Days Like These

by Barnes, Miranda

  *

  It was peaceful in her street. No traffic. Hardly any parked cars. Children all at school or toddler's groups. Parents at work. Or watching TV. Spring now, she realised with surprise. The handful of bare-boned trees along the pavement were getting used to the idea, and one or two were even sprouting tentative leaves. Season of hope.

  Her step faltered as she neared their house. Music was pounding through the open window. Some terrible loud rock music. Heavy metal. Jamie's music. She stood for a moment. Then she grimaced and pressed on with determination. She needed to get to the bottom of this.

  The front door was ajar. She walked through into the lounge and stopped, astonished, at the sight of Jamie laid out on the sofa, conducting the music with a beer can in hand.

  Anger surged through her. She crossed the room and switched everything off.

  Jamie sat up, looking even more surprised than she felt.

  'Well?' she said, glaring at him. 'What's going on?'

  'Hi, Meg! Going on? Nothing. Just taking it easy. Chilling. That's all.'

  He beamed at her. His speech wasn't slurred but she could tell he'd had a few drinks. He always lapsed into this good-humoured, innocent little boy mode when he'd been drinking. She wasn't put off.

  'Explanation, please!' she demanded.

  'Take it easy, Meg! Can I get you a cup of coffee, or something? How are you, anyway?'

  'I don't want any coffee, Jamie. I want to know why you're here drinking beer in the middle of the day.'

  'Just relaxing. That's all. When you have a high-pressure job, you need to grab a free moment when you can. It's not like working for the local council, you know.'

  He gave the usual little chuckle that always accompanied a reference to her job and place of work. She ignored it.

  'Why aren't you at work, Jamie?'

  Go on! she urged silently. Tell me something I can believe, something I can live with. For once, don't lie to me. Please, Jamie!

  'Flexible working, Meg. You should know all about that, working for the council. No such thing as nine-to-five any more.'

  'Is that the truth, Jamie?'

  He looked at her, surprise showing in his eyes. He gave his nervous little laugh.

  'You're not going to tell me, are you?' she said quietly, anger giving way to despair.

  'Tell you what?' he said sullenly, the jovial bluster gone now.

  'You don't work at Sutton's any more, do you?' she said, seeing the truth for herself at last. 'Jenny was right. You don't work anywhere, in fact.'

  He was all set to deny it, to laugh it off. But something in her face, or her voice, changed his mind. He shook his head and slumped back onto the sofa.

  To her dismay, he began to weep.

  'Jamie!' she said. 'Oh, Jamie!'

  Chapter Eleven

  Knowing didn't make it any easier. In fact, it made things worse. Now she could no longer hide from the truth, and it hurt. They were in trouble.

  Jamie didn't seem to see it like that, though. If anything, he was happier now the truth was out and he no longer had to pretend.

  'I'll soon have another job,' he told her. 'Sutton's isn't the only car dealer on the planet!'

  'Have you been looking, Jamie? Seriously?'

  'Of course I have! I've got feelers out all over the place. As a matter of fact, I've had approaches made to me. Head hunters, you know. I'm not going to rush into anything. I'll wait till the right deal comes along, the right deal for me, that is.'

  Her spirits plummeted when she heard him talking like that. Increasingly, as the weeks rolled by, it sounded like bluster. Typical Jamie, she realised. The gift of the gab that had launched him on his salesman's career, a career that seemed to have fizzled out now, thanks to his drinking. She couldn't help comparing it with the sensible, modest talk she heard from Robert. Jamie didn't even sound funny any more.

  The worst of it, though, was the drinking. It grew steadily worse, now he had no need to hide his circumstances from her eyes. Morning and afternoon. Evenings, as well. Not all the time, of course, but a good part of every day. A large part of his waking hours were spent in pubs or lying around the house with six-packs and bottles of vodka from the convenience store at the end of the street.

  Money disappeared, too. What she brought into the house was soon spent. The overdraft on her account grew. But that was only part of it. For a long time – ever since she was a little girl, in fact – she had been in the way of setting small amounts of money, actual cash, aside in little hiding places. Now those hiding places were empty. One by one, Jamie had found and emptied them. Taking the money for the baby had only been the start. He cheerfully denied it, of course. Said she must have forgotten she'd taken it herself. But she hadn't. She knew the truth, and so did he.

  In desperation, she decided finally to tell him about their baby. That would make a difference. Surely it would? It had to.

  'I've got some news for you, Jamie,' she said carefully as they sat around the breakfast table.

  'Oh?'

  'We're going to have a baby.'

  He looked up from the guide to the day's racing he was studying, stared for a moment and then broke into raucous laughter. 'You never told me!' he charged. 'When?'

  'The end of August.'

  He got up and hugged her, laughing with delight. She knew he meant it. He really was pleased. She smiled and hugged him back, pressing her face into him. The moment she had been dreading turning out to be perfect. Perhaps they would turn the corner at last.

  'Boy or girl?' he asked.

  She shook her head. 'Does it matter?' she asked happily.

  'Why no!'

  She closed her eyes and held on to him.

  'Happy?' she asked.

  'What do you think? Of course I am. Why didn't you tell me earlier? Oh, I know! Of course. I've been really stupid, haven't I ?'

  She nodded, still smiling. He laughed again. The old Jamie! He'd re-appeared.

  'Things have to change, though, Jamie. We can't go on like we have been.'

  'I know, I know! I'll get a job. Soon. I promise.'

  'It's not just that, though, is it? I mean, the money's important. Of course it is. But you can't carry on drinking like you have been. That's the main problem.'

  'You're right. Of course you are. I'll stop. I don't need it. It's just been that it's a long day …. Oh, you know!'

  'Maybe you should get help, Jamie. It would be easier. Get counselling. Go to one of those therapy groups?'

  He broke away, still laughing. 'Can you see me, Meg? Can you? In a room full of people. We're all sitting there, and one after another we have to say how much we hate the drink, how we're going to stop right now. Is that what you see?'

  'No, of course not,' she said, uncomfortable with the picture he was painting. 'But why not see the doctor? See what he says. You have a problem, Jamie. We have a problem. We need help.'

  'Problem? Rubbish! Don't talk daft.'

  'We do, Jamie. We have to face up to it.'

  'I'll cut down. I promise. It's only fair.'

  'I'll keep you to that,' she told him with a tentative smile.

  She was glad she'd told him about the baby at last. Perhaps that would do it. Perhaps everything would be different now.

  *

  'Has he been applying for jobs?' Jenny asked.

  'Yes. Of course, he has. Well, I think he has. He says he has.'

  She frowned. She knew what Jenny was thinking.

  They had patched things up between them. Meg was glad. She had no better friend than Jenny.

  'You can't go on like this,' Jenny said gently. 'It's wearing you out. He's not worth it.'

  Meg kept quiet. She wished she hadn't said anything now.

  'How long has he been gone this time?'

  'Five days.'

  'What does he say when he comes back?'

  'It's as if nothing ever happened. He just seems to think everything's wonderful.'

  'That's what I mean,' Jenny said
. 'You can't go on like this.'

  'What are you doing for money?' Jenny asked. 'Are you managing all right?'

  Straight to the point! Meg couldn't help smiling.

  'Of course we are. There's still my salary.'

  'And his redundancy money? There must have been a fair bit of that.'

  'Yes,' Meg said thoughtfully. 'There must have been, mustn't there?'

  'How long was he at Sutton's?'

  'Since soon after he left school. Ten or twelve years, I think.'

  'A week's salary for every year, isn't it?'

  They stared at one another for a long moment.

  'And how long was he away that first time?' Jenny asked with a heavy sigh.

  'A couple of months. Three.'

  'And he went abroad?'

  'He got me to send him his passport. I don't know what he did with it.'

  Jenny snorted and shook her head. 'Where's all his drinking money coming from?' she asked, laying her hand on Meg's wrist.

  'I don't know,' Meg said miserably.

  But she knew where some of it was coming from. Or where it had been coming from, until all her little caches were gone.

  Jenny sat up straight.

  'Don't say it!' Meg warned sharply. 'He's my husband, and we have a happy marriage. We've put our problems behind us. And we're going to be a very happy family.'

  'Of course you are,' Jenny said.

  Meg stared off into space. She didn't think either one of them truly believed that.

  *

  The house was dark and empty, and cold. Meg shivered and hurried to put the heating back on.

  No sign of Jamie. Perhaps he was out job hunting? She gave a weary smile. Perhaps he wasn't. But she mustn't be critical. He was doing his best.

  She heated up some soup and settled down with it in front of the television to watch the early evening news. When the programme finished she switched the television off and sat for a while, just thinking. It wasn't good for her. Thinking. She knew that. It could make her panic. What on earth were they to do? How were they to manage?

  The reality was that Jamie still didn't have a job. He didn't seem much concerned either. His days were full enough. He met friends in the pub at lunch-time, and met them again later in the day. He talked the talk about job hunting – nobody better – but she could see precious few signs he was actually doing anything about it.

  As for herself, she was running on empty now. She was physically and mentally exhausted. Her thoughts, and what energy she had left, had to be focussed on the life growing within her. That was more than enough. She'd been doing her best but she couldn't sort out Jamie's problems as well. He was supposed to be supporting her!

  She stirred. She couldn't sit here like this all night again, wallowing in self-pity. She needed someone to talk to. And she needed to get out of the house for a while. She needed distraction.

  It was no good thinking of Jenny either. She'd heard enough advice from Jenny, whose opinion was that she should kick Jamie out. But it wasn't that easy. It was all right for Jenny to say these things. But she didn't have the problem. Jamie wasn't her husband. Besides, she wasn't sure Jenny was all that big a believer in marriage. If she was, she would have married Mike long ago, instead of just living with him.

  She picked up the phone and pressed the buttons. No answer. She tried again. The same thing. For a long time there was no answer. Sadly, she put the phone down and wandered back into the kitchen. There were pots to wash.

  As the hot water streamed into the bowl she heard the phone ring. Jamie, probably. Wanting to explain why he'd be home late again. Some story about a job possibility, and needing to see a man in a pub about it. Or a club. A restaurant even. Jamie's stories were endlessly inventive.

  She reached for a towel and dried her hands as she walked back to the phone.

  'Hi, Meg! Did you just call me?'

  She closed her eyes for a moment and then smiled with pleasure.

  'Yes, Robert. I did.'

  'Sorry I didn't get to the phone in time. Bath time, I'm afraid. You know how it is.'

  'Not yet, I don't!'

  'Soon, then. You will soon. How are you anyway? I don't seem to have had time to talk to you lately.'

  Not since the news of Jamie's return, she thought. She knew what he was doing. He was keeping well away. He knew she had enough to do and think about, without helping him look after his kids.

  'I'm fine, Robert, thank you. Looking forward to the day. What about Kirsty and Sean?'

  'The same. Full of trouble.'

  'Get away! You're terrible. They're wonderful children.'

  'Only joking. They're OK. They keep asking after you, by the way. We'll have to get together again soon. They still talk all the time about that day up in Northumberland.'

  She chuckled. Her heart wasn't in it, but she did.

  'How's Jamie?'

  'Oh, he's busy as ever. Changing his job and ….'

  'I'm happy for you, Meg. I really am. It's so good the two of you have sorted things out.'

  'Thanks, Robert. You've been a good friend.'

  'Hear that? It sounds like the Atlantic has reached the bathroom. I'd better go before the bath floats out to sea. Nice to hear you, Meg.'

  Afterwards, after she had put the phone down, she realised how much she had missed Robert lately. The children, too, of course, but she had missed Robert himself. He was such fun, and so lively. Such a good person to be with. Such a good person.

  Stop! she told herself. That's enough. Jamie was her man. She needed to concentrate on him, if their life was to be better. Besides, to Robert, she was just an occasional babysitter. Child minder, rather. Colleague. And friend. She shouldn't let herself get carried away, nice man or not.

  *

  It was after midnight when she heard Jamie stumble into the house. She was in bed by then, feeling depressed and weary. At least he was home safe, she thought dully. Then she lay still and listened to him blundering around the kitchen, rattling pans, turning the tap on. Hungry, probably.

  She stirred herself and got out of bed. She put on her dressing gown and headed down the stairs.

  'Jamie! What are you doing, love?'

  By the time she reached the kitchen, he was singing happily and clattering the frying pan.

  'Bacon and eggs!' he announced gleefully. 'I'm cooking. Want some?'

  'There isn’t any bacon, I'm afraid.'

  'Eggs, then. I'll fry some eggs.'

  'Jamie, do you know what time it is?'

  'Not really, no.'

  'It's gone midnight, Jamie. And I have to go to work in the morning.'

  'Get yourself off to bed, then. I can manage.'

  She doubted that.

  'Where have you been, Jamie?'

  'Checking up on me, are you?'

  Suddenly his tone had changed. He spun round, eyes flashing. 'Not for the first time either. I'm sick of it!'

  'I'm expecting a baby, Jamie – our baby! And you leave me alone, like this? I'm tired, worn out, and I need your help and support.'

  'And you have it! Just don't interfere. Don't tell me what I can and can't do.'

  'We can't afford for you to be out every night like this, Jamie. Round the pubs, drinking. There's only my salary now to pay for everything.'

  'Money, money, money!' he sneered. 'That's all you think about.'

  'It's not good for you either,' she continued. 'You know it isn't. You promised, Jamie!'

  He swore at her and suddenly picked the pan up and flung it across the kitchen. It hit the wall. Fat dripped.

  'I'm going where I'm more welcome!' he shouted. 'Where someone doesn't pick on me all the time.'

  He barged past her and thundered through the hall. She heard the front door slam. Moments later, his BMW roared into life. She listened as it raced down the street and screeched round a corner. Then she collapsed on to a hard wooden chair, sobbing. What on earth was she to do?

  Chapter Twelve

  'Meg, I hat
e to ask, but could you possibly stay with Kirsty for an hour after work?'

  'What is it, Robert?'

  He grimaced and ran a hand through his hair. 'Another little crisis! The school's just rung. Sean's had an accident. Nothing serious. But he had to have stitches in his head, and they want me to collect him from the hospital. So I need someone to look after Kirsty for me.'

  'Of course. I'd be glad to help. Do you want to go now?'

  'If you don't mind.'

  *

  She rang home but there was no answer, which wasn't surprising. She never knew where Jamie was these days. His good intentions hadn't lasted long.

  'I haven't seen much of you lately,' Robert said as they walked out to his car. 'How have you been?'

  'Pretty good, thanks. The bump's getting bigger, though,' she added, patting her stomach.'

  'Call that a bump? That's nothing!'

  'Well, it feels like a mountain to me. Anyway, how have you been?'

  'Struggling.' He grinned. 'They run me ragged, the pair of them.'

  'I don't believe it. You're an old softy!'

  'Old, yes,' he said, opening the passenger door and helping her into the car. 'And as soft as a lump of concrete.'

  Meg laughed. Already she felt better. Five minutes with Robert, and …. How was that possible?

  'What's Sean been up to?' she asked as they set off.

  'Just playing football, I think. That's what they said anyway. Banged his head on something harder than him.'

  First, they collected Kirsty from the childminder. She was thrilled.

  'Meg! I didn't know you were coming for me.'

  Meg laughed and hugged her. Kirsty was so excited it was infectious. Her eyes shone. Her face was all smiles. Golden curls tumbled across her face. Jam round her mouth soon transferred to Meg's face.

  'I'm just coming for a little while,' Meg said. 'Daddy's going to collect Sean.'

  'To my house?' Kirsty asked. 'You're coming to my house?'

  'For a little while.'

  'Oh, good!'

  Kirsty hung round her neck and kissed her again. Meg laughed and kissed her back.