by Tony Wilson
Excerpt from The Selwood Boys Maintain the Mischief
ONE
APRIL 1998
‘Okay your turn, Joel. Truth or dare?’ The Selwoods’ older cousin Justin stared at Joel.
‘Truth,’ Joel said.
The Selwood boys and their cousins groaned. ‘Oh come on, Joel, you always choose truth!’
Joel shrugged. He did always choose truth, but only because the older boys’ dares had become so terrifying. Last time they’d visited their cousins’ farm in Raywood, Joel had picked dare, and going down a shearing chute grappling a sheep had given him splinters in his bum.
‘Okay, if it means for sure Geelong wins the premiership this year, would you . . .’ Justin gazed around the woolshed, searching for something suitably yucky. He fixed on a wooden pen containing two merino sheep still waiting to be sheared. One of them bleated.
‘Would you . . . kiss a sheep on the mouth?’
Adam and Troy whooped with laughter and slapped Justin on the back. Justin was sixteen, two years older than the twins and already tall like a grown-up. He had dark hair and huge dimples. He was quiet but funny, and able to make or fix anything around the farm. The four brothers looked up to him in every way.
Joel shrugged, wanting to play it cool. ‘Yeah, of course I would.’
‘Yuck,’ said Scott.
‘Gross!’ squealed their cousin Monique, who was fourteen, like the twins. Cousin Sophie giggled too. She was nine, the same as Joel, and played footy as well as any of the boys in her grade. She screwed up her nose. ‘Ewwww!’
Joel kept playing it straight. ‘Yeah, I reckon I’d rather kiss a ewe, Sophie, but if it meant a Cats flag, I’d even risk the horns, and pucker up for a ram.’
Justin laughed hard at this, which made Joel happy. The twins and Scott joined in, too.
‘Okay, go kiss a sheep, then,’ Troy said. ‘I dare you. There are two pretty ones over there.’
‘No,’ said Joel. ‘My turn’s over. I chose truth.’
‘Well, the Cats might not win the premiership, then!’ Adam said. ‘And it’ll be your fault.’
‘What, for not kissing a sheep?’ Joel said.
Adam titled his head and raised an eyebrow, as if to say, It’ll be on your head.
Joel really would do almost anything for a Cats flag. It was his number-two daydream — Cats captain Barry Stoneham climbing onto the dais to receive the premiership cup. Joel closed his eyes and imagined it for about the millionth time. His number-one daydream was that one day he’d be a part of a Cats premiership.
Joel actually would kiss a sheep if it meant that would come true.
It was Monique’s turn next and she chose dare. ‘Dare you to cut off a lock of your hair with the shears,’ said Adam.
Monique didn’t even blink. She was a freckly, athletic girl who’d been born and bred on a working farm. She had shoulder-length dark hair, and thirty seconds after the dare, she had one lock less.
Everyone cheered.
Scott chose dare, too. ‘Cover yourself completely with that big fleece over there,’ said Justin.
A freshly shorn, untreated, brown-white fleece was draped over the wool table. Flies buzzed around it.
Joel could see Scott’s nervousness as he got close to it, but knew his little brother would eventually do it. Scott was like that — always proving himself against the big kids, never wanting to be left behind. He shooed the flies and used all his eight-year-old might to lift the fleece. Then he slipped under it, until he was completely covered by a very smelly, very hot sheep doona. The flies resettled on it.
‘Yaaay!’ they all roared. ‘Go, Scooter!’
The twins chose truth, and both got the same question. Who was their crush?
‘Haven’t got one,’ said Troy.
‘Me neither,’ said Adam.
Joel didn’t think either was being completely truthful. Last week, Adam had blushed bright red when Joel had caught him buying a can of soft drink for Laura Arthur at the Harley Street milk bar. And Troy was having really long ‘homework conversations’ on the phone with some mystery study mate. On Wednesday, Joel had picked up the other phone in his parents’ room and listened for a few minutes. The highlight had been when the female voice had asked Adam for his favourite Backstreet Boys song. ‘I’m not sure I could choose just one,’ Adam had gushed. ‘I like them all equally.’ Joel had nearly guffawed down the line and given himself away.
He didn’t say anything now though. If he admitted to eavesdropping, Adam might toss him in the feed trough.
‘Truth or dare, Joely?’ Joel hadn’t been concentrating. Was it his go again already?
‘Dare,’ Joel said and immediately regretted it. His mind had been elsewhere. He always chose truth.
‘Well, hoo-ray!’ said Adam, rubbing his hands together. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, Joel Selwood is finally stepping up to the plate for a dare. Let’s make it a good one.’
Justin was a dare genius. His dares were always inventive and challenging, and sometimes stomach-turning. He had one within seconds. ‘What about this? Joel, you’ve got to shear your name onto a sheep.’
Joel did a double take. ‘What? How?’
Justin laughed. ‘It’s easy. We’ll hold the sheep for you. You just grab the electric shears and write your name.’
‘No,’ Joel stammered. ‘I can’t. Mum would kill me. They’re not my sheep.’
‘They’re ours,’ said Sophie, ‘mine, Monique’s and Justin’s. We don’t mind, I promise. It doesn’t hurt the sheep. They like it.’
‘I’ll get caught,’ Joel said. ‘My name will be on a sheep!’
‘Stop worrying,’ Adam said. ‘The shearers will be back first thing tomorrow. They’ll fix it up. Nobody will know. And write “SEL” if you like. We’ll take the blame, too.’
Joel was still shaking his head when his cousins and brothers jumped into the pen to corner a ewe. Justin chose the one that was a little slower to move. He raised his arms slowly, and then nabbed it firmly under the jaw. He gestured for the twins to hold the hind legs. Monique fired up the clippers with a wicked grin. ‘Write your name, Joel Selwood. That’s the dare.’
‘I dunno,’ Joel said. ‘I’m not a great shearer . . .’
Justin got things started with the S. He swirled it through the wool like a barber wielding clippers. Sophie was right. The sheep didn’t seem to mind. The twins began singing: ‘Click go the shears, boys, click, click, click.’
Nervously, Joel took over for the E and the L. It was fun! The wool was brown-white on the outside but a pure unblemished white down close to the skin. The letters stood out quite spectacularly. When he was finished, he received a round of applause.
‘Hooray for Joel!’ said Troy. ‘Hooray for SEL sheep!’
‘Nobody’s dared you yet,’ Joel said to Justin. ‘I dare you to do the same. Write your name on a sheep.’
Justin shrugged like it was the easiest thing in the world. He cornered the other sheep, casually straddled it, and started writing his name: C-R-A-P-P.
Justin wasn’t being rude. Crapp really was his name. Or at least the start of it. He was Justin Crapper, just as Monique was Monique Crapper, Sophie was Sophie Crapper, and the absent eighteen-year-old Leigh was Leigh Crapper. They were the Crapper cousins. Mum had been a Crapper before she got married and became a Selwood. Mum and Uncle Mick often boasted that they were descendants of the great Thomas Crapper, who made bathroom fittings and was the inventor of the flush toilet. They were proud Crappers, one and all. And now Justin was writing the Crapper name on the side of a sheep.
He ran out of room after the second P.
Adam started laughing. ‘It looks like we’ve got a SEL sheep and a CRAPP sheep,’ he said.
‘My writing is neater,’ Joel said, tilting his head to the side to admire his own work.
‘Kids!’ sang a voice at the door of the shed. It was Mum. ‘Do you want to have something to eat?’
At the sound of Mum’s voice, eve
ryone started climbing out of the pen. Justin scrambled to turn off the buzzing shears and vaulted the gate. Joel feared that their startled escape made them look guilty. Mum wandered over with Uncle Mick.
‘What’s this?’ Uncle Mick said, peering over at the sheep. He was wearing his battered straw hat, and his faithful dog, Bull, was at his feet. Uncle Mick’s fingers pinched his sun-cracked lips when he saw their efforts. Joel couldn’t tell if he was angry or amused.
With Mum it was more obvious. ‘Oh, for Pete’s sake! Which one of you boys did this?’
‘How do you know it wasn’t Monique?’ Troy was indignant. ‘How do you know it wasn’t Sophie?’
‘Was it Monique or Sophie?’ Mum asked.
All seven kids shook their heads.
Justin tried to plead their case. ‘It was a dare,’ he said. ‘I mean, Dad, it’s funny, isn’t it? We wrote our names on sheep. It’s not like they won’t get fixed up when the shearers come back tomorrow.’
Uncle Mick finally took his hand away from his mouth. ‘The thing is, Justin,’ he drawled, ‘the shearers have knocked off for the week. They weren’t going to do these two.’
Joel felt his insides tighten.
‘They weren’t?’ Justin suddenly sounded nervous.
‘No, they were not,’ Uncle Mick replied. ‘Kids, meet Esmeralda and Queen Jane — our prize ewes. We were going to enter them in the Easter Show. Although we probably won’t now. The judges are unlikely to go for one with CRAPP written on the side.’
Esmeralda bleated. She sounded as miserable as Joel now felt. Queen Jane stared at them dumbly. Bull wagged his tail. At least the dog was finding something enjoyable in all this.
‘Sorry, Uncle Mick,’ Joel said, staring at the slatted floor.
His brothers and cousins fell into line.
‘Sorry, Uncle Mick.’
‘Sorry, Uncle Mick.’
‘Sorry, Dad.’
Uncle Mick had his hands on his hips, in his usual laid-back way. ‘There’s cordial and lamingtons up at the house,’ he told them. ‘Come on, you lot.’
Joel wondered if he saw the flicker of a smile on his uncle’s face.
ABOUT THE SELWOODS
The Selwood brothers are four of the AFL’s favourite sons. Troy Selwood played for the Brisbane Lions from 2005 to 2010 and his twin brother, Adam Selwood, was a Premiership player for the West Coast Eagles. Joel Selwood is a three-time Premiership player, five-time All-Australian, four-time AFLPA Most Courageous Player and the current captain of the Geelong Cats. Youngest brother, Scott Selwood, was vice-captain of the West Coast Eagles and their 2012 Best and Fairest, before joining Joel at Geelong in 2016.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
TONY WILSON is a much-loved Australian children’s book author and one-time Hawthorn draftee. His books include Harry Highpants, The Princess and the Packet of Frozen Peas, Stuff Happens: Jack, Emo the Emu and The Cow Tripped Over the Moon, which was an Honour Book in the 2016 Children’s Book Council of Australia Awards. Tony lives in Melbourne.
COPYRIGHT
The ABC ‘Wave’ device is a trademark of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation and is used under licence by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia.
First published in Australia in 2017
by HarperCollinsChildren’sBooks
a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited
ABN 36 009 913 517
harpercollins.com.au
Text copyright © Tony Wilson and Troy, Adam, Joel and Scott Selwood 2017 Illustrations copyright © Mike Jacobsen and Troy, Adam, Joel and Scott Selwood 2017
The rights of Tony Wilson and Mike Jacobsen to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work have been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.
This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Wilson, Tony.
Hit the Road / Tony Wilson; illustrator, Mike Jacobsen.
ISBN: 978 0 7333 3547 1 (pbk.)
Wilson, Tony, 1972– Selwood boys; 3.
For primary school age.
Selwood, Troy — Juvenile fiction.
Selwood, Adam — Juvenile fiction.
Selwood, Joel — Juvenile fiction.
Selwood, Scott — Juvenile fiction.
Australian football — Juvenile fiction.
Australian football players — Juvenile fiction. Biographical fiction.
Jacobsen, Mike, illustrator.
Australian Broadcasting Corporation.
A823.4
Cover design by Stephanie Spartels, Studio Spartels
Internal design by Hazel Lam, HarperCollins Design Studio
Cover and internal illustrations by Mike Jacobsen