Born In Flames

by Candace Knoebel

  I left the bathroom and found tissues scattered aimlessly around the room, making me feel totally pathetic. Nothing had ever affected me this much, but then again, I’d never been left completely alone before. If I could take my parents leaving me, then why couldn’t I handle this? I huffed to myself as the answer hit me. I knew and loved Fenn, as opposed to my parents who I didn’t even remember.

  Anger began to rise up from the depths of my belly. How could he do this to me? I had picked him, had decided to give up on my destiny so we could have a life together. And all for what? For this? For him to selfishly leave me? What if he’s in trouble? And he expects me to do all of this alone?

  Boy, did I make a wrong choice. It was then that I noticed the stars on the ceiling, the constellation he had carefully mapped out for me after we had first moved in. Stupid shooting star. I cursed myself for jinxing us last night.

  In a hazy blur I tore each and every star from that ceiling, vehemently throwing them into a garbage bag. Cursing each one. Cursing Fenn. But most of all, cursing myself for listening to what my heart wanted.

  It felt good to wipe him away, to try and burn the evidence of the hole he’d left in me. It felt like I was getting back at him.

  “Screw you, Fenn,” I screamed, tears welling up again. What was I thinking, falling for him? I knew it would never have worked. If my parents deserted me so easily, why would I expect Fenn to stick around? I mean, come on, do I have some sort of “Abandon me” expiration date stamped across my forehead? He didn’t have to leave. We could have made it through the danger together. I know we could have.

  I put the engorged garbage bag full of my heartbreak by the door, thinking that I would take it to the dumpster later.

  I dusted off my hands. The room was barren. No more stars on the ceiling, no more posters on the wall, no more of Fenn’s clothes that he’d forgotten to grab lying on the floor. It was as if he was never here.

  And suddenly I felt like the most selfish person in the world. Erasing him didn’t erase the hurt I felt, and it didn’t justify giving up on him. He told me to find him. It’s not about my destiny anymore, or finding the keys. It’s about finding Fenn. He had to go back to our past…without me…and I needed to get to that place so I could tell him that I loved him. So I could make things right.

  I looked around with a sudden burst of hope. I had to find those keys if I was going to find Fenn. Nothing was going to stop me.

  First, I needed to find Mr. Creepy.

  I locked up and headed down the stairs towards the infamous bus stop. I needed to eat, and I needed to bump into Mr. Creepy. That always seemed to happen when I was out.

  As I walked past the rooms on the bottom level of the motel, I popped a piece of chewing gum in my mouth to curb my hunger. One of the dingy moth-eaten curtains moved, and a set of pale, bloodshot eyes met mine, instantly freezing me on spot. Oh…my…god. Those are Mr. Creepy’s eyes. My blood began to boil at the sight of him, energy instantly rushing towards the palms of my hands.

  I walked right up to his window and pointed against the glass where his nose was, squinting at him. His face went even paler than it already was.

  “You’ve lived under me this whole time and haven’t bothered to tell me or to help?” I scolded, ready to blow his head off in frustration.

  He shut the curtains as quickly as he had opened them. I could hear things crashing over, and I imagined him stumbling about, knowing he had been caught. I couldn’t believe this crap.

  I waited, giving him a moment to open the door, but there was only silence. Oh, I don’t think so.

  “Excuse me,” I said loudly through the glass, “I know you’re in there and you better come out or else I’ll,” I broke off, looking down at my hands and smiling in reassurance, “or else I’ll blow your door in.” I mentally debated if I really wanted to go through with that threat or not.

  Thankfully though, I heard movement and then a click of a lock, and then another, and another, and, ugh, another. Geez, how many locks did one person need?

  The door cracked open. “I’ve already told you. You’re on your own.” He spoke quietly, keeping half of his face covered up by the door.

  “That’s rubbish, and you know it.” I grabbed the door handle, ready to push it in should he try to close it on me. “I need your help…how many times do I have to ask? Haven’t I proven myself to you?”

  He waited a moment and then slid through the small crack of the door, shutting it quickly behind him.

  “All right, since you are so desperately needy and persistently annoying, I’ll tell you where to find the first key. But that’s it,” he said. “Nothing more after that.”

  “Okay,” I agreed, crossing my fingers that this would pay off.

  “Go home,” he said flatly.

  “What!?” I asked in amazed irritation. “Are kidding me? You just said you would hel-”

  He put his hand up to shush me. Then he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I did say I would help. I am helping. Go home,” he repeated, his voice indignant.

  “You know what…” I said, putting my hands up in retreat, “I give up. You are a big waste of time, thanks for the help,” I criticized. “I’ll ‘go home’ now.” I turned to head back up to my room.

  “You must have a hearing problem, girl.”

  I stopped and unwillingly turned toward him.

  “Must I spell it out for you? I said to go home. Where is home? Home is where you were raised,” he stressed.

  “Mily’s?” I questioned.

  “Yes, girl,” he replied with a sigh, rolling his eyes.

  I threw my arms around him, ignoring the strong scent of cleaners as I hugged him tightly and said, “I knew you had it in you. Thank you, thank you!” I called, racing towards the bus stop. Chapter 19

  Revisiting the Past

  THE BUS ROLLED UP ABOUT ten minutes later, following a dreaded conversation with my now ex-boss. Susan called wanting to know when I would be returning to work, and honestly, I didn’t know what to tell her with everything that was going on. Even with the vague answer I gave, she said she understood and told me to take all the time I needed, promising that I would have a job should I decide to return.

  As I hung up the phone, I boarded the bus and was greeted by a new driver with a pleasant smile. “Aloha,” she said.

  “Aloha,” I replied as I moved to take my seat near the front of the bus. I cranked up the volume on my I-Pod and easily got lost in my thoughts. I found it somewhat amusing that I’d spent my entire childhood questioning who I was when apparently there was a key to my past right under my nose.

  It had been days since I had last spoken with Mily. Of course we talked after the bus accident but not much since then. She always loved when I showed up for a surprise visit.

  As the bus drove off, I stood for a moment in the sea-shelled driveway, listening to the sounds of my childhood. The triplets were out back, playing a game of make believe, their soft cries of joy inviting and taunting my inner child. Un-admittedly, it felt warming to come back here.

  I walked up to the strangely distant but familiar door and put my sunglasses and I-Pod away. For some reason my hands were trembling, and I was dreading going inside. To return home without Fenn was almost embarrassing. What was I going to say when she asked me where he was? Hopefully I wouldn’t have to say anything. I just needed to focus on finding this key. It was the only thing that would bring me closer to finding him.

  I leaned over to turn the waterspout off. It was a habit of Mily’s to forget that she had turned it on. She kept it running sometimes to water the lawn and annual flowers that ran alongside the house. Purples and pinks that I once believed could bring out the fairies in the world. The plastic sprinkler had been on for a while. The puddle of muddied water was becoming obvious as the freshly mowed grass went for a swim.

  It was probably stupid of me, but I rang the doorbell while wiping my dirt-soaked shoes on the “Come in Silly” mat
. I noticed the bluestained planks of porch wood needed to be replaced.

  Mily pulled the curtain aside on the door window, and a smile appeared instantly, promising a glass of sweet tea or a piece of homemade pie. I could hear her mouthing my name as she opened the door and pulled me in for the tightest hug I had ever received from her. My breath staggered and caught. When she stepped back to look at me, my face fell as her eyes scanned to my left and then my right. My heart dropped to my feet. She was looking for Fenn.

  With a weak tremble to my voice, I answered her unspoken suspicion. “He’s not with me.” I kept my eyes on the spiky floor mat as she sighed.

  “Well, come on inside, dear,” she beckoned encouragingly. I appreciated that she did not probe into why Fenn was not with me. I was also glad that she did not bombard me with questions about why I didn’t answer her more recent calls.

  Once inside, her famous baked macaroni cooking in the oven welcomed my nose and stomach, and the scattered toys along the way to the living room made me surprisingly homesick.

  “It’s so good to see you,” she said softly, reaching out to pat my knee. She was sitting in her favorite chair. The same chair that had rocked me to sleep many a night. The heat was building in my throat and behind my misting eyes. I swallowed hard.

  “It’s good to see you too.” It was impossible to hide the sadness I felt about losing my best friend.

  “How’s work?” I could hear the nervousness in her voice. Small talk was never really her thing, but I was grateful for her efforts. She never could keep her curiosities at bay, and this time I couldn’t blame her.

  “I actually quit today. I didn’t tell you before, but I received a letter from my family and have been caught up in trying to figure all of that out,” I admitted sheepishly. “That’s actually why I stopped by today. I think I left something behind that I need,” I started, not quite sure how to explain what I needed since I had no idea of what it looked like.

  “Oh…well, do you know what it is? I can help you look, but I think you got everything when you moved out.”

  “Oh no, it will only take me a minute…I don’t want to bother you, umm, but I am thirsty,” I said, adding in a cough for good measure. “Would you like something to drink?”

  I silently cheered myself on as the diversion worked.

  “Sure, do you have any sweet tea?” I asked, hoping that she didn’t so she’d have to make it, giving me time to search.

  “I don’t, but I’ll make you some,” she offered. I smiled as she stood and headed towards the kitchen.

  I jumped up and walked down the hall, pausing just outside his old door. It was cracked open. I could see his bed sitting in the far corner, freshly made. Mily always made sure to have a bed ready in case of emergencies.

  Why was I being so dramatic? It’s not like he died. But something inside of me had when he betrayed my trust by walking out on me. The pang of remembrance hit hard, but I took in a deep breath, trying my best to push it away, ironing my heart as stiff as a freshly pressed uniform.

  I pushed the door open and waited for the creaking to stop as rays of sunshine bathed the cherry wood floors. It seemed bare and desolate without his posters and scattered books. But it also seemed the same. Like time was frozen in place. Could the key be in here?

  I rushed over to the desk and went through all the empty drawers. Then I knelt down to look under the bed. Nothing. How would I even know if I found something? I thought glumly. Would it look like a key or something else?

  I crept back out and ran up the stairs to my room, pausing for a brief moment to remember what it felt like growing up here. My walls were still an aqua blue, my bed still covered in zebra print. Everything used to be so simple.

  I quickly rummaged through my dresser and then behind it, dropping to the floor and glancing under my bed as well. I came up with the same results. A big fat nothing.

  I headed for the backyard. There was nothing I could think of that could even possibly be a magical key. I started thinking it was just a bunch of crap.

  I walked through the kitchen and told Mily that I was going out to get some fresh air. She nodded in her motherly way and then stopped me as I reached the door. “The triplets went next door with Amy, just so you know. I don’t want you to worry when you don’t see them.” I smiled at her and then shut the door behind me. Plopping down on the steps, I pulled my pant legs up, crossing my arms on my knees. Where would a good hiding spot be for a key?

  A soft humming vibration rattled in my ears. I rubbed them with the palm of my hands, trying to soothe the ringing, but it didn’t help. I’d forgotten about that ringing. It always happened when Fenn and I played out here. Fenn always said he never heard it. Just like he didn’t hear Lady Eve that night.

  I sat straight up. Wait a minute…could the ringing have something to do with the key?

  I jumped up as I tried to remember the first time I’d actually heard the ringing. I stood still for a moment, looking around, listening closely, trying to let the vibration coax awake my memories.

  It was so long ago, it could have been anything. I stepped onto the grass and walked towards the fence, noting that the humming grew fainter the farther out I went.

  I paused and squinted my eyes, the answer right there on the tip of my tongue.

  “It’s out here,” I said to myself. I stepped backwards, smiling as the ringing picked up. My steps continued until it was as loud as I could take, which had me standing back on the porch. So it’s here, I thought as I kneeled down to begin my search.

  There wasn’t much on the porch besides a rocking chair and a potted plant. The Koi fish pond sat next to the porch. When we were kids, Fenn and I had decorated the pond with rocks that we had found at the beach…Wait a minute.

  I crawled over to the pond and leaned in, searching slowly with my eyes. Then I saw it. It had to be the key. A quarter-mooned chunk of stone that was no bigger than my hand with an infinity symbol carved into it. That’s why the symbols on the Oraculus looked so familiar. Three keys, three symbols. My heart jolted.

  I glanced around me, making sure no one was watching, and then reached in, careful not to harm the fish. The stone flashed on the bottom of the shallow pond, sunlight highlighting the symbol. When my fingertips touched the stone, the water began to bubble. The symbol lit up in a white flash of light, illuminating the inside of the pond. The light shot towards the sky, reaching as far as the eye could see.

  I quickly pulled my hand out as the stone rattled inside my palm. It took everything to keep from dropping it. I tried tucking it inside my shirt to hide its brightness, but the material of my shirt wasn’t thick enough.

  “Dang it,” I said aloud. How was I going to hide this?

  “Anela?” I heard Mily’s voice call through the kitchen window. “What was that light…is everything okay?” Anela. It meant angel, something she called me since I was little. If she only knew.

  “I’m fine…I, uh…I don’t know what that light was. Weird, right?” I called back as I fumbled with the stone. “Please stop, please stop,” I whispered to it, hoping that the light would go away. It didn’t.

  “Did you find whatever it is you needed?” she asked her voice trailing towards the doorway. I took a deep breath and focused on the energy that I knew was inside me. If there ever was a time to try and get a grip on the powers I harnessed, now would be it.

  I felt the palms of my hands heat up and let the energy seep from my hands into the stone, connecting with it and merging. And just like that, the vibration stopped.

  I opened one eye, praying that the light would be gone and let out a huge sigh of relief when I realized it was. Actually, there was no stone either. What the…

  “The tea is ready,” said Mily from behind me.

  I jumped, the energy disappearing as I turned to face her. “Great,” I replied with an innocent smile. I followed her with a backward glance to make sure I hadn’t dropped the stone.

  Nope, it had simply dis
appeared. That was just wonderful. I had the key in my hand and somehow I lost it.

  Mily and I talked for a few hours about nothing in particular before we finally hugged and said our goodbyes. Of course she made me promise that I would make visiting her a regular thing. I really did want to. I just needed to figure out all of the other things happening to me before I could fully commit.

  On my way home, I hit up the grocery store to grab a few things to get me through the full moon and then walked from the bus stop back to the motel. I set the bags down outside Mr.Creepy’s window, waiting for him to open the curtain. He had to have known I was there. He seemed to have radar for my activity. I didn’t even bother with trying to look unsuspicious. It was time for the stalker to become the stalked.

  He peeked through the window and glanced at me, then shut the curtains. Right on cue. I reached for my necklace safely hidden beneath my shirt. I wondered if he missed it. The locks clicked one by one until finally a portion of the door opened.

  “I assume you found it,” he said plainly.

  “Well, then you assumed right,” I replied, my tone acerbic.

  What I thought was a smile appeared at the corner of his mouth, but it might have been a twitch.

  “Congratulations. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

  I put my hand on the doorknob to prevent him from shutting me out. “Wait,” I said, my eyes to the floor. “I have a slight problem. The key is gone.” I looked back up at him as my words spilled out in explanation. “One second it was in my hand and the next it disappeared. Was that supposed to happen?”

  “The answer lies within your Oraculus,” he answered, yanking the door from my grip and slamming it in my face.

  “How rude!” I shouted as I stood back and picked my bags back up. At least I got something out of him.

  Back home, I opened my curtain to let the setting orange sun illuminate my room. Blood red shadows cast an eerie glow to the walls, and I shivered, running my hands up and down my arms. I hated being alone, so quiet and empty.