Crow’s Row

by Julie Hockley

  “So you ordered her killed? She’s a mother! She’s my nephew’s mother!”

  Cameron shushed me. “She’s not who you think she is, Emmy. Daniel lives with Frances’s mother full-time while Frances lives in a big apartment downtown. She disappears for days at a time. I’ve been giving Frances’s mother money every month just to keep food on their table and a roof over Daniel’s head. Frances hemorrhages any money that we give directly to her.”

  Though this slightly changed my perspective on Frances, it didn’t make Cameron’s decision any easier for me to understand. After seeing my brother grow up without his mother, I knew how much children needed their mother, no matter what she was like.

  I looked him in the eyes. “Cameron, she’s still his mother—”

  “Don’t worry,” he hushed after reading my face. “I don’t think she’s smart enough to pull something like that off without getting caught. I was really tired when I agreed to it, but called the whole thing off the next morning.” He pulled me in closer. “After spending three nights up, worrying, wondering whether your fever was ever going to break and whether I should give away our hiding place to get a helicopter to take you to a hospital, I was ready to agree to anything by that point. Spider used my weakness to get what he wanted.”

  “He must have been upset,” I said, aware of how close his face was to mine, glad that I had brushed my teeth.

  “He’s been wanting to get Frances out of our lives for a long time. He hates how she still gets to Carly.” He shrugged. “He’ll get over it.”

  After everything that had happened, I needed him more than ever. I considered bringing my face a few inches forward to bridge the gap while Cameron continued to shake his head in disbelief. “So how were you planning to run away exactly?”

  I told him about my plan to climb down the balconies and trek through the woods. This caused him to burst into laughter.

  “You were going to climb down with that huge duffle bag and drag it through the woods with you! The bag weighs more than you do! You have enough clothes in there to last you three weeks … But no water, no food. How exactly were you planning to survive out there?”

  I could feel my face turning red. “I never said it was a good plan.”

  “I need to take you camping someday. It’d be a hoot to watch you try to survive without a hot shower or electricity,” he teased. “Anyway, didn’t I promise you that I was going to bring you home safely?”

  “It was getting hard for me to decipher between truth and lies.”

  He was serious again. “Maybe I haven’t always told you everything but I never lied to you.”

  “Oh?” It was done in a sort of clumsy way, the way I brought my lips to his. When I bolted in, he jerked sideways and our foreheads nearly smashed together. But I didn’t let this dissuade me. I pressed my lips hard against his. Then I forced myself to pull away to see the effect. Cameron’s cheeks were flushed and he was a little winded.

  “Does it mean anything to you or am I still just wasting my time?” I asked him.

  He caught on and smiled slyly. “It doesn’t mean anything. Just a kiss, nothing else.”

  I leaned in again. This time he leaned in too so that we met in the middle. It was soft, not so clumsy. After a while, he gently pulled my face away and held it inches away from his. “I did lie about that,” he admitted. “I wondered for a long time what it would be like … but when I finally kissed you that night, I knew I was in really big trouble. And then I heard about that Griff guy being up in your room, alone with you, I felt like someone had just stabbed me in the stomach. I panicked. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

  I understood what Cameron was saying—I had felt exactly the same way when he had told me that the kiss had meant nothing to him. I winced at this memory but quickly recovered. “Actually, I kissed you,” I corrected. “And next time you feel panicked like that, will you talk to me instead of turning into a jerk?”

  “Only the truth from now on,” he said.

  “Promise?”

  He chuckled. “I promise.”

  I kissed him again. But when I tried to seal the space between our bodies, Cameron seized up and leaned back. “I have to check on Meatball,” he announced while my lips were still on his. Then he lunged past me and practically ran to the door, where he stood waiting. He forced a reassuring smile but the crazed look on his face confused me.

  I went to meet him and tried to mask the ache in my voice. “Where’s Meatball?”

  He shrugged. “Swimming. That’s all he does when we come here.”

  “Swimming?” I didn’t remember seeing a swimming pool.

  Cameron’s eyes sparkled. He took my hand and we went outside. We walked to the back of the cottage and followed the beaten path into the woods. Being in the woods reminded me of something I was trying hard to forget. If he hadn’t been holding onto my hand, I would have turned around, running.

  “How did you find me yesterday? I ran pretty far into the woods, but you still found me?” I regretted asking the question as soon as it hit my lips. All the horrifying images of that night started rushing through my mind. I choked back the tears and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.

  “Meatball caught your scent by the pool. He started sniffing around and bolted for the woods. I knew he had found you, I ran after him.” He took my hand to his lips as we continued to make our way among the trees. “You really scared Meatball when you shot at him. I don’t think he was expecting that kind of welcoming after running all that way. Good thing you have no hand-eye coordination,” he said. Then he considered with more seriousness, “I’ll have to teach you how to shoot. You should know how to protect yourself better than that.”

  “Cameron,” I said, “I was really far out. He couldn’t have possibly followed the scent that far.”

  “Meatball has spent his whole life learning to follow your scent. Finding you is his favorite game. He hunted you down through a huge crowd of people the first day we met in the projects, remember? You’re like his real-life Where’s Waldo.”

  The pathway led to a dock and a pond. There were trees and brush that came right up to the water’s edge and large lily pads floated on the surface with pink and yellow flowers attached to their underwater stem. The sun was peering through the break in the trees, and the beam of light glittered on the water. It was magical.

  Meatball was swimming around in a circle; his head was the only thing that could be seen out of the water. He looked like a big muskrat.

  We lay on the dock with our hands crossed over our stomachs enjoying the sunshine while Meatball continued his tireless swim in circles.

  I looked at the blue sky through the leaves of an overhanging tree. “What is this place anyway?”

  “It’s my place,” he said with emphasis. “I come here whenever I need to get away and be alone. It’s the only place that no one else knows about but Meatball and me—and, well, you too, now.”

  “Spider and Carly don’t know about this place?”

  “Nope.”

  I paused, debating whether I was going to ask the next question that I really wanted to ask. It came out well before I had time to dwell on it. “What about that Manny girl? Did you ever bring her here?”

  From my peripheral, I could see Cameron break a smile. “No, Emmy. No one.” He continued to smile at the sky and, after a few minutes, he turned his body toward me, resting his head on his fist.

  “Well?” he asked staring at me with amusement.

  “Well, what?” I tried to make my voice sound as innocent as possible.

  “I know you’ve been dying to ask me about Manny. So, go ahead. Ask away. Nothing but the truth.”

  “Do you love her?” As the question came out of my mouth, I realized that I had asked him the same question that she had asked Cameron about me.

  “At some point I think I might have liked her a lot, but no, I didn’t love her.”

  “But she spent the night with yo
u?” I turned to him and confessed, “I saw her T-shirt in your drawer.”

  “Yes, she has spent the night,” he answered, alert.

  “With you?” My voice sounded more jealous than I had planned to let on.

  “Yes, with me.”

  “More than once?”

  Cameron remained silent.

  “Nothing but the truth remember?” I reminded him.

  He sighed. “Yes, more than once.”

  “Were there other girls like her?”

  “I never brought anybody else to the farm,” he replied.

  “But you have been with other girls,” I said matter-of-factly.

  “Yes,” he admitted. He watched me carefully. “This bothers you, doesn’t it?”

  It bothered me as much as a broken nose or a nail in the head would bother me. “A little,” I de-emphasized.

  “Does this make you think that I don’t really love you?” he wondered with worry.

  That too. “I don’t understand how you could be with someone in that way and not love them.”

  Cameron turned his eyes to the sky. When I thought that he wasn’t going to answer me, his voice came back to me. “It was easy for me to check up on you when Bill first died. I’d go watch you play soccer at school or watched while you shopped in the mall. When I was sure that you were okay, I could leave without thinking twice about it. But then I started to want to see you more and more. That’s when things got really weird. I watched you go to rich people parties … I wanted you to have all those things in your life …”

  A shadow had crept over Cameron’s face. He took a long breath before he turned his eyes back to me. “The hardest times for me were definitely when a new guy came around to sweep you off your feet. Every time I thought for sure that this guy or that guy was going to stick and be the guy that you’d fall in love with. That’s when I’d decide to go out and live my own, abnormal life. Find some girl to keep me company.” He took another moment, then he chuckled. “Maybe I didn’t throw them off my bed like some people, but the girls never lasted.”

  “But did you have to do that with them?” I asked half-teasingly, trying to change the mood back.

  I was grateful when he laughed. “Emmy, I’m a gang leader. The people I do business with would think there was something wrong with me if I didn’t do that.”

  His face was near mine and he was smiling. I took advantage and kissed him. It was strange for me to want someone so much it hurt. He let me kiss him for a second, but then he withdrew and rolled on his back turning his eyes to the sky. I felt like I had just been slapped in the face.

  “I don’t understand what you’re doing, Cameron.”

  Cameron turned to me in shock. “What?”

  “I know I’m not as pretty as Manny,” I told him, holding back tears.

  “Is that what you think?” he huffed.

  “I don’t know what I think. One minute, you’re hugging me, the other minute you’re running away. I don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”

  He sighed. “Emmy, I wish you could see yourself, see what I see, see how beautiful you are. Have you never noticed how everyone’s head turns to watch you enter a room?”

  “I’m sure the red hair and polka dots have nothing to do with that,” I mumbled, sarcasm seeping through.

  “Where did you get such a screwed-up view of yourself?” His temper flared a little. “You’re beautiful, Emmy. Why can’t you see that?”

  I didn’t know how to answer that. Cameron hadn’t been there when kids were trying to outdo each other on finding new nicknames for me or when they were taking bets in high school on whether I had red hair, all over.

  He took a breath, reached over and swept a lingering hair away from my face. “For me, there’s no one else but you.”

  A tear escaped the corner of my eye and slid down the side of my nose. “Then why won’t you kiss me?”

  His eyes were piercing. “Do you know how hard this is for me? I want to kiss you. I want to wrap my arms around you, never let you go.”

  “You’re making me so confused.” This time I let myself roll onto my back in exasperation. Something blocked my sun. I opened my eyes to see Cameron leaning over me. He was wretched. All the features of his face were pulled in pain.

  “I thought I lost you,” he told me in a murmur. “When I got back to the house, when I found Rocco … Emmy, I started looking for your body too, and when I didn’t find you … I thought for sure they had taken you, which would have been just as bad. I had no idea where to start looking or how I was going to get you back—”

  “But you did get me back. You found me.”

  “I found you,” he agreed. “But look at what I’ve done to you. Everything that you’ve been through, that you’ve seen … you would have never had to go through that if it wasn’t for me. The fact that you’re here is pure luck. I’m not going to make this worse for you by making us more complicated. I haven’t changed my mind, Emmy. Once this blows over, you’re going home.” There was no hint of doubt in his voice.

  “When?” I asked, my voice shuddering.

  “I don’t know. As soon as it’s safe for you.”

  I left it alone—for now—but I wasn’t going to give up. Since Cameron had recognized that there was an us, I still had hope.

  Chapter Twenty-Two:

  Fitting Pieces Together

  I remembered. Rocco was spread on the ground. I yelled at him to get up, but he refused to move. I was frantic. He was lying on the grass right in front of me, and I bent over, trying to get to him, but someone was holding me back. I fought the hand that was grabbing onto the back of my shirt and turned around to see Norestrom sitting across from me at the picnic table. I was back at the outdoor commons of Callister University. I now knew that the man who had joined me during my lunch break all that time ago was named Norestrom.

  I woke up in a cold sweat. Cameron had already taken hold of me. I was screaming Rocco’s name. His face had implanted itself in my brain while I was sleeping, and it wasn’t going anywhere this time. Cameron rocked me back and forth as the tears and quivering started up again. But something was different this time. I didn’t want to hold any of it in anymore. After a few minutes, I willed myself to calm down, and I turned to Cameron. He looked sick with worry.

  “Emmy, are you—”

  “Who’s Norestrom?” I asked point blank, wiping the wetness from my face.

  He was taken aback. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because Norestrom is what Rocco called the man that night,” I told him.

  “Emmy, do you remember everything that happened that night?”

  I nodded that I did.

  “Do you think you can tell me everything you remember?” he asked cautiously.

  I nodded again. I didn’t wait for further encouragement and started my discourse right away. The gunfire in the distance, the phone call with Cameron, the view from the wicker chest … the words just poured out of my mouth. I couldn’t stop any of it. While the tears unnoticeably continued to run down my cheeks, Cameron’s face remained unchanged. He listened to my every word without question or interruption.

  By the time I had finished with the part where Cameron came to find me in the woods, Cameron was already digging through his jeans that were draped over the banister and found his cell phone. He pressed one key, and I heard Spider grumble hello on the other end.

  “It was Norestrom,” Cameron said coldly. “Bring him in.” He then hung up the phone and came back to me, while I sobbed every tear that I had left in me. He held me tight. I could tell from the shortness of his breath and the tenseness of his body that he was furious. But he continued to hold onto me without wavering.

  In the morning, I awoke to the sound of his voice coming from outside. I went downstairs and peeked out the window. Cameron was pacing back and forth on the old porch, talking rapidly on his cell phone. I could hear him angrily retelling my story to whoever was listening on the other side. He was besid
e himself, and a string of cuss words preceded and followed Norestrom’s name.

  I took the opportunity to wash my face and have a boiling hot shower. As the grime washed off my body, so did my remaining jumbled thoughts. Everything in my head was clear again, and, though my heart still felt like it was being squeezed every time I thought of Rocco, I didn’t let my brain run away from it anymore. I let myself feel the pain and remember everything as it happened. When I walked out of the washroom, Cameron was still outside. I couldn’t hear his voice anymore, so I went searching for him. He was sitting on the swinging porch chair, glaring in the distance. This time I went over to him. I kissed him on the cheek and wrapped my arms around his neck. Cameron followed my lead and held me in a crushing bear hug. His body slowly started to relax, and he dug his head into my neck.

  After a while, he looked up with his tired dark eyes. “There’s something I need to do today,” he announced. “You’ll have to come with me. I can’t leave you here alone.”

  While Cameron showered, I got breakfast ready. He came out of the washroom dressed in jeans and nothing else. I couldn’t help but ogle as he walked about, bare-chested. I never liked tattoos—but everything about Cameron, especially his tattoos, made him irresistible. When Cameron caught me staring at him, I quickly glanced away, almost dropping a teacup in the process.

  “So where are we going?” I asked, obviously trying to change the subject.

  “My mother’s,” he replied, stuffing a piece of toast in his mouth. I couldn’t hide my surprise at hearing this.

  We drove away from the cottage and back into the city. Cameron drove too fast, and I noticed that his hand started to squeeze mine tighter.

  “You need to prepare yourself for this,” he warned me. “My mother can be pretty shocking when you first meet her.”

  I smiled at him with reassurance. I couldn’t imagine any mother being more horrifying than mine.

  We pulled into one of Callister’s slum districts. It was the middle of the week. The streets were empty, except for the men and boys who hung around the corners, eying us as we drove by. Most of the shops were boarded up. Those that were open were receded behind steel lattices, with blinking neon lights barely shining through the dirty glass. The streets were lined with garbage bags and empty cardboard boxes, broken down and stacked by the side of the road. Bottles and other litter were strewn by the sidewalks and at the foot of the boarded-up buildings. While I looked ahead, I could feel Cameron anxiously glancing at me, watching for any sign of revolt. I remained unchanged and continued to watch the scene.