by Harper Sloan
"I love you. You know that?"
"Of course I do, darlin'. Everyone loves Sway," he says with a laugh.
I climb out of the car and meet him around the back, grabbing my stuff from the trunk and placing it on the luggage cart. His arms are around me before I can even say thank you and goodbye.
"Chin up, buttercup," he whispers in my ear, and I feel a rush of calming peace settle over me.
A few hours, one dead cell phone, and room service later, I'm ready to call it a night. I have plans to spend tomorrow figuring out where the hell I go now. Do I stick around, continue this tiring battle of the wills with Maddox? Or do I work on finding a new path--a path without Maddox and the family I love here?
I know I'm stupid to continue to find something worth fighting for in Maddox. He's made it clear that he doesn't want me--or better yet, that he does but he can't, whatever that means. I might never get through to him, but I really feel like if I don't try at least one more time--with everything I have in me--I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
He needs someone to believe in him, and I'm guessing he's never had that. He needs someone who never gives up on him, since I'm guessing that's all he's been used to the vast majority of his life.
He needs his 'happy,' as Sway calls it.
And I just hope it's me.
I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow with the determination that I can do this. I just have to toughen up a little, chin up, and YOLO.
"That's it, buttercup."
Chapter 17--Maddox
What a fucking mess. I should have known that, the second I got my head out of my ass and allowed myself to believe a little in what I could have, she'd snap. She gives me everything I have been working to get since I started foolishly pushing her away.
The second she finished reaming my ass, that flickering flame of hope burst into an inferno.
She's right; I hid behind playing some twisted matchmaker. Fixing my friends around me, all the while falling deeper into myself. I used their issues to distract them from me. I used each and every one of them to keep them out.
"Uh, where is your car, brother?" Greg snickers from behind me.
"Looks like he was too busy being a giant ass and it got swiped right from under him," Asher laughs.
"Hilarious," I say, not turning from where I'm looking at the space where my Charger should be parked. My lips twitch at the thought of my sweet little Emmy stealing my car.
"That's what you get for pissing her off," Axel laughs.
I shrug my shoulder, not willing to get into this with them. It really shouldn't matter; all but Asher have seen me at my worst, so this is a walk in the park for them.
"Just out of curiosity, is this when we all take the advice you've been giving us for years now and give it back? Because hey, I'm not a chick, so I'm not really sure how these little special moments are supposed to go, but I'm willing to wing it."
They all laugh when Beck chimes in. I turn and take in the four men standing in front of me, meeting each of their eyes to figure out what I'm supposed to say.
"Maddox Locke?" a little voice calls from behind the guys.
"Yeah, C-Man?" I should have known that Cohen, Greg and Melissa's son, would find us out here. He's been one of the guys ever since he went through some crazy shit a few years ago.
"I thought you were gonna bring Aunt Emmy home forever and ever."
"Leave it to the kid to say what we're all thinking."
I don't know who said it; I'm too busy looking at Cohen, his expressive, brown eyes locked with mine.
"You're a big, brave superhero, Maddox Locke. I know it because you helped me bring my mommy back. You told me I needed to be brave and strong and show her my love. That's all you have to do. When Mommy is mad at Daddy, he just tickles her until they start making funny noises." He puts his small, balled-up fist on his hips and gives Greg as hard a look as he can when he starts choking on his laughter. "I bet if you smiled real big like that she would like that. You don't smile a lot, Maddox Locke."
I clear my throat and look up at the guys for some help. They all seem to be just as shocked with how much the little dude takes in from all of us.
"Yeah, C-Man, I think you're right. I might even try that smiling stuff you're talking about."
"Woohoo!" he yells, spinning on his small feet and slapping my body with his cape that is always tied around his neck. "Mommy! Aunt Dee! He said I was right and he's gonna smile!" he screams, running back in the house.
I lock eyes with the guys, each of us struggling to hold it in, before we all burst out laughing. It feels so foreign to me that I have to wonder, is this what happiness feels like?
"You want me to give you a lift? Chelcie can handle things before I get back," Asher asks when the others go back inside.
"Yeah, brother. I'd like that."
He smiles, gives me a nod, and runs inside to get the keys to his Jeep.
The ride back to the apartment is pretty quiet. I know it's not going to last long; Asher isn't exactly a silent thinker. Sometimes, I swear the wheels can be heard clanking around in his head before he even gets his words out. I guess part of the way he and Coop grew up taught him to pick his words carefully, and I can respect that, so I give him the time he needs.
Well, at least I try to give him the time he needs--it isn't like I live hours away.
"Just spit it out, Asher. I know you have something to say, so you might as well get it out before we hit the apartment complex, because the second you roll up there, I'm out."
"Right," he starts. "So...that picture I found?"
"That's all you want to ask me? About a picture you found weeks ago in a forgotten box deep in my closet?" I clarify.
"Well, I was just wondering if your nightmare--you know you called that picture that--had gotten better."
"I'm working on it," I tell him honestly.
"And do you remember when you told me to wake up and realize there's more to live for? I know you've seen some shit, Mad. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to hit so close to home with your words months ago. You once told me to stop beating myself up over things I had no control over, and the Maddox Locke I know is no goddamn hypocrite, so I have to ask--are you done with your shit?"
I keep looking at his profile for a second, noticing for the first time just how nervous he was to throw all that out there. Then, for the second time tonight, I throw my head back and laugh.
"Yeah, Asher. You know what they say: YOLO."
It's pretty ridiculous that it takes a five-year-old kid to make me wake the hell up and take a chance. Jesus, I can't believe I just fucking said 'YOLO.'
The Jeep swerves slightly when his head jerks in my direction. "Did you just YOLO me?"
Still laughing, I reply, "Yeah, asshole. Someone wise once told me that was the best way to live your life."
He smiles sadly for a second, knowing damn well there was only one of our group who would ever willingly say YOLO.
The rest of the drive, we make small talk, but my nerves are too jumpy for me to really engage in any sort of conversation with him. I know I have a long road to go. I'm not instantly going to just be able to forget my past, but from this moment forward, I have to be willing to take a chance. I have to take a chance at what Emmy has been offering me and pray that I'm making the right decision. Because I don't think I'll be able to live with myself if my demons make my angel fall.
"There's the Charger," he says, breaking the silence we adopted about five minutes ago.
"Yup."
"Do you need anything else?"
"Nope, I'm good--but I'll let you know if that changes," I say, stepping down from the Jeep. I turn back before I shut the door and let my lips tip up. "Thanks for...everything."
His eyes flash at the shock of my words. "Yeah, any time. If you need me, just call."
I nod my head, shut his door, and stride to the elevators. The garage is silent for the night, the majority of the tenants in the ap
artment complex home from wherever they've been--settled in for a night of relaxing. Not me though. Nope. Tonight, I'm going to claim my woman for good.
It's time to let my angel in and hope that she can really help me battle all of this shit I carry around with me like dead weight.
Chapter 18--Maddox
The first thing I notice when I step into my apartment is the silence. Usually, I can always hear her tinkering around, even when she isn't doing anything physically. Her soft singing, the pages of her book turning, or even the humming noises she makes when she's asleep.
Cat greets me at the door with a deep meow, as usual. We've developed some weird friendship. Emmy used to laugh and say that Cat could recognize someone who needed a friend. Oh how right she was. I scratch Cat behind the ears and set off to look for her owner.
"Em?"
Nothing. A flash of apprehension over the situation starts to take over, but I push it aside and keep looking for her. The apartment isn't huge, but it's large enough that she might not have heard me.
A few minutes later, I realize that she really isn't here. After walking into my bedroom, I sit on my bed and think about where the hell she could have gone. She doesn't have her car because we still haven't gotten it back from the cabin. I had Greg and Asher swing down and bring it back, knowing that, if I got anywhere near that place, I wouldn't be leaving until there was blood on the ground. Devon said that we could leave it there as long as we needed, and since he wouldn't be back for a few weeks, I haven't been in any kind of rush. I liked having her dependent on me to get places.
With a deep sigh, I lean back and let my head hit the pillow--only to shoot back up when my head hits something besides the pillow.
I reach out with a shaking hand and pick up the note with my name written in Emmy's flowing handwriting. I don't want to open it, dreading what could be inside, but if I have any hopes of finding her tonight, this would be where to start.
Dear Maddox,
I used to think that my love for you would be strong enough for both of us. Some sort of weird platform that could hold anything you threw at me--and never break. I know now that I was sadly mistaken.
For as long as I've known you, I've felt a pull towards you like I've never known before. It's no secret now that I haven't had the best of beginnings in my life. Even with all of that in my past, I still had faith in love. Maybe I just had rose-colored glasses on. I'm not sure. But I wanted to believe that there was some sort of reward to be had for all the bullshit I had to deal with to get here.
I'm only human, Maddox. I'm not sure how many times it will take of you pushing me away before you start kicking me while I'm down--I bleed just like the rest of us when I fall...only when I fall at your hands, it hurts just a little more. I fear that I'm no longer strong enough to stand against your continuous rejection--to stand on the sidelines and watch you willing to fight for everyone one else around us to get their slice of happiness.
One thing I know for sure now is that, as much as I wish it were different, I can't keep begging you to believe in us. I'm sure that my heart will undoubtedly always belong to you--my dark prince. But until you can see just how worthy your love is, I'm afraid I just don't have a part in your life.
I want you to know that I'm not running. Not from you and not from my life here. But I can't be around you. When you're in the room, I instantly want to run into your arms and beg you to let me all the way in. To let me help you carry some of the baggage, slay the demons--to let me help you heal. So, for right now, I'm going to get a hotel room and fix my head...and my heart. I know Cat is in good hands until I can get settled. I'm pretty sure she likes you more than me anyway.
I love you.
I wish you knew how much.
-Em
Her words crash over me, leaving me hollow and alone. I rub my chest, feeling some weird burn taking over my lungs. She can't just give up. Not my Emmy.
Although, I'm not sure why I even doubt that she could. This is, after all, everything I've been working towards for years. I pushed her away and refused the love she so desperately wanted to hand me.
I pace my room, wondering when the hell I'm supposed to stop. I refuse to sit here on my ass when she needs me. She needs me to prove to her that I'm going to let her in. I know that, if I don't make this next move flawlessly, she will never believe that I'm willing to give it a go.
"Fuck!" I bellow, pulling my arm back and slamming it into the wall. The drywall gives way and I watch my fist sink right through. If anything, it just feeds my mood, makes me want to start destroying everything until I find her.
I'll fucking turn this town on its ass to find her.
An hour later, I've basically torn my place apart looking for some kind of clue and I'm not any closer. Her stuff is gone. Everything except the things Cat needs and the lingering sweetness of her smell is gone. I'm coming unglued, and if I don't get some kind of sign soon, I'm going to snap.
I throw my body down on the couch and take in the room. Everything is where it was when we left earlier. The remote is on the table. The magazine she had been flipping through before we left is sitting in the chair I've started thinking of as hers. The candles she bought to make my place smell like a damn apple pie sit unlit on the counter next to the phone...
The phone that isn't on the cradle, where I know I put it earlier. I jump up from the couch and walk into the kitchen, spying the cordless lying on the counter. With a pleading prayer that maybe this is the clue I need to figure out where she went, I grab it and press redial.
I know that number.
Sway.
Not wasting a second, I quickly press the on button and wait for him to pick up. God, I hate this feeling of being out of control of everything around me.
"Hello?" David's voice comes through the line and I want to scream.
"Where is he?"
"Hello to you too, Maddox," he laughs, getting a growl out of me in return.
"Yeah, hello, David... Where is Sway?"
"He got back a second ago, and I'm guessing, since you're calling now, that you're wondering where Emmy is?"
"You would be correct," I grind through my clenched jaw.
"Hold on. Let me go get him."
I hear him moving around and then speaking softly. I wait, trying my hardest not to snap the phone in half with the force of my grip.
"Well hello there, you sexy man. If only I would have known how popular I would become tonight. You're lucky we decided to leave in the morning to go to Davey's parent's house. Did you hear? I'm meeting the parents." He sighs deeply, and I growl again, hoping he takes a hint and gets to the point.
"Where is she?"
"Right to the point, I see. Well, my hunk of silence, she's safe."
He just stops talking, and I'm seconds away from blowing up on him. I know he doesn't deserve my wrath, so I try to push it down.
And fail.
"Sway! Where in the hell is my woman? I need to fucking find her two hours ago!"
"AH! Now that's just what I needed to hear, sweet cheeks. You know, I've been waiting for the moment when you would let the smoke clear out of your delectable ass. You've been so foolish. So Sway is going to help you out now, and please, Maddox, do not make me regret this. That girl deserves her slice of happiness, and you're lucky that I feel like that is you. You can find her at the Marriott over on Brookfield. I watched her walk through the doors and check in with my own eyes--so, my love, that is where you're going to go get your woman. You can thank Sway later. Toodles!" He giggles softly as he hangs up.
Two seconds later, I'm out the door and making my way to my Charger.
Chapter 19--Emmy
The pounding at the door wakes me after what feels like just two seconds of sleeping. My whole body feels like it weighs a hundred extra pounds. I should have known that Sway wouldn't keep his mouth shut. I was so focused on getting the hell out before Maddox came home that I didn't give a second thought to who helped me.
I
stand at the door, my forehead planted against the wood, and breathe deeply. I have to remember that, whatever he says to me in anger, he doesn't mean. He never means it. I can tell when he's looking right at me that his eyes are begging for me not to believe what comes out of his mouth. I have to stay strong and let him know that he's off the hook. He won't have to deal with my stupid love anymore.
"Open the door, Emersyn."
His voice hits me with a force so powerful that, even through the thick door, it makes me shiver. Stay strong, Emmy. You can do this. Just let him know that you're done.
Wrapping my fingers around the door handle, feeling the cold steel against my skin, I try to let it center me. One last little push to stand strong and put a cold layer of ice over my heart.
I swing the door open right when he's about to knock again and his fist stops just inches from my face. I gasp.
"Shit," he growls.
We stand there just looking into each other's eyes. I have no idea what's going through his head right now. Why he's even here. I said everything I needed to in that letter--unless he didn't get it. Shit. I don't think I'm going to be able to get that all out to his face. Writing it all down about killed me.
He's still wearing the clothes from earlier--a dark-green Henley and jeans that are worn in all the right places. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, showing off the weaving lines of his tattoos. Reds and blacks dance together over almost every inch of his forearms. I know the design travels up both arms and ends by wrapping slightly around the back right on the base of his neck. Depending on the shirt, sometimes I can see a few of the lines licking up his tan skin. I've studied his forearms for so long that I imagine each and every sweep the tattoo gun must have taken. I know he has more along his ribs, but I've never had the pleasure to study them. I just know that it's more blacks and reds.
When he clears his throat, I move my gaze from his thick, muscled forearms to meet his eyes. His deep-brown, very worried eyes. He isn't masking his feelings from me right now, and as shocked as I am, I'm more confused than ever.