Inevitable

by Nicola Haken

  “I guess,” she replied, looking at the bridge with a whole new expression. In that moment she snuggled herself into my chest as we stood at the waters edge, the cool water lapping gently over our feet. Then she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

  Tensing, I stepped back.

  “Shit! I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, remembering the damage which lay beneath my shirt. It still stung like a motherfucker. I still can’t believe I did that to myself. I’m such a dick.

  “It’s fine. Just a little sore that’s all,” I tried to reassure but her face was suddenly grey with worry. I didn’t like that. I didn’t want her worrying about me. Especially not tonight. “Come on, let’s look for rock pools!” I suggested – exactly as planned. Besides, I needed to erase that look of concern from her beautiful face.

  Maddie raced me across the beach, waving her high heels in the air with one hand whilst she bent down to splash me with the other. That was such a girl move. A good kick of a foot would create more of a splash. So that’s exactly what I did.

  She squealed as the water bounced off her chest and even in the dark I could see her rock-hard nipples teasing me through the sodden purple fabric.

  “Found one!” I yelled, summoning her over to the rock pool by my feet. I had to steer her away from the water fight and into the task I’d originally set if she was ever going to find the ring. “Guess I win,” I said, knowing damn well that would bring out her fighting attitude.

  “Win what?”

  “Well I found a rock pool. You didn’t. So, I win.”

  “Bullshit! There’s bound to be a ton of them round here and I’m going to find every single one!”

  She was just too easy sometimes.

  After kicking one last spray of salty water her way I charged past her and ran up the beach, pulling the ring from my pocket as I did so. I plopped it into the next rock pool I came to, making sure it landed on a cluster of rocks sticking out of the water, before running ahead again – praying to god she’d find the damn thing. Fifteen minutes later she’d found a further two rock pools but not the one with the wallet-busting ring inside it.

  Seconds away from crapping myself and assuming my ingenious plan had gone tits up I heard her calling my name. I loved the way her accent curled around my name. I would never tire of hearing it.

  “Someone must have dropped this. We should report it or something. It looks valuable.” She was holding the white-gold band, twiddling between her fingers and staring it at like it was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen.

  “It is,” I said.

  “What?” she asked, blinking as if she had a grain of sand in her eye.

  “I said it is. Valuable I mean. But not as valuable as the person whose finger it was made to sit on.”

  “What the hell are you banging on about?” she asked, confused.

  Yeah, I hadn’t actually planned the whole conversation when I thought of this idea. It wasn’t exactly going as smoothly as I’d hoped.

  “Oh for fuck’s sake,” I uttered, exasperated with myself and my shitty plan. “The ring is for you, Maddie. I dropped it in the rock pool for you to find. It was supposed to be romantic, but I’ve just ended up confusing the shit out of you.”

  “But you gave me my present already?”

  “Well now I’m giving you another one.” I took the ring from her hand and held it around the tip of her right-hand ring finger.

  “Blaine, this is too-”

  “Oh shut the fuck up, lish,” I interrupted playfully. “I don’t want to hear how it’s too much, or how you’re not worth it. You are worth everything to me. You are my whole world, Maddie. I can be myself with you, and only you, and you have no idea how refreshing that is. You make everything okay. When I hurt, you make it go away.

  “I tried to push you away because I thought I’d destroy you. I didn’t want you to see me struggle – to see how weak I am. But then I realised… we were meant to be. I’ve never really believed in fate and all that crap but us being together is the only thing that makes sense. I mean, why else would my dad bring some screwed-up hooker he barely knew home with him when he could have had any woman he wanted? It had to be so Trudy’s connection with you would bring you to me one day.

  “I’m telling you, lish, we were inevitable. Someone up there wants us to be together,” I said, pointing up towards the dark sky. “So who am I to put a stop to it?”

  “I’m glad you feel like that. I couldn’t bare it when I thought you didn’t want me,” she said sorrowfully, strangling my heart.

  “You thought I didn’t want you?”

  Of course she did, dumbfuck.

  “Oh, Maddie, I’m so sorry. I will never make you feel like that I again. I promise you, lish, I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she said, her smile warm and tender.

  “This ring is an eternity ring,” I said, still hovering it around the tip of her finger and noticing how well the amethysts compliment her dress. Fuck, there’s that damn vagina trying to sprout again. “When you wear it I want you to remember every time you look at it that I will love you for an eternity. This ring is a promise. A promise that I will try my damndest every single day to make you as happy as I can. To care for you, and be there for you… like you are for me.

  “While this ring is on your finger you can rest assured that you are the most important person breathing in this world. I was numb before I met you, Maddie. You make me feel. You make me feel things I never knew existed. You make me happy. You make me hope. When I’m with you I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world. I’m a better person when I’m with you, and I will never be able to thank you enough. But I plan on spending every hour of every day of my life trying.

  “I love you, Maddie,” I declared, slipping the ring down onto her finger. “Oh, fuck!” I blasted. The damn thing got stuck above her knuckle. This sure as hell didn’t happen in the movies. It was supposed to glide effortlessly over her finger and then she would rock up on her tiptoes and kiss me and then I’d take her home and make love to her until my cock turned blue.

  “You still love me even though I’ve got fat fingers?” she teased, giggling softly as she slid the ring off her finger and tucked it into my pocket. I would take it to be resized tomorrow I decided.

  “Hmm, can you get lipo on your fingers?” I teased back, causing her to punch me in the stomach. I groaned, faking being winded by the blow I barely felt. “I mean it, lish. I know I’ve just turned into a walking cliché but I do love you. So fucking much,” I practically growled the words and then I cupped her face in my hands, kissing her with every ounce of passion I have ever felt for her.

  Her lips parted at my tongue’s request and I deepened the kiss, hungrily licking and exploring her sweet mouth. She tasted like McFlurry and Maddie. I pulled away when it felt like my dick was about to snap in half under the pressure of these god damn restrictive pants.

  “You’re important too you know. I know you don’t believe it but you are. Everything you’ve just said to me, I feel it too. I was so lonely before I met you. I had to grow up too young. I missed out on so much. But you gave that back to me. You make me laugh. You make me blush. You make me feel important. You make me feel things I didn’t know existed too. And that will be my promise. As long as I wear this ring I promise to make it my mission to make you believe that you are an amazing person. That you are brave and strong and that you are my everything. I love you too, Blaine.”

  I smiled at her, I think. But even if I did it was completely forced. Brave? Strong? If only she knew how weak I really was. No strong or brave person would lie paralysed with fear whilst their father…

  They would fight back. I didn’t. I don’t. I am weak and pathetic.

  “Stay with me tonight?” Maddie asked as we strolled barefoot back to my car.

  “Try and stop me,” I said, winking as I opened the door for her.

  “Time for present number three,” I said when we got to Maddie’s house.
Pulling out the fair-sized box from my trunk with both hands I handed it to her. She gave me a disapproving look and was no doubt about to say I’d given her enough already when I silenced her with a soft kiss, letting my teeth graze her bottom lip before pulling it away. “You can open it inside.”

  I followed her into the house and ushered for her to sit on the couch. The house was dark and silent. Her mom must have been in bed. She lowered herself onto the brown couch and then I handed her the box wrapped in the same gold wrap as her iPod. Smiling excitedly she ripped the package open, shredding the paper into a million pieces with that adorable kid-on-christmas look in her eyes.

  “Ha!” she squealed. “I can’t believe you found them!” she beamed, diving straight for the Maltesers. Then she kissed the red packaging like she wanted to fuck it senseless there and then on the musty carpet. Tearing the packet open she popped a full handful in her mouth. “Oh sweet Jesus they’re better than I remember.”

  She licked the gooey chocolate from her lips as she rummaged through the rest of the box. It was the most seductive thing I’d ever seen.

  “Ooo Lori raves about these,” she said, pulling out a Cookies ‘N’ Crème Hershey Bar. She immediately ripped the wrapper in half and took a sizable bite of the candy bar. “Fuck me, I think I’ve just come.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. It was like watching an addict who’d been without her fix for months.

  “No wonder you’ve got fat fingers,” I teased. Smiling wickedly, she shrugged. Then she devoured the Hershey Bar in three bites and moved back to the Maltesers. I reached into the bag to try one of those bad boys for myself and then she actually batted my hand away!

  “Nuh-uh!” she said, waving her finger from side to side. “I don’t share chocolate,” she muttered with complete seriousness. Seconds later her face softened and she held out the bag. I bypassed it and leaned in to taste the chocolate on her lips instead. Licking it softly, I groaned.

  “Let me take you to bed,” I breathed in her ear. Grinning devilishly she tugged at my hand and pulled me to her bedroom.

  I spent hours kissing her, tasting her, touching her all over. I could tell she was nervous about touching me, scared of hurting the raw skin on my back. And she did a few times but I couldn’t have cared less. I revelled in the feel of her against my skin, the smell of her dancing up my nose – intoxicating me.

  Then I curled her up and my arms and rocked her gently until she fell asleep, praying to whoever would listen that I would never lose this with her. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all coming to end.

  Something bad was coming. I just knew it.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Maddie

  I reached out to touch Blaine when I woke up but was met with a cold, empty space. Sighing, I turned my pillow over to press the cold side to my cheek. That was when I found his note.

  I didn’t want to wake you. You look too cute when you’re sleeping. Make sure you have a decent breakfast – No candy! I’ll see you at school. Remember I love you.

  B. x

  My heart fluttered wildly in my chest. God he was adorable. And bossy! How could he expect me not to eat chocolate for breakfast when I’ve got four family-sized bags of Maltesers in my reach?

  I stretched my arms above my head, yawning loudly as I uncurled my muscles which were aching from the night before. It was the most delicious kind of ache – one that only Blaine could inflict on me. Reluctantly I swung my legs out of bed and grabbed my dressing gown from the floor. Wrapping it around myself I made my way to the shower.

  My mum still hadn’t surfaced by the time I was dressed and a bag of Maltesers down. It wasn’t like her. She had always been an early bird so I went to her bedroom to make sure she wasn’t coming down with something before I left for school.

  She wasn’t there.

  Oh shit.

  Dragging my black pumps on by the front door I went outside in search of her. Her jacket and handbag were still hooked over the plastic garden chair in the living room so she couldn’t have gone far. The second I stepped outside something crumpled under my feet. I looked down to see a screwed up ten-pound note. Shit. The only place a Sterling pound note could have come from round here was the stash under my bed.

  I quickly headed back inside to check and sure enough the holdall full of stolen cash was gone.

  “Oh for fuck’s sake!” I cried out loud. I ran straight back outside and as I sprinted down the gravelled path I noticed more notes strewn across the dirt. They seemed to form a trail and I followed them until I reached the row of shops just off the main road.

  Then I spotted my mum.

  She was in her pink cupcake pyjamas and gorilla slippers tossing the contents of the holdall into the street. People gathered round, laughing and cheering as they picked up the notes falling to the ground.

  “Back the fuck off!” I roared as I pushed past the dumb fuckers mocking my mum. “Mum what the hell are you doing?” I yelled. She looked at me but it was like she couldn’t see me. It was happening again. I was losing her. “Mum!” I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, trying to get her to see me.

  “Come on, peeps, there’s plenty to go round!” she sang, tossing more money from the bag.

  Not knowing what else to do I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialled 911. After explaining the situation I was told an ambulance was on its way. It appeared around the corner just minutes later whilst people continued to snigger and whisper about my mum.

  “Show’s over. Now fuck off back to whichever rock you crawled out of!” I snapped, scanning the small crowd and glowering at each of them in turn.

  “Want some? There’s plenty!” my mum said playfully to the curly-haired paramedic as she approached her cautiously.

  “Is she armed?” the paramedic asked me.

  “No!” I snapped fiercely but then softened. She doesn’t know my mum and she must deal with dangerous, psycho nutjobs every day of the week. “She won’t hurt you. She’s under the care of the psychiatric team at the hospital,” I explained. “She’d been doing great. I don’t know what’s happened.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ll take care of her. What’s her name?” she said before turning her attentions to my mum.

  “Annie.”

  “Annie?” she called softly, turning to my mum.

  “I prefer Sugar,” mum said with a wicked grin. I rolled my eyes. I knew she wasn’t well but that didn’t stop me feeling mortified.

  I scrambled around the dirty floor trying to pick up as much cash as I could before it blew away, stuffing it back into the holdall as I went. The crowd made no attempts to move as the paramedic tried to coax my mum into the ambulance. Instead choosing to stay and watch the spectacle. They mustn’t have a single ounce of shame or decency.

  “Come on, Maddie!” my mum called and I turned to see her walking willingly into the back of the ambulance. “We’re going on holiday!”

  At least half the contents of the holdall were still strewed across the street but I had no choice but to leave it and follow my mum into the back of the vehicle. The curly-haired paramedic fastened a seatbelt around my mum after lowering her into a fold out chair and a black-haired paramedic with a moustache drove us away.

  My mum started singing and rambling incoherent nonsense as we made our way to the hospital and then I remembered Lori would probably be sat waiting outside my house by now. I quickly pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

  I’m really sorry but I’m not coming to school. On way to hospital with my mum she’s flipped out again. Can u tell Blaine? Will call U when I can. Xxx

  She replied immediately.

  Don’t be sorry! Hope she’s ok. Love u, girly. X

  I smiled at her reply but didn’t type one back. They took my mum to the ER and after a waiting around for several hours they eventually transferred her to the psyche ward. I stepped outside whilst she was being assessed by Doctor Andrews and suddenly I felt exhausted. I flopped down onto a wooden be
nch in the beautifully manicured lawns outside and pulled out my phone to call Blaine.

  As soon as checked the screen I had a text waiting form Lori.

  Blaine’s not in school. Tried to call but he’s not answering. Hope everything’s okay. X

  My heart stopped and tears pricked the back of my eyes. I closed my eyes and Mitch’s evil glare was etched onto my eyelids. Convincing myself I was overreacting I dialled Blaine’s number.

  Voicemail.

  I left him an answer message explaining what had happened and where I was and asked him to call me ASAP. Then, with a heavy heart I made my way back inside to talk to Doctor Andrews about my mum.

  “At a guess I would say she’s stopped taking her medication. She’s refusing it at the minute and for now we will go down the route of trying to talk her into taking it willingly. If after three days she doesn’t however, we will inject her with them.”

  My insides felt swollen, as if they were about to burst at any given moment. I was so worried about her. Yet I was also seriously pissed off that she was so bloody stubborn. I was so worried about Blaine. And again I was pissed off because he must have known I would be yet he hadn’t contacted me.

  “Okay,” was all I could say. He asked me if I had any questions and I shook my head. My brain was crammed full of so much shit I couldn’t think straight.

  “You might as well make your way home,” Doctor Andrews said. “You mom became very agitated when we tried to get her to take her meds so we have sedated her. She will probably sleep for a while. You might as well go home and get some rest.”

  Rest? If only…

  “Okay,” I said again, too drained to say anything else. The twinges of a headache were starting to form as I made my way to the main reception desk to call a taxi. I guessed this was life from now on. In and out of hospital. Waking up each day not knowing if I would be greeted by my mum or Nutjob Annie.

  When I got home I called Trudy to tell her what had happened but mainly to ask about Blaine.