Banished (Forbidden)

by Kimberley Griffiths Little

  Over the next few days, I kept my path southwesterly, passing craggy hills and even a stretch of shale and black volcanic rock. On the fourth day, after a rain-filled night, I awoke to see outlines of figures coming out of the north behind me: camels with riders. My fingers fumbled with the harness and my gut curled into a tight knot. Even though I was weary riding late into the evening and then rising before dawn, I had to stay ahead of Horeb. The Edomites my family had encountered the previous year were unruly thieves, but there was shelter in their caves and a place to hide from Horeb’s army.

  Mounting Shay, I kicked her into a gallop. As a lone rider I wouldn’t be as easily spotted, but I needed to get ahead of the next hill.

  After an hour, I slowed and stared behind me. No sign of the riders any longer. Most likely, it was just a traveling family, but I didn’t want to take any chances.

  The sun finally broke through one of the dark clouds, making me blink back the easy tears of self-pity.

  I turned directly south, skirting the road to Tadmur where my sister Leila lived at the Temple of Ashtoreth. The fertile springs of the summer oasis on the outskirts held harsh memories of Horeb’s attack and sexual rites for the goddess.

  I trudged on, but before I could stop for the night, a fierce wind began to blow. Gusts of sand whipped about the dunes like grainy white butter, creating a ghostly moaning in the hollows.

  Sand lifted in loops and whirls from the earth as though performing an intricate dance, just before smacking me in the face.

  After several hours riding against the battering wind, I finally halted and made camp. When I bent over the beginnings of a fire, trying to keep the flames lit, a blast of cold air instantly erased my work. The night went dead. More layers of sand kicked up, obscuring the stars overhead.

  My camel pranced around the campsite like a skittish newborn. I jumped up to hold her halter, afraid she’d run off and get herself lost. But as she reared up, the stirring sand flew like stinging nettles into my eyes. Tiny grains pelted my arms and face, biting my skin as if a cloud of fleas had descended.

  “Shay, stop!” I ordered her. “Calm down!”

  Then I heard a roar growing in the distance. My heart crashed to the bottom of my gut. I knew that sound.

  A sandstorm.

  Holding tight to Shay’s halter, I strained to see into the darkness. Dunes lay farther to the south. Now those hills of voluminous sand were being swept toward me. I only had seconds before I would be hit with the full force. With every passing moment, the noise grew more deafening, shutting out the world around me.

  I threw my shawl over my face and drove my camel forward to find shelter. Shay spewed forth a series of obnoxious brays, gnashing her teeth, but she plodded forward and then suddenly stopped in her tracks.

  “Keep going, girl,” I urged her.

  She whined and butted her head into my shoulder. I fell to my knees and patted the ground, crawling blind. The earth began to slope downward.

  The slope appeared to run along an edge in the earth. There was just enough depth to take refuge. “Please no animals or scorpions,” I prayed.

  Wriggling on my belly, I crawled into the crevice.

  After I was down as far as I could get, I covered my head with my arms. The continuous howling overhead was wearing at my nerves.

  Shay folded herself next to me, for once staying quiet. The large animal made a shelter of her own and I buried my head into the curve of her neck, throwing my blanket over the both of us.

  Hours passed as I hovered in the twilight of wake and sleep, dreaming of Kadesh as we swam together in the Sea of Many Waters. An indigo twilight sky danced on the warm blue waves along the coast of the southern lands. Rugged cliffs overhung the beach, so dazzlingly high they pierced the early pinprick of evening stars.

  Groves of frankincense trees grew beyond those cliffs.

  Secretive, haunting, and enigmatic as ever.

  Kadesh’s arms slipped around my waist as he bent to kiss my neck. His lips were warm, tickling my earlobe. Happiness bubbled up while we jumped wave after wave, splashing as if we were children.

  The sea ran in rivulets down his beautiful neck. Drenched hair plastered his face in dark tendrils. I could see my own happiness mirrored in his eyes.

  Walking backward, Kadesh pulled me to shore, tucking my hands firmly in his.

  The last rays of sunset fell across the perfect white beach, sending sparkles across the sand. My soul ached at the beauty of this land, its languid, spicy air and calm shores.

  All at once, my feet slipped and we fell back, laughing as the warm water splashed around us. I floated on my back, catching my breath, and then we pulled ourselves up through the final breaker.

  My dress was a sodden tangle around my knees, but the waves receded and the world fell away when I walked toward Kadesh. His arms were around me, his lips tasting mine. “Come with me, Jayden,” he murmured, giving a tug on my hand.

  I lifted my head with a jolt, reality shattering the dream. The roaring had died to small gusts of whimpering wind. I didn’t know what time of day it was.

  Slowly, I crawled out of the hollow and stared in horror at a world that had drastically changed overnight. Sand dunes had sprung up where there used to be flat ground. Two enormous boulders were nearly buried. Cracks in the rocks dripped fine white sand in a slow trickle like an hourglass.

  My camel towered over me, sand clinging to her eyelashes like dull jewels. The fine silt drenched me in white, clinging like lice to my skin, and making my teeth crunch. I was jangling with tension and exhaustion, but I was alive.

  Moments later, panic clawed at my chest. If the desert had changed, I didn’t know how I was supposed to find my way.

  3

  Three weeks had now gone by, with no sign of the Edomite land.

  No sign of another living person since that first day.

  I tried to calculate my distance, the number of hours I’d walked or galloped my camel to estimate if I’d gone too far, was drifting aimlessly, or still a hundred miles away. The changes brought about by the sandstorm delayed my journey, and I wondered if I was walking in circles.

  If only I could conjure my father out of the sands and let him lead me to safety. Let me cry all the tears in the bottomless well of my soul.

  Finally, one evening, I peered into the dusk of the endless desert surrounding me, unable to tamp down the screaming anxiety that was turning me mad.

  Scanning the mountains up ahead, I felt a small measure of hope. Wasn’t this the same plateau my family had crossed after coming out of the canyon lands so many months ago? The setting sun splashed red against the rocks, deep as the stain of Gad’s blood. “Please, let this be the land of the Edomites,” I prayed.

  The trail ended on the raw edge of a mountain that tumbled downward in sharply woven boulders and deflated caves and hollows. From the top of the ridge, the sight conjured up a magical, sunken world.

  This was the same plateau, but I’d arrived at it from a different direction.

  Slipping my hand along my leg, I caressed the dagger strapped to my thigh and hidden by my dress. This time the Edomites would know I was a woman, easily kidnapped for slavery. Not a young girl to be left alone by the death threat of a protective father.

  I made camp on the ravine’s far ridge. Relief stung my sunburned eyes when I added a few drops of water to the last of my flour and baked it. I ate a date in Kadesh’s honor, and then saved the last handful to eat with him. It was my first meal in two days and it was all I could do not to devour it all. I tightened my sash against my hollow belly and tried not to think about food.

  I’d been traveling for more than twenty days, not counting the days I’d spent in the hills of Mari. I’d given no thought to provisions for my return trip.

  If Kadesh was truly dead, I couldn’t make the trip to the southern lands to find his family and beg protection for myself. My only choice would be to return to the Temple of Ashtoreth and my sister, Leila, to avoid
marrying Horeb. But in reality, that was no choice at all.

  Unable to sleep more than a few hours, I was back on Shay at first light.

  The path dipped, lowering me into ravines as rugged as an old man’s face.

  The canyon walls tightened around me, growing tall as imposing giants, the colors an exquisite array of reds and pinks. I reached out to touch the soft sandstone to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. What memories these canyon walls held—sweet memories of Kadesh touching my hand for the first time, gazing into my eyes with secret passion.

  My camel strained forward, sensing the water up ahead. At midafternoon I spotted the wooden well rising from the ground. Not a mirage or hallucination any longer.

  I slid off Shay’s back and ran. Falling to my knees, I shoved the wooden covering off and thrust my hands into the dirt. With frantic fingers, I scooped out rocks and sand until I hit water.

  Taking one of the empty water skins, I forced it down, my shoulder disappearing into the earth. A moment later, I pulled up the leather pouch, heavy with fresh water. I drank, giddy with the sweetness. There was a reason the Edomites guarded this precious water. I continued drinking until my stomach bloated, then I filled the leather bucket and Shay gulped it down within seconds. Watering the camel would take at least an hour so I sat back on my heels to rest and stare up at the red walls. Vivid and beautiful, they were like a painted mural on a phantom temple.

  Nearly a year ago, Kadesh had uncovered this very well, filling bucket after bucket for me and Leila so we could drink and wash after the scare the Edomite bandits had given us.

  All was silent this time. No Edomites galloping on their sleek steeds, demanding payment—or my virtue—for a chance to drink.

  When Shay was finally satisfied and began to nibble sprouts of winter grass, I filled the buckets again to wash my hair, combing out the tangled strands with my fingers and rinsing until the dirt and sand was gone. Then I washed my face and clothes, sitting in the sun to dry. Blood from Gad was stained permanently into the fabric of my dress. My hems were ragged, my fingernails broken, my hands and feet callused. I hadn’t used any lotion or creams since leaving the temple months ago, when we’d traveled to Mari to find Sahmril. I was sure I looked like a wild woman.

  A shadow moved within the rock fissure up ahead and I was on my feet in an instant.

  Tying off the leather water bags, I grabbed the halter and jerked Shay closer so I could mount. The camel complained so noisily I was sure she’d wake the dead. If the local tribesmen had not previously been aware I was here, they knew it now.

  After climbing onto the camel, I wrapped Kadesh’s cloak around my shoulders. Lifting the hood, I tucked my hair inside. “Go on,” I commanded, forcing my voice not to shake.

  Spitting out protests, Shay jerked her legs forward. We swayed around the next bend in the narrow canyon in hopes of finding a hiding spot.

  And walked straight into a mob of Edomite tribesmen.

  4

  A scream hovered in my throat, every nerve so taut I couldn’t draw a decent breath. But the Edomites didn’t gallop forward to encircle me. They weren’t stopping me at all.

  At least forty men, all with swords on their belts, had lined themselves along the narrow canyon path. Each horse stood by its owner, the halters held stiffly at their sides.

  The Edomites’ eyes bored into me, watchful, curious, but not hostile. If they wanted to, they could cut me into a hundred pieces before I managed a single cry. With small movements I pulled Kadesh’s cloak closer around my shoulders.

  Holding Shay’s halter between my sweaty fingers, I made my way through the strange and silent gauntlet. My camel appeared completely unaffected, plodding her usual, slow gait.

  The Edomite tribesmen were watchful, but not warlike. Then one of the men came forward and I sucked in a gasp when I recognized him as the same man who had robbed my father of our camels to pay for water rights. A second man I didn’t recognize quickly followed.

  I tried not to shrink into my cloak, but my hand went instinctively to my leg. The man’s black eyes flickered to the spot as well and I bit back a whimper. I despised him for humiliating my father when he’d threatened to slit his throat, shaming my father in front of his own family.

  “If you’re a woman, let your hair show,” he commanded.

  I didn’t speak, afraid to admit who I was.

  “Pull down your hair,” the second man said, waving a hand to dismiss the first rogue, who slunk back to his horse with a growl. The older man faced me with piercing gray eyes. “You haven’t fooled us, woman.” Despite his orders, his voice was gentler, his eyes a shade kinder.

  I sat taller on Shay, a weary indignation rising inside me. This man had no idea what I’d endured to get here. The brutality from Horeb; the humiliation of the temple bedrooms with Leila as victim; the loss of almost my entire family; the High Priestess Armana, the woman who wanted to chain me to the goddess statue of Ashtoreth; and finally, the death of Kadesh at the hand of my betrothed. The past year flooded my mind and strengthened my resolve.

  I wasn’t going to let the men of Edom harass me. They would not have me. Not alive, anyway. I’d already learned there were worse things than death.

  I locked eyes with the older Edomite and slowly pulled back the hood of my cloak, loosening my tangled, long hair. There could be no doubt as to my gender, but I was dirty, my face chapped red from the wind, my eyes bloodshot from sun and lack of sleep. I wavered on my camel, more exhausted than I’d ever been in my life. It took every ounce of strength to stay upright and not slide into a heap on the ground.

  The man studied me, his face impassive. I waited for him to arrest me for trespassing and stealing their water. Instead an unexpected smile quivered at the corners of his mouth. “We are probably distant cousins through the tribes of Abraham’s grandsons, are we not?”

  I willed my voice to steady. “In Mari, where I’ve traveled from, I heard tales of a lone man—a stranger—living here in the caves of the canyon lands. Is this true?”

  The Edomite leader put a hand on his sword belt. He scrutinized my face, my tattered clothing, and my beautiful white camel. “If this man you speak of wants to be known, he’ll let you find him.”

  All at once my mind cleared, like early morning fog disappearing from the banks of the oasis pond. “Is—are you the man Kadesh called Chemish?”

  I felt his surprise even as he tried to hide it. “Yes, I am Chemish. Which merely confirms my suspicions about who you are, woman of the Nephish.”

  I sucked in a breath. He’d known who I was the moment I’d stepped foot into their canyons. I should have realized the sentinels with their horses had been gathering while I watered my camel.

  “A solitary woman is safe in the canyon lands,” Chemish said, never taking his eyes off me. “Although she is a fool for traveling without her tribe. I advise you to stay on the main paths,” he added with a slight bow. Regally, he waved to let me pass, but before I could order Shay to move, the Edomite leader gave a small clap of his hands.

  A young man about my age ran to the elder man’s side. “Asher, send a message through the ranks and to our sentries on the cliffs. The woman of Nephish is to remain safe while in our lands.”

  “Yes, my lord,” the boy said, dark sympathetic eyes catching mine.

  I flushed and loosened my grip on the reins, letting Shay take the lead. Passing the sentry of sober Edomites, I darted glances in every direction for signs of Kadesh. If he was here, why didn’t he come to meet me?

  Perhaps I needed to face reality. That the hidden man who had healed the young Benjamin with frankincense was not the man I loved. That Kadesh truly was dead. It was the only reasonable explanation. But I was grateful Kadesh had told me about his friend. The older man was the reason I was still alive. The reason the rogue Edomites hadn’t swarmed and carried me off.

  But the army of these fierce rose-walled canyons was lined up at the ready—as though they had been expecting me. The re
alization filled me with hope.

  Soon I came upon the long narrow crevice I’d explored on my family’s journey to the oasis the previous spring. This was the same closed-in gorge where Kadesh and I had stumbled upon each other and he’d told me a little about his frankincense lands. The place where he had kissed my palms and told me not to be afraid. The day he’d gazed into my eyes with such meaning and whispered my name with such emotion, I’d had to look away for fear I would throw myself at him.

  Those memories had sustained me for months. But those same memories had also become a torture.

  I shook my head to cast aside the tormenting thoughts and entered the opening to the narrow path. The air stilled, our steps muted. Blue sky peeked through the rock slits overhead while the sheer walls twisted and turned. The ache in my heart spilled over. This place brought back a rush of emotion.

  If the unknown healer was actually Kadesh would he still find me desirable—or be disgusted by the slash of Horeb’s scars across my chest? I’d hidden them from Kadesh when he’d found me at the Temple of Ashtoreth, but what about after we married? Could I hide my body in the dark of the marriage tent forever?

  Shay plodded through the seemingly endless tunnel while shadows filled the passageway. My camel slowed when we finally entered the wide, open courtyard where I’d sat with Kadesh so long ago.

  I was stunned once again by the flat limestone cliff carved like an enormous gate. So high I had to tilt my head back to see it properly. We paced the perimeter of the sandy courtyard, peering down other pathways branching off in the tumbling cliffs of the Edomite mountain kingdom.

  I chose the path that lay more in shadow, following a gut instinct. A second area led to a myriad of dusky caves, stone steps cut into the rock side to reach them.

  My camel grunted, impatient for me to dismount. “Not yet,” I said, but Shay folded her legs and kneeled to the ground, giving me no choice but to jump off.