by Nicola Haken
“You’re not into this are you?” Lori said despondently, pulling me from the reverie I shouldn’t have been having.
“I’m sorry. I’m not exactly showing you what good friend material I am, am I?” I glanced over at Lori and she smiled sweetly, her eyes fixed on the road. Of course she would never tell me what shit company I made. She was far too nice for that. “I suppose I’m just overwhelmed. This whole situation… the move, the new school, this whole bloody country… it’s a lot to take in.” Plus I have developed an unnatural obsession with a guy who seems to hate me all of a sudden. “And of course it’s even harder to adjust when nobody likes you.”
“Bullshit!” Lori snapped unexpectedly. The word seemed so alien, so… unnatural, coming out of her sweet, glossed lips. “I like you. My friends like you, and-”
“Oh, please! They look at me like I’ve just dipped my head in a bucket of steaming diarrhoea.” Lori feigned a look of perplexity and opened her mouth to protest. But then her expression melted into acquiescence.
“You caught that, huh?”
A blind monkey would’ve caught that.
I wanted to tell her she could do so much better in the friends department but I didn’t feel I knew her well enough to be so blunt after just a few days. I made a mental note to do it as soon as I felt qualified however.
“What about Blaine? He likes you.”
I’m pretty sure even that same blind monkey would have picked up the exact opposite.
“Blaine… I just don’t get him at all. In all seriousness I’m pretty sure he hates me right now, although I have zero idea why. We were such good… friends. Until last night that is. I don’t get what happened. One minute were fine, bickering like we always do and the next… he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”
“Hmm,” Lori murmured as if she was trying to summon some reasoning.
“Let’s not talk about him. We’re here to shop, and shopping equals fun, right?” Or at least that’s what high school girls in the movies say.
“Hell yeah! And you couldn’t have chosen a better assistant,” she said with a flutter of her long, obviously fake lashes as she pulled into the huge car park littered with flashy cars.
“Want to come in?” I felt obliged to ask – a sort of thank you for taking me shopping – even though I didn’t buy anything - and buying me a pizza.
“Sure,” she replied as excited as ever.
Lori’s clicking heels followed behind me as I walked up the dirty path to splintered wood door of my house. Pulling my key out of my rucksack I had my head turned to Lori as I opened the door, telling her I promised to buy something next time we shopped. Then I witnessed the blood drain from her tanned face leaving her paler than me. Anxious, I snapped my head around to follow her gaze. What I saw caused my blood to boil so violently I thought I might spontaneously combust.
“Mum what the fuck are you doing?” I yelled towards the brown sofa where my naked mother was sprawled on her back.
The bald man’s bare arse stopped pummelling my mum long enough for him to turn and face me. He didn’t jump off, didn’t try to cover himself. He didn’t even look embarrassed! Then my mum had the cheek to narrow her eyes at me and shoo me away with her hand as she mouthed ‘I’m working’.
“Get the fuck out of my house or I’m calling the fucking police!” I barked at him so forcefully the words burned into the back of my throat.
He grunted in frustration then leapt from the sofa, gathering his cord trousers and stripy yellow shirt from the floor and dragging them on as fast as he could. My mum made no effort to move. She just continued to lie there - legs open, naked and having the cheek to glower at me. I hurried over to her, grabbed the frayed flowery throw from the back of the sofa and threw it over her before snatching the bald guy’s jacket from the floor and shoving it at him and pushing him towards the door.
It was then I noticed Lori stood at the doorway, still a deathly shade of white and staring awkwardly at the floor. Pure shame ate away at my insides like acid and I wanted to cry.
“I should, um, get going,” she said uneasily when the strange man barged past her. I motioned her outside and closed the door behind us.
“I’m so sorry, Lori.” I dropped my head, wishing the ground would swallow me.
“What the hell for? That was in no way your fault.” It took me a few seconds to process the fact that she wasn’t going to run away screaming. Then another few to get my head around the idea that she might actually still like me.
“I just wish you hadn’t seen that. My mum, well… my mum has, issues.”
“Yeah, I kinda gathered that,” she said but there was no judgement in her tone.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did but, well I’d appreciate it if-”
“If you’re worried I’m gonna tell anyone, Maddie, then don’t,” she interrupted, “I would never do that.”
I had never wanted to hug somebody so much in my life. And so, I did.
“Thank you, Lori. You really are the best friend I could’ve hoped to find here.”
“You bet I am,” she teased before pulling out of our embrace. “I’ll text you later. I hope you’ll be okay, Maddie.”
“Don’t worry about me. Believe me, this isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with shit like this and I doubt it’ll be the last,” I said regretfully. I sighed when I realised that for some foolish, naïve reason I believed my mum when she said this move was a fresh start, that we’d be leaving all the shit from our past behind us.
What a stupid, gullible bitch I was.
When I walked back in the house my mum was comatose in the exact position I’d left her in.
“Oh, Mum,” I breathed, crestfallen as I tucked the blanket down her sides. Then I set about clearing up after her, gathering the empty condom wrappers and foil wraps for the bin, wiping the white powder remnants from the plastic table and pouring what was left of her bottle of vodka down the sink.
Next I grabbed my duvet and two pillows from my bedroom and settled down on the floor beside her, anxiously waiting to deal with her when she wakes up.
Blaine
Last week couldn’t have gone any fucking slower if it tried. I swear Maddie was everywhere I went. The halls after every class, the cafeteria at every break and lunch… Then Trudy said she was supposed to be coming over to visit but she had to call and cancel because her mom was sick. It feels like I won’t even be able to escape her in my own fucking house.
Thank Christ my dad and Trudy are taking Kara away for two weeks tomorrow, then she’ll have no excuse to visit here with her psycho mom. More importantly I welcomed the thought of two weeks away from my dad. He’d been… intense, lately.
A text awaited me when I got out of the shower. It was from Jason.
B there in 5
Jason was coming round for pre-party drinks before we made our way to Wayne’s. In all honesty I couldn’t be assed going, but then I couldn’t be assed staying home with my dad and Trudy even more.
After running a towel over myself I climbed into some black jeans and pulled my KISS t-shirt over my head before eyeing myself up in the full length mirror and deciding I looked pretty damn hot.
“Blaine, honey? Your friend is here,” I heard Trudy shout.
I’m not your fucking honey.
I didn’t go out to meet Jason. As usual, he just strolled into my room carrying a six-pack of beer.
“So, man, I was thinking of tapping Dora tonight,” he said apprehensively. I’d wondered why he hadn’t done it already but I sure as hell wasn’t going to bring it up.
I was surprised she was going to the party after the week she’d had. There had been rumours about her mom being a hooker and Maddie walking in on her screwing Noah Clements’ uncle. I’d lost count of the amount of post-it’s I’d removed off her locker before she saw them. Everything ranging from ‘hope your dad paid a good price’ to ‘I just found $5 on the street, is your mom free tonight?’
“Wh
atever.” I shrugged at him, resisting the urge to punch him in the face.
“I’ve been putting it off ‘cause I thought maybe you had a thing for her. But, you’ve not made a move, so…”
“I already told you I’m not into her, bro.” Even though I so fucking am. “But she’s got a lot going on if those rumours are anything to go by. Don’t mess her around.”
“Don’t worry, man, I’ve brought a full wallet just in case it runs in the family.”
I had him pinned against the wall in a nanosecond.
“What the fuck, man?”
“Don’t- just- ah, fuck you!” I roared, giving him one last shove into the wall before letting him go and storming out of my room. If I’d stayed I’m pretty sure I’d have beat the living shit out of him. I ran straight for the Lambo, hit the ignition and set off without a destination in mind.
What the hell was happening to me?
I ended up in the school parking lot, smoking continuously until my lungs started to burn. Each cigarette relaxed my tense fist a little and when I got a text from Jason I thought I might finally be able to stand being in the same room without feeling the overwhelming urge to kill him again.
Sorry man. There’s something goin on with u and Dora whether u admit it or not. I’ll back off. K? Now stop being a douche and meet me at Wayne’s place in 20.
I let out an involuntary growl that I was glad no one was around to hear.
Whatever. C U in 20.
After hitting send I pulled out of the lot and began the ten-minute drive to Wayne’s.
I was buzzed into the grounds surrounding Wayne’s parent’s house – they were in Barbados for a month. The long drive was trimmed with palm trees decorated with twinkling fairy lights and I was sure this was either a touch added by his older sister Wendy, or we were all in for a ‘coming out’ party. I put the Lambo in park, adding onto a row of at least twelve other cars, and climbed out to light a cigarette whilst I waited for Jason.
“There you are, baby!”
Oh fuck off, Keeya.
“Where’ve you been I’ve been texting you all day,” she beamed, snaking her arms around my waist.
I know. Take the hint you thick bitch.
“Sorry, babe, my cell died. Not got round to charging it yet.”
I prized her arms off me, giving my lungs room to absorb the delicious nicotine. In that moment I saw Lori approaching. She was linking arms with Maddie who looked fucking amazing in a short black dress with a deep v at the front and a silver belt hugging her tiny little waist. Somehow the sight of her even fifteen feet away made me hard and I was so pissed off with myself I did what I always do to distract myself from her - I shoved my tongue so far down Keeya’s throat I almost made her gag.
I’m such a dick.
“Wow, looks like Momma’s been working extra hard this week,” Keeya snickered loud enough to make damn sure Maddie heard her as she weighed up her outfit.
“Why are you such a god damn bitch?” I snapped, causing Keeya to don her puppy dog eyes.
“Oh come on, baby, her mom’s a whore! Why are you being so touchy?”
“Screw you, Keeya. I’ve had enough of your bullshit.”
“What! Are you breaking up with me?” she asked incredulously.
“There’s nothing to break up. You were just around to pass some time. Now I’m bored, so fuck off.”
“Blaine wait!” she called after me as I turned to go off in search of Jason. “Are you screwing her or something?” she yelled, causing our fellow partygoers to hone in on the spectacle she was making of herself. “Blaine!” By now I was so far away her howls were a mere whisper.
“What-”
“I need a beer,” I snapped, pushing past Jason by the pool and stalking into the house, straight to the line up of kegs.
Jason followed me and from the expression on his face I could tell he was about to spout some brotherly advice crap.
“Don’t wanna hear it,” I said before he had chance to breathe a single word. He raised his hands in front of him and closed his mouth again.
Nirvana’s ‘In Bloom’ resonated in the air as I filled two plastic cups with beer and passed one to Jason. Then we headed outside and claimed two recliners by the pool where we started the process of drinking ourselves into an oblivion. Over the course of the next hour I had to fight off three different pissed and half-naked girls who tried to drape themselves over me or sit on my knee. Eventually I think people started to notice I was in no mood for company and they started leaving me alone. Even Jason fucked off after a while.
I’d almost drank to the point where the only thing I could focus on was the fact the house seemed to be moving from side to side but then Lori came bursting outside dragging a giggling Maddie behind her, sobering me instantly. Her rich brown eyes seemed to dart straight to mine before quickly snatching themselves away. The sight of her made my body stiffen – and I mean my whole body.
I huffed loudly into my shoulder. If she was coming to sit out here, I would have to leave. I knew I was being a first-class jackass and the idea of being friends briefly crossed my mind before I swiftly dismissed it again. I didn’t want to be ‘friends’. I wanted to hold her and touch her and fuck her till she was numb. But I just knew that wouldn’t be enough for me. Not with her. I wouldn’t be able to just toss her aside and I’m damned if I knew why. That’s how I knew she’d come closer than anyone to discovering just how weak and screwed up I was.
I just couldn’t risk that. She had enough fucked-up shit in her life.
Standing from my recliner I made a cursory glance around for a trashcan before tossing my empty cup on the floor with everyone else’s. On my way to seek out Matt - tonight’s designated driver - I made the mistake of looking at Maddie who flashed me a sweet, shy smile. Instinctively my lips betrayed me and threw one back at her. It took all my strength to hold myself back from walking the four steps it would have taken to be in touching distance and talking to her.
It was then Sky Williams invaded the space between us, swishing her long brunette hair over her shoulders and unleashing her vicious tongue.
“Your pimp buy you that dress? He’s got good taste.”
I was expecting one of Maddie’s feisty comebacks and my heart dipped towards my stomach when I watched her porcelain face drop. I guessed everyone had a breaking point and I suddenly wondered if I hadn’t in fact got to all the sticky notes on her locker first. Then Sky ‘accidently’ bumped into her, emptying the contents of her beer cup down Maddie’s front.
“Oops!” the bitch said, throwing her hand over mouth as she feigned shock. “My bad.”
“What the hell is your problem, Sky?” I roared at her, closing the gap between Maddie and me. We were easily two feet apart but I swear I could feel the heat from her body wrapping around me like a comforter.
Sky glared at me, eyes wide and astonished as if I was the last person she expected to defend Maddie. In all honesty I wondered why I was the last person to stick up for her. Why the fuck was Lori just standing there with her trap shut? She’s supposed to be Maddie’s friend.
“Sorry, Blaine,” she replied sarcastically,” I didn’t know you cared. But hey, I’m sure if you drop her a few dollars she’ll let you peel her out of that wet dress.”
“I’ve got to go,” Maddie said, her voice cracking as she started running away as fast as her black heels would let her. Lori started after her, mumbling something about her not being able to afford to get home.
I opened my mouth to yell something spiteful at Sky but she suddenly seemed unimportant. So instead, probably – definitely – stupidly, I ran after Maddie.
Maddie stopped after running the perimeter of the house until she found the front where the cars were parked. Then she disappeared behind two palm trees and buried her face in the wall of the house. Lori wasn’t far behind her and I pulled her back by her arm.
“Can I?” I asked, nodding my head towards the trees Maddie was hiding behind.
/> “Why?” she barked incredulously. “You can’t even bear to look at her half the time. You’ve made her feel like shit since you decided you wanted nothing to with her!”
I didn’t know my heart was capable of beating any faster until it fought to beat past the words which had been stabbed into it like a knife.
“Please, Lori. I know I’ve been a dick, okay? I just wanna talk to her.” My face must have conveyed the desperation I was feeling inside because Lori shrugged and gestured her hand for me to pass.
“Don’t you dare hurt her,” she warned firmly before walking back to the house.
With a deep breath I slipped between the trees and found Maddie facing the wall with her hands over her face, her tiny body shuddering. She was crying.
I had no idea what I planned to say but my body seemed to know exactly how to comfort her. My arms slipped round her waist of their own accord and I buried my face in her hair. I was expecting her to jump or at least turn around but she just sighed and wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks.
“What do you want, Blaine?” she asked despondently – somehow knowing instantly it was me. What did I want? I had no freakin’ idea.
“Are you alright?”
Course she’s not, dumbfuck!
“I will be. I’ve just had enough for one night,” she practically whispered as she slipped from my arms and turned around to face me. “Seriously, Blaine, why are you here?”
I shook my head, both at her because I didn’t know the answer, and myself for being such a dick to her.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass to you, Maddie,” I said, tracing soft flesh covering her cheekbone with my thumb. She looked slightly alarmed, but she didn’t stop me.