Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily)

by Karen Amanda Hooper

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Try me.”

  I was so annoyed by how River acted in front of Nathan. Asking me about the necklace I didn’t even want, and flinging those roses around like he was some kind of Romeo. “And what’s with the babe thing? I don’t like being called babe.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  What made me even madder was that before River showed up, I had been questioning if Nathan Luna, hottest guy on the planet—and maybe not as insane as I originally thought—could be interested in someone like me. The candles definitely seemed…romantic. He even held onto me a little longer than normal when I hugged him. It might’ve been wishful thinking, but he kept looking at me a certain way, like rays from an emerald sun were struggling to shine through his eyes. I prayed—as impossible as it seemed—that maybe I played some part in replacing his sad darkness with the happy sunrise I saw inside of him.

  River slid closer to me. “So what about us? Are we officially an item or what?”

  “This is my night to be reconnected to my family. We can discuss you and me tomorrow.”

  He gave one last angry huff before shutting up.

  When we got back to the house, River got in his car and left, and I ran inside to thank Nathan again. Carson sat alone on the couch looking pissed off.

  “Hey, where’s your brother?”

  “Gone.”

  “Gone where?”

  “Back to Colorado.”

  “But he just got here.” He must have driven the Desoto here, so how would he get back to Colorado? “Was he flying back?”

  “No, he caught a ride on a meteor.”

  My heart sank. Not because of Carson’s stupid star obsession, but because Nathan didn’t mention he’d be leaving right away, and he didn’t care enough to say goodbye to me, which meant, of course, I had imagined his interest in me. No big shocker there. The car thing was truly about keeping peace with the family. “I wish I could’ve said goodbye.”

  Carson avoided eye contact.

  “Are you mad at me?” I asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Are you upset about something?”

  “Nope.”

  “Thank you again for saving my life today. I’d say I owe you one, but I’m not sure I’d ever be able to pay you back for something like that.”

  He grunted.

  Back to cold shoulder status. Great. “Okay, well…guess I’ll go to bed.

  Not a word. I thought we’d had a real bonding moment out on the cliffs, but now he seemed to hate me all over again. I’d never figure him out.

  I went to my room and called Krista to tell her about the Desoto. I left out the River situation because I still wasn’t sure how I felt. I used to tell Krista everything, but since the Christmas incident I didn’t know where I stood with her—or with anyone.

  I showered all the dirt off me and went to bed.

  Carson’s arctic attitude and the River soap opera were stressing me out, but it all paled in comparison to the thrill of having my parents’ car back. I got excited when Nathan appeared in my dreams.

  At first, it was an incredible dream. We were flying through a star-filled sky. Snow-covered mountains whizzed by us at what felt like a hundred miles per hour, but exhilaration turned to worry when we landed.

  Nathan disappeared just before he hit the ground. Then he reappeared, standing a few inches away from me and fell to his knees. He held his face in his hands like he was in pain. I bent over him and ran my hands over his head, wanting to make sure he was okay. But I didn’t feel hair; I only felt tingling warmth against my invisible fingers.

  “This can’t be happening,” he moaned. He shook his head over and over again, pressing his hands over his eyes. “I can’t take anymore.”

  He sounded so defeated. My non-existent hands traveled down his wide shoulders. When he looked up, he let out a gut-wrenching scream that sent me jumping backward. He ripped the headphones from his ears and threw his iPod.

  It went right through the place where my heart was supposed to be.

  ∞

  In the morning, I walked into the kitchen and discovered Faith doing laps around the island.

  “You’re early,” I said dryly.

  “Are you and River an item, and I somehow don’t know about it?”

  I frowned, searching for a way to explain. “Not exactly.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means I don’t think I like him like that.”

  Faith’s expression softened. “You deserve better than him.” She grabbed a package from her bag then slid it across the counter to me. “Here, the other part of your gift from Nathan.”

  “What?” I unwrapped a black Gatsby style hat. Green, blue, and white crystals formed a peacock feather along the brim, a silver peacock charm dangled off the green satin banding. “What's with the peacock fascination?”

  Faith shrugged then stuffed a nectarine into her messenger bag. “He heard you lost Mikey’s hat in your heavyweight match with April, so he got you a new one. At least this one is pretty.”

  “How did you get it?”

  “Um.” Her gaze shot to the ceiling. “I drove him to the airport. He said you ran off with the wretched wannabe before he could give it to you.” She grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge. “You ready?”

  Speaking of wretched. “Where’s Harmony?”

  “She’s taking a day off. She didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  I asked to be polite, but I honestly didn’t care. Her ominous disposition and permanent pissed-offness unnerved me. Knowing I had to have “the talk” with River made this day awkward enough already. My new hat would come in handy. I could hide under it.

  ∞

  I managed to put off the inevitable until school ended, but dragonflies buzzed in my stomach as River and I walked to his car. He was in his seat and looking at me before I even closed my door. I’d run out of excuses.

  “Nice hat,” he said.

  “Thanks.”

  He drummed on the steering wheel. “Kind of messed up that you’re not wearing the necklace I gave you.”

  “Flashy bling isn’t my style.”

  He slammed his palm against the center console, startling me. “Nothing I do makes you happy, does it?”

  “That’s not true it’s just—”

  “Because it’s not a car like Numbnuts gave you, it’s not good enough?”

  “What? No. I never said that.” Suddenly River’s car felt like the desert. I put my window down to let in some air. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship, and April is my friend. I can’t hurt her like that.”

  “She kicked your ass!”

  “Hey, I held my own!” I unconsciously touched my cheek where a bruise remained for a week after our fight. “The thing is, I didn’t have a lot of friends in Maryland, and this dating thing is new to me, but I’ve seen it end badly. Look at you and April. You won’t even say “hi” to her. And she won’t talk to me. I don’t want to lose both of you.”

  River leaned closer. His leather seat squeaked under his weight. “Maryah, I want you. Now tell me, what do you want?”

  I should’ve felt a surge of excitement because the most popular guy at school just said he wanted me—again—but instead, all I felt was my nose burning from the lemon-scented air freshener.

  River sighed and tugged at his wristband. “What if I promise that no matter what happens, you and I stay friends? Until death do us part or whatever. We take it slow and see if we’re meant to be. Because we are, and I want to spoil you rotten.” He leaned across the seat, cocking his head to the side.

  No one had ever tried to kiss me before, but I assumed that’s what he was doing. I moved so far away from him that my hair hung out the window. I needed to say something to get him back to his side of the car. “You said you’d give me time to think about it.”

  He brushed a finger along my arm then kissed my hand. “Fine, but wear the necklace. You deserve nice things.�
�

  I breathed a sigh of relief when he moved away from me. He revved his engine and pulled out of the parking lot. “I know you’ll make the right decision.”

  I pulled down the brim of my hat over my eyes and stared out the window. For the entire ride home, all I could think about was Nathan.

  THE POWER OF EIGHTEEN

  Maryah

  I kept up the need-time-to-think charade for a few days. Even though I didn’t feel that way about River, I didn’t want to lose his friendship. Part of me hoped he would just give up on the dating thing. Another huge part of me wished he and April would get back together and solve all of our problems.

  Amongst the drama, my eighteenth birthday snuck up on me. Faith and Louise were all hyped up about my “big day.” For the first time ever, I kind of wished I could just skip the whole birthday thing, but no such luck.

  Faith rented out the Black Cow Café and decorated the place with streamers and balloons. She made me wear a pink sash that said “Birthday Princess” and a jeweled tiara.

  We were eating Helen’s handmade pizza when Faith lowered the lights and announced the start of a slideshow. The song, “A Pieceful Life” played and a giant lump formed in my throat. I knew the lyrics by heart: Pieces of me waiting to be put back together again, a soul so broken I don’t know if I can live again.

  The first slide read, “We love you, Maryah!” Then a series of photos flashed on the screen, scenes from the time I arrived in Sedona up until a couple days ago. I had no idea anyone had taken most of them. There were photos of me arriving at the airport, gazing out the window at Cathedral Rock, the first day of school, holidays, and one of Nathan and me with hot air balloons in the background. It was a collage of at least thirty photos. They couldn’t have chosen a more perfect birthday song considering the tumultuous year I had.

  I looked like I was on the verge of death in the first few pictures then gradually my coloring, weight, and clothes changed. How did these people put up with me during my zombie stage? The next to last slide read, “Our gift to you…” The final photo showed Krista holding a sign that said “See you Saturday! XO”

  I squealed and looked around at everyone. “Krista’s coming to visit?”

  “Yes!” Faith clapped excitedly. “Are you so excited, Ma-Ma?”

  Louise smiled at me. She must’ve invited Krista to come back. Being that our birthdays were only one day apart we’d always celebrated them together, and because of Louise that tradition would continue. I hugged her. “Louise, thank you so much.”

  Harmony disappeared out the back door. I should’ve known she didn’t want to be here, but I didn’t care. Krista was coming to visit! Hands down, my best birthday gift ever.

  Anthony carried a two-tier chocolate birthday cake to the table while everyone sang. Unlike the usual messy version of the birthday song, this version sounded like it was being performed by an angelic choir. Nathan crossed my mind. I wanted him to be here with us, but whenever I asked about him everyone said he was busy with school.

  I excused myself so I could use the restroom, but when I got to the back of the store I overheard Harmony talking outside.

  “Maryah won’t believe that. Remember how you reacted?”

  I was tired of being scared. What better time than my birthday to grow up and face my fear of Harmony. I pushed the door open. “I won’t believe what?”

  Harmony spun around with her phone to her ear. Her black-as-tar eyes stared at me over her sunglasses. “Nothing.”

  I wished for a rewind button. What was I thinking? Harmony and I alone in an alley—not my smartest move. But if I backed down now, she’d be bitchy to me forever. “I heard you say my name. Who are you talking to?”

  She shoved her phone in her back pocket and crossed her arms over her chest. “Nobody.”

  The sour smell of old ice cream in the dumpster made my stomach turn. Or maybe fear had prompted the sudden desire to heave. “You said my name. If you’re going to talk about me, at least have the guts to say it to my face.” My brother used that line on a bully when we were kids, so I knew I sounded strong, but I felt like a terrified seven-year-old.

  “It has nothing to do with guts. My conversation was private.”

  “Why do you hate me so much? I’ve never done anything to you.”

  “Never say never.” She laughed. Harmony—whom I’d hardly ever seen crack a smile—actually laughed. Then she took off her sunglasses. “But I don’t hate you, so spare me the theatrics.”

  Faith appeared in the doorway. “You two are missing cake and ice cream.”

  Harmony and I continued glaring at each other. If I looked away first, I’d lose. My heart hammered between my ears. I had no idea why this confrontation felt so important, but I’d stand my ground no matter how much she intimidated me.

  “What’s going on?” Faith asked.

  Harmony looked away. I let out the breath I’d been holding.

  “Maryah’s newly attained adulthood has made her brave and delusional.”

  I stepped forward, clueless as to how my nerve got so strong. “You were talking to someone about me.” I looked at Faith. “She said I wouldn’t believe something.”

  “Harmony?” Faith questioned, but she glanced around like she expected to see someone else. I looked around too. Who were we looking for?

  “This is pointless. I’m going inside.” Harmony pushed past Faith and left us standing in the alley.

  “What did I ever do to her?” I asked Faith with frustration.

  “Let me talk to her. I might know what this is about, and if I’m right, she’s only trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me? I don’t need her protection.”

  “Maybe not, but you have it anyway. Come back inside. Literally, there is cake with your name on it.”

  Harmony left before I had even a bite of cake. It’s nearly impossible to ruin my appetite for chocolate, but she managed to do it. When the party ended, Faith insisted that I go home. She promised to come over after she and Shiloh cleaned up, and I made her swear to give me answers about the Harmony weirdness.

  ∞

  Luckily, I had the house to myself. Faith and Harmony were on their way over. At least there wouldn’t be an audience like there was at my last fight. I was scared, but confident that Faith would make sure Harmony didn’t hurt me too badly. It couldn’t hurt any worse than my fight with April. Could it?

  They found me in the backyard feeding the fish. I wanted to stand up and act tough, but instead I continued to sit there, skimming my fingers in the icy water and watching the bright red and orange bodies swim around.

  Faith squeezed my shoulder. “Let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.”

  I glanced at Harmony, imagining the damage she could do. Not wanting my blood splattered all over Louise’s house, I said, “No, I’d rather do it outside.”

  Harmony looked different. No glasses. No scowl. She almost looked concerned—an emotion I didn’t know she possessed. “Maryah, are you sure you want to do this?”

  No. I didn’t want to fight Stinkerbell, but I didn’t want to be treated like a doormat anymore either. “Do what?”

  Harmony grunted. “Demand the truth.”

  Truth? Right. The whole point of this was to find out who she was talking to about me. Maybe the truth wouldn’t involve fists. “I’m sure.”

  Faith sat down Indian style. Harmony plopped down next to her.

  “Ma-Ma, you’re going to think we’re crazy when we tell you this,” Faith began, “but you have to hear us out until the end.”

  I nodded.

  She giggled and leaned in close to me then whispered, “Harmony sees dead people.”

  “Very Sixth Sense-ish of you,” Harmony said.

  I watched them both with confusion. “What?”

  Faith wriggled up onto her knees. “Harmony has a gift. She can communicate with souls who have died, but haven’t crossed to the Higher Realm. Some ask her for favors or to relay messages.�
� She sounded so chipper about it. This had to be a joke.

  “Really?” I asked with amusement.

  “Yes, really,” Harmony said.

  Then it occurred to me, Harmony wasn’t the joking type. “You swear?”

  “On my life, and the lives of everyone I love.”

  I wasn’t sure how much that really meant, but if she was serious…“Doesn’t that freak you out?”

  She bent one leg up and picked at the sole her boot. “Rarely.”

  After Faith’s Sixth Sense comment, all I could picture were half-mangled bodies groaning and clawing at Harmony for help. The images in my head weren’t pretty, and for a moment I thought I had some insight to her dismalness. I’d be the same way if dead people followed me around. “Are they scary looking?”

  “I don’t see their bodies. Only clouds of light, or dark. It all depends.”

  “Tell her Harmony,” Faith urged.

  “Tell me what?”

  Harmony raked her fingers through her hair. Some purple pieces stuck straight up. “Remember, you have to hear everything then you’ll have proof.”

  I nodded again.

  “In the alley, I wasn’t on the phone. That’s something I do in case people see me talking to what appears to be no one.” She took a quick breath. “I was talking to your parents.”

  The hair on my arms stood up. My mouth opened, but no words came out. If she was lying, this was the cruelest thing Harmony could ever do to me.

  “They love you and miss you and all that jazz. Your dad says he’s sorry, blah blah blah.”

  “Harmony,” Faith whined.

  “Ay dios mio, Faith! You know I’m not good at emotional translations. Just let me do this my own way!”

  I wasn’t sure if I believed in ghosts, and even if they were real, I’d sense if my own parents were hanging around. “I don’t believe you.”

  Harmony’s head snapped up to look at me. “I told you wait until—”

  “If it’s true, ask them what Mikey called me.”

  “Seriously, I’m getting to the part where…” Harmony’s eyes jumped to the empty space beside me. “Okay! Okay. Ry. Your mother is screaming that Mikey called you Ry.”