by Nicola Haken
When I opened the door my heart leapt up into my throat and I struggled to breathe past it.
“Maddie?”
My instincts told me to run but then I realised I couldn’t – I was in my own house for fuck’s sake.
“Is she here?” she asked fretfully. “Trudy I mean.”
“Um, no. My dad’s took her away for the night. Kara’s at a sleepover. It’s just… me.” Maddie’s face dropped and then tensed again. Her expression was flipping between anger and sadness to downright despair.
“Maddie?” I pressed carefully. “Has something happened?” Besides me treating you like shit without explanation, you almost being raped and then you witnessing me nearly beat the slimy fucker to a pulp of course.
Suddenly a torrent of tears washed over her beautiful face. I didn’t hesitate – I leaned over the threshold and pulled her into me, cradling her head against my chest. My own tears threatened as her delicious smell invaded my senses. God she smelt good. She felt so warm, so comfortable. Her body moulded into mine like she was made just for me.
Fuck, I loved her.
“Will you come inside?”
She simply nodded, slowly raising her head from my chest. I led her into the main living room and gestured my hand towards the couch. Cautiously, I perched down next to her. We sat in silence for almost half an hour. The only sound was the sniffles which accompanied her tears. I didn’t press her to talk. I didn’t touch her – I didn’t have the right anymore.
“Everything I’ve ever believed is a lie,” she eventually muttered so quietly I barely heard her.
Holy fuck. She knows.
I toyed with the idea of playing dumb whilst she explained but I’d had enough of lying to her – of treating the most precious thing in my world like utter trash.
“You know, don’t you?” I said, cocking my head to get a better view of her eyes. They widened in astonishment… or betrayal.
“What do you mean ‘I know’? Do you know?”
“I don’t know. What do you know?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Blaine! Did you know Trudy is my mother?”
Yep. She knew.
“Yes. Yes I did.” What else could I say? She bolted as far away from me as she could. I hung my head low. I had never been so ashamed of myself.
“When did you… how did you… why did you… How the fuck could you keep that from me?”
“I was afraid I’d lose you,” I replied honestly. I almost laughed at the stench of irony but thought better of it.
“So, wait… let me get this straight… you were afraid to lose me, but then you pushed me away anyway? What the fuck, Blaine?”
“I’m sorry.” Shit that sounded lame. It was lame. I was lame.
“You’re… sorry?” she barked. “For what, Blaine? For keeping the most life-altering secret the world has to offer from me, or for chewing my heart up and spitting it out into a pool of fucking acid?”
“For… everything. I’m sorry for everything. I should never have allowed myself to get close to you.”
“Is that your way of making me feel better? Telling me you wish you’d never fucking met me!”
“That’s not what I said,” I retorted, standing up so I was level with her. I stepped hesitantly closer to her. “I always knew I would hurt you, Maddie. But… I just couldn’t stop myself getting close to you. I was selfish.”
Maddie edged closer to me. I felt like I was on the receiving end of a defibrillator. Her smooth lips parted slightly and I awaited the well-deserved ream of insults which were about to spill out of them.
Then… she kissed me.
Holy motherfucking shit it felt good. She was so soft, so sweet, so god damn fucking beautiful. Then it hit me… I couldn’t do this. I wouldn’t do this to her again. Reluctantly, I pulled away.
She pulled me back.
“Please, lish… I don’t have the strength to stay away from you. Push me away.” I brushed my lips against hers and dipped my tongue into her mouth, grazing the back of her teeth. “You have to, lish,” I murmured into her mouth. “Please.”
“Take me to bed, Blaine,” she groaned. Hell no, this wasn’t happening. I couldn’t say no. She needed to push me away god dammit!
“Maddie I-”
She silenced me with her lips on mine. Then she deepened the kiss, swirling her soft, moist tongue around my mouth while she worked her fingers through my hair. I could feel her heart pounding against my chest. Fuck, I wanted her.
“Please, Blaine,” she whimpered.
“Okay.” Damn I was weak. Against my better judgement I led her up the spiral staircase and to the end of the landing. Pausing outside my bedroom door I held her close whilst I inhaled the scent of her hair – strawberries. God I’d missed that smell.
She walked inside ahead of me, stopping by my bed to absorb her surroundings. She eyed up my Indie posters, the pile of music journals spilling out of my desk and the football trophies I earned as a kid. I realised then, this was the first time she’d ever been in my room. I’d never wanted her here before. I’d never wanted her so close to my father. Turning to me and smiling sweetly she sat down on the edge of my bed. Christ, the sight of Maddie on my bed. Her pale skin a beautifully sharp contrast to the black bedding. It was amazing. She was amazing. It was like she belonged there.
Maddie was the first girl that had ever been in my bed. And she would be the last.
“Come here,” she said softly, summoning me with her forefinger. I swallowed forcefully and ambled over to her.
“Help me forget, Blaine,” she whispered into my ear and then nibbled on it. I could do this. I could help her forget. She had done the same for me not so long ago after all.
Maddie’s hands smoothed over my chest and then she slowly, teasingly undid the buttons on my shirt. Shrugging it from my shoulders I leaned over and pushed her flat on the bed with my body weight. Pulling my tongue from her mouth I trailed soft kisses along her jaw causing her to giggle as the prickles of my beard tickled her delicate flesh. Slowly I moved to her neck and a gluttonous moan to escaped from her throat. I thought I was hard already but damn if my pants didn’t suddenly become so tight it was verging on excruciating.
I grabbed the hem of Maddie’s grey tee and slowly worked it up her body until she raised her arms and let me glide it over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra. Holy shit was she trying to kill me?
I cupped both of her breasts with my hands as I kissed my way down her neck and her collarbone before settling my lips on one of her perky nipples. I sucked it into my mouth and she gasped as it hardened under my tongue.
“Please, Blaine,” she whimpered, arching her chest deeper into my mouth.
“We’ll get there, lish. I’ll take care of you.” Letting her nipple pop free from my mouth I ran my tongue over it before reaching down to grab the waistband of her pants. She raised her hips whilst I tugged them down and over her legs and I paused for a moment to stare at her body lying bare and needy on my bed. No panties either? Sweet fucking hell. “You’re so beautiful, Maddie.”
Reaching up to grab my face she pulled me down on top of her, kissing me deeply… greedily. Her soft hand stroked along my back – along my scars – and then her touch trailed down my waist and along the v of my hips until she found the waistband of my jeans.
“Ah, fuck…” I groaned, gritting my teeth when she reached inside and took hold of my throbbing cock. I reached down and wriggled out of my jeans, kicking them onto the floor and relieving the painful pressure as my erection sprang free.
“Make love to me, Blaine. Make me forget,” she whispered with heart breaking desperation in her voice.
“Not yet,” I replied in between exploring her mouth with my tongue. “I want to taste you first.” Deep down I knew this was our last time together and I was determined to make it last.
Her adorable face skewed into a confused expression. I smiled devilishly at her and then slowly shimmied down the bed, running my tongue along th
e centre of her fine body on the way. When I reached my destination I placed my hands on her knees and gently pushed them apart. Holy shit she was moaning already and I hadn’t even touched her yet.
She gasped when my tongue brushed over her clit and her hips bucked to meet my mouth. I circled it, revelling in how fucking delicious she tasted, before dipping it inside her, making her yelp.
“Oh dear god, Blaine.” I grew impossibly harder knowing I was pleasing her so much and my balls felt so god damn heavy they were surely turning blue. I dipped in and out over and over again before licking my way back up and sucking on that sweet tasting bud which had swelled to twice its size.
“Does that feel good?” I asked, burying my face between her legs.
“God yes. Please, Blaine. I want you now. Please.” I was so determined to drag this out but damn I couldn’t resist her. She was begging me for fuck’s sake. After one last flick of my tongue I hitched myself back up so I was lying on top of her. She reached between us, grabbing my cock and hovering it over her dripping wet entrance.
“Shit,” I muttered, frustrated. No way was this happening.
“What?” she breathed, looking alarmed.
“I don’t have a condom.” I seriously wanted to punch myself in the balls.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ve just finished my period. We’re good, I promise.”
Hell yes!
I responded by thrusting myself inside her and crying out as I did so. I could feel every smooth, slick inch of her. She was gripping me so tight. Every time I withdrew she sucked me back in. Jesus, she felt so good.
This was wrong. I knew it was. This would be over too soon and I would have to hurt her… again.
“This is… I shouldn’t… I can’t… fuck, Maddie I’ve missed you.” I moved slowly, savouring every thrust.
“Move faster. Please, Blaine… faster,” she begged, biting down on her bottom lip. I sucked it into my mouth and her teeth let go, allowing my tongue access to hers. I swirled it around hers and then moved down to her pert breasts, drawing a hard nipple into my mouth and sucking on it as I worked faster inside her. “Yes,” she cried and I pounded her harder.
“You feel so fucking good,” I whispered as I buried my head in between her breasts. Her body writhed beneath me and a light sweat dusted over her soft, pale skin. Then she clamped her hands onto my shoulders and stilled me.
Shit. Had she realised this was a mistake?
“Lie on your back,” she ordered gently with a wicked grin spreading across her lips. With no idea what she was planning I apprehensively eased myself out of her and rolled onto my back. Slowly she moved down the bed and then knelt between my legs, lowering her head.
Was she going to… After I’d been inside… No fucking way!
“Fuck, Maddie!” I yelped as she took my erection into her mouth. “Ah, yes!”
She swirled her tongue over my tip and then licked her lips before sliding them all the way over my shaft. She moved her head up and down, slowly gaining momentum as she thrust it deeper and faster inside her. I reached down and pulled out her hairband, tossing it on the floor and then twisting my fingers into her hair. I guided her up and down, keeping her from going too fast because I was a mere couple of sucks away from exploding into her mouth. Then she made an ‘mmm’ sound and it reverberated all the way up my cock.
“Fuck this,” I grunted. “I need inside you. Now.” Pulling myself free from her mouth I reached down and grabbed her waist, flipping her onto her back. Holding her thighs I pulled her towards me and guided her legs around my waist. Then I slammed into her, groaning as she gripped me impossibly tight. I worked fast. Thrusting into her again and again.
“Touch yourself for me, Maddie,” I whispered, gritting my teeth. She bit down on her lip, a nervous flush spreading across her cheeks. “Go on, lish. You can do it. For me.”
She tentatively lowered her hand between us and I stared intently as her fingers splayed across her raging hot pussy. Christ, was I really seeing this? Slowly, she started to massage herself with the pads of two of her fingers. Round and round they went as she whimpered and pleaded with me to go faster. I was more than happy to oblige.
Her fingers worked quickly and so did I. I was getting close. So was she. I could feel her getting tighter and her body was starting to quiver.
“Come on, Maddie. Do it for me.”
“I am. I’m so close,” she groaned.
Her fingers brushed against the base of my cock as I slammed harder into her.
“Fuck, yes!” I was so nearly there. “Come on, lish.” The harder I went the faster her fingers circled.
“Blaine!” she cried and then her entire body shuddered beneath me, shoving me over the edge. With one last thrust I poured myself into her and my whole body felt like it was setting alight.
Gently, I lowered my exhausted body down onto her.
“I love you so much,” she breathed.
Shit. Every fibre of my being ached to say that to her too. Because it was true. I did love her. Christ I loved her so much it fucking hurt. The stab in my heart hurt far more than any physical pain my father could ever inflict on me. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to protect her. She doesn’t love me – not the real me. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know how weak I am. The things I have allowed to happen.
“Maddie I-”
“Don’t,” she said, pushing me off her. I slid out of her delicious warmth and propped myself up on my elbow. “Don’t do it. Don’t leave me again. I can’t handle it.” How did she know? Maybe she did know me after all. She knew what a selfish bastard I was.
“I’m sorry,” was all I could say.
“So you keep saying!” she snapped, jumping from the bed. I watched as she gathered her clothes from the floor, huffing and cussing to herself – or to me. I twisted my hands into the sheets to stop me reaching out and grabbing her. If I did I would never let her go.
“If I leave, Blaine I’m never coming back. I can’t keep doing this. It’s killing me. You’re killing me!”
“I’m…”
“You’re sorry… I get it!” Pulling her tee over her head she looked at me. She looked beautiful… and broken. “Fuck you, arsehole!” she screamed and then stormed out of my room.
I didn’t move. I didn’t chase her. I didn’t call after her. I just lay there and watched the woman I loved walk out of my life forever.
Then… I cried like a fucking girl.
Chapter Fifteen
Maddie
Turning my key in the lock to my house I felt like a cheap whore. Had he really just used me for sex? Did I really not know him at all? I didn’t know anything anymore. I didn’t know anyone anymore. My whole life was a steaming lie. I didn’t even know myself.
“You’re home!” my mum exclaimed, standing from the sofa. She reached out to hug me and my body involuntarily stiffened.
“I can’t. Not yet. I just want to go to bed,” I said.
“Okay. Take as long as you need.” I nodded and made my way towards my bedroom door. “Maddie?” Mum called.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for coming home.” I forced a smile and opened my door. I considered showering again - Blaine’s scent was engrained into my flesh. But in some twisted way – despite how he’d just treated me – it comforted me. And so I crawled into bed, smothering my covers over my body and buried my nose into my shoulder, letting his delicious smell dance into my nose until it lulled me to sleep.
Blaine
“Downstairs. Now!” my dad blared when he burst into my room as I was pulling my jeans back on, just minutes after Maddie had left. He wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow and whatever happened to cut his trip short would almost certainly be my fault.
My stomach twisted and I felt sick as I made my way down the stairs. I knew it was coming. I could see it in his eyes when he yelled at me.
Trudy was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.
“Why was M
addie here? Is she okay?” she asked urgently. Damn, they’d seen her leave.
“She came to see her mommy,” I shot back. Trudy stiffened and threw a hand over her mouth.
“She… she… knows?”
“Yeah. She knows.” In that moment my dad emerged from the kitchen.
“Mitch, she knows. Maddie knows!” Trudy beamed as if it was a joyous fucking occasion. My dad made some kind of annoyed/disgusted grunting sound.
“Well she better not think she’s getting any money out of me. She’s not part of this family.”
Trudy let out a small gasp and for a second looked like she was going to reply to Dad’s statement but seemingly she thought better of it. Instead, she turned to me.
“How is she? How did she take it? Was she here to see me?” I waved her off with my hand. Maddie was most certainly not okay and I felt like if I said the words aloud I would literally double over from the pain in my chest. “Wait… did you tell her?” she accused.
“No, I didn’t. Annie did.”
“Annie? I have to see her. Mitch, I’m taking the Audi.” My dad shrugged nonchalantly. He couldn’t have given less of a shit if he’d tried.
“Gym,” he ordered the second Trudy closed the door behind her.
No. Please. No.
I nodded.
“Bend over. Face down,” he said slowly, menacingly as he followed me into the gym. As ordered, I meandered over to the bench press and, still standing, lay my chest along it.
“I warned you about associating with trash did I not?”
“Yes, sir,” I choked out.
Just do it already. Get it over with.
“Then do you want to explain to me why she was in our house alone with you? And why when I reached your bedroom you were pulling your pants back on?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Oh I think you do know. I think you’re lying to me. I don’t tolerate lies, Blaine.” I felt his body hovering over me, digging into the back of my thighs. My hands grew so sweaty they were slipping as I gripped onto the bench press. “I think you need to remember your ranking in this family. You are not in charge here. You are not important. You do not have the authority to override me! Do you understand?”