by Beth Rinyu
“Renata what?” His voice rose in defense.
I threw my hands over my face, looking for a quick escape, but knew there was no way around it. “She told me to be careful to not get my heart broken the way she had,” I blurted.
“Wow!” He threw his head back and let out an agitated chuckle. “She was so heartbroken? I guess she didn’t bother to explain to you that she was the one who cheated on me?”
“What?” My eyes widened. “But I thought you said you screwed up.”
“I did by never being around during our marriage because I was too wrapped up in my work. I never cheated on her with anyone except my job.”
“Well, why didn’t you make that clear to everyone? Even Kate thought it was you who was unfaithful.”
“Because regardless of what she did, I was to blame. I realized my marriage was over, long before she messed around. I never loved her the way a husband is supposed to love a wife, and I guess, I felt guilty over that because I know she truly did try. Look, Jillian, I never said I was perfect, far from it. But I know the way I feel for you is unlike the way I’ve ever felt for anyone, and if that’s not enough to convince you that I’d never break your heart, then I don’t know what else there is to say.”
“There’s nothing else to say. I do believe you, Theo, it’s just my own neurosis. I mean, could our feelings for each other withstand the distance between us?”
“Move here,” he said as nonchalantly as if he were asking me to go to dinner. I laughed it off at first, certain he was only joking. “I’m being serious…move here with me.”
“If only it were that easy.”
“It is.” He lifted my hand to his lips. “I love you, Jillian, and I don’t want to make it work with distance between us. I want to make it work with us together. I want your face to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep and first thing in the morning. I want to wake up with you in my arms every day. I promise, I will prove to you the way I feel for you is real.”
Everything about that proposition seemed so wonderful. “Theo, everything you said is everything I want too, but—”
He placed his finger over my lip. “Don’t say but, just say you’ll think about it.”
I wanted to spew the hundreds of reasons why that would be nearly impossible, but when I looked into his eyes, envisioning the future he had just laid out, the only thing I could think of was the one reason why it would be possible. “Okay. I’ll think about it,” I whispered.
CHAPTER 30
AFTER SPENDING ANOTHER week helping Theo tie up some loose ends with Kate’s affairs, I was back home. Theo wasn’t pressuring me to make a decision about moving, he was leaving it all up to me. He would make subtle hints, like when he would speak about the future, he’d preface it with we instead of I. I had to admit, his choice of pronoun did make my heart happy.
He and Thomas were coming to visit in a few more weeks to celebrate the Fourth of July on the actual Fourth of July, and I was counting down the days. I planned on making it a true celebration. Until then I was trying to get caught up with all my consulting work and get in touch with some things and people I’d been avoiding. One of them being Evan’s parents.
I had discussed with Theo the possibility of introducing Evan’s mother and father to Thomas. I knew they’d be ecstatic to learn they had a grandchild, but I wanted Theo’s approval first. I wasn’t going to even broach that subject if he was the least bit uncomfortable with it. Sensing his unease at first, I didn’t push it any further. Then the night before I was leaving, he finally laid out his fears, envisioning a custody battle if they were to find out. Thomas was his last link to his sister. I completely understood where he was coming from, but I knew Evan’s parents’ hearts were always in the right place. They would only want what was best for Thomas, and Theo clearly was it. Besides the fact that Evan’s mother had been having some health issues as of late, which I ashamedly had found out from his father via email after avoiding his calls. Now it was time for me to face them and all the other things I had been avoiding for all these months.
I closed my laptop after sending out some evites to my big Fourth of July bash I was planning. It was only about twelve people, but for me that was big when I had been basically shutting the world out for almost a year. It had been a productive morning, and I was just about to head into the shower when Theo’s name flashed across my phone. “Good morning…or should I say afternoon in your case?” I answered.
“Good mornoon,” he replied.
“Mornoon?”
“Yeah, it’s a combination of morning and afternoon. Guess we’ll just have to have our own little vocabulary until we’re in the same time zone.”
“I can’t wait.” I smiled just thinking about it. “How’s Thomas doing?”
He sighed heavily into the phone. “He’s adjusting. He’s still crying every night for Kate. I just wish there were a way I could make him understand.”
I realized then just how drawn out Theo’s tone was, like he was thoroughly exhausted. Honestly, I didn’t know how he was handling it all. Working full-time and then coming home and tending to Thomas was the new normal in his life. Anna and his cousin were alternating babysitting while Theo was at work, but when he got home, he was thrust into being a full-time single parent. His job had shifted roles around, and he was at least going to be traveling a lot less, which was a plus. This was all uncharted territory where he was concerned, and I admired how he was handling it, never losing his sense of humor.
“Aww, Theo. I’m so sorry, but you’re really doing such a great job.”
“Thanks. I kinda needed to hear that…and your voice.”
“Well, you can hear my voice anytime. I’m always just a phone call away…and very soon, you can hear my voice in person.”
“Umm…Jillian?” His tone tensed, like he was prepping me for something I didn’t want to hear.
“What’s up?” I cringed.
“I think I may have to postpone my visit. They need me to take this meeting they’ve got scheduled in Stockholm at the same time I was planning on coming to see you.”
“Oh,” I responded flatly. What else was there to say? Was I supposed to rip into him for changing up the plans because he had a work commitment? Was I supposed to cry because I’d been looking forward to seeing him and Thomas once again? This was who Theo was—a workaholic, I knew that when we first met. This, among other things, was a big part of the reason his marriage failed. Who was I to think that I’d be special enough to change the man he was, but even if I wasn’t, Thomas should’ve been. “What about Thomas? Who’s going to be taking care of him while you’re gone?”
“My cousin and my aunt.”
I nodded into the phone as if he could see me.
“I’m so sorry, Jillian. You know I’d much rather be with you. There was just no getting out of this.”
“No, no…it’s fine. I understand.” I got up and paced the kitchen, trying to ward off any sign of disappointment in my voice.
Luckily Theo didn’t allow much time for that to happen. “Listen, I have to run. I have this presentation to give, but I had just found out about this meeting and wanted to let you know right away.”
I closed my eyes and gripped my phone tightly. “Okay. I’ll talk to you later, then.” I hung up and braced my palms on the edge of the kitchen sink, staring out the window above it and into the backyard. Just a few minutes ago, I was planning a Fourth of July barbeque for the people who were closest to me to meet the man I was seriously considering taking the next step with. Now here I was, feeling more confused than ever over what that next step would be.
_______________
Despite Theo’s lack of presence at my Fourth of July bash, it was still going on as planned. He was feeling bad over it. Each time I spoke to him, he’d let me know how sorry he was and that he’d be sure to make it up to me. I assured him he didn’t need to make anything up to me. His work took priority over me, but it shouldn’t have over Thomas—a
fact that I reminded him of. He had promised Kate he’d look after her son, and he was doing a great job, but part of that job was being there for Thomas whenever he needed him. Theo’s career was a demanding one, and I couldn’t imagine the stress he was under trying to balance it all, so I made sure I was gentle in my lecture to him, but firm enough that it sunk in.
My mother came over early and helped prepare for the barbeque. I scolded her when she showed up with birthday balloons and a cake as well. I had told her I was postponing all birthdays until further notice, but she refused to listen. I so wanted her to meet Theo and Thomas, but I brushed that disappointment off and tried to focus on the positive. She would be meeting DeAndre, whom I had told her so much about, and I’d be seeing Evan’s parents, who I invited last-minute. My mother also informed me that one of my brothers would be bringing over his new girlfriend, who he seemed to be becoming quite serious with, so I did have a lot to look forward to.
“Okay, if you have some space in the fridge, we can stick this potato salad in.” My mother was in full party planner mode. She missed her calling as an event coordinator. She was so organized and always ensured every party she had or anyone else had for that matter, went off without a hitch. She currently had my stepfather out in the backyard rearranging the patio furniture to her liking, shouting out the kitchen window every now and then if she saw something not up to her standards. We knew better than to argue with her when she got this way and just did as she said. I hurried up and cleared a spot on the shelf for her, then stood waiting for her next request. “I think we’re good for now,” she said, closing the refrigerator door.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked over to the water cooler and filled us each a glass. My mother joined me in taking a seat at the kitchen table. “So, I’m going to meet Evan’s organ recipients,” I blurted. This was a huge step for me. I had thought about canceling a dozen times since I had sent the email out to the coordinator, but I knew I had to do it.
“Oh.” My mother nodded, but I sensed unease in her reply as she took a sip of water.
“I want to do this. I need to see that some good came out of his death. I need to know that other people are living or have a better quality of life because of him. I look at Thomas, and I see the biggest part of Evan living inside of him. I just wish he could’ve met him.” I blinked hard, fighting back the tears. “I’m not going to cry today. I’m not.” I forced a smile. “It’s gonna be a great day with friends, family, and lots of good food!”
“And birthday cake!” my mother added with a smile.
_______________
It was so nice to be out of hibernation, socializing with people once again, instead of avoiding them like the plague. In addition to my mother and stepdad, my friend Aimee showed up with her husband and kids along with Evan’s parents, both my brothers, and their girlfriends. The only two people I was waiting on were DeAndre and Louis.
DeAndre had texted me an hour prior, letting me know they were running late, so I was waiting patiently for their arrival. It was nice to sit down and have a face-to-face talk with Evan’s mother and father. His mother had been diagnosed with lupus several months ago and had been feeling the effects of it. The doctor had adjusted her medications, which helped to alleviate some of the symptoms, but to me she still didn’t look herself. But then again, should she? She had lost a child. Something no parent should ever have to go through. The entire time I was speaking to her, my mind was in a tailspin. She had a grandson. A child she’d adore and cherish the same way she did Evan. But I couldn’t say a word, not until I knew Theo was completely on board with it. He was Thomas’ guardian, and I would comply with whatever he wanted.
The sad part was Evan’s parents wouldn’t even be here if Thomas and Theo were. It was only after Theo informed me that he wouldn’t be coming that I invited them. As much as I wanted Theo and Thomas here more than anything, Evan’s parents were a nice consolation to their absence. I ran into the kitchen to grab some more hamburger rolls for my stepfather, who was in charge of grilling, when I heard a knock. I rushed to the entryway and eagerly flung the door open expecting to find DeAndre and Louis on the other side. My heart leapt with excitement and I let out a high-pitched noise sounding something like a squeal when I laid eyes on Theo and Thomas instead.
“Oh my God!” My arms reached around them, and the happy tears flowed. “What are you doing here?”
“Did you really think I’d miss your birthday?”
I kissed Theo’s cheek over and over again, then took Thomas from his arms, resting my lips on the top of Thomas’ head.
“Gee,” Thomas said sleepily, rubbing his eyes.
“Hi, sweet boy, I’m so happy to see you,” I responded, sweeping my hand gently across his baby soft skin.
“I’d say that birthday surprise was a success,” DeAndre beamed. I was so excited, I hadn’t even noticed him and Louis standing behind Theo.
“You mean…there was no meeting you had to attend?”
Theo shook his head and grinned.
“This is truly the best birthday ever.” I pulled Thomas closer and squeezed him tightly. Opening the door farther, I ushered everyone in and led them into the kitchen.
“Jillian, were you able to find—” My mother froze when she entered. Her eyes shifting from Theo to Thomas.
“Mom, this is DeAndre and Louis. And this”—I wrapped my arm around Theo—“is Theo and Thomas.”
“Wow!” My mother’s smile grew. “It’s so nice to finally meet all of you.”
“DeAndre and Theo planned this little surprise.” I was beaming.
“Well, that was certainly a great birthday present!” My mother wasn’t able to take her eyes from Thomas. “Jillian was moping around for weeks when she thought you weren’t coming.” Her gaze shifted to Theo.
I widened my eyes at her, and she flashed me an apologetic smile.
“Well, I just came in to grab the rolls.”
I pointed to the bag on the kitchen counter.
“DeAndre and Louis, come on out and get some food and drinks, and I’ll introduce you to everyone. And, Theo, I’m looking forward to getting to know you after you get settled.” Party planner extraordinaire was at it again, allowing me a few minutes of alone time with Theo, and I was so grateful for that.
Once they all went outside, I turned to Theo, with Thomas still in my arms, and kissed him deeply. “Thank you so much for being here. I’m the happiest girl in the world right now.”
“I can’t believe you actually thought I was going to blow off your birthday.”
“I didn’t think you were blowing it off. I just thought you had work commitments.”
“If there’s one thing I learned over these past few months, it’s that life and the people we love take priority over work commitments. It took me a while to figure that out unfortunately.”
“But you did, and I’m so glad you’re here. Where are all your bags?”
“Oh, in DeAndre’s car…along with your present.”
“Theo, you didn’t have to do that. Your presence here is present enough.” I took his hand and led him to the back door, freezing when I remembered Evan’s parents. “Shit,” I whispered.
“What?”
“Evan’s mother and father are here.” My panic was rising. “I didn’t think you were coming, so I thought it was okay to…and—”
“Jillian…breathe.” Theo brushed the side of my cheek with his hand. “It’s okay.”
“Well, what about Thomas? What do I say?”
“Tell them the truth.”
I looked up at him, searching for any hesitation in his eyes, but there was none.
“Are you sure?”
He nodded. “I thought about it a lot after you left, and he’s just as much their grandson as he is my nephew. They have a right to know. I know Kate may have had her reasons for not saying anything to anyone, but I don’t think there should be any more secrets. Especially when something or someone can bring happiness
to others. Do you?”
I shook my head, then stood on my tippy-toes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.
“Happy birthday, Jillian.” He leaned down and whispered in my ear.
My insides pulsed with contentment just knowing that someone like him even existed. “Thank you so much for bringing happiness to me…just by being you.”
To say Evan’s parents were a basketful of emotions after learning the news was an understatement. After I told them the entire story from start to finish, I too felt as if I had an extreme emotional workout. But in the end it was worth it to see them interact with Thomas, their first and only grandchild. This child who had been a secret for so long had become a blessing to so many. I didn’t think it was possible to admire Theo any more than I already had, but watching the patience and kindness he showed while interacting with Evan’s parents, I found that admiration to explode to a whole new level. I was certain that Evan’s parents had acquired that same respect for him as well and were quite content with him caring for their grandson.
Understandably, they wanted to be a little part of Thomas’ life, and Theo assured them they would be. When I walked them to their car as they were leaving, his mother took my hand and said, “You’re a good girl, Jillian. I know you and Evan had your problems in the end, but you handled this very delicate situation with class and grace. You should be so proud of yourself for that. I’m sure my son is looking down and thanking you for it as well. I wish you nothing but the best.” She braced my shoulders and stared into my eyes. “Theo is a really great guy, and you deserve to be happy.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. She had no idea how much her words had meant to me. It was the next best thing to hearing it spoken from Evan’s lips. The winds of change were set in motion, and instead of going against them, I was going to flow with them, unafraid of any uncertainty that may blow my way. I had faith now that I could handle anything, and if there was something that became too much for me to bear, I had Theo to help guide me through it.