by Harper Sloan
"What are you doing here?"
I haven't let go of the door handle, using it to help hold my body from falling to the floor. He stands before me, still in the hallway, and at my question, he looks to his left and then right before meeting my gaze again. This time, the worry is replaced with...determination?
In a move so quick that I gasp, he's pushing his way into the room and helping the door shut with a kick. I back up as he stalks towards me, my eyes wide and my breathing erratic.
"Maddox?" I implore.
"This is you not running?" he questions, solidifying that he did, in fact, read the letter I'd left him. "You think I haven't felt that pull? Jesus, Emmy, it's so strong that I feel like I'm being sucked into a vortex. I've pushed and pushed, not to reject you--even though I now see my mistake--but to protect you. That love that you've been offering, I want nothing more than to take it and run. I have so many demons, Emmy. So many that they are woven into my very being, and I'm goddamn terrified that, if I take what you're offering, even the platform, that promise of love, that you've been building won't be strong enough, and when I tumble down, I'll take you with me--straight into the pits of hell."
He forces out a laugh and bends slightly at his waist, his hands going to his neck and his fingers clenching in frustration.
"Your words play in my head night after night, and fuck me if I didn't recognize it before now, but you've been fighting those damn demons back even without knowing it." He steps closer, and I have no energy to move back. I stand still, shock rooting me in place, and try to desperately process his words. "Someone told me earlier tonight that I needed to be brave and strong and show you my love. Laid out there in black and white by a damn kid," he laughs. "He pulled my head out of my ass in two seconds, Em."
"Mad--" I start.
"No, Em, let me finish. It's not going to be easy for me, this whole getting words out when I've spend so long training myself to keep them in. For you, though... For you, I'm going to try, yeah?"
I nod and wait for him to continue. Both of us stand there, so close yet so far.
"The day I met you, my body was screaming to run. I hadn't felt like that...ever. You brought out every single emotion that I had been fighting to keep locked away. I've feared every second since that those holds would never be strong enough against you. Jesus, Em, you have to understand this is new to me."
"I know that, Mad," I whisper.
"I pushed you. I hurt you--God, I hurt you--because I could never live with myself if the demons, the darkness, the evil inside me harmed you."
"So you just decided to do it yourself? Save your stupid demons of darkness the trouble and just handle it?" I snip at him.
He at least has the decency to flinch. "Something like that, Em. It's all I know. It's the only way I could think to protect you and that was a vast mistake on my end. I want to let you in, Em. Fuck--I'm willing to goddamn beg if that's what it takes for you to just believe that I'm here and craving just a sliver of your love. I honestly don't know how to make it any clearer."
"Just like that, Maddox? You want me to believe that, just like that, with one snap of my fingers, you're going to be able to miraculously let me the hell in? Because I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it. I can only take so much before I've just had enough. I'm not even sure if I have the fight left in me for the both of us."
His eyes close at my words and his head drops slightly. "No, Em, I don't expect you to just believe me like that. But let's get one thing straight--it doesn't matter if you have any fight left in you because I'm going to fight hard enough for both of us now, angel. It's time for you to hand over all of that strength and maybe give me a few pointers, but it's time...time to let me fight for us."
I gasp, tears forming and rolling over my eyes without my permission. He doesn't even give them a chance to fall before he takes his hands and frames my face, kissing each one as quickly as he can.
"Please don't give up on me," he whimpers.
That sound coming out of him is my undoing. A deep sob bubbles past my throat and I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight.
Our grips on each other don't weaken. My tears soak his shirt and his breathing never slows, his heart beating rapidly against my cheek. I want so desperately to believe him, to take this lifeline that he's thrown my way, but I'm scared.
The doubts and fears of what happens when he stops believing in us are almost too much. I need to think. I need to get my head together without him around, and even though I want to beg him to stay and take the comfort his arms are offering, I have to take this time--even if it is just tonight--and figure out once and for all if this is a road I can continue down.
Pulling back, I meet his eyes and tell him the only thing I can right now. "I need time, Maddox. I'm not asking for a lot, but just give me tonight...please."
"I'm not fucking leaving, Emersyn." His tone leaves no room for argument, but I know that, if he really means what he just said, he's going to have to learn to give a little and not take it all.
"You really don't have a choice right now, do you?"
His eyes darken, but I press on.
"Just a few hours ago, I cried myself to sleep with the knowledge that I had to give you up. I had talked myself into learning how to move on from everything I've fought for. That isn't something I can just turn off with a few words. Even if they're words I've craved. I meant what I said earlier in my letter--I bleed just like the rest of us. And right now, you need to go home and let me patch up those wounds and THINK."
"It's going against everything my body is demanding I do to make you believe me to just leave," he pleads.
"Unfortunately for you, Maddox, right now, you don't have a say. I need this time."
He doesn't speak, his eyes begging me to give in so fiercely that I have to move out of his hold and take a step back. His face drops with my movement and the truth sinks in. I'm not just giving in, and as much as it's killing me not to, I need to make sure. If he is willing to give me this, then maybe he's willing to really fight.
"I'll give you tonight, angel, but I'll be back. When the sun comes up, I'm going to be right back at your door, and I hope to God you will see then that I'm serious. I'm trying--I just need you to get some of that believe in us back and hold my hand as I go...because I'm going in blind, baby."
I close my eyes and nod. He gives me one last pleading glance before moving towards me. He brushes his finger over my lips, trailing it down my neck before placing his hand over my heart.
"I want this back, and I'm going to do everything I can to have it." He gives me one soft kiss before walking towards the door.
I get one more sad smile before he's gone.
Then I crumble to the floor and cry. Everything I've wanted is right there--but will I be able to take a chance knowing that I might crash and break down even harder if he changes his mind?
Chapter 20--Emmy
I should have known that I would never be able to sleep with the thoughts that are spinning around in my head. Ultimately, I know which side will win. I still need to make sure that I'm ready to put myself out there, to take a blind chance, but then again if I don't, then I will be proving to him that he was right all along. I'll prove to him that the gift of his love means nothing to me.
And when it's put that way, there is no way I can do that. I might regret it, giving him this last chance, but at least if I'm left without him in the end of it, I'll know that I gave it my all.
He left a few hours ago, and after I was able to pull myself off the floor, I took a long and hot shower, using the time to get all my fears and hopes in order. If this works out, then everything I've known we could be together will be ours, and just the thought has me smiling.
Throwing back the covers, I take a look at the clock. Four in the morning. He'll be here soon and I'm almost nervous to tell him that I'm ready. That, together, we will get through his darkness--and those damn demons he thinks are so prevalent that he has to keep others away.
A knock at the door has my head whipping around; of course he wouldn't be able to stay away. I'm actually shocked he lasted the last six hours.
Straightening my tank top and making sure that my sleep shorts aren't hanging off my ass, I walk to the door, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.
Then I swing the door open with a smile--a smile that quickly dies when I see who is standing on the other side.
"Princess," Shawn slurs. "Aren't you a hard little bitch to track down." His evil makes my skin crawl.
I can feel the bile in my stomach threatening to make its way up and I sway on my feet.
How did he find me? We were so careful from the beginning. When I first got away, Coop and Axel hid not only the trail, but every trace of me. I worked under the table. I had a credit and debit card under the company name. Even my apartment was in Coop's name.
Holy shit! That's when my own stupidity literally slaps me in the face. When I went back, I opened a bank account so I could get the hotel room, making it no secret where I was since they knew I was back.
And I didn't touch it again...until last night.
Oh, God, why now? Why, when everything was starting to look up, does he have to show up?! Just when I started to believe that I could have it all.
"Have nothing to say to me? Well, I have to plenty to say to you, bitch."
His heavy palm hits me between my breast first, knocking the wind from my lungs and my legs right out from under me. As I crash to the floor, his laugh wraps around me like a noose.
"Little Syn, living up to her name by playing house with that motherfucker who took you from me when I wasn't looking. Did you fucking think I would sit back and let you go? I don't fucking think so," he fumes, his spit flying from the force of his words and falling on my face. "You belong to me, bitch."
I move to stand--to just get away from the disadvantage I have from being on the floor as he towers over me--but I'm stopped short when his heavy, booted foot presses against my chest. I can feel my ribs protesting against the pressure, crying out for some relief.
"I'm going to teach you a lesson first, Syn."
When his foot comes off my chest, I crab-crawl backwards until my head hits hard against the desk in the corner. I go to scream, but guessing my intent, he jumps and his body crashing into mine renders me silent. My body is drowning under the panic he elicits.
His hand grips my neck, digging in and curling his fingers--choking me in a brutal hold. I gasp, my eyes watering at the pain. My fingers tear at his skin, and when that doesn't work, I bring my hand weakly up to his face and claw him. My fingers score his skin, leaving four deep marks across his face from temple to chin.
"You fucking bitch!" he roars and brings his fist down, hitting me right in the cheek.
My head snaps to the side, but I fight the blackness that is hedging in. I won't fucking give in. Not this time--not when I have every reason to fight him.
He's always wanted this--this fight--and he's going to get it.
I give him everything I have. His fist hits me every time I move my arms from my face to deliver one of my own. Then I feel my left arm split in one powerful punch, making it harder to defend myself. When he leaves his guard down, I slam my knee into his crotch, knocking him to his side. As quickly as I can, I start to crawl away, opening my mouth to call out for help only to have a hoarse rasp come out. My efforts are weak since I'm dragging my body with one arm. Each time I put pressure on my left side, my arm gives out.
His laughter starts to taunt me and the fear almost consumes me. Every inch of my body hurts, but I'm not giving up. He won't have me this time. Not when the future is right within my grasp.
"Get the fuck back here," he snarls when I unsteadily climb to my feet.
The second I have my footing, he brings his leg out and sweeps me right back on my ass. I fall with bone-jarring force, the wind once again knocked from my body. The tears and snot running down my face are making it hard for me to even see, let alone breathe, so every breath I've been conserving rapidly throws me off.
He climbs on top of me, straddling my waist, pulling my arms over my head, and clamping them tight within one of his own--the other going to my mouth to make sure I don't cry out. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. My throat is raw from when he choked me earlier. The pain from my broken arm produces a wave of nausea to roll through me, causing me to vomit all over myself.
He doesn't even notice, his all-consuming rage to the point where I know he's not going to stop until he's gotten everything he can from me. "I've had to sit back and wait for this moment. Wait for you to finally fuck up and lead me right to you. I knew it would happen--you never were very fucking bright. I'll give you credit. You got away once, and had you not come crawling back to me, I might not have found you. I don't fucking like to wait, Syn, and it's about time you learned who is your goddamn boss! You think you're fucking smart, running off again? I won't let you get away this time. Not when the club needs your cunt to make the money keep coming in."
When his hand comes back to my throat, I see it in his eyes--he doesn't care if I live past this moment as long as he gets whatever sick shit he wants.
"Just like a sitting duck," he spits in my face. "The second your credit card was used, it was like a big fucking flag just taking me right to your door. Where's your big, bad savior now? Doesn't look like he's going to help you this time, you senseless fucking bitch!"
The pressure in my chest demanding oxygen is becoming too much. My eyes are starting to close despite my willing them to keep focused. And worse, my limbs have stopped listening to my command to fight, just dropping lifelessly to my side.
"This is going to be so much fun, you stupid bitch." He brings his hand back, and with one hard punch to my temple, I'm out cold.
I'm not sure how long I'm out. When I come to, I fight with myself to get past the fog. My head is pounding and my body is sore. Without opening my eyes, I take stock of my body. I hurt, but nothing that makes me too concerned. The fact that I can feel that my clothing has been torn from my body, however, is enough for me to become instantly terrified. Between all my pains and aches, it's hard to tell if he took me, but I'm almost positive that he hasn't raped me...yet.
I hear a phone ring, a tone I know is not mine, and I breathe a sigh a relief when Shawn stops what he is doing, climbs off me, and answers the phone.
"What?" he barks farther away from where I'm laying.
After a brief silence, I hear him and my heart stops.
"Yeah, I fucking got her, Ram, and don't you fucking worry. When I'm done with her, she won't pull this shit again."
Oh. My. God.
My own father orchestrated this. I shouldn't be surprised. He's never exactly acted like he gave a damn, but knowing that he sent this monster after me is devastating. I know it sounds stupid, to still hope that the father who willingly objectifies his own daughter might care just a little--but like the dreamer I am, I couldn't help but pray that, one day, he would. I know now how foolish that was.
"Yeah, you're damn right she begged. I'll set her straight. Don't you fucking worry. Don't even sweat it, Ram. Come tomorrow morning--or night--I'll be headed back there and then you can let the other boys take their turn with her. Seems about right after all the trouble her little boy toy caused."
When I hear his voice get farther away, I know this is my moment. Peeking my eyes open and seeing his shadow falling from the open doorway of the bathroom gives me the time I need. I move as quickly as my body will allow and get to the hotel phone. After snatching it off the cradle, I press '0' and wait. When I hear the operator answer, I whisper my room number, begging for them to send help quickly. Then I shove the phone beside the bed and the nightstand and make my way to where I left my cell charging on the desk, fumbling for a second as I listen to Shawn laugh at whatever my father is saying.
Laughing about destroying his own flesh and blood.
I manage to get my phone turned on and the phone app open to dial
Maddox before I hear Shawn coming behind me. I quickly toss the phone to the side, praying that I pressed the button to connect the call before I had to abandon it.
"Little bitch is awake now, Ram. It's time for me to have some fucking fun before I bring her home." He laughs again.
I curl into a ball when he gives me a hard kick, landing his boot right into my shin. I cry out in pain, my voice still sounding foreign to my ears. He gives me another kick, clearly enjoying the fact that he's hurt me. The pain is overwhelming this time and I get sick again. I'm not even sure what wetness on my body is from vomit, blood, or my tears.
"You going to fight me again, slut? This cunt is mine, and I'm done playing games. It's time for you to remember exactly who you belong to. You're never going to be more than Syn--and even if that bastard got some grand idea to come after you again, he wouldn't want you when I'm finished anyway."
He towers over me, grabbing me by my hair and hauling me from the floor. Then he slaps me across the face before shoving me onto the bed. I fight again, ignoring the pain in my arm and leg, kicking and slapping, but in the end, he's just too strong for me. I'm not sure how long I was able to fight him. It feels like an eternity, and with his hand back on my throat, I pass out, praying that help isn't too far away.
Chapter 21--Maddox
Coming back to the apartment without Emmy wasn't how I'd seen the night ending. As foolish as it was to believe that we could just fall back into whatever we had before, but I hadn't anticipated her telling me to leave. It took one hell of a battle with my mind to get my feet to leave that room. To get my legs to carry me out of the hotel and into my car. It took even longer to convince my mind to leave her there.
I took care of feeding Cat and cleaning out her litter box when I got in. Then I set off to pick up the rest of the apartment since I had torn it up while looking for a clue as to where she was.
And then I was left sitting on the couch, staring at the clock as it ticked each painfully slow second by. Mocking me with the knowledge that I couldn't make time go by more quickly.
I must have fallen asleep because the sound of my phone ringing jolts me with a start. Noticing that the time is just a few hours before dawn, I make my way down the hall to grab my screaming phone.