Bitter Sweet Love

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  He shifted his weight onto one arm, bringing him closer. “Have you enjoyed your trip so far?”

  “Yes.” I felt as if I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs.

  “Good.” He lowered his head. His breath was minty as it moved across my cheek and then my lips. “I’m glad.”

  I wasn’t really following the conversation and I wasn’t sure that he was fully aware of what was coming out of his mouth. I searched my hazy brain for something to say and wet my lips. I—

  The sound that came out of Dez’s chest rumbled through me. A stuttered heartbeat passed and then his lips were on mine. There was nothing slow about this kiss. It scorched my skin and caused my body to stretch tight like a bowstring. The kiss deepened, spinning my senses. I shuddered when his hand curved over my shoulder and drifted down to my waist, his long fingers spreading out under the hem of my shirt, grazing the bare skin of my stomach.

  I gasped, floored by the raw sensations pounding through my blood. My skin felt as if I was about to phase. Maybe I was.

  “Jasmine,” he whispered, the word falling against my lips, and then his body was pressing mine into the mattress, heavy, sweet and hard.

  Nothing could’ve prepared me for the weight of him or for how my body responded without thought. My hands went to his shoulders, skimming down the taut skin of his back. His muscles flexed under my palms as his mouth trailed a fiery path to my chin and then down my throat.

  He paused, lifting his head. Dez’s pupils stretched thin and the heat in his smoldering gaze should’ve had me running from the bed, but all it did was make me want more. And I hadn’t wanted more with anyone else. I hadn’t even wanted a kiss beyond the curiosity of experiencing one, but with him, I wanted everything and that was frightening. Enticing. Thrilling. I moved again, and he shuddered, closing his eyes.

  Those eyes opened again and met mine as he sat back. Disappointment rose swiftly, but then both his hands were on my waist, his fingers tangling with the edges of my shirt. Breathless, I lifted my upper body and he gently pulled the shirt over my head.

  I lay back, eyes wide and dizzy. Cool air washed over my bare skin and tiny bumps spread across my flesh as his gaze, intense and heated, swept over me.

  “You’re beautiful.” He moved his fingers with such exquisite delicacy, causing my back to arch and my skin to tingle. “So beautiful.”

  I was beyond words. He lowered his head, kissing me deeply. When he pulled away, he nipped at my lip, wringing a sound from me that would most definitely embarrass me come light of day.

  Dez trailed a fiery path of little kisses down my neck, across the curve of my shoulder, and then down, exploring in a way that spun my senses. Sensations raced through me and it was like freefalling through the sky.

  Flames ignited inside me when his chest came down on mine. The feel of skin against skin was a startling experience. His lips were against mine again, and I wrapped myself around him, wanting and needing to be closer.

  I wasn’t in control of myself and there was something wonderfully freeing in that moment of letting go. My hands flattened along his lean sides as I hooked my leg around his. He murmured something under his breath as he lifted his head, expression strained. My body curled around his and the pressure of that movement was shattering.

  And then he rolled off me and onto his back, throwing one arm above his head, the other over his chest. He stared at the ceiling as his breathing slowed.

  My heart was still pounding erratically, heightened by the confusion swirling inside me like thick smoke. I sat up and my hair fell into my face. I made no move to push it back. I was afraid if I did move, I would pounce on him. “Why did you stop?”

  “Why?” Dez laughed, but it sounded strangled. He closed his eyes again, cursing low as he rubbed his palm down his jaw. “I’m not stupid, Jas.”

  That was so not the response I was expecting.

  As I stared at him, some of the heat burning me up from the inside faded. “I don’t follow.”

  He dropped his hand and pried one eye open. A smile crossed his lips, but it was wrong—all wrong. “This can only go so far, Jas. And being here, in this bed with you, makes it hard not to take it all the way. And there’s one problem with that. I know you don’t plan to tell me yes at the end of this.”

  Chapter Ten

  We ended up not leaving the city until the following afternoon and the trip south, toward the nation’s capital, was quiet. It had been that way since last night. Dez hadn’t treated me any differently. Quite the opposite. He talked, he prodded at me and tried to coax me into conversation as we left New York and crossed into New Jersey, but I was too caught up in my own thoughts.

  I lay back in the seat, head tilted toward the passenger window. Buildings and houses blurred in a steady stream. A bitter taste lingered in the back of my mouth, a cocktail of guilt, shame and confusion, and no amount of drink or food would wash it away.

  I kept telling myself that I had nothing to feel guilty about. I hadn’t abandoned Dez. He’d been the one to leave me and I hadn’t made him any promises, but the reassurance rang hollow.

  Even my sister couldn’t truly understand why I was so resistant to the idea of mating with Dez, especially considering how much I’d cared for him. But when he left and when I finally accepted, after the many months had turned into a year, that he wasn’t coming home, I had mourned him. Grieved him as I had my mother. I could recognize the blessing of him returning, but three years of mourning was a long time to let go of and I didn’t even understand why he’d left. He claimed it had nothing to do with my father’s offer and it was obvious that he wanted me, but I needed more. Answers for one thing, and I wanted what my parents had had in their life together—love and trust.

  Part of me recognized that I was still in love with Dez, that I never stopped loving him, but I didn’t believe he felt that way for me. Not in the way I needed him to, and as for trust? What’s to say that a year from now he wouldn’t just up and disappear again?

  I shifted in my seat, restless.

  Maybe more than our past was keeping me wary. Perhaps it had to do with me. After all, the whole mating business was serious. I’d be pledging myself to someone for my entire life. The very moment I mated, I would be thrust into adulthood, facing very adult demands. I wouldn’t be the only eighteen-year-old to do so, but it was a lot to even think about. Maybe I wasn’t ready and my excuses were really just that—excuses. A crutch.

  We’d crossed into Pennsylvania hours ago and as the SUV eased into an exit lane for a town called West Chester, I straightened in my seat and glanced at Dez. “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  And that was all he said as we drove through the town and then beyond, onto a narrow winding road that was crowded by thick trees. He turned onto a road I hadn’t noticed. About five minutes later, he parked along the shoulder. Dust filled the air as we climbed out.

  I looked at Dez expectantly. “You going to tell me what you’re up to?”

  He reached down, took my hand and started walking down a worn patch of dirt that formed a trail. Twigs snapped under our feet. “After I left the clan and before I made my way to the West Coast, I did a lot of traveling and I stumbled across this place.”

  My heart jumped in my chest. A lake! He’d mentioned before that he’d found a perfect place for the skinny-dipping condition. This had to be it. Oh, God, why had I suggested this?

  “The place is off the beaten track, very peaceful.” He held a low-hanging branch out of the way so I could dip under it. “Anyway, I think you’ll like the lake.”

  Yep. There. He’d confirmed we were fulfilling another condition. My palms felt sweaty, and I slipped my hand free, wiping both of them on my jeans. Dez didn’t say anything, but slid around me, clearing the branches. “Did you... come here a lot?”

  “Twice. I stopped on the way back to the clan. I needed to clear my head. It was a good place to do so.”

  I stared at his back, wa
tching his muscles play under his thin cotton shirt. I wanted to make some joke or clever comment but nerves had a hold on me.

  The heavy foliage and undergrowth thinned out into a small stretch of land that butted up to an outcropping of large, smooth boulders surrounding a lake.

  “Careful,” Dez murmured. “These rocks get kind of slippery.”

  I smiled absently. His concern was really sweet, but I wasn’t in any danger of falling and cracking my skull open.

  Fading sunlight glinted over the gently rippling water. I wandered closer to the shimmering surface and knelt, dipping my fingers into the cool water. With the exception of the soft calls of birds and the rustling of leaves, it was quiet here.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said, standing.

  “I think so.” There was a pause. “I know why you think I brought you here, but I really don’t expect you to skinny-dip.”

  Turning around, I smiled at him. “I thought that was what you were most looking forward to.”

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong. The mere thought of you swimming with nothing but the water...” He trailed off, cleared his throat, and I flushed to the roots of my hair. “Anyway, all of this is for you.” He spread his arms wide, indicating the lake, and beyond that, the entire trip. “You’re supposed to be having fun, not feeling uncomfortable.”

  I tucked my hair back as I sat, plopping my butt on one of the boulders. Lowering my hands to my knees, I willed them to stop shaking.

  “Jas?” He inched closer, head cocked to the side.

  “Why?” I asked, lifting my gaze to his. “Why are you doing this when you know I don’t plan to say yes?”

  He stopped for a moment and then navigated the prickly bushes to sit beside me. Leaning forward, he propped his arms on his knees and rested his chin in his hands. “Well, there’re a lot of reasons, but mainly because I wanted to.”

  Doubt crept in like a thick fog. “You really wanted to play tourist instead of being out there with the clan?”

  “Yes.” He peered up through his lashes. “I wasn’t lying when I said I missed you and thought about you every day. I want to spend time with you and it’s been fun watching you experience all these firsts. I’m happy that I could do this for you. And just because you’re resigned to saying no doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll say in the end.”

  I raised my brows. “Oh, really?”

  He dropped his hands and straightened. “Maybe at the end of these seven days, you’ll still say no. That doesn’t mean it’s over. I’m in this for the long haul.”

  Warmth bubbled up in my chest in response to his words. “What if I find someone else?”

  His eyes narrowed. “I doubt that’s going to happen.”

  “You never know.”

  “Oh, I know.”

  I rolled my eyes, but the grin I was fighting peeked through. “Just saying.”

  “And I’m just saying that by the end of these seven days or maybe a week from then, or a month, you’ll say yes.” He cupped my cheek and leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine. “And I’ll be waiting. No matter how long it takes.”

  As I closed my eyes, my breath caught at the way my stomach dipped and twisted. The question formed on the tip of my tongue. “Tell me why you really left, Dez. Please.”

  He brushed my nose with his and then pulled back, sighing. “Jas, it’s not an easy—”

  Bushes rattled behind us, the sound of something rustling around. We turned at the same time. A shiver of awareness snaked along my shoulders as the tiny leaves on a bush that was only a few feet tall shuddered.

  Dez placed a hand on my arm and motioned for me to be quiet as we stood. We made no sound, but the spiky leaves stilled.

  A thin branch, no wider than a pencil and shaped like a spear, parted the leaves. The spear swung left and then right and then stopped, pointing at where we stood.

  “What the...?” I whispered.

  The bushes shook as a small creature appeared between the leaves. I had no idea what the thing was. No taller than a foot, the thing’s skin was the color of aged leather, legs and arms thin and knobby. Some kind of loincloth had been fashioned out of leaves and its potbelly was covered with mud. The creature kind of resembled one of those heinous troll dolls that had been popular before my time. It didn’t have neon-pink or purple hair, but its dark brown hair did stick straight up in large clumps, twisting together at the end.

  The small creature crouched down, pointing the spear at us as if daring one of us to make a move.

  “Holy crap,” Dez said.

  I clamped my hands together, under my chin. “What is it?”

  Its big, round eyes narrowed at the sound of my voice, but it didn’t scamper off. Couldn’t picture the little guy running. Nope. It would scamper.

  “It’s a pukwudgie.”

  The thing’s oversize, floppy ears twitched at the sound of its name.

  I looked at Dez slowly. “A what?”

  “Earth demon,” he replied, brows knitted. “I’ve never seen one before. Thought they’d been eradicated years ago. Not much is known about them other than they caused a bit of mischief during their heyday. Usually they were only seen up north, near Massachusetts and places like that.”

  “It’s kind of cute.” I grinned when his look turned dubious. “What? It’s so ugly it’s cute.”

  Dez shook his head as the pukwudgie dropped its little spear and slunk forward, nearing the rocks. It disappeared behind them for a moment and then the tips of its ears and hair came into view. Finally, those big eyes and bulbous nose appeared as it peeked over a rock at us.

  I giggled softly, and its mouth opened wide, revealing quite of bit of teeth in what I guessed was a smile in return.

  “I think it likes me,” I said.

  Dez’s hand grazed my back as he stepped away from the rocks. “Everything likes you, Jas.”

  With surprising agility, the little guy hopped onto the farthest rock. It crouched again, watching us, and when neither of us moved, it inched closer, hopping the rocks until it was near the one we’d been sitting on.

  I glanced at Dez, who shrugged and then started around the rocks, as if he planned to sneak up on it from behind. “What are you doing?”

  He sent me a look. “What do you think?”

  My mouth dropped open. “Come on. It’s not doing anything.”

  Dez stopped, arching a brow. “Yet.”

  My gaze fell back to the little guy. He was staring up at me with a toothy smile. He raised his knees, hobbling back and forth in a strange little jig when our eyes met.

  “Jasmine...” Dez sighed, folding his arms. “It’s a demon. It might be a cute-ugly demon, but it’s still the enemy.”

  “I know, but...”

  But it wasn’t doing anything other than dancing and preening about. As sacrilegious as it sounded, I didn’t think it was right to kill it.

  Dez shot me a look. “We can’t just let it go.”

  The pukwudgie glanced at Dez and stuck out its tongue, making a very human raspberry sound.

  I laughed. “Oh, I like this little guy. If we can’t let him go, can I keep him?”

  “Uh, no.”

  “I shall name him Herbert,” I announced, ignoring Dez. “Do you like the name, little puke-wedgie?”

  “Pukwudgie,” Dez corrected, lips curving upward reluctantly. “Jas, we need to take care of this.”

  The earth demon twirled around, hiking its legs up on either side.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” I slowly sat down, careful not to startle it. “Herbert is a good name for him.”

  Dez choked, rolling his eyes. “Really? That’s the best name you can come up with?”

  I flipped him off.

  His eyes narrowed on me.

  Herbert hopped onto my boulder, and I held my hand out. He bent at the waist, sniffing the air around my fingers.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Dez suggested darkly, stepping toward me. “God knows what kind of mess
ed-up diseases that thing carries.”

  Herbert spun around, doing another dance, and then brought his hand down on mine, as if he were giving me a high five. Then he raised his hand, formed a fist and shook it at Dez.

  “Huh,” I said, eyeing it. “I really don’t think Herbert likes you.”

  “That’s tragic,” he replied dryly. “I want you to move back