It Was Always You (Love Chronicles Book 1)

by Ashelyn Drake

  She places a hand on mine and squeezes. “No, it’s not. And it already feels pretty grand.”

  “If you need any help with edits so you can visit that baby girl, you let me know. I’m happy to pitch in.” I walk off, leaving her both dumbfounded and elated.

  So far the workday is going perfectly, and I have Aria to thank for that.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Aria

  I sit out on my parent’s back deck with a glass of lemonade in hand. Mom always has fresh lemonade, and since it’s only one in the afternoon I refrain from having one of the Coronas I bought on the way here yesterday. Watching the water is calming. Even though Mom and Dad don’t live right on the beach, it’s close enough to see from their backyard, which is pretty much where I’ve been camped out since I arrived, going in only to sleep.

  “I hope you’re wearing sunscreen,” Mom says, walking out the deck door and immediately covering her eyes, even though she’s wearing sunglasses.

  “I am, Mom.” I roll my eyes, not that she can see since I’m wearing dark sunglasses.

  “You’ll never guess who called.”

  God, if she says Aaron, I’ll have a coronary right here. “Who?”

  “Mrs. Malloy.”

  “Drake’s mom?” Drake, as in a guy I dated in college. Mom and Dad stayed in touch, mostly just on holidays, but I know they got the idea to move down here from the Malloys, who’ve lived here all their lives.

  She nods. “Drake is here visiting for the week, too. Small world, right?”

  Drake is probably married by now, here vacationing with his wife and maybe even kids. “That’s nice.”

  “I invited them over for an early dinner barbeque.”

  Wonderful. I’ll get to hear how Drake is so happy and settled down. And then all the questions about where I’m working and why I’m not married yet will start.

  “I figured you and Drake could get caught up. Talk about old times.” She smiles and squeezes my shoulder. “I always liked him.”

  She liked everyone I dated, mostly because she’s always had this irrational fear that I’ll end up alone, a crazy dog lady—since I don’t like cats.

  “Drake’s a great guy. I’m sure it will be fun catching up.” I force a smile, not wanting to burst her bubble of happiness since she’s letting me stay here to avoid my problems. She knows they somehow involve Nate, but she hasn’t pressed for more information. Dad is clueless. He thinks I’m between jobs and looking for a little vacation, which is good because I’d rather die than talk to my father about the dreams I’ve been having about Nate each night.

  “I’ve whipped up a salad, and your father is going to grill hamburgers, hot dogs, and sausage.”

  “Sounds perfect. Can I help with anything?”

  “Nope. It’s all taken care of.”

  I bolt upright in my seat. “They’ll be here any minute, won’t they?” I reach up to the messy bun on top of my head.

  She smiles sweetly and walks back inside. I’m about to rush to the bathroom to make myself look semi-presentable when I hear voices. The Malloys are already here. I reach for the elastic tie in my hair and pull it out, letting my hair fall down my shoulders. I flip my head over, shake my hair out, and stand back up.

  “Easy there. We aren’t as young as we used to be and you’re liable to get dizzy.” Drake smiles at me. His blond hair is shorter than it used to be and he’s lost some muscle definition, but he still looks good.

  “Hey, stranger,” I say, moving in to hug him hello.

  “You look great, Aria.” He sniffs my hair, not something I’d expect from a married man. My eyes lower to his hand when he pulls back. No wedding band. Not that that means anything. Plenty of men don’t wear their wedding bands.

  “So do you. My mom said you’re visiting for the week, too.”

  “Yeah. I had some vacation time to burn and haven’t seen my parents in months, so I figured, what the hell?” He motions to the lounge chairs.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Let’s sit.”

  “No need to apologize. You’re technically a guest here, too.”

  “Don’t let my mother hear you refer to family as ‘guests.’ She’d have a fit.”

  He laughs. “Sounds like my mom. No wonder they’ve stayed in touch.”

  “Yeah, I guess it’s not really surprising.” I bend my knees and rest my hands on them, trying to figure out how to fill the awkward silence that’s crept up on us. “Are you seeing anyone?” I hope I don’t sound like I’m asking because I’m interested. I really just don’t know anything about him anymore.

  “Yeah. Stephanie is great. I met her in grad school. We just got a place together near the Jersey shore where she grew up.”

  “You’re living in New Jersey now?”

  “Yeah. You still there?”

  “Still there.” I grab my lemonade. “Did my mom offer you a drink?”

  “Yeah, she’s making margaritas or something right now.” He motions over his shoulder toward the house.

  Sounds about right. I got my love of sour drinks from her.

  “So how’s Nate?”

  The question takes me off guard. “Oh, he’s fine. He took a job at The Sentinel.”

  “Wait, there’s one in New Jersey now? Is every paper named The Sentinel?”

  I laugh because it is a popular name for a newspaper. “No. He’s in Pennsylvania.”

  “You moving then?”

  “No.” I look down at my lemonade, holding on to it with both hands.

  “You two aren’t married yet? Huh?” His head jerks back. “I really thought you would be.”

  Hearing my ex-boyfriend say this is definitely odd. Drake and I dated for two years in college. Granted, it was freshman and sophomore year and we were young, but still.

  “You know, I was always a little intimidated by your relationship with Nate. I half expected to show up at your dorm room one night and find you two going at it.” I must look horrified because he puts his hands up in front of him and says, “Not that you’re the cheating type. You’re not. It’s just that you and Nate...fit. I guess I felt like the placeholder boyfriend, waiting for you to figure it out.”

  I put my drink on the small table between the lounge chairs and reach for his arm. “Drake, I’m so sorry if I made you feel that way. It certainly wasn’t the case.”

  “It’s okay. It wasn’t anything you did. You were a great girlfriend, Aria. I just sensed something between you and Nate. The way you two looked at each other and were always together... It seemed like more than friendship. I don’t think you ever would have acted on it while we were together, though. It was nothing more than an irrational fear I had. I knew it was crazy.” He laughs. “Look at me. I’m babbling.”

  “Babble away. Usually, I’m the one doing it. This is a nice change of pace.”

  Drake studies my face for a moment and says, “You’re not happy.”

  “You caught me on a bad day. My life is sort of up in the air at the moment. I’m in between jobs, and my best friend moved away. I’m a little lost.”

  “Ashley still in New Jersey?”

  “Did your mother prep you for today, or is your memory really that good?” I remember Drake has a brother, but his name is eluding me.

  Drake taps the side of his head. “This thing is like a steel trap. Nothing gets out.”

  “Mine’s like a sieve.”

  We laugh, and Mom and Mrs. Malloy walk out onto the deck with a pitcher of frozen margaritas.

  “Look at you two,” Mom says. “Like old times.” She and Mrs. Malloy exchange that look only mothers of two unmarried twenty-somethings can share.

  Drake and I exchange a look, too, but it’s one of eye rolling. Neither of us wants to go back down that road. I have no ill feelings for Drake, and I doubt he has any for me. We realized we weren’t right for each other. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and neither of us was hurt during the breakup.

  Mom puts the pitcher down on the table, and Mrs. Mall
oy hands us glasses. They both smile, giggle, and walk back into the house.

  “Oh boy. Do you think they’re planning our wedding?” Drake asks.

  “Are you kidding? They’ve already got that planned by the looks of things.”

  Drake picks up the pitcher and pours two glasses, handing me one. “Here’s to not getting married.”

  I smile. “Hear, hear!”

  “Want to know a secret?” Drake whispers after he takes a sip of margarita.

  “Always.”

  “I’m not using my vacation time.” He looks back over his shoulder to make sure our mothers aren’t spying on us through the deck door. Satisfied, he whispers, “I got laid off.”

  I nearly choke on my drink. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I work in TV. There’s a lot of changeover. I’ll find something else. I just need a break to clear my head.”

  “You sound like me.”

  He tilts his head to look at me. “Why do I think you need to clear your head for a very different reason?”

  “Because you’re smart and very perceptive.” My biggest problem is that I need Nate. He’s the one I always go to when I need to talk. But I can’t talk to him about him. Maybe Drake could be my Nate for the time being. “Do you want to take a walk on the beach?”

  “Are you trying to woo me, Aria Carmichael? Did your mother put you up to this?” He winks to show he’s only kidding.

  “I think we both need to vent, somewhere far from listening ears.” I nod in the direction of the house.

  “I’d love that.” He gets up and sticks out his elbow so I can take his arm.

  We both bring our drinks and head down the grass to the beach beyond the road. This section is very secluded. Only locals come here. No vacationers, so it’s never crowded. I kick my flip-flops off, leaving them by the gate. Drake takes off his sneakers and socks, and we head for the water.

  My favorite part of the beach is the wet sand that’s packed down so you can easily walk on it. I love when the tide washes up and over my toes. That sensation that the water is trying to pull me back in with it makes me feel like I’m powerful. I can resist if I want to. It’s a feeling I haven’t had much lately.

  “You first. You and Nate. What happened?”

  I let out a deep breath before launching into my story. “Everything was fine until one night when I had too much to drink and I got the brilliant idea to kiss him.”

  “Why all of a sudden? I mean, you’ve known the guy forever.” Drake squints against the sun to look at me.

  “It’s not all of a sudden. I think I’ve always had feelings for him. I know I’ve always found him attractive.”

  He playfully bumps his shoulder into mine. “So I wasn’t imagining it.”

  “That part, no. But I really was committed to our relationship, Drake.”

  “I know you were. Stop going on the defensive. It’s not necessary. Back to you and Nate.”

  “The kiss changed things, but at the same time it didn’t.” I shake my head. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

  “You mean you were hoping it would change things, but you two remained best friends.”

  He’s even more perceptive than he used to be. “We slept together after that. And we’ve kissed on a few other occasions. We were drinking on all but one of those occasions. I feel like I’m becoming the woman he turns to when—”

  “He wants to get laid?”

  I smack his arm. “I told you we only had sex once.”

  “But who stopped things from going further the other times?”

  “Okay, maybe you should become a relationship counselor or a psychologist. Switch fields entirely.”

  Drake takes another long gulp of margarita. “Nah. If I were that good, I could solve my own problems.”

  “Which are?”

  “We aren’t finished with you. Stop trying to get the attention off what you aren’t willing to address. What are you going to do about Nate?”

  “Nothing.” I dig my toes into the sand, standing in one spot. Drake stops, too. “He’s gone. He has a new job and a new life, and I’m still where I’ve always been. Except he’s always been with me and now I don’t know how to handle it.”

  “Do you want to know why I lost my job?”

  “I thought you didn’t want to change the subject.” The tide splashes my ankles, making my feet sink farther into the sand.

  “I’m not, really. Turns out you and I aren’t in all that different situations.”

  “How so?”

  He looks over my head out at the water. “Stephanie got my job. The company was downsizing, and one of us had to go and the other got the merged position.”

  “You let her have the job?”

  “I didn’t want to stand in her way. Sound familiar? So I told her I was looking to make a career change anyway.”

  “Except I went for the same job Nate did.”

  “Would you have taken it?”

  It hadn’t been a thought at the time. What would have happened if I was the one to get hired and not Nate? Would he have moved to Pennsylvania with me? “I’m not sure, but I think I would have taken it.”

  He starts walking again, and I keep pace with him. “Would Nate have factored into your decision?”

  In my mind, but would I have said anything to him about it? Would the job offer have forced me to confess my feelings for him?

  “Aria, you and I were both left feeling second best to a job by the people we care about.”

  “But I don’t think that’s how Nate saw it.” I jump to his defense. “He tried to back out of the job. He knew I got the interview as a courtesy and that the position was already his.”

  Drake tips his head in my direction and stops walking again. “Then why are you here? If he didn’t really take the job and abandon you, if he was willing to pass up the promotion and stay with you, why the hell did you let him go? And I don’t mean to Pennsylvania. I mean, why did you give up the opportunity to see what this is between the two of you?”

  He’s right. Why did I let him go? Fear of rejection? Of losing my best friend?

  Drake places his hands on my arms and looks into my eyes. “You look like you’re going to throw up on my feet. I didn’t mean to upset you. I only want you to see that things aren’t as bad as you think they are. I’m positive Nate is yours for the taking if that’s what you want.”

  I do want him. “He’s everything to me.”

  “Then you need to tell him that. Now. Before it’s too late and you miss out on something great.”

  My mind races with plans. It will turn my entire world upside down for the third time in a matter of days, but I have to. “I have to go.”

  Drake nods. “And I have to take my own advice and talk to Stephanie.”

  I wrap my arms around him. “You should. You deserve to be happy.” I pull back and look into his brown eyes. “Thank you for putting things into perspective.”

  He holds his arms out at his sides. “What can I say? You might have been right about a career change for me. Psychologist has a certain ring to it.” He smiles.

  I return the smile and dash off toward the house. I don’t want to waste another moment getting to Nate. To my future.

  Chapter Thirty

  Nate

  I lean forward in the leather chair in Paul’s office before quitting time. He’s been in meetings for two straight days, and while I’ve been dying to talk to him, this is the first chance I’ve gotten, having practically jumped on him the second he stepped out of his office.

  “All right, Dixon, what’s so important that you’re keeping me from dinner?” Paul adjusts his paisley tie, loosening the neck.

  “It’s about Aria Carmichael.”

  “Terri told me she’s accepted a position as his managing editor. Good for her.” He neatens a stack of papers on his desk. “Is that all?”

  I haven’t even asked him anything yet. “No, sir, it’s not.”

  Paul raises h
is eyes from the papers and leans back in his chair. He rests one hand on the armrest of his almost throne-style chair. “All right. What’s the problem?”

  “Aria is a great editor. I know she hasn’t been doing it for very long, but you have to see the way she is with people.”

  He holds a hand up to stop me. “I interviewed Aria. I know she’s great. Terri wouldn’t hire her again if she wasn’t one of the best, but my editorial positions are full. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.” He starts to stand as if the conversation is over.

  “What if I resign?”

  His eyes widen, and he sits back down. “You’d throw away a great opportunity like this for a woman?” He steeples his fingers in front of his face, drumming them in thought. “Let me explain something, Dixon. Aria is a beautiful woman. She is. But you’re young and have a bright future ahead of you. A move like this will get you a reputation. You don’t want to blackball yourself at twenty-six. Do you understand what I’m saying? Women come and go. Opportunities like this don’t.”

  Aria isn’t just any woman. She’s the only woman I care about. “She deserves this job. Everything I did to win over the staff, that was all her. She showed up at my place Monday night and coached me through it all. She researched the staff. She tutored me on everyone. It’s her you want. I’m sure of it.”

  “I see.” He sits back and huffs. “You’re in love with her. Does she know?”

  God, is everyone going to ask me that? “It’s not about my relationship with her.”

  His expressions screams, “Don’t bullshit me.”

  “Fine. Yes, I’m in love with her, but she doesn’t know and she doesn’t need to.”

  “So you’re going through all this for a woman you aren’t even involved with...” I can see him mentally figuring out the best way to phrase it. “That way?”

  “I was never comfortable with the way I got this promotion.” I don’t want to throw Monohan under the bus, telling Paul he let slip more than he should have about the interview process, but I’m running out of options. “If you truly hired the more deserving person, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Aria would.”