He felt as if he had aged decades. His body was stiff and weak as he pulled himself off the floor. He cursed himself for complaining as he looked to the bed. Giselle looked so tiny and frail. It was if the life had been wrung out of her and she was faded and empty. Alastair pulled a chair close to the bed and sat as he reached for her hand. He lowered his head and pressed it against his face. It was cold and limp. She had lost a lot of blood. Much of it had saturated his clothing. His coat and waistcoat were gone but his shirt, breeches and forearms were streaked with her blood. The metallic smell still clung to him but he blocked it out. Alastair wanted to bathe and change. Desperately. But he couldn’t leave Giselle.
He felt her stir and looked up to see her watching him. She tried to move, to pull herself closer and he leaned forward and carefully placed his hands upon her to try and still her.
“Don’t move!” He whispered urgently as he tried to stroke her soothingly, anywhere that he thought wouldn’t hurt her. Giselle’s eyes were weak and heavy as they searched his face.
“I’m cold. Will you hold me, Alastair?” Her voice was so fragile and it broke his heart. He frowned as he looked around the room for another clean blanket. He hated to deny her but they would not be alone for long and people would be in and out of her room to tend to her. If he was fully dressed in clean, dry clothes, he probably wouldn’t have hesitated. “Please, I need you.” She whimpered.
There was nothing he could do. Alastair sighed in defeat and unbuttoned his collar. He pulled his shirt over his head as he crossed the room to the basin. He quickly washed as much of his arms and chest as he could before he gently eased himself onto the bed next to her. He slid in as close to her good side as he could and carefully draped his arm over her. Giselle sighed as she pressed her back against him and clung to the arm around her. As soon as the discomfort passed, Alastair breathed deeply and pressed his lips to her ear.
“I love you.” He said softly as he gently pulled her closer to him. He felt her exhale and her body became soft, relaxed against him.
“I love you too.” She sighed.
Everything in Alastair melted as joy flooded him. She had never said the words. To hear them after everything that had happened, when he was so unsure and raw inside, was like a warm elixir spreading within him. It was as if he’d been drugged. A calm heat washed over him, his eyes refused to stay open and his body felt as if it was made of lead.
“Rest, my love.” He mumbled as his face pressed into the corner of her neck. Alastair was helpless as the darkness pulled him under. He smiled as he felt his lips against her neck and slipped into unconsciousness.
The next time Alastair’s eyes opened, the light was fading from the sky and the room was dark. Which was odd. The sky was just starting to lighten and the room was dark when he’d laid next to Giselle. He looked across the bed and saw Maman sitting in the chair. Her head was bent and she appeared to be embroidering. She always become obsessed with embroidering when there was a grandchild on the way. Alastair felt his hand close over Giselle’s stomach protectively as he prayed that he did not disappoint her.
“You have given poor Jane a terrible scare, mon fils.” Maman said softly, without taking her eyes off her work. “I am worried she will ask to return to Winthorpe. Madeline and I have taken turns caring for votre amour chéri. There is food on the table for you and then you should bathe and change. I will stay with Giselle.” She finally looked up at him. Her eyes were full of concern and a hint of reproach. Alastair felt his brows pull together and he frowned.
“How long have I been asleep?” He asked softly as he carefully released Giselle and slid from the bed.
“You have slept the entire day.” Maman’s eyes widened as he stood and stretched. Alastair looked down at himself and swore. He forgot that he’d removed his shirt before he’d joined Giselle. Poor Jane, indeed. He watched as she carefully stood and came around the bed. Her head fell to the side as she slowly walked around him. When she stopped in front of him a soft smile curved her lips and her eyes were warm.
“You’re not angry?” Alastair held his breath. He had never coped well with Maman’s anger or disappointment. She shook her head slowly as she raised her hand to cup his cheek.
“You are so much like your father.” Her eyes glistened and her lips trembled. “And then you are so very different.” She whispered. “I have always worried most about you because I thought you needed me the least. And all the while, I wanted to hold you to me the most.” Her voice became unsteady as she released him and went to the table. She uncovered the dish and poured a glass of wine. “Come and eat.” Maman ordered. Alastair looked at the bed, loath to leave Giselle’s side.
“I’m not very hungry.” He argued gently. Maman raised an eyebrow, daring him to disobey her. He felt his lips tighten as he crossed the room. Only she could make him feel like he was six.
“If you do not keep up your strength, you will not be able to help her. And we do not need two patients to care for.” Maman said as she handed him a fork.
Alastair took the fork dutifully and stabbed at his potatoes. Maman smiled as she brushed back the hair that had fallen over his eyes. I must look like hell. He thought as he started attacking the roasted beef. He must have been hungrier than he thought, his food was vanishing quickly. He looked around as he chewed and suddenly felt self conscious. He was in Giselle’s bedroom, she was asleep and pregnant, he was almost completely undressed and eating like an escaped convict in the presence of his mother. He swallowed slowly and cleared his throat.
“You are handling all of this very well, Maman.” Alastair said carefully and she shrugged as she buttered a roll and handed it to him.
“All I want is for my children to be happy. There is nothing that I would not do, or overlook, for you.” She said softly as her eyes drifted slowly over him. “And if Giselle finds this…” She gestured towards his chest. “Pleasing. Then, I am not to judge.” Her smile became mischievous. “It is very obvious that she does. And I cannot say that I blame her. You have grown to be very handsome and these markings do make you seem more… virile.” Maman laughed softly as she took the seat opposite him. Alastair felt his eyes grow wide and what he suspected was a blush rising up his neck. He took a long drink of his wine as he tried to compose himself. He could not remember a time when he had felt more uncomfortable.
“I’m glad you’re not troubled by this.” He was happy to keep his comment vague. Maman stared at him a moment before she frowned.
“Do you know, when you were a baby, you never wanted me to hold you?” Her voice became distant and sad. Alastair tilted his head and narrowed his eyes as he stared at her. Part of him was very curious to hear what she would say next while part of him wanted to leave the room, quickly. He held very still. “You used to scream as if I was hurting you and you would twist and push away like an angry cat. Sometimes, I would cry and beg you to let me hold you. Other times, I would become so angry and I would argue with you. Your father used to laugh at me but it made me feel better to tell you that you were being cruel and unreasonable.” Her expression became wistful.
“I’m sorry.” Alastair said softly. He couldn’t remember a time when his body didn’t fight against him. Knowing that he was born like that was both fascinating and frightening. His eyes went to Giselle. Would his child suffer as he did? He pushed the thought aside and focused on Maman. “I wish I could have been more agreeable.” He felt a glimmer of relief when she smiled but it faded quickly.
“I thought you had grown out of it and that you were just very independent. You were always very stoic, especially after your father died. I assumed it was because you were so very smart, that you could not be bothered with things as typical as hugs and kisses. But I longed to sweep you into my arms and rock you like an infant almost every minute of the day.” Maman’s eyes blinked rapidly as she tried to hold back the tears that made them shine. Alastair reached across the table and rested his hand over hers gently.
“I
could always tell. Especially when I went to Eton and I was extremely relieved that you didn’t.” He let his lips curve teasingly and she laughed softly. “But I always knew and that was enough.” Her eyes searched his.
“I wish I would have known, Alastair. I think I should have. How can a mother not know such a thing about her son?” She whispered. Alastair felt an ache in his chest and he shook his head.
“It was always hardest to hide it from you but I had to. There was nothing you could do and I knew it would hurt you to know I was uncomfortable or in pain.” He watched as she accepted his explanation. “I have never been good at expressing my feelings or returning affection but I have always felt very fortunate and appreciative to have you for a mother. There aren’t a lot of women out there that would have loved me despite my defect.” He paused when her eyes flared and she started to shake her head in protest. “Whatever it is. I’m grateful that I have the sort of mother that would tell me that I was being a miserable shit when I was an infant and still keep trying to love me.” She laughed as tears spilled from her eyes and she leapt from the table. Alastair rose as she reached for him and he stopped her. Aside from the discomfort of her hugging him when so much of his skin was exposed, he still hadn’t bathed. “Maman, I’m covered in sweat and blood.” He whispered. She shook her head.
“I don’t care.” She said defiantly as she stood before him and held her arms open expectantly. Alastair took a deep breath as he carefully put his arms around her and pulled her close. For a moment, it felt as if he was being scrubbed with a wire brush but he kept breathing and his skin calmed. Maman felt small and soft and he regretted that he hadn’t indulged her more. Despite the fact that he was so much larger and more powerful, he felt safe and warm as he held her. She looked up as she gathered his face in her hands and kissed him firmly on the lips. “Now, go and take a bath and put on clean clothes. I think you will feel much better.” She commanded as she pointed at the door. “I will have soup brought up and I will see if I can get mignon to take some.”
Alastair smiled as he went to the bed. He pressed a kiss to Giselle’s lips and promised he’d return quickly. She stirred but remained asleep. Alastair nodded to Maman as he left, relieved to know that Giselle was in loving, protective hands while he was away.
Chapter 62
“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you, Lady Gasden!” Gilles rolled his eyes as Mirabelle beamed and helped the older woman settle onto the chaise. She smiled sweetly at Lady Hathewaite as she sat next to her.
“Do you know, Mirabelle Haviland, I believe you? And you might be the only person.” Lady Gasden laughed as she patted her hand. “Of all your children, she is my favorite.” The old woman announced as she winked at The Mothers. Gilles and Lucien exchanged suffering glances and Elise giggled as she took his hand.
Spencer Place had been closed to visitors but Lady Gasden and Lady Hathewaite had been invited for tea. Gilles wanted to gauge the ton’s reaction to Giselle’s “abduction” and gently guide the gossip, if needed.
“How is Lady St. Claire?” Lady Gasden’s expression was gentle and sad as she looked around the room. Maman smiled reassuringly as she poured tea.
“She is expected to recover though she will most likely have trouble with her arm. It is uncertain if she will be able to use it again.” Her voice wavered but she took a deep breath and smiled as she started passing cups. Gilles swallowed and waited as pain flared within him. Elise squeezed his hand and leaned against him briefly, comforting him.
“Such a tragedy!” Lady Gasden announced. “I never liked that Weering, I always knew he was capable of terrible things. I’m just so sorry that poor girl got caught in the middle.” She lamented. Mirabelle frowned and nodded emphatically. Maman sighed as she sat back with her cup.
“In the end, we are just grateful to have Lady St. Claire back. We have to tell ourselves that it could have been much worse and help in her recovery.” Maman became thoughtful as she sipped.
“How is Alastair handling it all? It’s obvious that he cares deeply for Lady St. Claire. I’m sure it was a terrible fright to find that his fiancé had been taken and then to accidentally shoot her… What kind of a man could use a poor, defenseless woman as a shield?” Lady Gasden looked as if she was becoming upset. Gilles couldn’t help but feel fond of the old dragon. She could be prickly and meddlesome but she truly loved his family and had always been fair. He smiled gently as he guided Elise’s hands to her tea cup.
“He is handling it like any man does when the woman he loves has been terribly hurt. Alastair is doing all he can to keep her as comfortable as possible and will help her heal.” Gilles kept his voice even.
“Where is Sir Alastair?” Lady Hathewaite asked as she looked around the room. Gilles looked at her sternly. She should tread carefully.
“He is upstairs with Lady St. Claire.” He waited as she schooled her features.
“Alone?” She whispered. He nodded as Mirabelle became militant.
“She has a large hole in her shoulder, Lady Hathewaite! As far as any of us has seen, she has barely been conscious the last three days. My brother is beside himself with worry. We all trust the two of them not to lose their heads and do anything scandalous.” Mirabelle scolded. Maman did her best to appear stern.
“Mirabelle, there is no need to be graphic. I’m sure Lady Hathewaite isn’t implying that your brother would take advantage of Lady St. Claire while she is in such a fragile state.” She looked accusingly at the chaise. Lady Gasden began shaking her head furiously.
“I can assure you, there is nothing improper going on. Alastair is doing exactly what a gentleman should at the moment.” She proclaimed with a very loud humph. Lady Hathewaite blushed as she examined her teacup. Gilles made a mental note to talk to Eric. Perhaps there was some way to ease the estrangement between him and his mother. Lady Hathewaite took a sip of her tea and Gilles could see that she was working up the courage before she spoke.
“It has been remarked that Dr. Granville has visited very recently.” She looked at The Mothers cautiously, clearly avoiding eye contact with Mirabelle. Gilles tried not to react. He reminded himself that the purpose of inviting Lady Hathewaite specifically had been to learn what was being said within the ton. He was about to imply that Granville’s presence did not have any additional significance when Elise sighed and set her teacup down dramatically. Everyone turned toward her and she bit her lip as she smiled softly.
“We were trying to keep it to ourselves for a while longer but it seems that we’ve been found out.” Elise reached for Gilles’ hand and he found that he needed it. He slid it around hers and used it as an anchor. “Ethan will have a brother or sister this winter.” She said softly. Gilles’ eyes swept the room and he was relieved to find that everyone else was coping with the news better than he was. Fortunately, Lady Gasden and Lady Hathewaite were so focused on Elise and their own excitement at being the first to know, they didn’t notice he was floundering. Lucien noticed. He raised his teacup in salute and chuckled.
Gilles felt as if he was going to burst by the time their guests were ready to depart. The rest of the conversation had been a blur, his mind was so paralyzed by surprise and joy. He kept telling himself not to get too excited. Elise might have only said it to mislead and protect Giselle. But he knew she would understand that her ruse would only last a few months. It wasn’t like her to make such an error.
He waited until Lady Gasden and Lady Hathewaite were being escorted to the door by Mirabelle and The Mothers before he leaned close. Elise relaxed against him and her head fell back as his lips lowered to her ear.
“Are you?” He whispered. She smiled softly and nodded. Gilles slid his hand around her waist and waited for his emotions to settle. He was afraid he’d start laughing or jumping on the furniture if he tried to speak. When he felt he had a grip on himself, he turned her face to his. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He ignored the fact that Lucien was sitting across from them and The Mothe
rs and Mirabelle would be returning at any moment as he brushed his lips against hers. He felt hers curve.
“I wanted to be sure and once I was, there was so much going and then Giselle was shot. We’ve all been so worried that it didn’t feel like the right time.” She explained. “And I wanted to tell you first, I was just waiting until we had time alone.”
Gilles felt guilt pulling at him. He’d been so busy pursuing Weering with Giselle and Alastair and then keeping Alastair company as he watched over Giselle through the nights, he hadn’t slept a full night in bed with his wife in almost a week.
“I’m so sorry, I’ve been neglecting you.” Gilles let his eyes caress Elise’s face and realized how much he’d missed her. She pressed her forehead to his and stroked his jaw.
“You have not. We’ve both been taking care of our family. I would have said something if I felt like you were neglecting me.” She said as she ran her fingers across his lips. Gilles heard voices and looked up. The sitting room suddenly felt crowded as The Mothers and Mirabelle returned. He jumped to his feet and pulled Elise up.
“Elise! This is wonderful news!” Mirabelle exclaimed as she crossed the room. Gilles nodded dismissively as he started towing Elise toward the door.
“Yes. It’s marvelous and fantastic.” Gilles agreed as he looked down the hall. It was a bloody long way to their bedroom and it was taking too long. “I’m sorry but I need to be alone with my wife.” He said as he bent and scooped Elise into his arms. She gasped and grabbed his lapels. “Please, excuse us.” Gilles called over his shoulder as he strode quickly toward the stairs.
“Gilles!” Elise shrieked as she hid her face against his chest. “Do you have to be so obvious!” She hissed. He couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yes, darling. And I think we should all be glad that I was able to wait until our guests left before I made a scene.” He confided as he carried her down the hall toward their room. Elise giggled as he juggled her to open the door.
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