The Dating Game

by Natalie Standiford

  He pulled back, looked in her eyes, then dove in for more. His kiss was more forceful now but still seemed a little iffy. She kissed him back, felt herself loosening up a little, and opened her mouth. He didn’t respond, so she darted her tongue into his mouth.

  She vaguely sensed a tangle of limbs across the room and thought, Good for Lina.

  Holly and Jake were off in their own world. Walker stroked Lina’s hair while she struggled to think of something to say. If only she liked boy sports! That seemed an endless source of foolproof boy talk. She vowed to watch more baseball this year.

  “You have nice hair,” Walker said. “It’s so shiny.”

  “Thanks,” Lina said.

  “Do you put something special in it? To make it so smooth, I mean?”

  “Baby oil,” Lina replied.

  “Me, too,” Walker said. “Only it doesn’t seem to work for me.”

  This had to be a low point in the history of date conversation.

  They both found their eyes trailing over toward Holly and Jake grappling on the couch. From where they were sitting it looked pretty intense.

  Walker’s hand moved from Lina’s hair to the sleeve of her blouse. Lina stiffened. Just because Holly and Jake were going at it, she and Walker had to, too? She hardly knew the guy!

  Walker suddenly pulled her body against his and pressed her head to his chest. “Your hair smells so good.” What was it with this guy and hair? He rubbed the back of her blouse. Lina had the feeling he was groping for a way under it.

  Lina pressed him away with both hands. “Walker—”

  He immediately let her go. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said.

  “No, it’s okay,” Lina said, feeling badly now. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “It’s just, well, I’d like to get to know you better before we get into the whole makeout scene.”

  “I get you,” Walker said. “No problem.” He glanced across the room at Jake and Holly again. They were in their own world.

  “Do you think they’d mind if I turned on the TV?” Walker whispered to Lina.

  “I don’t think they’ll even notice,” Lina said.

  Jake was kissing Holly more feverishly now, getting into it. Holly began to lose herself in it, a kind of makeout amnesia. He slipped his hand under her sweater, touching the bare skin on her back. She pressed herself against him, excited.

  And then he froze. His lips went slack, his hand dropped out of her sweater, and he pulled away.

  What did she do wrong?

  “Jake?” she whispered. “You okay?”

  “Sure,” he said, disentangling himself from her. “Everything’s cool. I just thought I’d get another beer. You want one?”

  Holly watched in disbelief as he stood and went to the bar fridge. He glanced back at her, repeating his question with his eyes. Another beer?

  “No thanks,” she said. “I’ve still got some.” She picked up her bottle, warm now, and took a tepid sip. The TV was on. Lina and Walker were sitting on the loveseat, not touching, watching a Japanese cartoon.

  Jake returned with his beer. He sat on the other side of her, at the end of the couch, one whole leather cushion away.

  What just happened? Holly wondered. He’d pulled away when she pressed herself against him. Did she come on too strong?

  Jake turned his head and smiled at her, then turned back to the cartoon. That was it. Holly didn’t feel like sticking around.

  “Hey, Lina, I guess we should get going soon,” she said.

  Lina practically leaped to her feet. “Yeah, my parents are waiting up.”

  “Oh, you have to go?” Walker seemed disappointed.

  “Yeah, you know, eleven o’clock curfew,” Holly said. She had no such thing—her parents were pretty lax—but Jake didn’t need to know that.

  The boys stood up and walked them to the front door. “See you again soon, Lina,” Walker said.

  “‘Bye,” Lina said.

  “I’ll walk you to your car,” Jake said.

  Lina and Holly walked to Holly’s Beetle, trailed by Jake. Lina got into the passenger seat. Holly leaned against the driver-side door. Jake kissed her lightly and said, “It was great to meet you. I’ll call you soon.”

  “Great,” Holly said. She opened the door and got in. “Thanks for dinner! Bye!”

  She pulled out of the driveway. “Where to?” Lina asked. “I don’t feel like going home yet.”

  “Me neither,” Holly said. “The Markowitz Mansion?”

  “Perfect.”

  “I don’t get it, Lina,” Mads said. She sat cross-legged on her Indian-print bedspread. “What, he wasn’t cute?”

  “He was cute,” Holly said.

  “He was cute,” Lina repeated. “So what? Captain Meow-Meow is cute, too, but you don’t make out with him.” She picked up Mads’ persnickety Siamese cat and gave him a squeeze. He jumped out of her arms and ran away.

  “Don’t take it personally,” Mads said. “Mom says Captain Meow-Meow’s been having boundary issues ever since we adopted Boris.”

  Boris was the Markowitzes’ new boxer puppy. He was downstairs in the living room being trained by M.C., whose idea of pet discipline involved a lot of candles and chanting. Audrey and Russell were playing a video game together. All this at eleven o’clock at night, when Lina’s house would have been dark and quiet, just a light on in her room and one in her parents’, where they would be in bed reading. This was why Lina loved Mads’ house—24-hour chaos.

  “What about Holly?” Lina said to Mads. “Why don’t you pick on her for a while?”

  “Hey, I tried,” Holly said. “Jake didn’t come through.”

  “Maybe he wants to take things slowly,” Mads said. “He must really like you if he doesn’t want to rush things.”

  “I don’t know,” Holly said. “What if he just didn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m hideous? What if he thought I had bad breath? Maybe he hates the taste of chowder.”

  “He had chowder, too,” Lina reminded her. “He probably couldn’t even taste it on you.”

  “And you’re beautiful, so how could he think you’re hideous?” Mads added. “Don’t panic. Wait and see if he calls you. I think he’s just not a player. Which is a good thing.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Holly said. “But that’s not the vibe I’m getting.”

  Mads looked from Holly to Lina and back again. One liked her guy, but he was acting weird. The other didn’t like her guy, even though he clearly liked her. Was love always this way?

  “Well, at least it sounds like Walker likes you, Lina,” Mads said. “All that talk about your shiny, good-smelling hair.”

  “He does like her,” Holly said. “And he seems really cool. Lina just wouldn’t give him a chance.”

  “That’s not true,” Lina protested. “I like him okay. There’s nothing wrong with him or anything. We just didn’t click, that’s all.”

  “Is it because of Dan?” Mads asked. “If it is, you’re a moron.”

  “No,” Lina lied. “It’s not Dan.”

  She was too embarrassed to admit the truth. She didn’t just like Dan. She was crazy about him! She thought about him constantly. She could never like another guy, ever. Ever. How could a high school guy compare? They were so boring. And silly. All that talk of sports and shiny hair. Where was the poetry? The passion?

  Holly and Mads would never understand. They liked regular boys. That was fine with Lina. If they could be satisfied with subhumans, good for them.

  8

  The Social Goddesses

  To: hollygolitely

  From: Your daily horoscope

  HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: CAPRICORN: Your popularity is soaring! Enjoy it before your carriage turns back into a pumpkin.

  Class: Interpersonal Human Development

  Teacher: Dan Shulman

  The Dating Game: Progress report: Week 1

  By Holly Anderson, Madison Markowitz, and Lina Ozu

  The Dating Ga
me Web site received an enthusiastic response from the data pool—that is, the students at RSAGE. At the time of this report, out of 816 students, 207, or more than one-quarter, have filled out the questionnaire. Of the respondents, about 65 percent are female and 35 percent are male.

  As for our thesis (who’s more sex-crazed, boys or girls?), results so far indicate a tie. However, our statistical pool is lopsided. We need more answers from boys. We feel confident that with further study, our hypothesis, that boys are more sexcrazed, will be confirmed.

  The results of the questionnaires are compiled on the charts and graphs attached. We posted these charts on the site so the students can see how their answers compare with the other students’. As you can see, many students claim to have extensive sexual experience. If some of this is an exaggeration, we cannot be held responsible.

  As for matchmaking, so far we have sent ten couples on dates. Two were successful (we define success as both parties agreeing to a second date). Two were complete disasters. The jury is still out on the rest of them.

  The Dating Game, Questionnaire #2:

  Who’s More Sex-Crazed, Boys or Girls?

  All right, people. Let’s try this again. And if you are a boy, please respond. We need more answers from boys.

  Do You Have Sex on the Brain?

  Check the box next to each statement that is true for you.

  1. I am a boy

  2. I am a girl

  3. I dreamed about sex last night

  4. I dream about sex every night

  5. I think soap operas are sexy

  6. I think The Price Is Right is sexy

  7. My parents never knock before coming into my room, and I have no problem with that

  8. My best friend is of the opposite sex. If he/she fell in love with me, I’d freak out

  9. My best friend is of the opposite sex. If he/she fell in love with me, I’d be thrilled

  10 I watch MTV Spring Break for the travel tips

  11 When I say someone is cute, I mean it in a stuffed-animal kind of way

  12 When I say someone is cute, it means I’m picturing him/her naked

  Answer Key: If you checked boxes 7, 8, 10, and 11 you’re a prude. If you checked boxes 3, 5, and 9, you’re fairly normal. If you checked boxes 4, 6, and 12, you’re a total perv.

  “Well, if it isn’t the Boobmeister,” Sebastiano purred. “Looks like you just took a step up on the social ladder, Holly. I’ll have to try to be seen in public with you more often.”

  Monday morning and the halls were buzzing with talk of the Dating Game. Holly had picked up on it, too, but her twice-daily meeting with Sebastiano at their lockers kept her up to date on the very latest.

  “I heard that Ingrid found some kind of love slave on your Web site,” Sebastiano said. “The guy actually came to her house and cleaned her room for her! He even shined her shoes! She’s in heaven!”

  “Good morning, Sebastiano,” Holly said, as if he were a normal person who had normal conversations. “How was your weekend?”

  “I love those charts you guys made,” Sebastiano said. “Showing how experienced the student body is. I had no idea this school was so full of perverts!” He glanced around, as if the dorky boy walking by with his skateboard could be a secret sex fiend. “It’s very exciting. It changes the whole concept of school! Like, what will we be learning today?”

  Holly pawed through a pile of books on her locker shelf. “Do we have a quiz in Geometry today?”

  “Do we? Oh no! I didn’t study. Did you ask about my weekend? It’s all hazy now. Must have been good.”

  “Sounds better than mine,” Holly said.

  “Better than yours? How can that be? Your weekend was spent luxuriating in the creation of the greatest invention to hit Rosewood since girls’ volleyball. A sex Web site! Detailing the innermost thoughts and desires of every punk in school! Pure genius.” He kissed his fingertips, Italian-style. He could be a real ham, that Sebastiano. “You were basking in your triumph! Weren’t you?”

  “I didn’t do much basking,” Holly said, though it was beginning to dawn on her that maybe she should.

  “Hmm. According to ‘Nuclear Autumn’ you’ve been seeing a lot of action.”

  “You can’t believe everything you read,” Holly said. “Autumn doesn’t have the guts to write about my real activities.”

  “Ooh. Tell me. I can take it. I’m unshockable.”

  Holly was bluffing, of course, but she wasn’t exactly lying. Autumn wouldn’t want to write about her date with Jake. It was too boring.

  But Holly had seen all the talk about her on the Web. A wailful of virtual graffiti about “the Boobmeister.” Anonymous chatters told stories of spotting Holly naked with Nick at the Christmas party; Holly going around grabbing guys’ crotches; Holly standing on the corner of Rutgers and Tapp Streets, dressed like a hooker. … She tried not to let it bother her, but it pissed her off. How could people just make up stuff like that?

  And here was Sebastiano, practically drooling as he waited to hear about her thrilling weekend. She hated to let him down.

  “I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say I went on a blind date.”

  “Don’t spare the details! That’s the best part!”

  “Sorry. I don’t kiss and tell.”

  “Just tell me who he is,” Sebastiano pleaded.

  She hesitated. She’d known Sebastiano since sixth grade, but he wasn’t really a friend. They never talked on the phone or IM’ed each other or went out of their way to get together outside of school. But through alphabetical coincidence, their lockers had been side-by-side for five years now. They were seated together at every assembly. They were close acquaintances. And in his odd way he was usually honest with her. “Jake Soros.”

  “That soccer hooligan? Holly, you can do better. He could use some manscaping. Though he is built.”

  “Manscaping?”

  “You know, grooming: Clean the nails, shave a little closer—he’s a pretty hairy dude. He’s going to have a wicked back hair problem when he grows up.”

  Holly hadn’t noticed anything other than the chin stubble. Maybe he’d cleaned his nails for their date. “I like him,” she said.

  “You have lousy taste,” he said.

  “How would you know?”

  “I see what goes on around this dump. I know all.”

  “Well, who do you think is hot?”

  “I’ll take my cue from you and spare you ‘the details.’ That’ll teach you to be discreet. Later.” He shut his locker and started down the hall.

  “I’m not letting you cheat off me in Geometry!”

  He spun around and shook his finger at her. “You’ll do as I say!” A couple of guys snickered as they walked by. Lina and Mads, clutching their books, came up and said hello to Sebastiano.

  “Hello, girls,” he said. “How are you enjoying your new status as social goddesses?”

  “Social goddesses?” Mads beamed. “When did that happen?”

  “Overnight!” Sebastiano called as he disappeared around a corner. “These things always happen overnight.”

  “What was that all about?” Lina asked.

  “Just a little trip to Planet Sebastiano,” Holly said.

  “I do think more people said hi to me than usual this morning,” Mads said.

  The first warning bell rang. Holly closed her locker. “Let’s get some coffee before class.”

  They headed for the lunch room, where coffee, tea, and bagels could be bought any time before lunch. Rebecca Hulse stood by the cash register, adding milk to her coffee.

  “Hey, chickies,” she called to Holly, Lina, and Mads.

  “Hi, Beck,” Lina said.

  “I’m having a party this weekend,” Rebecca said. “Saturday night. Nothing big, but you guys should definitely come. A few of your Dating Game hookups will be there—you can see how it all plays out.”

  “Cool,” Holly said, surprised that Rebecca was bothering to invite t
hem to a party. Not that she’d ever purposely exclude them. It just wasn’t like her to go out of her way to include them.

  “Yeah, our research requires constant party-going,” Mads said. “It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.”

  “You know, I submitted a questionnaire on your site, but you haven’t matched me up with anybody,” Rebecca said. “When are you going to get to me?”

  “Sorry—it takes time to do it right,” Lina said. “We’ll get to you soon.”

  “Good,” Rebecca said. “I want a slave boy, like Ingrid got. My room is a mess.” She left. Holly, Lina, and Mads perched at a table for the few minutes left before Modern World History.

  “Hmm. It seems like our matchmaking skills work for everybody except us,” Holly said. “I haven’t heard a peep from Jake. Has Walker called you, Lina?”

  “Last night,” Lina admitted.

  “Why didn’t you tell us?” Mads said.

  Lina shrugged. “It’s no big deal. He wanted to get together this weekend.”

  “Wow, he called you the next day,” Mads said. “He must really like you. What are you guys going to do?”

  “Nothing,” Lina said. “I told him I was busy.”

  “What? But you’re not busy!” Mads said.

  Lina knew they wouldn’t understand. “I’m just not feeling it. Why should I force myself to go out with him if I know he’s not It?”

  “Because you don’t know he’s not It,” Holly said. “You haven’t given him a chance.”

  “I do know.”

  “How did he take it?” Mads asked. “Being rejected, I mean.”

  “He was pretty cool about it,” Lina said.

  Holly felt a tiny nip of jealousy. Why hadn’t Jake called her yet? What good was popularity if everybody liked her except him?

  9

  Current Mood: About to Burst

  To: mad4u

  From: Your daily horoscope

  HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: VIRGO: Do you believe in miracles? I hope so, because your losing streak is coming to an end. Enjoy it while it lasts.

  Four hours later, Mads sat at the middle table in the lunch room, waiting for Lina and Holly. Sean and two of his friends, Alex Sipress and Mo Basri, came in and sat at the table next to Mads. She immediately lost her appetite.