.

  “Are you coming in?”

  “Let me get my breath back. Your beauty took it away.”

  She flushed with pleasure. “Thank you.”

  Finally he entered the room. His eyes studied her from the top of her head to the tips of her shoes, sending a shiver of awareness down her spine.

  “Is Emily awake yet?”

  “I was just going in to check on her.”

  “If you want to wake her, it shouldn’t take me long to change. I’m more than ready for some supper.”

  Tess woke Emily, nursed her, and buttoned her into her best white dress. She left the bedroom and found Daniel waiting for her in the sitting room.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to take so long.”

  “I hurried. Anyway, you’re both worth the wait.” He took her arm and escorted her from the suite, locking the door behind them. Downstairs, he dropped off the key at the desk in the lobby.

  “You have a beautiful wife and daughter, sir,” the man at the desk said as he took the key.

  He smiled over his shoulder at Tess. “Thank you, I’m a lucky man.”

  When they were out on the street, she looked up at him. Confusion tugged at her, pulling her willy-nilly. She didn’t know what to think. “Why did you let him believe we were married?”

  “You heard that, did you?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with my ears, Daniel.”

  He laughed. “Apparently not. I didn’t correct him because I wanted him to believe it.”

  “He thinks we’re married because we’re sharing a suite and have the same surname. My reputation would be in tatters if word got out, so it’s probably best.”