Endless

by Tawdra Kandle

  “Tasmyn, hi.”

  I knew the voice before I turned. Cathryn Whitmore stood just a few feet away, preternaturally still. Her white blonde hair was sleeked back into a low ponytail, and she wore a short straight skirt and ruffled white blouse. Apparently the heat didn’t affect her at all. I fleetingly wondered if maybe she was a vampire. It fit.

  She raised one perfect eyebrow and smirked at me. I suddenly remembered my suspicions about her and had the sinking feeling that she was hearing everything I was thinking. Talk about the shoe being on the other foot.

  “Tasmyn, I was hoping you would have lunch with me this afternoon. Are you free?”

  A million and one excuses flew through my mind, but since I was fairly sure she already knew the truth—I had no plans at all—I only nodded. It seemed pointless to play games and ask her why she wanted to eat with me. But my new cautious nature prodded me just in time.

  “I need to call Michael, though. I always do, after class.”

  Cathryn spread her hands in a be-my-guest gesture, and I pulled out my phone. Seconds later, I heard his voice on the other end.

  “Hey, gorgeous! How was your morning?”

  “It was good. How about yours?”

  “Ah, not bad. Quiz in math kind of kicked my butt. Are you heading to lunch or the library?”

  I glanced at Cathryn, still standing in the same place, watching me in amusement. “Actually, neither. I-I ran into Cathryn, and she asked me to have lunch with her.”

  Michael didn’t answer right away, but when he did I heard his surprise. “Really? Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  “I think it’s fine. You know where I am and who I’m with.” I met Cathryn’s gaze with my own steady eyes. “I’ll call you after and check in, okay?”

  “Yeah. Listen—be careful, right?”

  “Of course,” I smiled. “I love you. See you at dinner.”

  I dropped the phone back into my pocket and turned to Cathryn. “So, where do you want to eat? Dining hall or the grill?”

  She made a little face and shuddered. “Neither. I don’t have to eat on campus anymore. My car’s over here, and there’s a sweet little café in town. Have you tried it?”

  I shook my head as I followed her down the sidewalk and into the parking lot to a light blue convertible. My eyes widened.

  Cathryn laughed. “Do you like my baby? Daddy bought her for me when I graduated from high school. 2005 Thunderbird. He offered me a BMW for college graduation, but I’m too attached to this one.” She hit a button on her key ring and gestured to the door. “Go ahead, it’s open now.”

  I climbed in, immediately surrounded by the scent that was a mixture of leather and a light floral perfume. Cathryn started up the car and pulled smoothly from the lot.

  We didn’t speak as she drove, and every time I tried to gingerly probe her thoughts, I got the same painful static I had since the first time we’d met.

  The café was on the main street of town. There was an empty spot in front of it, and Cathryn pulled in easily. She led me to table away from the few other diners.

  “They’ll be by in a few moments with menus. I suggest the lemon orzo soup and the tomato basil panini. Just excellent.”

  It had been a long time since I had felt this awkward and out of my element. There was something about Cathryn’s easy grace that made me feel as though my arms and legs were both too long for me. I tried to avoid her eyes and sit up straight, suddenly conscious of my posture.

  Cathryn laughed. “Really, Tasmyn, try to relax. There’s no need to feel so uncomfortable. I don’t bite.”

  I glanced at her, thinking that I had no guarantees of that. She only laughed again and rolled her eyes.

  The promised menus arrived, and I ordered the soup and sandwich without much thought. I was too anxious to be hungry.

  When the waitress left, Cathryn leaned toward me. “Tasmyn, I’m glad we have this chance to talk. I feel like I know you, because Michael has talked—and thought—about you so much.”

  I gaped at her in alarm. What did she know about me? What had Michael thought? I swallowed hard and glanced down. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Come on, Tas. Let’s not waste my time and yours playing games. I’ll lay it on the table. I know what you can do, and you’ve guessed the same about me.”

  I tried to do anything I could think of to block her from my mind. I didn’t trust her enough to confirm anything, and I didn’t know what her endgame was.

  “We could actually sit here and have a conversation without speaking, you know, but I don’t think you trust me enough yet. So I’ll do this the old-fashioned way.” She leaned forward and dropped her voice slightly.

  “I’m not here to make you uncomfortable or to confront you. I’ve been asked to offer you an opportunity.”

  Now every one of my defensive senses was tingling. “An opportunity? No, thanks. I’ve had my fill of those kind of ‘opportunities’.”

  Cathryn waved a perfectly manicured hand in front of her face. “Tasmyn, I’m not Nell Massler, and I’m certainly not Marica Lacusta.”

  My mouth dropped open before I could stop it. My heart pounded; she knew so much. It frightened me.

  “How do you know about them?” I whispered.

  “Some of it from Michael’s thoughts, some from just plain research. Don’t worry, Tas. I am very discreet. Your secrets are safe with me.” She quirked an eyebrow at me, somehow undermining her own words.

  “I don’t trust easily.”

  “Of course you don’t. I wouldn’t either, not after the way you were raised and the things you’ve been through recently. But I’m not asking you to trust me. I’m merely presenting you with an option.”

  The waitress arrived with our soup, and I sat back in my chair. While Cathryn was distracted, chatting with our server, I zeroed in on her mind once more, using all the energy and tricks Marica had taught me to break through her wall. She winced slightly, just once, and then she smiled. The waitress moved away from our table, and Cathryn shook her head.

  “It’s no use, Tasmyn. I’ve been well-trained, and I know how to keep people like you out of my head. I can teach you how to do it. If you decide to join us, that is.”

  I picked up my soup spoon and tried the lemon orzo. Cathryn was right; it was delicious. “Who is exactly is ‘us’? Are you part of some secret superhero group?”

  Cathryn laughed, tossing her head back. “No, not quite. Not that mysterious.” She reached into her shiny brown crocodile bag and pulling out an ecru card, she slid it across the table to me.

  Carruthers Initiative Institute

  I picked it up, noticing the thick, expensive cardstock and the raised print. There wasn’t anything on it besides the name; no number, no address, nothing. Dropping it back on the table, I shrugged.

  “Is this supposed to mean something to me?”

  Cathryn laughed again. “No, probably not. But I hope it will. Carruthers is a very discreet organization of people who have talents similar to our own, who use those gifts in constructive ways.”

  “Constructive? I think that’s a very subjective term,” I snorted.

  “True. Okay, let’s just say this. I know you want to use what you can do in a positive way. I’ve heard Michael thinking about it. But how do you make that happen? You can be like those superheroes you just mentioned, waiting around for the right opportunity to land on your doorstep, or you can join with us, with Carruthers, and we can put you together with those who need your help.”

  I ate my soup in silence for a few moments, considering. Using my mind hearing in a positive way was something I had wanted for a long time, but the events of the last few years had made me doubt it was possible. And in the back of my mind, I could hear my parents’ warnings, that my ability put me at risk for being exploited by the wrong kind of people.

  “We’ll talk to your parents, of course,” Cathryn said, as though we were still in the middle of a conversation. “I have s
ome other families they can meet, and we’ll answer any questions they have. Michael’s parents, too, if you want. I know you’re close to them.”

  It was new and not so fun to have someone turning the tables on me. I’d been careful my whole life not to answer unspoken questions, and even now, I only did it with Michael, mostly when I was teasing him.

  “Do you listen to everyone, all the time?” I asked Cathryn. “And have you been able to do this you whole life, like me?”

  She carefully lay her spoon down alongside the bowl and moved it to the edge of the table. “I listen when and where I feel it’s expedient. Not all the time, no. I didn’t cheat in school, and I don’t often listen to my family. And yes, I’ve had the gift all my life.”

  I leaned forward, suddenly curious. “I’ve never met anyone else like us. Did you have trouble when you were little? Sleeping and getting along in school, I mean? And did it upset your parents?”

  Cathryn looked over my shoulder into the distance. “I didn’t have the same difficulties that you probably did. The gift is in my family, and my grandmother had it. So my parents were more. . .prepared than yours were. They were able to take measures that made my life easier. And since my great-grandfather was one of the founders of Carruthers, I had that resource early on, too.”

  “What do you do for Carruthers? I mean, what kind of good stuff? How do you help people?”

  Cathryn smiled slightly. “I recruit. I find people who have gifts, and if they are a fit, I connect them within the institute.”

  Something struck me, and I cocked my head. “So do you have many people from King at Carruthers? I mean, that’s a town chock full of your kind of people, right?”

  “Not quite. We’ve reached out to a few people from King’s first families, but mostly, they decline to join us. They tend to have their own support system, I guess, and they don’t think they need us.”

  The waitress returned with our sandwiches, and we both ate in silence. If Cathryn was listening to the turmoil that was my mind, she didn’t comment.

  She picked up the check when we were both finished, and when I fished in my purse, she shook her head. “This is a business lunch, Tasmyn. My treat.” She stuck a few bills in the folder and stood. I followed her back to the Thunderbird.

  As we approached the college, I felt an abrupt shift near me, as though a curtain had parted, and I heard Cathryn. So Tasmyn. . .are you interested? Are you ready to take the next step?

  I took a deep breath as she parked the car in the lot near my dorm. “I have to talk to Michael first, and my parents, too. And I want to know more. I need to understand exactly how Carruthers works.”

  Cathryn grinned. “Looking close before you leap these days, huh? I don’t blame you. Okay. Talk to them, and then why don’t you invite your parents up here for a weekend? I can arrange for some of our people to meet with them, answer any questions you all might have.” She handed me yet another card, this time a thinner white one with her name and a phone number on it.

  “Call me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting, but I won’t bother you.” I nodded and reached to open the door. As I climbed out of the car, her last thoughts drifted toward me.

  Be sure and tell Michael I said hi.

  “So do you think you can trust her?’ Michael sat across the table from me, a frown deeply etched on his forehead.

  “Nope.” I dropped my fork into the empty salad bowl in front of me. Michael and I were catching the very end of dinner service at the dining hall, and there were only a few other stragglers finishing their own meals. Most of them sat by themselves with books open and headphones on, deep in study. Still, I kept my voice low. I didn’t need to open this up to general discussion.

  “No, I don’t trust her, and I don’t trust whatever this ‘Carruthers Initiative Institute’ is. Made me think of all those times my parents told me the government was just waiting to exploit me if I told anyone what I could do.”

  Michael smiled. “Well, look what happened when you finally did open up and tell me your secret. Talk about exploitation.”

  I shook my head but couldn’t help smiling back. “That’s okay. I like the way you exploit me.” When he waggled his brows at me in a faux leer, I swiped at his arm. “Cut it out, clown. I need to be serious.”

  “I know.” He pried open the lid on his Hoodies ice cream bowl and dug in with gusto. “So Cathryn really can do the same thing you can. Huh. Well, just tell her thanks but no thanks. If that’s what you want.”

  I sighed. “I don’t really know what I want. I mean, the way she described it. . .well, actually, she didn’t go into details, but the idea of using what I can do to help people? That’s pretty much a dream come true.”

  Michael licked his spoon. “I guess so.”

  I listened to what he wasn’t saying and answered him. “Marica never claimed that I could learn to use my powers to do good. She just wanted me to. . .to use them, I guess. She was going to haul me off to Romania to make all her dreams come true, but I don’t think good deeds were part of her plan. World domination, maybe.”

  Michael snorted. “Yeah. That’s true.” He piled trash on our tray and pushed it to the middle of the table. “Did Cathryn say exactly what powers she wants you to use?”

  I tilted my head, thinking. “Not really, I just assumed she meant--” I tapped my forehead. “You know. My very acute hearing.”

  “She probably did, but she did see a little display of what else is in your repertoire the other night at Dr. Sorrel’s house. She never said anything to you before now, and I was just wondering if that was what caught her attention.”

  I made a face. “I hope not. I’m not nearly in enough control of that kind of stuff to use it for anything good. I might set someone on fire or toss them against a tree.” A pang struck deep in my heart, and Michael covered my hand with his.

  “Not your fault,” he murmured. When I didn’t reply, he asked, “Have you heard from Amber this week?”

  I brightened a little. “Oh, yes. She is a very faithful emailer. She loves school. She’s making lots of friends, and she’s even dating a little.”

  Michael laughed. “Our little Amber, all grown up.”

  “I’m just glad she’s around to be grown up. When I think of what I did—oh, Michael, sometimes I still see her face, so white. . .I thought I’d killed her.”

  This time he gripped my hand. “You didn’t. She’s fine, and she loves you. She doesn’t blame you one bit. So stop beating yourself up.”

  I shrugged one shoulder and rubbed Michael’s fingers. “But maybe. . .when I think of the bad things I’ve done, maybe I should be doing some atonement. Some good stuff to balance out the bad.”

  “Redemption?” Michael questioned, meaning and memory ingrained in his tone.

  “Not quite. I was redeemed when you took me back. This is trying to balance my karma, I guess.”

  He laughed again, dropped my hand and swept up our tray. “So now you believe in karma, huh? Well, whatever.”

  We threw away our trash and dropped off the trays. Outside the dining hall, the early fall air had only the slightest hint of cool. We lingered in the dim lights, delaying our parting.

  “I might talk to my parents about this—about Carruthers, I mean. And why don’t you mention it to Marly and Luke, too. Find out what they think. And I was considering. . .” I hesitated. “I wondered if I should call Mrs. Brooks and ask her what she knows about them. She has contacts everywhere, and she might have some insight.”

  Michael’s immediate thoughts were not favorable, but he nodded. “Just Mrs. Brooks?” he asked, carefully keeping judgment out of his voice, if not his mind.

  “Of course. Michael, you know I’m not in touch with Rafe at all. I haven’t seen him since graduation. And I’m not going to contact him. I promise.”

  “I know. Okay, I’ll call Mom and Dad tonight. I better go work on that history presentation.” He pulled me against his chest and covered my mouth, maybe with just a
tad more possession than usual. I rode the wave with him, clinging to Michael’s shoulders and matching him stroke for stroke.

  He finally loosened his grip, his hands still on my arms, thumbs rubbing lightly over my shoulders.

  “It never gets any easier to say good night, does it?” His voice was husky, rough with desire that was just barely banked.

  “I don’t think it will. Until ‘good night’ doesn’t mean ‘good bye’ anymore.” I tiptoed up to brush a kiss across his lips. “See you at breakfast. I love you!”

  I felt Michael’s eyes remain on me as I made my way down the well-lit sidewalk on the short path to my dorm. It took a huge dose of will power not to run back to his arms.

  My parents reacted predictably to my meeting with Cathryn, going right away to the worst-case possibility. I was only glad I was far enough away from home that I didn’t have to hear what they were thinking.

  “I’m being honest and open with you,” I said for at least the fourth time. “Just like I promised. I didn’t seek this out. I didn’t know what Cathryn wanted when she took me out to lunch. So I’m just telling you what we talked about.” Aline had counseled me that the best way to re-establish the broken trust with my parents was to be as transparent as possible, to tell them everything, and to try to remain reasonable even when they jumped to horrible conclusions. I really couldn’t blame them after all; I hadn’t given them much reason to trust me in the past few years.

  “Why would you even consider this?” Deep suspicion filled my father’s voice. “It’s exactly why we’ve been so protective. Why we made you hide what you can do.”

  “It’s not like I did something and they figured out I can hear minds. Cathryn can do the same thing, and she knew what I could do when we met.”

  “Well, be that as it may.” My mother wasn’t interested in the whys and hows. “Rob, I think we should go up there and see what’s going on. We should let this initiative or whatever it is know that we don’t want them to bother Tasmyn.”