Mail Order Cowboy

by Maisey Yates

  She took a step back. “I’m going to go to my room. I have some email and things to catch up on.”

  He jolted, his hand dropping back down to his side. “Good idea.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow around lunchtime, I’m sure.”

  He took a deep breath, his broad chest expanding. “I’m sure.”

  And then she ran, like she was running from the devil himself. And for all she knew, she might have been. Because she had never known temptation like she’d experienced just now.

  But it wasn’t the temptation, or the fact she might give in to it that scared her. It was the idea that it would be another disappointment. Another opportunity for her to fail with a man.

  More than anything else, she didn’t think she could face that.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  JACKSON HAD SLEPT for shit that night. He blamed Savannah and the conversation they’d had. Frigid. He wanted to find her ex-husband and pull that bastard’s testicles out through his mouth.

  In his opinion, any man who put that kind of thing on a woman was beneath contempt. Jackson might not be a knight in shining armor, but he knew where his responsibilities lay in the bedroom. There was no damned point to sex if your partner didn’t get as much out of it as you did, if not more. A woman’s pleasure was part of his own. Any man who not only put that responsibility on the lady, but also made her feel bad about herself when he couldn’t perform, was a lowlife in his mind.

  That kind of man certainly didn’t deserve to get off.

  But the problem was, Jackson shouldn’t be thinking about his nanny and getting off in the same sentence. Not at all.

  That was the trouble with not having Lily out with him while he worked. He had too much time on his brain to do thinking. And his thoughts were in the damned gutter.

  He sighed and lifted the ax he was holding over his head, bringing it down hard on the piece of wood sitting on its end, sending half of it flying across the lot.

  He looked up and saw his brother’s truck pulling up toward him, and he swore. The last thing he wanted was to deal with Tanner or Calder right now.

  And sadly for him, it was both of his brothers. They stopped the truck and got out, the two older Reids looking at him, and then looking at each other.

  “Can I help you?” he asked, feeling testy as fuck and just as mean. He had sexual tension to get rid of, and he aimed to chop a cord of wood, not have a discussion with his brothers.

  “Just haven’t had a chance to chat in a while,” Tanner said.

  “You’re full of shit,” Jackson said. “We work together every day.”

  “Yeah,” Calder agreed, “but Chloe’s been around.”

  “What exactly do you want to talk to me about that you can’t say in front of Chloe?”

  “I want to know what’s really happening with you and the nanny,” Tanner said.

  “What do you mean really happening?”

  “You’re living with a woman that beautiful in your house, and you want me to believe that you’re not doing anything with her?” Calder asked.

  Tanner’s expression tightened, his whole body going tense. It seemed he didn’t find Calder’s questions any more amusing than Jackson did. “It is possible to live with a beautiful woman and not touch her,” Tanner pointed out.

  “Sure,” Calder said. “It’s possible. But Jackson doesn’t have any experience with restraint. And we know that with even more certainty than we did a couple months ago.”

  “Yeah, because you’re a snow-white virgin,” Jackson said, glaring at his brother.

  “I’m no such thing. But I’m not half the manwhore you are.”

  “Even half the manwhore I am is pretty bad,” he responded dryly.

  Tanner snorted. “That is true. Though, I’ve been much too busy running this place to get up to even half of what Calder has.”

  “That’s a dirty lie,” Jackson said. “You’ve been a bit busy raising Chloe.”

  “I am not raising Chloe,” Tanner said, his tone hard. “She’s an adult.”

  “What is she? Twenty-two? And she’s half-feral.”

  “At least you don’t have to worry about her sneaking off with guys,” Calder said, humor on his face. “Anyway, if a man gave her trouble, she’d just shoot them herself.”

  “We are not talking about Chloe,” Tanner said, his voice taking on an edge when he said their stepsister’s name.

  He knew Chloe could be irritating, but she and Tanner had lived together in the main house for ages. It had only been about six months since Chloe’s mother had moved away, but Jackson couldn’t imagine things had changed that much since Ella had gone.

  “We’re talking about Jackson. And his transgressions,” Calder said.

  “If you call Lily a transgression one more time, Calder,” Jackson said, his tone warning, “I will personally put my fist through your face.”

  “That isn’t what I meant,” Calder said, looking contrite. “I was just giving you a hard time.”

  “I swear, everything with Savannah is on the up-and-up. I needed someone to help me out. I don’t know shit about babies, and you know that.”

  “Neither do we.”

  “Neither does Chloe,” Tanner said.

  “Yeah, it’s basically a nineties comedy around here, except that we’re not going to magically figure it out, so I needed to do something. And I hired Savannah. End of story. I’m not touching her, and neither are either of you. She’s the only way I’ve gotten any sleep for a week, and if you fuck that up for me I will...”

  “Fist through the face,” Tanner said. “I think we got it.”

  “Hey,” Calder said, “I’m more worried about you messing it up.”

  “I can keep my dick under control, thanks,” Jackson said.

  “Can you?” Tanner asked.

  He would be offended, but Tanner had a point. If he could keep himself under control, he’d never shown it. He’d never had to.

  “I have a reason to,” he bit out. “The best reason I’ve ever had. I know that you might not... I never wanted to be a father,” he continued. “But the fact of the matter is I am one. Everything that I wanted has changed now. I care a hell of a lot more about that little girl growing up happy than I do about when I’m going to get laid next. And hell, I don’t know when that’s going to be. Maybe not till she graduates from high school.”

  Well, he hoped that wouldn’t be true. But there was a serious chance he wasn’t going to be getting any action on a regular basis for quite some time. He couldn’t bring a parade of women through her life. That was the kind of thing their father had done, and he wouldn’t do that. He wanted her to have more stability than he’d had. Didn’t want her to go through a series of attachments and separations over and over again. It was too hard.

  Her mother had already left, and God knew he understood that pain. Of knowing your mother couldn’t handle you. Couldn’t raise you. Already, Lily’s childhood was a shade too much like his own. For his father’s part, when it came to their mother, at least it hadn’t really been his fault. He had married her. Had tried to have a stable life before bringing children into the world.

  Jackson had just been indiscriminate. Yes, he’d used protection, but the fact of the matter was, there was always a chance that protection could fail. And any grown man who was sexually active had to take that risk on. It had never come back to bite him in the ass before.

  But now it had, and he had to man up.

  “I never realized you were so self-sacrificial,” Calder said.

  “I’m not. But what else am I supposed to do? She’s here,” he said gruffly.

  “We’re here for you,” Tanner said, clapping him on the back. “Even though I don’t think we’re any more qualified than you.”

  “Maybe if we put all of our heads together we can equal one q
ualified parent,” Calder said.

  Jackson chuckled. “You might be about right.”

  But he had Savannah. She was qualified, and she was giving Lily a good start. She knew what to do. She knew things like tummy time, which Jackson hadn’t known about. She was going to provide that early stability. Be that mother figure for Lily. And he knew it wouldn’t last forever, but if he could just make it the best situation possible, he had a feeling it could last for a while.

  And that meant no more thinking about Savannah, or her problem.

  And letting go of the idea it was his to solve.

  Lord almighty. He wanted to solve it.

  Dick. Under. Control.

  His brothers took off, and while he went on chopping that wood, all he could think about was that Savannah wasn’t staying forever. It was already temporary.

  And there was no real way to mess up something that wasn’t forever anyway. Was there?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  SAVANNAH WAS READY to fall asleep on the floor right next to Lily. The baby hadn’t slept at all the night before, which meant Savannah hadn’t, either, and then for some reason Lily had defied every reasonable expectation and hadn’t napped the entire day, either. She really hoped this wasn’t indicative of what was to come.

  Finally, the little wiggling thing had fallen asleep on her blanket, and Savannah was stretched out beside her, the ceiling spinning above her head as she fought to stay conscious.

  Jackson would be back soon. She had already texted him to warn him that she wouldn’t be cooking dinner. She simply didn’t have the energy. She had managed to eat a few grapes while spoon-feeding Lily some squash, but that was it. She was hungry and exhausted. She wasn’t sure how she was going to go on.

  And while she lay there, her thoughts turned to Jackson.

  That was the biggest problem with being sleep deprived. She had almost no control over her thought process. All damn day she had thought of him. Of the way he talked about how it was a man’s fault if a woman didn’t find pleasure in bed with him.

  It made her wonder.

  Wonder a whole lot of things that were half-formed and blurry. Wonder a lot of things that she knew she should have a better handle on, but she didn’t. Because her curiosity about sex had basically shut down over the past few years. She felt like a failure at it. A failure as a wife. And instead of trying to figure it out with Darren she had just locked everything away. Pretended that she didn’t care. It was better—she had rationalized—than being her parents. Always unhappy and yelling and screaming.

  But then she had discovered just how quiet unhappiness could be. How many forms bad marriages could take.

  She had tried so hard to be different, and it had ended up the same.

  Well, not quite. Her husband had actually cut her loose. Her parents didn’t have the common decency to set each other free. They just suffered together in misery. Savannah could honestly say she felt her choice was the better one. Or rather, the choice that Darren had made for the both of them. Though, she refused to be grateful to him.

  But there was Jackson.

  His lips were beautiful, and they made her want to kiss them. Kissing she had liked. At least at first. It had always sparked in her stomach the promise of something that she could never really have. So, eventually she had stopped liking kissing quite so much.

  She wondered if kissing Jackson would be any different.

  He was rarely clean-shaven. Somehow, he always seemed to have a perpetual five-o’clock shadow, and it looked like it would be rough to touch. She licked her own lips in response to that thought, closing her eyes and allowing her vision to fill with images of him.

  She heard the front door open and close. Her eyes popped open.

  “Hello,” said Jackson softly, looking down at her position on the floor.

  “Don’t wake her up,” she said. “I’m desperate.”

  “Yeah, your text seemed a little bit on the desperate side.”

  “I haven’t slept.” She sat up, rubbing her face.

  “Do you need to take a nap?”

  “Yes,” she mumbled. “But I need to eat. I haven’t eaten today, either.”

  He frowned. “If it’s ever that overwhelming you should call me.”

  “You hired me to take care of things. I’m not going to call you away from work. This is my job.”

  “Which you won’t be able to do if you’re not functioning. I don’t expect you to be working twenty-four hours a day. That’s not reasonable.”

  “Well, I’m fine,” she said, stretching and then standing. “Just tired. And hungry.”

  “I did bring food.”

  He held up a bag and she sniffed the air. “What did you bring?”

  “Burgers,” he said. “From Mustard Seed. I brought regular fries and sweet potato fries. I didn’t know what your philosophical stance was.”

  “I will put any French fry in my mouth. All of them. So, I hope that you got two orders of each. Because if you didn’t... I’m still eating them all.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. I got four orders.”

  “Perfect,” she said, standing up and rubbing her hands together. She really was starving. Beyond reason. And suddenly, all she could think of was how perfect it would be to eat a hamburger.

  Which was much less unsettling than pondering the merits of devouring Jackson’s mouth.

  He set the paper bag down on the table and she crowded around, digging inside and pulling out one of the containers of fries. The sweet potato. She dug into them immediately while Jackson sorted through the rest.

  “Beer?” he asked, heading toward the fridge.

  “Coke,” she said. “A beer is just going to put me to sleep.”

  “Nothing wrong with that,” he said, but returned with a beer for him and a Coke for her.

  “I need to be able to wake back up if Lily needs something.”

  He frowned. “Let me take a shift tonight.”

  “No. I already told you. This is my job. And I really don’t mind doing it.”

  “And I told you that I don’t expect you to work twenty-four hours a day. I want you sharp enough to take care of her tomorrow. That means you need to sleep tonight.”

  “Jackson, I will tell you when I need you to be a mother hen. That time is not now.”

  His lips quirked upward into a smile, and she recalled the fantasies she’d been having about those lips not long before. “A mother hen?” He shook his head. “That’s the first time I’ve ever been accused of that.”

  “Well. You’re being ridiculous. I’m a grown woman, and if I need something I have no problem letting you know.”

  “Is that right?” His dark eyes burned into hers and her heart leaped up in her chest. It was not a caring look. It was...loaded. It made her stomach tighten. Made her fingers feel numb.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she said, stuffing a French fry in her mouth and chewing indelicately.

  “Like what?”

  “You know. If I... If I know, then it’s really not very subtle, Jackson.”

  “I’m not looking at you like anything,” he said. “Because things need to stay professional between us. I was pondering that earlier today.”

  “Were you?”

  “I was.”

  “Why did you...” She hated herself for asking this question, but she was going to anyway. “Why did you come to that conclusion?”

  “Because I was having some decidedly unprofessional thoughts,” he acknowledged, his voice getting rough, the heat in his eyes intensifying.

  She shifted, stuffing another French fry in her mouth.

  “That...” She cleared her throat and reached down for the burger that he had put in front of her. “I hope this has onions on it.”

  He chuckled. “Believe me. Onions are not a d
eterrent. The fact that you’re taking care of Lily? That is.”

  “Right.” She took a bite of the burger and moaned. She hadn’t meant to have such an obvious response to eating a burger, but she was starving. When she looked up, Jackson was watching her far too closely.

  They ate in silence for a while, a strange awareness settling over her. They had acknowledged it. And he hadn’t denied it. Not at all. He was attracted to her.

  It was strange. She didn’t consider herself the kind of woman men like him would be attracted to. She wasn’t stunningly beautiful. She was tall, and some men were into that, but since she had never been big on dating, she hadn’t much explored it. And then, she had been married and found out what a disappointment she was as a sex object, so really, this whole thing with Jackson was weird.

  He was attracted to her. She was attracted to him. Right from the beginning. From that first moment they had seen each other in the airport.

  The problem was, it was all a lie.

  Well, the real problem was Lily. But beyond that, even if they were two strangers that just met... Whatever he thought being with her might feel like...he was wrong.

  Whatever her own body thought being with Jackson might do to her, it wouldn’t.

  “I’m not that exciting,” she said. “Really. In fact, I think if you’re actually finding yourself attracted to me right about now it’s mostly because of the forbidden aspect to...to us being together.”

  “Really?” He raised his brows, and he looked maddeningly unconvinced.

  “Yes,” she confirmed, hoping he didn’t know she hadn’t a clue what she was talking about. “You said yourself you...are well-traveled.”

  “Is that a nice way of saying I’m the town bike?”

  “Well. Yes.” She cleared her throat. “That leads me to believe that not very many things have been off-limits to you. Until recently. And now you find yourself...chained to your house. So... Not traveling as much. So to speak.”

  As she said it, it made sense. It made a hell of a lot more sense than this man randomly wanting her for...her.

  “You’re not wrong about that,” he agreed.