The Other Fish in the Sea (Grab Your Pole, #2)

by Jenn Cooksey

  “I don’t get it,” I admitted, and judging from their perplexed expressions, I was obviously stating what everyone else aside from Jeff and Kate was thinking.

  “Okay, here’s the deal, it doesn’t happen very often but when Trist falls into a deep sleep after a really physically and mentally exhausting day like today, you can ask him anything and he’ll answer with the cold truth and not remember a fuckin’ thing when he wakes up,” Jeff explained.

  “You’re fuckin’ kidding!” Brandon exclaimed, juggling Melissa a little so he could sit up straighter in the recliner, his interest finally having been aroused.

  “No, he’s not. He found out about this by accident a few years ago…it can be pretty funny,” Kate confirmed and reiterated her eye rolling but punctuated it with a giggle.

  “Oh, we totally gotta fuckin’ do this!” Brandon said, getting excited. I’m sort of apprehensive though. I don’t know why, but I’m reminded again of playing with fire.

  “Okay, we have to be careful though. We need to keep it to yes or no questions because if he has to come up with an answer in more words than that, it can get dicey. They’re completely subconscious answers and they don’t always make a lotta sense, so you’re left interpreting what he says for yourself and well…that’s not always the best idea. I did it once and ended up having to wake him up to ask him about what he said because what I thought he meant was really fuckin’ ominous and it totally scared the shit outta me, but he had no fuckin’ clue what he meant by what he said. So, just take it as a warning. He’ll tell us the truth and he usually answers with more than a simple yes or no, but it’s better for us if we stick to things that can’t be left up to interpretation, okay? Oh, you also have to say his name before every question, otherwise he won’t know he’s being asked something…everybody got it?”

  We all nodded our understanding and I seriously doubt I was alone in wondering what it was Jeff had asked that he got such a portentous answer to. And yeah, I’m more than curious to see how this goes down, but at the same time, I don’t know. I can’t imagine Tristan would be happy with us for probing into his psyche like this.

  “Wait, before we start…I gotta say I’m a little unsure about this. I mean wouldn’t he consider this a massive invasion of privacy and get really pissed when he finds out?” I asked and just barely caught the look of respect flash across my sister’s face before she winked at me and turned her attention back to Jeff.

  “That’s another reason why we really should just keep it simple. He’s totally aware of this chink in his armor and he might be a little grumpy when he finds out we exploited it but, if we just have fun and don’t really dig for personal shit, he’ll laugh it off no problem.”

  “But you said he won’t remember anything when he wakes up, so how would he know?” Melissa reasonably asked.

  “Oh, we’re gonna tell him. It’s way too fucked up not to and besides, if we didn’t and he somehow either remembered or found out, then he’d be fuckin’ furious and we’d all have to spend the rest of our lives in hiding…plus, I have too much respect for him to keep it a secret.”

  “Okay good, me too. I just wanted to make sure he’d be okay with it,” I said while nodding my head emphatically along with the rest of the gang at Jeff’s anti-secret rule.

  “Yeah, he’ll probably swear at me a lot and flip me off because I told you all, but he’ll be cool with it, again, as long as we don’t get too personal…you know how big he is about keepin’ a lotta shit private. Oh and also, don’t go tellin’ people about this shit…that’d piss him off just as much. So, we all know the rules?” Jeff asked and looked around to make sure everyone was on the same page while I mentally crossed my fingers. “Cool, I’ll go first to show you guys how it works… Hey Trist, do you like bein’ on the bottom during sex?”

  Tristan’s eyebrows kind of shot up for a second and then with an arrogant grin, he mumbled his reply rather firmly for being as completely asleep as he was. “Nope, can’t stand it.”

  “See, I told you guys, it bugs the shit outta him. That question was how I actually found out about this sleepy quirk of his too. We’d been cramming all night for finals our eighth grade year and then we went surfing the entire next day after taking ‘em and while we were waiting for a swell, we saw this kid around our age floating in the water under the jetty. Fuck, it was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen in my life…the kid’s face was blue and I knew he was gone, but, Trist wouldn’t accept it and gave him CPR for like twenty minutes or something while I ran to the closest guard tower.

  Anyway, when we got home that night he was kinda irritable and he was fuckin’ beat so I brought up one of his favorite subjects to try to snap him outta his shitty mood, and while we were talking, he passed out. I didn’t realize he was actually asleep until I asked that question. I remember bein’ so surprised by his answer that I was lifting his eyelids up and everything because I thought no way could he be serious about hating to be on the bottom, you know what I mean?”

  At this point I had to stifle my snarky almost reply of “No! I don’t know what you mean, explain it to me” when everyone aside from my sister nodded in complete understanding about why that would be so hard to believe.

  “I did some experimenting by askin’ him all kinds of things I knew the answers to and found out he doesn’t lie when he’s sleeping.”

  “That’s a trip, dude…” Brandon said and I’m still not sure if he was talking about Tristan’s exhausted version of George Washington’s “I cannot tell a lie” motto or that Tristan doesn’t like to be on the bottom.

  “Yeah…it totally backfired on me though when I asked him stuff when he wasn’t completely exhausted in both his body and mind, because he woke up right away and then punched me for wakin’ him up. I swear he hates bein’ woken up from naps more than he hates bein’ on his back.” And that I can believe…

  So wow. I really don’t have anything else…but I wonder if finding the dead kid is what prompted him to become a lifeguard. God, I can’t imagine how rough that had to be for them both. I mean I was pretty shaken up a couple weeks ago watching the paramedics zip up that body bag and I didn’t even really see the guy, you know? Thankfully Brandon’s question for Tristan interjected a wee bit of humor into my all too deep thoughts.

  “Dude, Tristan, do you like the musical renderings of ABBA?” I started giggling as I happen to already know the answer to this.

  “Of course, don’t care who ya are…everyone sings along to ‘Dancing Queen’,” Tristan muttered with a tone that was hysterically matter-of-fact.

  Everyone was snickering and nodding to indicate that yes, they do in fact sing along to that particular song too when Brandon continued, “Tristan, does Jeff have to worry about you cheating on him with Pete?”

  Tristan started chuckling in his sleep and then answered, “Nah, Jeff’s my boy.”

  “Now what would I have done if he’d said something like yeah, Pete’s hot?” Jeff sarcastically asked Brandon who laughed, and then Jeff picked up the questioning, “So Trist, if you had to choose someone, you’d pick me?”

  “No contest,” he answered, but just when Jeff started to grin in victory, Tristan added, “I’d still pick my baby.” And then with a bit of a smug smile on his lips, he snuggled even closer to me. I felt like sticking my tongue out at them and saying, “So there!”

  “Shit. I forgot about Camie… That reminds me, you guys, don’t forget about his propensity for specifics. I don’t think his subconscious will tell an outright lie, but that doesn’t mean he won’t evade a question if he can get away with it.”

  “Oh I got one… Tristan? Are you aware that Pete made out with someone at his party on New Year’s Eve this year?” Melissa asked and giggled when Jeff congratulated her on being specific by giving her a thumbs up, and then he looked at Kate like he was asking “Really? Pete made-out with someone?” and Kate nodded firmly with her eyebrows raised high.

  “Yep.”

  That was
it; he didn’t elaborate so Kate, who was practically vibrating with her curiosity, almost holler-whispered her question to him, “Tristan, do you know who gave Pete that hickey on New Year’s Eve this year?”

  This time Tristan’s response was a furrowed brow and a grimace. Also, words were slow in coming but he eventually mumbled, “Not sure, but have an idea.”

  “Oh shit! Should we ask him what his idea is?” Melissa asked while Kate bit the nail of her index finger.

  “Eh, I dunno about that, you guys…” Jeff answered with an unsure grimace of his own while glancing back and forth between Tristan and Pete. I’m sure his curiosity is now piqued just as high as ours is though.

  “What do you think will happen? I mean, if I understood what you said the worst will be that we won’t have any idea what he means, right? It’s not like he’ll become violent or anything,” Melissa said while I searched Tristan’s peacefully sleeping face.

  “What if he does though? You never know what can happen when you disturb someone who sleep walks and talks…Camie could get hurt and he’d be really mad if we did something to make him lose it. Just go straight to the source and ask Linus about it when he wakes up,” Jillian said very sensibly, referring to Pete who was now holding a corner of the sheet like a baby would be, and although he wasn’t doing it, it wasn’t hard to envision him sucking his thumb like that Charlie Brown character always did.

  And not that I think Tristan will hit me or anything, but I’m sure Jill’s thinking it’s better to not take chances. And yeah, I totally appreciate her thoughtfulness in this case even though I’m more than curious myself to know who Tristan thinks Pete was fooling around with.

  “Nah, there’s no way…he won’t all of a sudden go insane and take a swing at Camie or anything, but any time I’ve asked an open ended question like that, it’s almost like he goes all doomsday and it’s really fuckin’ weird. I dunno, I just don’t like it, but, you can try I guess.”

  “Sold. Tristan, who do you think gave Pete that hickey and made-out with him at his New Year’s Eve party this year?” Melissa asked in a rush and suddenly, I swear, it seemed like everyone was holding their breath.

  Tristan’s face screwed up in thought again and then after a weighty moment, we all heard what Jeff had been trying to warn us about. “All our times have come, we can be like they are…Romeo and Juliet, the last night of sadness.”

  “What the fuck?!” And it’s pretty safe to say Brandon was speaking for all of us except for maybe Jeff who was shaking his head back and forth.

  “What was that, a prophecy or something?” Kate asked with a nervous laugh as she looked at Jeff for some kind of explanation.

  “You see? I told you, it’s fuckin’ creepy. You know, he remembers fuckin’ everything and he’s so goddamned smart so I’m sure there’s a bunch of shit his mind picks up on that just hasn’t been translated to him so that he knows it when he’s awake and aware so it comes out all spooky and full of foreboding. It probably doesn’t mean anything scary though…I mean, how bad could this mystery chick of Pete’s be, right?”

  Umm, Romeo and Juliet killed themselves because of their forbidden love…and all our times have come so we can be like them? Yeah, I’m still with Brandon on this. WTF?

  24.

  Bad Sex, Dragons & Other Legendary Myths

  We spent a few minutes throwing out and then discarding dismal thoughts on what Tristan could’ve meant by his lament-like response. It wasn’t until we’d moved on that I was able to get that description of his reply out of my head though. The words Tristan used to express his answer really were eerily like a lament or requiem—both can be said to be a song or poem about a dead person—but as my own mental interpretation began to take form, the conversation shifted back to a topic that I was both interested in and irritated by.

  I’d been so absorbed in pondering Tristan’s seemingly ill-fated answer about who the mystery girl “(Maybe Not So) Lonely (Not Gay) Pete” had spent alone time with on New Year’s, not to mention the idea that maybe aside from my sister (again, who knows…), I might be the only virgin left in our group now, so I didn’t hear exactly how this little debate came up, but my ears pricked up in attention when I heard the phrase “bad sex.”

  “Bad sex is a fuckin’ myth, like a goddamned legendary creature in some fuckin’ sappy fairytale,” Brandon was saying to Jeff who’d resumed his place on the love seat, however, I all of a sudden realized Kate and Melissa weren’t in the room…I’ll bet they went to the bathroom.

  Crap. Now I need to go and I’m pretty much trapped here underneath two hundred-plus pounds of, albeit yummy and mine, sleeping boy.

  “No way…Katy and I’ll both admit we’ve had awful sex together.”

  “How is that even fuckin’ possible? I get chicks can think it’s bad because the O can be goddamned hard for them to reach sometimes, but as a guy? It feels great, you get your rocks off, end of fuckin’ story.”

  “Yeah, what about when you don’t get off though? Now that’s really bad sex!”

  “Shit, dude, I always get off…one fuckin’ way or another…always.”

  “Even so, haven’t you ever been with a girl who you just couldn’t fuckin’ wait to be done with for one reason or another? I know for a fact Trist has and I bet he’d classify that as bad sex.”

  And this is where I started to become apprehensive. You can probably understand that, right? Unfortunately, it got worse and I didn’t really know how to stop it.

  “Let’s ask him. He’s right here, so why the hell not hear what his real thoughts are on it.”

  Aaahhh!! WTH do I do?

  Before I could even begin to utter a single syllable of protest, Jeff leaned towards the bed and Tristan and asked, “Hey Trist, do you believe bad sex is a myth?”

  Tristan’s expression on hearing this question put to him went from restful and happy, to wholly irritated and what I would call disgusted. His answer did not help me with my insecurities on the subject either.

  “Definitely not a myth.”

  “Tristan, was the reason for the times you wanted to get it over with was because the sex was bad?” Jeff went on in a hurry as Brandon let out a “humph” of disagreement.

  I could practically see Tristan roll his eyes under his lids and the disgusted look was back when he mumbled/growled his answer, “Mm-hm…hate boring sex.”

  “Ah-ha! He’s saying boring sex is bad sex, so that means he still gets off but if it was boring, he’d say it was bad,” Jeff pronounced like he was Sherlock Holmes or someone.

  “Okay, yeah…I’ve had boring sex but I still wouldn’t fuckin’ call it bad. And I would take boring sex over no sex any goddamned day of the week. I bet he would too… Hey Tristan, if you were given the choice between absolutely no sex ever again and boring sex any time you want it for the rest of your life, would you choose the boring sex?”

  This time I felt bad for Tristan. Even with his eyes closed, he looked so dreadfully confused. He also kind of sleep stuttered, like he just couldn’t answer. But, eventually his face cleared and he did answer, rather decidedly, comically and at length, and with a self-satisfied grin to boot.

  “I have no choice in a moo point…like a cow’s opinion, it doesn’t matter. Thunderdome will never be boring so I’ll have fresh battle scars when I die.”

  Oh how I love my boyfriend for reassuring me on more than just one point while being wordy but vague at the exact same time! Mental happy dancing to mariachi music ensues! Jeff and Brandon were looking back and forth at each other and Tristan in confusion, and then Jeff looked at me, trying to decide if I’d understood the answer…which I totally did. All I can say is thank God for Ferb…

  I could totally see it in Jeff’s eyes…I swear he knows that I know, but this is the personal stuff Tristan wouldn’t be happy with others knowing about, so I’m keeping my mouth shut. At this point, having not uttered a single solitary word to me about it, I doubt he’d be thrilled that I even know his subco
nscious sees us together when he dies. Jeff was just about to ask me what I thought Tristan meant, but before he could, Ferb bolted into the room from whatever hidey-hole she’d been in and in a silent blur of black fur, she launched herself onto Jeff’s bare calf, claws extended, and sank her teeth into his kneecap and then she took off again just as fast. The whole comedic feline sneak attack caused him to shout his terror and pain to the rooftop. Jeff’s hollering also woke Pete up.

  “Whawasthat?” Pete asked in a sleep-slur, sitting bolt upright in bed, looking confused and still half asleep.

  “Ferb, you little fucker! I swear to God, Camie…you and Trist better teach her some goddamned manners or one of these times I’m gonna throw her across the fuckin’ room!”

  “You’d have to catch her first. Besides, you can’t teach cats anything and you know you love her,” I told him with confidence. He really does like her but I’m beginning to think she probably spends her waking hours coming up with new ways to terrorize him. I wouldn’t be surprised to find Wile E. Coyote type blueprints with a chalk drawing of Jeff thumbtacked to Tristan’s Wall of Infamy.

  “Jesus, I’m tired… Aw damn it, Camie, do I have a mustache?” Pete asked, noticing the time and realizing he and Tristan had both tempted fate by falling asleep so early.

  “Nope,” I answered with a guilty giggle that had him searching my face for clues.

  “Okay, what have you guys been up to?”

  Melissa and Kate came back in and I used that particular moment to turn my face from Pete’s so I could try to control my facial expression and keep it from giving me/us away. They were carrying ice cream sundaes so it wasn’t all that hard to do as I wanted one. Duh.

  It didn’t work, though, because my sister’s voice floated up from the floor at the foot of the bed to rat us all out. “They’ve been questioning the Oracle sleeping next to you.”

  “Magic 8 Ball? What’s he been saying?” Pete asked with barely amused interest and a yawn, knowing right away what she was talking about. By the way, I’m pretty much loving Pete’s name for the Tristan/George Washington game. I think it’s way better than 20 questions, would you agree?