Gul Gulshan Gulfam

by Pran Kishore

  Zeb sat silently. The venom Ghulam Qadir had filled in her life made every word feel hollow. She had no trust in him now. She lost track of time. Ghulam Qadir continued to narrate all his ordeals to her. She sat still like a lump of mud. Finally when Ghulam Qadir could no more bear her silence, he held her hand in his. ‘Why don’t you say something? Why don’t you unleash all your repressed wrath on me? Zeb, say something. If you don’t fogive me, what does anyone else’s forgiveness mean to me? I will die while living.’

  ‘How can one who is dead in life, forgive the other? You might think that using the money you’ve been sending, I could cross this fierce ocean of life. All your money is safely placed in the almirah. I would have not even touched it, had Abba not been obstinate. In order to make him happy, I used to take it from him and keep it safely in the almirah. Let my Dastagir make you roll in wealth which made you desert me and everyone in your family. You won all that you desired, but there is one who has lost everything in the bargain. Now what can come out of this idle talk?’

  ‘I know well that I have been very cruel to you, yet I entreat you to grant me just one chance, and I will repay all that I owe you.’

  ‘When there is no claim, what is all this talk of owing and repaying? You should sleep now; you must be tired. I have made your bed in the adjoining room. Will you go or shall I go out and lie down in the veranda?’

  When Qadir did not show any signs of moving, Zeb got up and was about to walk out of the room, but Qadir stopped her saying, ‘All right, let it be so. But before going to the other room, please understand that during all the time I was trying desperately to find some escape from the whirlpool of my destiny, there was hardly any moment when you and Bilal were not in my heart. Nobody can escape the forces of destiny which simply left me wounded. Now the only salve I care for is you. If you forgive me, I will be freed from this unrelenting perdition.’

  Qadir waited, but when Zeb did not say anything, he went into the inner chamber. She stood up and switched the light off. They spent the night tossing and turning in separate rooms.

  Zeb inwardly cursed herself for being so harsh because even though he had come back after a very long time, he had still come back to her. She reasoned that if he had not cared about her and Bilal, he would not have sent so much money every month. But the hurt that Qadir had inflicted on her during his absence could not be easily forgotten. The thought made her get up abruptly, and she moved closer to the door of the inner chamber and peeped in through the rent.

  Qadir sat still near the window, staring into the dark. For a long time, Zeb continued to gaze at him, and waited to see when he would take a cigarette out of his pocket. But when he did not light up, she was convinced that he had changed. After some time, Qadir got up and moved towards the door. Zeb dashed to her bed and wrapped herself up in the quilt. Qadir also peeped through the rent. Zeb steadied her breathing. When Qadir was sure that she was fast asleep, he returned to the window. He prayed that Ghulam Ahmed would not spill the secret about Reeny until they went back to Goa with Zeb and Bilal.

  He had faith in Reeny’s goodness and generosity. He consoled himself that Reeny would surely win over Zeb’s heart; then Abba and Dyad and the rest of the family would also accept the truth. Money covers all flaws after all, he thought.

  With the first crowing of the cockerel, Ghulam Qadir came out of the room and went to the isle after having a wash. Malla Khaliq was already there as if waiting for him. Ghulam Qadir said salaam and sat down near him in the boat. Subhan had already decked the boat with cushions. God had perhaps intimated to him that Ghulam Qadir might go along with his father to the dargah. Noor Mohammad came in another boat from the opposite direction; he placed a big basket full of oven-fresh bread on the prow of Malla Khaliq’s boat and then sat down beside him. Aziz Dyad and Mukhta had also woken early and they came out to the isle to see them off and pray for the fulfilment of their wish. Aziz Dyad stayed there, watching them and praying for them until they were out of sight. Then she returned to the kitchen where Mukhta had already busied herself with the cooking. She told Mukhta, ‘You please attend to the tea. I will go to wake Zoon, or she will remain in bed till the sun rises.’

  ‘Let her sleep a little more. Ama Lala has returned to her after such a long time.’

  ‘So please hurry. I will cut the vegetables. I hope they return soon, we will have a lot of visitors today. I hope Abdul Razaq also returns from Handwara today. He alone is yet to meet Ghulam Qadir,’ Aziz Dyad said to Mukhta.

  ‘I think he has not gone to Handwara or anywhere else. He must be waiting for Parveen’s call. She might have wanted to assess Ghulam Qadir’s behaviour first,’ Mukhta replied.

  ‘He is after all a police officer. He will come after assessing everything.’ Parveen came in.

  Aziz Dyad laughed and said, ‘Now keep this wit to yourself; you cannot compete with him in prudence.’

  ‘Did you realize this now? Abba had recognized it long ago, but all of you doubted him.’

  Aziz Dyad was at a loss and so she deviated from the issue by throwing away the potato in her hand and cursing the vegetable vendor, ‘Damn these potatoes, not a single one is good.’

  Mukhta smiled mischievously.

  The festivities were in full swing at Malla Khaliq’s house. In the afternoon, Narayan Joo brought Abdul Razaq with him. Razaq took the path behind the willows and entered the kitchen. He changed, and then went to his mother-in-law. In the meantime, Parveen came with a tray containing tea and cookies for Narayan Joo. Abdul Razaq received the tray from her. His mother-in-law said to him, ‘Oh no. What is all this? Why should you take the trouble?’

  ‘Ghulam Qadir Sahib may also be there. Let me serve him his tea as I once used to.’

  ‘Parveen, take this tray away from his hands. There are outsiders in the room.’

  ‘He is not going to agree.’

  Abdul Razaq did not pay any heed to what they said. He went ahead. Like a well-trained waiter, he sought permission before stepping in. It was Ghulam Qadir who looked at him first and he was stunned for a moment before he recognized Abdul Razaq. He stood up and hurried to take the tray from his hands. He passed the tray to Ghulam Ahmed, who felt embarassed to see Abdul Razaq walk in like a waiter. Ghulam Qadir stretched his arms towards Abdul Razaq.

  Malla Khaliq glanced at Narayan Joo. He smiled and said, ‘The winter is finally over and the snow has thawed. Let us go to Badamwari to enjoy the almond blossoms.’

  ‘There is time. Besides, where is that Badamwari of yore, and those verdant almond trees? The greed of our people has ruined every good thing.’

  ‘Let them go to hell. Enjoy this spring in your own family.’

  Ghulam Qadir made Abdul Razaq sit beside him. Bilal watched the scene unfold, hidden behind a curtain in the room. He jumped into the rear end of the houseboat and capered to the kitchen. He held Parveen’s hand and said to her, ‘Come on, I will show you how he hugged Abdul Razaq and made him sit beside him.’

  ‘Who do you mean?’ Aziz Dyad knew who he was talking about, yet she wanted him Bilal to take his father’s name.

  Bilal got annoyed at this and said, ‘It is all right, don’t come. Come on, Mummy, you come.’

  Parveen stood up and followed him out of the kitchen.

  It took some more days for the ice to thaw completely. And then one day, when everyone had assembled after dinner, Ghulam Qadir asked for his attachés. He unlocked them and took out all the presents that he and Reeny had bought. Everyone was happy and prayed for the health and wealth of Ghulam Qadir. Bilal, however, was still sulking a little. He stood up and went out to sit at the prow. Ghulam Qadir watched him go out, his hand frozen over Bilal’s gift. Aziz Dyad said to Noor Mohammad, ‘You please see where Bilal is hiding.’

  Ghulam Qadir sighed and said, ‘He is yet to trust me.’

  ‘He will surely trust you when he sees what his father has got for him.’ Ghulam Ahmed tried to sound witty, but when he glanced at his father, he was struc
k dumb. Malla Khaliq watched Bilal through the window. He was crouching in a corner as if trying to hide himself from his own eyes. Having given all the gifts, Qadir locked the attachés and handed the keys to Zeb.

  ‘What am I to do with these keys?’ Zeb said to Aziz Dyad loud enough for Ghulam Qadir to hear.

  ‘You can use them to pack your things. You keep the keys please. The time of your departure is fast approaching.’

  The topic of Zeb and Bilal going along with Ghulam Qadir to Goa followed. Noor Mohammad asked Narayan Joo, ‘Lala Sahib, are their tickets confirmed?’

  ‘I have booked them for coming Monday. Ghulam Qadir insisted on Sunday, but as per my faith one should not travel south on Sundays.’

  Malla Khaliq cast an affectionate look at his friend and said to his own sons, ‘Do you see how much he cares for you?’

  ‘After all they are like his own sons,’ Aziz Dyad said, looking at Narayan Joo. In his eyes she could see his love for their family.

  Ghulam Qadir and Noor Mohammad saw him off at the ghat. Then Noor Mohammad returned to houseboat Gul. Ghulam Qadir saw Bilal sitting alone in a corner. He went and sat down beside him. Malla Khaliq and Aziz Dyad watched them through the window. Malla Khaliq held his wife’s hand and she cast a hopeful glance at him. Her face brightened and tears sparkled in her eyes.

  Malla Khaliq was hopeful that Bilal’s ties with his father would soon revive.

  Qadir cautiously placed his hand on Bilal’s shoulder, and said, ‘My dear son, you alone are Abba’s true disciple. When everyone in the family including your mother has forgiven me, why won’t you?’

  Bilal turned to him, with all the pent-up bitterness rushing to his fiery eyes, and said, ‘Can my forgiving you return all those years to my mother that she spent weeping?’

  ‘I will try to return every moment to her.’

  ‘I can never forgive you.’

  ‘Does that mean there is no relationship between you and me?’

  ‘You are my father. Who can deny that, but—’ Overcome with emotion, Bilal stood up and walked away. Qadir’s hopes petered out, yet he felt proud that his son who was a babbling toddler when he had deserted him was now almost a grown-up.

  Later that night, when Ghulam Qadir started describing Goa to Zeb, she said to him, ‘What is so spectacular about this place you own in Goa, which you and Ama Lala are constantly bragging about? What does your wealth mean to me if Bilal does not accompany me there? You know I cannot live without him. You may talk to Abba for only he can make him agree to go there.’ Having said all this, Zeb went into the inner chamber to sleep.

  Even sleeping in the same room could not give Ghulam Qadir the courage to move closer to her.

  The bitter secret that he was hiding in his heart made him numb. He sat by the window all night.

  Bilal finally agreed to go to Goa. But he placed a condition that he would return to Kashmir after a month or so. Malla Khaliq was glad at this decision; it was impossible for him to survive without his grandson.

  Ghulam Qadir started preparing for the journey. He asked Ghulam Ahmed to go to Narayan Joo’s office to confirm four tickets for them. Ghulam Ahmed was very excited that he would soon be in Goa to start his new business. But he was plagued by the worry that if Qadir did not reveal the secret of his second marriage before going with Zeb and Bilal, Malla Khaliq would burn him alive for his deceit.

  This was the first thing that Ghulam Ahmed had kept from his wife and this was making him very restless. One day before his onward journey, he was caught in a position that helped him relieve himself of the burden. He seemed nervous while packing. His wife noticed this and after her persistent probing, he revealed the cause of his predicament. Zoon looked as if she had been struck by a thunderbolt. ‘How cruel of you! Don’t you feel ashamed of yourself for cheating on that poor woman who has suffered so long? Your heart has turned into stone!’

  ‘Please don’t shout; listen to me first. If I wanted to cheat on Zeb, why would I tell you? I was only worried about Amma. If I had told her about this, she would have died.’

  ‘Do you think she is going to jump for joy whenever she comes to know? Do you still want to hide this from Abba and Amma?’

  ‘Do I have another option? I swear by Allah that Qadir promised me that he would reveal everything about himself to Abba when he reached Kashmir.’

  ‘If he had done so, do you think Abba would have agreed to send Zeb and Bilal with him?’

  ‘What do you suggest I do?’

  ‘What can I suggest now? If you want to save yourself, you go and tell Abba. If you don’t have the guts, I will tell him. I don’t want to shoulder the sin of keeping Zeb in the dark.’

  In the evening, when the entire family was sitting together, Aziz Dyad made Zeb sit close to her on one side and Ghulam Qadir on the other. She held Qadir’s hand and said to him, ‘Now, my son, forget all that has happened. Promise me that you will make it up to this daughter of mine.’

  Qadir was drenched in sweat. He was looking for the right words, when Zoon turned to her father-in-law. ‘Abba, has Qadir really told you all about his life in Goa?’

  Qadir felt his soul draining out of his body. Malla Khaliq asked Zoon, ‘Why do you ask me this?’

  ‘You first tell me if he has told you everything.’

  Ghulam Ahmed trembled, but tried to end the issue. ‘Of course, he must have told Abba everything.’

  ‘Has he told him then that he married the woman with whom he is running the hotel?’

  Zoon’s pronouncement struck the family like lightning. Malla Khaliq asked Qadir, ‘Is she right?’

  Qadir bowed his head and remained silent. Malla Khaliq turned to Ghulam Ahmed. ‘You tell me, is it true?’ He also remained silent, but Zoon was quick to take her husband’s side. ‘What can he tell you? Qadir has strictly told him not to say anything; he had promised to tell you everything himself. But when Qadir did not, he told me.’

  Zeb stood up and dashed out of the room. Bilal slowly stood up, turned towards Malla Khaliq, and said in a voice quivering with rage, ‘I knew this swindler came here only to destroy us further.’

  Malla Khaliq stood up, thundering over everyone in his rage and, catching hold of Qadir by his arm, dragged him to the door, saying, ‘Get out, you charlatan. Get out of my house without wasting another second.’

  Noor Mohammad intervened. ‘For God’s sake, Qadir, have mercy on us. Please release us from the burden of your wrongdoings.’

  Malla Khaliq looked as if some giant spirit possessed him. His grip on Qadir’s arm was as firm as steel. He dragged him out into the open on the isle. Seeing this fight, Aziz Dyad fainted. Zoon and Mukhta ran to make her drink a little water. Ghulam Ahmed remained cowering in a corner.

  Noor Mohammad entreated his father.

  ‘Abba, leave him now and go in. I will kick him out right now. Amma is ill. Please go in. Please.’

  He called Subhana, who came running. ‘Take out the shikaarah immediately and drop this man at the ghat across.’

  Malla Khaliq loosened his grip on Qadir and sat down. Qadir was about to say something, but Noor Mohammad held him back and said, ‘For God’s sake, let us live in peace. Don’t you see what you have done?’ He forced his father to go in.

  Qadir stood all alone on the isle. There had been a power failure and the house lay pitch dark. He heard the splashes of oaring; Subhan had come with the shikaarah. Qadir once again looked at his room, and then started climbing down the steps of the ghat. He slipped and was about to fall into the waters, but Subhana held him just in time. He had yet to turn the prow of the boat when the sound of someone coming over the planks was heard. It was Bilal, carrying the two attachés that Qadir had brought. He stepped down the stairs and flung the attachés at Qadir. One of the boxes opened and all the gifts Qadir had brought were strewn about the boat.

  ‘Take all this stuff along, you may need them there for your Mem and your children?’ Bilal said with all the contempt he could muster.
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  Subhan pushed the boat ahead. Qadir stared at the silhouette of his son, who disappeared into the darkness without looking back.

  Having reached the Boulevard, Qadir went up the ghat. ‘Subhan Joo, please pass the two attachés to me.’

  Subhan lifted the two attachés and ascended the steps. Qadir took out a bundle of notes and pushed it into the pocket of Subhan’s phiran. He could not control himself, and held Qadir in a hug and cried. Qadir who was already crying said, ‘Not a single soul in the whole family bothered to think where I would go in the middle of this dark night. Why should you shed tears? Go back and take care.’ He crossed the road and walked into Hotel Asia Brown.

  The family was awake for the entire night grappling with the tragedy that had befallen them. Noor Mohammad kept sitting near his parents, who lay in bed, eyes wide open and hurting. He thought about people coming to know; his family would have no place to hide.

  Bilal sat with his mother. ‘And you were looking out for him, the swindler! I can’t believe you even tried to kindle love for him in my heart!’

  Zeb’s heart had turned into stone. She sat with her eyes closed and did not utter a word. Bilal was fuming with rage, but she did not try to douse the fire. When she remained unmoving, Bilal got frightened. He touched her shoulder and said, ‘Mummy, why don’t you say something? Mummy, just look at me, open your eyes. I am with you. Your son. I will go on to become a much bigger businessman than him. You just wait and watch. Abba is here. We should not lose hope. Mummy, open your eyes.’

  Zeb opened her eyes and cast a long, empty glance at his face. Then she hugged him. She said to him with resolve, ‘My darling son, I will not wail and die. We will gain nothing by cursing him and calling him names. I was just praying to Allah to show the right path to the person who has lost his way.’