by Nicola Haken
“I promise. Thank you, Blaine - for everything. I didn’t know it this morning, but I really did need you today.”
And so after another kiss, which passed all too quickly, I left – leaving a piece of my heart, and my sanity, with her.
Maddie
“Let’s go shopping!” my mum said excitedly, bursting into the living room and revealing her freshly dyed fire-engine red hair whilst I was eating my cornflakes at the round plastic table. It’d been a week since the night I decided to call ‘her blip’ and she was just about back to normal. Well, as normal as my mum could be.
“I can’t. I have school remember?”
“Well after school then. Please, Maddie, I’ve been a complete pain in the arse since we got here and I want to make it up to you.”
“Mum, you know I don’t mind looking out for you. You don’t need to buy me stuff. Besides, we can’t afford it. That money won’t last forever,” I said, referring to the holdall full of stolen pound notes which were now hidden under my bed.
I found the bag under a pile of dirty washing in her room and I counted it whilst she was sleeping one night. There was fourteen thousand pounds give or take a few hundred. My mum thought we were now rolling in it and I knew next time she decided to go all happy on me she would blow it all on new clothes and fancy gadgets that we didn’t need. She just couldn’t seem to grasp the idea that it would only see us through a few months after rent and bills started eating away at it. It was that day I decided I needed a job – my mum was simply too unstable to provide for us.
“I just wanted to do something fun together,” she said with a juvenile pout. I rolled my eyes and then as usual gave in to her.
“Well, maybe we can do a spot of window shopping. Grab a pizza or something too?” I just wasn’t comfortable dipping into our ill-gotten gains. It might have seemed like a lot but it was all we had and once it was gone we were screwed.
I found myself warming to the idea though. Life with my mum hadn’t always been hard work. I have many fond memories of shopping sprees and movie nights together – not for a few years now though. I missed those days.
“That sounds perfect! It seems like so long since we’ve spent any real time together. Hey, why don’t you invite that new friend of yours – Lucy is it? I’d love to get to know your friends.” Hmm, I just wasn’t sure if I wanted my friends (well, friend – singular) to get to know her.
“It’s Lori. And she’s probably busy – she’s got family staying with her.” My mum’s bright greeny-blue eyes clouded over. I’d offended her. “But I’ll ask her when she gets here,” I lied, having absolutely no intention of doing so.
“Great! I’m so excited – a real girls afternoon!” It was hard not to smile when my mum was so happy. It was an occurrence that was becoming rarer and rarer and it made me feel good that it was me who’d caused it instead of the vodka.
“That’s me,” I said as Lori’s horn sounded outside. “I’ll see you later.” I stood up and quickly took my empty cereal bowl to the kitchen before gathering my rucksack and gym bag full of Lori’s old dancewear and planting a loud, exaggerated kiss on my mum’s cheek.
My mum came bundling out of the house after me as I opened the door to Lori’s car. Shit. I knew exactly what she was going to do and I don’t know if I felt more embarrassed for myself, or the predicament she was about to put Lori in.
“Good morning, Lori!” my mum beamed, bending down and popping her head through the door.
“Um, hi, Mrs Davis,” Lori muttered nervously. I’d obviously not told her my mum and I shared a different surname.
“Oh please, call me Annie. Mrs anything sounds so old. Anyway Maddie and I were wondering if you’d join us for a girly shopping trip after school today?” I turned to Lori, guilty and red-faced and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’.
“Um, sure?” Lori looked at me, her eyes begging the question ‘is that the right answer?’ I shrugged.
“Great! I’ll see you girls later then!”
I threw my head in my hands as my mum closed the car door, almost severing one of my fingers in the process, and then she skipped back to the house.
“I’m so sorry, Lori. I was never planning to actually ask you,” I admitted, knowing she probably only agreed because she felt too awkward to do otherwise.
“Don’t be so stupid. You know I love shopping, Maddie. I only hesitated because you looked like you wanted me to say no.”
“I did. Well, I didn’t. I just mean – oh hell, Lori, you know my mum isn’t exactly stable. I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, that’s all.”
“Look I know your mom has issues but it’s not like she’s some psycho serial killer. I don’t mind spending time with her one bit, especially if it means we’re getting extra time to hang out together too.” Lori winked at me and I instantly relaxed.
I mentally slapped myself every single day for being so judgemental about her in the beginning. Granted, I sometimes still thought she was a few keys short of piano – especially after asking ‘how do they cook fries’ at lunch yesterday, but she was without a doubt the best friend I’d ever had.
The remainder of our drive to school was spent talking about Blaine with Beyonce singing quietly in the background. I swear I turned into a complete giggling imbecile whenever I spoke about him. He’d taken over from Lori when it came to driving me home from school and I was sure it was because he wanted to be close by while I assessed what mood my mum was in.
He was so impossibly sweet.
We spent the best part of almost every evening together and when we weren’t together we were either talking on the phone or texting. When we were together I made a conscious effort not to touch his back, knowing how uncomfortable it made him. This made it kind of difficult to get ‘lost in the moment’ because I was constantly pre-empting my rogue hands’ next movements.
Perhaps this is why we hadn’t progressed much further in the bedroom department – unless you count the night he actually made me come through my jeans! I think it would have happened if he hadn’t even touched me and sometimes I felt embarrassed at how excited just the sight of him made my body.
I didn’t mind that we were taking things slowly. In fact I was relieved. I’d never got further than a quick fumble with anyone else and I was worried I wouldn’t know what to do and would just end up looking stupid. Sometimes I had to stop myself questioning why Blaine hadn’t tried to coax me further though. I decided he was trying to respect me (do guys like Blaine even know how to respect women?) – the only alternative to that was he didn’t fancy me enough and that option made me feel like shit so I ignored it. In turn this led me to ponder if I was enough for him. I knew from Lori and cafeteria gossip that he’d never had to wait more than an hour for a girl to give it up before.
Sluts.
After my first few days I started to feel like less of a novelty – less like the new girl. That was until the moment I walked into school with Blaine’s arm draped across my shoulders. It was then the constant stares and whispers returned with a vengeance. I’d overheard countless ‘what does he see in her?’ and even a couple along the lines of ‘she must give seriously good head if he’s not dropped her yet’.
Screw them.
Lori tried to be happy for me but although she didn’t say it directly, I knew she was worried about me considering Blaine’s reputation. I can’t say that didn’t worry me too sometimes, especially reading some of the things written about him on the toilet doors. And I also knew I wasn’t half as attractive as the girls who fell at his feet every time he walked by. I’m not playing the ‘oh, woe me, I’m so plain and boring’ card, I’ve just not used as much eyeliner in my entire life as some of those girls use in one day.
All my insecurities melted away into nothing however the moment Blaine smiled at me, or talked to me, winked at me, held me… I had no idea why, and doubted I ever would, but for some inexplicable reason I felt like the most important person in the entire universe when h
e was close by.
After being here for almost a month and getting chauffeured absolutely everywhere by either Blaine or Lori I’d started to feel like a burden. This added more fuel to my desire to find a job. Once I was earning my own money I would insist I make my own way to and from school. Or at least force them to take some money for their trouble – not that either needed it or would take it without a hefty fight on my part.
Blaine had been attending early morning detentions - with the principle no less – for fighting on school grounds the day he bust Scott’s nose. On days when we had no classes together this meant the mornings passed painfully slowly until I got to see him at lunch. Today was made a bazillion times worse however, thanks to the dance class I’d been forced to take.
We were learning a new routine to Katy Perry’s Hot ‘n’ Cold (or at least that was being taught, I can’t say I was doing such a brilliant job of learning it) and I spent the entire hour jumping and twirling and feeling like an all-round dick head in Lori’s old Lycra leggings and off the shoulder tee.
Someone with authority up there in the sky clearly hated me because not only had they worked this godforsaken dance class into my life’s plan but they also thought it would be fun to put me in the same class as Sky and FUBS – or Keeya as I later found out her name. I hated her. Every time I saw her the image of her tongue diving into Blaine’s mouth in the cafeteria took over my mind. She looked at me with the same malicious glint in her eyes as Sky and her mouth was full of the same vile venom.
At one point as we made our way back to the locker room I heard her giggling with Sky and then caught sight of her foot flick out in front of me in time to sidestep it. She looked disappointed as I continued to walk past her and I knew instantly it was her intention for me to fall flat on my face. Then…
I fell flat on my face.
I hadn’t noticed a small wire bin in my path and I quite spectacularly tripped over it with a giant thud, smacking my face onto a wooden bench in between two rows of lockers. It seemed I didn’t need anyone’s help to make me look like a total dumbfuck. I had that one covered all by myself.
“Jesus, Maddie! Are you okay?” Lori yelled as she leapt towards me, practically pole-vaulting over the row of benches. I nodded as I scanned the floor for a vortex I could disappear into. “God, you’re bleeding!”
I touched my lip with my finger and sure enough when I pulled it away there was blood on it. It stung like a bitch but not nearly as much as my pride.
“Let’s get you to the nurse,” Lori said, holding out her hands to help me up. I tried to protest, sure all I needed was a quick dab with a wet paper towel and a couple of paracetamol but she was having none of it. So before I knew it, I was being dragged by the hand towards the nurse’s office.
The nurse was one of the strangest people I’d ever met, which is saying something when you have a mum like mine. She had a heavy southern accent (like in the cowboy films) and I almost choked on my own spit when she referred to me and Lori as ‘y’all’. I didn’t know people actually spoke like that in real life!
She must have been nearing forty yet wore a skirt shorter than her knickers and a tight top with such a deep v I could see the bow of her blue satin bra. Her hair was past her shoulders – blonde from the roots and then ‘dip dyed’ in red and every limb was adorned with some kind of chunky jewellery.
The whole time I was there I had visions of boys purposely bashing their heads against walls, or throwing themselves down steps in pursuit of an injury, just to get a look at her seriously impressive cleavage.
Turned out all I needed was a cold compress – which equates to a wet paper towel. I threw Lori an I-told-you-so look to which she just shrugged and by the time we were ready to go it was time to go and meet Blaine in the cafeteria.
He text me as we hit the doors to say he’d be a few minutes late - something about needing a word with his football coach. My heart dive-bombed into my stomach and I wondered briefly if it was normal to miss the company of one particular person so much.
After leaving the lunch line Lori and I sat at our usual table – Sky’s table. For some absurd reason Lori was her friend and I couldn’t expect her to up sticks for a girl she’d only known a few weeks. The past few days haven’t been too bad since Blaine started sitting with us. Like every other female with a pulse, Sky was fixated with Blaine and she wouldn’t dare say something to offend me in his presence. Of course Blaine was going to be late today, and I huffed a frustrated sigh when I saw Sky approaching the table. Then I literally gasped like an idiot, causing Lori to ask me if I was alright when I noticed FUBS trailing behind her.
The realisation hit me that I would soon be sitting at the same table as Blaine and his ex fuck buddy. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, although I was leaning towards royally pissed off.
“Aww, so the nurse couldn’t fix your face then?” Sky said with a fake look of concern on her face. I knew right away the sarcastic bitch wasn’t referring to my lip. “Lori, go get my lunch,” she barked at Lori as if she was her master or something. I rolled my eyes as I waited for Lori’s comeback and then almost choked on my chips when she slid out from her chair and headed for the lunch queue.
For the billionth time since I met Lori, I wondered why the hell she still hung around with this girl. I was missing something. I knew I was. And I was going to find out what.
The flames of rage I felt towards Sky dissipated into barely noticeable embers when I saw Blaine entering the cafeteria. He was too busy chatting to Jason to notice me at first but when he did he flashed me a full-toothed smile which made my insides quake. I took a swig from my milk carton as they made their way over and I felt rather smug when Jason sat down and started talking to me as if Sky and FUBS weren’t even there.
Blaine’s attention had been stolen by some guy whose name I didn’t know and he held up two fingers as if to say he’s be two minutes.
“Yo, Dora, be a doll and grab us a soda would you? I swear my mouth’s as dry as a nun’s cunt.”
I sprayed my milk all over my lunch and only barely missed Lori’s too.
“Jason! You can’t say things like that! Is it not blasphemy or something?” Jason shrugged and I looked down towards my milk and saliva soaked pizza and chips. Guess it was a good job I wasn’t really hungry.
I started to rise from my chair to get Jason’s soda, figuring I might as well seeing as my lunch was now ruined and I had to walk past the line to return my tray anyway, but was gently pushed back down by my shoulders.
“Maddie, what the hell happened to you?” Blaine asked in a panic, lowering himself in front of me and tracing my bust lip with his thumb.
“Some bench was giving me attitude. But don’t worry I totally kicked its arse,” I quipped, but then his jaw tightened and I wondered if he thought ‘bench’ was a British word for bitch or something. “I tripped in the dance locker room,” I clarified. A hint of a smile danced on the corners of his lips and I punched his shoulder as hard as I could. Even though he was balancing in a squatting position he didn’t even stumble.
“Come with me,” Blaine said, taking my hand. He had a suggestive glint in his eye which I had quickly come to recognise as his ‘let’s go make out somewhere’ look. FUBS’ puppy eyes didn’t go unnoticed as she unashamedly gawped at him. I also didn’t overlook the fact that Blaine didn’t even seem to notice her.
I shot her a death glare as I stood up from the table.
“Hold up she’s getting me a soda!” Jason piped up.
“Get your own. She’s not your freakin’ slave,” Blaine snapped and then pulled me towards the frosted glass cafeteria doors.
You’d think Blaine was famous sometimes. People (well, girls) literally dispersed, making a pathway for him when they saw him coming. I knew how privileged I was to have Blaine Elwood’s arm draped around me and I hoped I didn’t look as pathetic as the girls around me with their tongues hanging out as he brushed past them.
Blaine took me to hi
s car and after our expected make out session we chatted about irrelevant twaddle. He told me his dad and Treacle were having to cut their holiday short because of some crisis regarding one of Mitch’s security businesses and that they would be home tomorrow. He seemed tense about that and I wondered if he’d ever open up to me about his troubled relationship with his dad, or whether I’d ever grow a set of balls big enough to ask him.
He reached into his glove box and took out his cigarettes before rolling his window all the way down and flipping his lighter.
“Shit that reminds me. Can we stop off at a shop on the way home? My mum needs fags.” Blaine almost choked on the smoke he’d just dragged into his lungs.
“Wait, wait, wait… I know this one. Your mom needs smokes right?”
‘Fags’ Of course. New country – new meaning.
“Right. Damn, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this country,” I said through a sulky pout.
“I wouldn’t want you to. You might lose your cuteness.” Blaine pressed my nose like a button and I giggled like dumb-arse cheerleader.
“I was wondering, seeing as it’s my last night with the house to myself, and seeing as your mom’s been okay lately, if maybe you wanted to come round tonight? Watch DVD’s, order takeout… kiss me till your lips feel numb,” he leaned into me and then whispered in my ear, “and I don’t just mean the ones on your mouth.”
I planned to laugh and then punch him again, but his words, coupled with the fact he started kissing my neck ignited that heavy, needy ache between my legs and all I could think about was releasing it.
“Well?” he asked, pulling back. It took me a moment to compose myself and remember what he’d even asked me.
“I don’t think I can. My mum’s taking me and Lori shopping after school and I know she’s been okay but I’m just not sure how long that’ll last. I mean she’s normally fast asleep by seven so I’d invite you to mine but you’d probably just be bored. We don’t even have a telly.”