The Life and Crimes of Bernetta Wallflower

by Lisa Graff

  “Actually, Lizzie,” Bernetta said, “I don’t have fifty bucks. Someone decided to steal my—”

  Gabe jabbed an elbow into her side. “I have fifty,” he told Mike, digging into his pocket. “Lizzie, you can pay me back later.”

  “Sure thing,” Ashley replied with a sugar-sweet smile. Bernetta wondered about that smile for a moment. How many times had Ashley smiled at Gabe before? And how many of those smiles had been real?

  Mike took Gabe’s money, counting it slowly, and then he slid the bills into his pocket. He reached over Bernetta’s head and pulled a plain gray shoe box marked “Men’s Brown Dress Shoe—Quality Leather” off one of the shelves. Inside was a stack of twenty-dollar bills. Mike plucked out ten and handed them to Gabe. “Here’s your trial,” he said. “Two hundred dollars counterfeit. If it works out for you, come back and you can place your order.”

  “And if it doesn’t work out?” Bernetta asked.

  Mike reached for the doorknob. “Then you never met me, and good luck in juvenile detention.”

  Bernetta looked at Gabe, and he raised his eyebrows at her.

  As they filed out of the storeroom and left the store, ten of Mike’s special twenties buried in Gabe’s pocket, Val eyed them curiously. The bell clanged once again, and the door closed.

  As soon as they were outside, Ashley pulled them behind the store, next to a Dumpster. “Hey, dimwad,” she said to Gabe, “I want to get a good look at this money. Hand it over.”

  Gabe glanced at Bernetta, and she shrugged, so he handed Ashley the cash.

  “It looks good, right?” Bernetta said, peering over Ashley’s shoulder. “Pretty real.”

  “I’m looking,” Ashley said. She held each one of the bills close to her eyes to inspect, and Gabe and Bernetta waited for her verdict, taking tense breaths. “Seems good,” Ashley announced at last. “I can barely tell the difference myself, and I’ve had some experience with the stuff.” Gabe snorted, but Ashley didn’t seem to notice. She folded the wad in half and stuck it in her purse. “Let’s try it out.”

  The plan was to hit up several different stores, find something cheap, preferably under a dollar, and pay for it with one of Mike’s twenties. Then they’d collect the change and have made a very nice profit.

  The choice of shops in the strip mall was limited, but within a half hour they’d managed to do pretty well for themselves. They bought a spool of thread in a crafts store, a soda in the doughnut shop, a “stone of healing” in a new age bookstore, and a yellow ballerina hair clip in a store that sold dance shoes and leotards. In each shop they handed the cashier one of the special bills, and other than the woman who sniffed at them when they began to examine tap shoes for toddlers, no one seemed to suspect anything out of the ordinary at all. Bernetta could feel herself breathing more calmly with every store they stepped into. It looked like everything was really going the way she and Gabe had planned.

  Down to their last twenty, Bernetta, Gabe, and Ashley headed toward a kitchen supply store.

  “Wait,” Gabe said as they stepped toward the entrance. “I don’t think we should go in that one.”

  “Why not?” Ashley said. “It’s the only store left.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “Come on.”

  Ashley waltzed into the store, and Bernetta followed, with Gabe dragging behind them.

  “Hello, kids,” a woman in a blue apron greeted them. “Can I help you find anything today?”

  “No, thanks,” Ashley told her with a smile.

  “Well, I’ll be right over here if you—” She paused. “Why, hello, Gabe! I didn’t even see you over there, behind all those pots and pans.”

  Gabe stepped out of hiding and cleared his throat. “Oh, hey, Denise. How’s it going?”

  “Pretty good. How’s your uncle doing?” Gabe shrugged, hands in his pockets. “I’m a little worried about him lately. I hear he’s thinking of getting back into show business.”

  “That’s what he says.”

  “Well, we wish him the best. You know, Tim’s in the back helping out today. I’m sure he’d love to say hi. Just a minute, I’ll get him. Tim! Tim! Guess who’s here!”

  Ashley’s face was slowly turning red. “What’s wrong with you?” she hissed at Gabe. “You know that woman? How are we supposed to pull this off now?”

  “She’s a friend of my uncle’s. What do you want me to do about it? I told you we shouldn’t come in here.”

  “Who’s Tim?” Bernetta asked.

  “Just some kid I used to be friends with at school,” Gabe answered. “He’s Denise’s son.”

  “Wait a minute,” Ashley said. “Tim? Tim Boucher? Is that who it is?”

  “Yeah,” Gabe said. “So?”

  “Who’s Tim Boucher?” Bernetta asked.

  “He’s only the biggest dork at Harding Middle School,” Ashley answered.

  Bernetta fingered a chicken-shaped cookie cutter in a basket by the door. “He goes to Harding?” she asked.

  Ashley snorted. “Yeah. He used to go to Kingsfield with me and Gabe, but then he moved. I heard he’s captain of the chess club now. Can you believe that? Captain of the dorks is more like it. Come on. We should go before they—”

  “Gabe!”

  And there was Tim—well, Bernetta assumed it was Tim, by the way he was rushing out of the back room, heading full force for Gabe like he was a long-lost twin brother. Tim was tall and spindly, all arms and legs. His teeth were too big, and his eyes were too small. Ashley was right, Bernetta thought. He did sort of look like a dork. But a nice one.

  “Gabe!” he called again. And when he reached him, the two boys did an awkward, highly complicated handshake that they’d probably made up when they were about nine. “Man! I haven’t seen you in forever!”

  “Yeah,” Gabe replied, smiling. “How’s it going?”

  “Oh, you know,” Tim said. He caught sight of Bernetta then and stuck out his hand, as though he wanted her to shake it. “Hi,” he said. “I’m Tim.”

  “Um, Bernetta,” she replied. It seemed weird to shake hands with someone her own age. Who did that?

  He turned to Ashley next. “Tim,” he told her, hand outstretched.

  She scowled at him. “We’ve met,” she said. “Mrs. Franklin’s class?” Tim looked at her blankly. “I’m Ashley,” she told him.

  He shrugged and took his hand back. “Sorry,” he answered. “I guess I don’t remember you.”

  Ashley shot him a look of pure hatred. Bernetta definitely liked this Tim kid.

  “Oh, man,” Tim said, turning back to Gabe, “did you see that Star Wars marathon on TV last week? Do you remember when we memorized Return of the Jedi and acted it out for my parents? And I played Han Solo and you were Jabba the Hut?”

  “Uh, I’m not sure I . . .” Gabe mumbled, glancing at Bernetta.

  She just grinned. “Why would you memorize Jedi?” she asked Tim. “Everyone knows that Empire is the best—”

  “Jeez, are you all a bunch of morons?” Ashley exclaimed. “Sorry to break up the reunion, Jim, but we really should get going.”

  “Um, it’s Tim,” he said.

  “Oh, really?” Ashley flashed her teeth. “Sorry. I didn’t remember. Anyway, we just came in to get this.” She grabbed the chicken cookie cutter from the basket and thrust it at Tim. “Could you ring us up, please? Thanks.”

  They paid for the cookie cutter, and Ashley dragged them out of the store after hurried good-byes to Tim and his mom. As they headed back to the shoe store, Ashley took the hair tie out of her hair and fixed her ponytail. “Well, that was horrible,” she said to Gabe. “Aren’t you glad that loser switched schools?”

  “Yeah,” Gabe answered, rolling his eyes in Bernetta’s direction. “Real glad.”

  Was he telling the truth? Bernetta slowed down for a moment,
letting Ashley and Gabe walk a few steps ahead of her. Was it just her imagination, or were Ashley and Gabe actually stepping in sync with each other? Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot . . .

  Bernetta stopped walking.

  When Gabe admitted he’d double-crossed her, had he told her the whole truth? Or was he still in cahoots with Ashley? Even now? Was he triple-crossing her? Was that even possible?

  And how could you know who was on your side when the one person you’d decided to trust was someone you knew was completely untrustworthy?

  Bernetta wondered for a moment what would have happened if she’d never met Gabe at all, if she’d never attempted to con her way back to Mount Olive. She would have ended up at Harding Middle School in September. Would she ever have run into Tim? Would they have been friends, discussing their favorite Star Wars movies? It was weird, thinking there was a whole alternate life out there, waiting for her. An entirely different Bernetta Wallflower she could have turned into.

  “Come on, Carlotta!” Gabe called back to her. “We have to give Mike our deposit money!”

  Bernetta shook her head and hustled toward the store. The alternate Bernetta was just a wisp of a thought in her brain. The real-life Bernetta had a job to do.

  19

  FLOURISH : n: a bold or extravagant gesture, performed in order to impress an audience

  When they reached the shoe store, Ashley opened the door, and the bell clanged again.

  “Why, hello there.” Mike greeted them. “Did you decide to”—his eyes darted to Val, who was stacking shoe boxes in the corner—“buy the shoes?”

  “We’ll take them,” Ashley said as Bernetta squeezed through the door behind her.

  “Great,” Mike said. “Hey, Val? Can you run and get me a coffee? Large, no sugar. Thanks.”

  She eyed him suspiciously but left the store. “So,” Mike said when the door was completely closed, “how much you in for?”

  Gabe spoke up. “Two hundred.”

  Bernetta nodded slowly. “That’s two hundred for the both of us,” she told Mike. “We’re going in together.”

  Mike ran a finger over his mustache. “I’m going to all this trouble for two hundred bucks? Listen, kids.” He lingered on that last word for a moment and then went on, “I usually deal with bigger numbers, if you catch my drift.”

  “Yeah, but, um,” Bernetta said, “well, it would be more, but I don’t have any money right now, ’cause it got, um, stolen. So Ga—Alan is lending me some, and then we’re going to split the profit. And then we’ll come back next week, and we’ll be able to invest even more, and then . . .” She trailed off. She’d said it just right, exactly what she and Gabe had decided to tell Mike when he got fidgety with the deal. But suddenly Bernetta couldn’t remember if it had been her idea to say those things or Gabe’s. Had she been letting someone else put words in her mouth? What if none of this worked? Had this all been the stupidest idea she’d ever—“Oh.” She realized Mike was staring at her, stroking his mustache, waiting for her to finish. “And um, then eventually I’ll have enough to go back to school.”

  “That’s a cute little story,” Mike said. “But I’m afraid I—”

  “I’m in for more,” Ashley said. She flicked the tip of her ponytail over one shoulder.

  “Yeah?” Mike said, leaning in across the counter. “How much more?”

  Bernetta and Gabe leaned in too.

  “Twenty,” Ashley said.

  Bernetta made an involuntary noise in her throat, a sound somewhere between a jet taking off and a raccoon drowning. “Twenty?” she asked.

  “You heard me,” Ashley replied, eyes fixed on Mike.

  But Bernetta still couldn’t believe it. “Twenty thousand dollars?”

  Ashley rolled her eyes. “Yes.”

  “Oh.” Bernetta turned to Gabe. His eyes were wide with shock too. “Oh, okay, yeah.” She stuck her hands in her pockets, trying to act for all the world like twenty thousand dollars was a completely normal amount of money to hand over to a guy in a shoe store.

  Mike drummed his fingers on the countertop. “You done gaping?” he asked Bernetta.

  “Um, yeah.”

  “Good.” He turned back to Ashley. “Now, I need your deposit today, in cash, and then you can come back tomorrow morning to pick up the bills.”

  Ashley squared her jaw. “Why can’t you give it to us right now?”

  “You think I have that kind of stash lying around?” Mike said with a laugh. “No. I work according to the laws of supply and demand.”

  “Good thing, too,” Gabe put in, “ ’cause you’re obviously not very good at selling shoes.” Bernetta poked him in the ribs, and Mike shot him a stony glare, but Ashley ignored them all.

  “Fine,” she said. “Then we’ll come back tomorrow to get the counterfeit cash. But no deposit.”

  Mike leaned down low, his hands gripping the counter and his shoulders bent at sharp angles. “Look, girlie,” he told Ashley. “I don’t make the bills, all right? That’s Bruce’s department. I just dole ’em out. So I don’t think Bruce is gonna give me twenty thousand dollars’ worth of merchandise if I don’t have something to give him in exchange. You give me half today or it’s off.”

  For a few moments it seemed like Ashley was thoroughly interested in her fingernails, examining each one in turn. Finally she took a deep breath and looked up again. “Fine,” she told Mike. Then she unzipped her purse, and Bernetta watched as she pulled out a thick roll of bills, a rubber band wrapped tightly around it. She took off the rubber band and counted out the money. They were mostly twenties and some fifties and tens, but there were a lot of ones and fives and several hundreds sprinkled in there too. Ashley set every bill on the counter as she counted, and when she was done, Mike picked up the whole stack and counted again. It was exactly ten thousand dollars.

  Gabe smacked one hundred dollars down on the counter, and Bernetta couldn’t help noticing how piddly their pile looked next to Ashley’s. “Our half,” Gabe said.

  Mike pulled a purple shoe box from underneath the counter and whisked all the money inside. “I’ll see you kids tomorrow then,” he said, dismissing them with a wave of his hand. “Store opens at nine.”

  They were just stepping out the door when Mike called to them again. “Hey, you, kid! What’s your name, Alan?”

  They turned.

  “Yeah?” Gabe asked.

  “What it says on your shirt, COFFEE, TEA, OR DEATH? That from a movie or something?”

  Gabe raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Bait and Switch.”

  “Huh,” Mike replied. “Thought so. That was a pretty good one. I like the part where the waiter kills the guy in the restaurant.”

  When they were safely outside, with the door closed behind them, Ashley climbed on her bike, but Bernetta stopped her before she could pedal away, hands firm on Ashley’s handlebars.

  “What’s your problem?” Ashley asked her, yanking her bike backward.

  “Where did you get twenty thousand dollars?”

  Ashley glared at her. “None of your business. Now, if you two morons don’t have any more field trips planned, I’m going home.” She placed her feet on her bike pedals and lunged forward. Bernetta leaped out of the way just in time.

  Gabe rolled his eyes as Ashley rounded the corner. “Tell me again why we were friends with that girl?” he said to Bernetta.

  Bernetta just shook her head. It was funny, she thought. Her life had changed in at least a hundred ways in the past month, but she somehow was still hanging out with Ashley Johansson.

  Something about that just didn’t add up.

  20

  SIMPLE VANISH n: an easy-to-perform sleight of hand used to vanish a coin

  That night Bernetta couldn’t sleep. It was too hot in her room. Much too hot. She kicked all the blankets and sheets off the bed, rolled her
purple pajama bottoms up over her knees, and turned her pillow over so the cooler side would be against her cheek. But she was still wide-awake.

  As the red numbers on her alarm clock switched from 12:36 to 12:37, Bernetta thought she heard a car pulling into the driveway. She padded across her room in her bare feet, pulled back her curtain, and checked outside.

  Elsa’s blue bug! She was back from camp.

  Bernetta crept down the stairs as quietly as she could, trying not to wake anyone up. She made it to the front door just as Elsa pushed it open.

  “Elsa!” Bernetta cried, hugging her sister so hard that Elsa dropped her duffel bag. “I’m so glad you’re home!”

  Elsa laughed. “You didn’t wait up for me, did you, Netta? It’s so late.”

  Bernetta shook her head, nose still buried in her sister’s shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep.” She let out an involuntary sniffle. “I missed you, Elsa.”

  “I missed you too.” Elsa hugged her tight. “Netta, is everything okay?”

  Bernetta took a deep breath and thought about how best to answer that question. The truth was, everything was not okay. She’d made a mess of things this summer, she knew she had. Counterfeit money? Running scams with a boy she hardly knew? Getting involved with Ashley again? Ashley Johansson?

  “No,” Bernetta said, shaking her head again. “No, it’s not.”

  “Oh, Netta.” Elsa pulled her back to get a good look at her. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s—it’s just—” She noticed the duffel bag on the floor. The front door was still open. “It’s nothing. You just got home. You probably want to go to sleep. Sorry. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’m tired, I guess.”

  Elsa tucked a strand of her silky black hair behind her ear, still perfectly curled, even after midnight. “You’re probably right; you just need some sleep.” She leaned down and picked up her bag.