The Line Between

by Tamsyn Bester

  “I think we should book a hotel room,” said Jade. “I know we have classes tomorrow, but I’m all for blowing them off for a day at the fucking spa.”

  I wasn’t one to easily skip class, not unless I was on my deathbed or something equally life threatening, but a day at the spa was pretty damn tempting, albeit a poor way of dealing with our feelings. I would do anything to keep from facing the storm of colliding emotions destroying my insides. I wanted one more day, just one more, before I came to terms with how my life had changed because of Dane Winters, and how my heart would never belong to anyone else.

  Jade pulled out her phone, and reserved a suite at the Ritz-Carlton before I could protest.

  What the hell, we could both use some girl time, and would worry about what awaited us at school when we got back. For one night we could pretend everything was peachy.

  “Done,” she said, sounding resolute.

  “Fine by me. Bring on the copious amounts of alcohol, and fine dining.”

  “A girl after my own heart,” laughed Jade.

  We loaded her car with all our shopping bags, and checked into the hotel. Our suite was pretty swank, with a private living room, and master bedroom that was to die for. We both showered, and changed into the complimentary terrycloth robes. After our third bottle of white wine, we were past tipsy, and had taken to sitting on the floor in the bedroom, rather than on the bed. Jade sniffled next to me, and when I looked at her I saw her eyes were red, and puffy.

  “Are you okay?” I asked gently, trying not to slur my words. Maybe all the wine was a bad idea.

  “No,” replied Jade, shaking her head.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  She hesitated, mulling it over, and the promptly blurted out, “I had sex with Reid.”

  My eyes bugged out, well at least I think they did. They felt heavier, so I couldn’t be sure. I wasn’t sure what to say to that so I ended up spilling my own dirty secret.

  “How convenient because I had sex with Dane. Several times.”

  Jade stared at me like I’d grown another head, and then fell over in a fit of drunken giggles. “We make quite a pair, don’t we?”

  “Yeah,” I sighed, downing the remainder of my wine. “We’re both a complete fucking mess because of a boy. We’re officially those girls.”

  Jade righted herself, and rested her head on my shoulder. “Guys suck.”

  “That they do, and they’re pretty damn good at it, if you catch my drift.” I tried to wink, but soon gave up when I only ended up doing a weird twitchy thing.

  “I knew there was a freak inside you,” snickered Jade.

  “Oh Dane’s a freak alright.”

  “Oh my God, you’re worse than I am.”

  I shrugged. Despite my slight intoxication, it felt good to be able to talk to Jade so openly, especially if we weren’t going to remember it in the morning.

  “I think I’m going to become a lesbian.” Jade yawned.

  “Me too. Maybe Grady can give us tips on how to flirt with people of the same sex.”

  “I won’t need to. You can just be my bitch.”

  “As long as I’m on top, I don’t care.”

  Jade lifted her head, and after a brief moment of looking at each other, we burst out laughing until our faces were damp with tears.

  I knew neither of us was crying out of joy, but it still helped knowing I wasn’t going through this completely alone.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Kennedy

  One Week Later

  AFTER THAT ONE night at the hotel, Jade and I both decided that it was better to drown our sorrows in school work than it was to sit around and wallow. So that’s exactly what we did. Finals were only days away, and I worked my fingers to the bone every day so that come nightfall, I was too exhausted to do anything else. I’d made arrangements with my grandmother to spend the holidays in Georgia, and everything I did seemed to revolve around my leaving for an entire month. My departure couldn’t come fast enough.

  Ashley arrived two days after classes started, and between the three of us she was the only one who wasn’t nursing a broken heart. Luckily we didn’t see much of her – she pretty much moved into the labs - or her constant state of happiness would have rubbed me the wrong way. It wasn’t her fault I was feeling out of sorts, but life was already making fun of me by shoving other couples in my face, I didn’t need it at home as well.

  Grady wasn’t coming back to school again until the spring semester started, but I promised him I’d call him every week while I was away visiting my grandparents. Chase had texted me a few times but he was the last person I wanted to have a conversation with, and I hoped that my silence told him to give me time. Somewhere along the way he’d started to want more from me, and I couldn’t explain to him why it would never happen without going into detail about Dane and me. I just wasn’t ready for any of that yet, so I did what I knew best, and stuck my head in the sand so that I could focus on getting through the next few days with as little bruising as I could.

  I was half way across the student parking lot when a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.

  “Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

  That drawl.

  I knew that drawl.

  The last time I heard it, I was saying goodbye to the man who helped me piece myself together after Charlie’s death.

  I spun around so fast my bag fell onto the asphalt, and found him leaning against his old red Chevy pick-up truck.

  “Beau?”

  “Hey darlin’.”

  His face broke out into that panty-melting smile, and my body responded the only way it knew how with Beau.

  I ran.

  His arms opened for me, and I flung myself at him knowing he’d catch me.

  “Nice to see you too,” he said, crushing me to his chest with a deep chuckle. He was more muscular than I remembered, a little taller too, and his brown hair was lighter due to hours working in the sun.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. My arms stayed locked behind his neck, just so that I knew he was really here.

  “Grams sent me,” he replied.

  He placed me on my feet, and I craned my neck to get a good look at him. He still had those boyish lines on his face, but he looked older, and maybe even a little sexier, more rugged.

  “She didn’t tell me you were coming when I spoke to her two days ago,” I said, a little perplexed as to why my grandmother would send their only farmhand on a fifteen hour drive to come and see me.

  “She didn’t want you to know.” Beau shrugged, and had the decency to look a little contrite.

  “I didn’t realize you were one of her evil little helpers,” I giggled. My grandmother was known to meddle, and always had someone to help her.

  He took off his cowboy hat, and brushed his fingers through his hair. “She was worried about you, sweetheart. So I offered to come check on you, and make sure you’re as okay as you’re pretending to be over the phone.”

  I looked down, and nibbled on my lip. I shouldn’t have. It was ‘a tell’ of mine, and Beau had come to recognize it pretty early on in our friendship.

  “That’s what I thought,” he sighed. “Is there somewhere we can go talk?”

  “That depends,” I replied, looking up to meet his concerned gaze. “Are you going to repeat everything to Grams?”

  “I’ll tell her what you want to me to and the rest will stay between us. You know that.”

  That I did. He’d proven to me many times that I could trust him. He’d risked his job for me once, and after that I’d never questioned him.

  I nodded, and went to retrieve my bag. “I know where we can go.”

  We bought some coffee, and Beau drove us to my dorm. He parked his Chevy in the lot, and we hopped onto his tailgate. It wasn’t the most isolated place I could’ve taken him to, but it was quiet, and mostly empty, which was good enough.

  “So you want to fill me in or am I going to have to wait it
out?” He asked

  “There’s not a whole lot I can tell you,” I replied, looking into my cup.

  “Your Grams didn’t send me out here because you don’t have a lot to tell me, sweetheart. You know her better than that. C’mon now, this is me you’re talking to. What’s going on?”

  His voice was so soothing, and had the ability to make me want to spill my guts until it littered the asphalt below our feet.

  “There’s a guy,” I started. “But it’s pretty complicated. We have a history, and most of it has to do with our families.”

  “You love him?”

  Our eyes met, and they seemed so familiar, so safe, that being dishonest wasn’t an option. I took a deep breath before I answered, “I do.”

  It was the first time I’d admitted it out loud, and it stirred the sadness, and sense of loss I’d spent the past week avoiding.

  “Start from the beginning, and don’t leave anything out.”

  We spent the next hour talking about Dane and me. I thought it would have been awkward to tell Beau all the dirty details, but he just sat there and listened while I split my heart open and bled all over the place. Most girls wouldn’t be talking to an ex-flame the way I was talking to him, especially when he was the one who I lost my virginity to, but it was effortless. Once upon a time I’d crushed on this handsome man, even if he was still boyish back then, and when I had sex for the first time I knew he was the right person to experience it with. It was the moment he put me back together, and I realized it was true what they said – a girl never forgets her first. What I loved most was that Beau had made sure I’d remember it for the right reasons.

  When I was done, Beau wiped my cheeks, and kissed my forehead. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and hugged me to his side.

  “Love is complicated,” he said. “But worth fighting for. You can’t allow the stupid shit between your families to get in the way if he’s what you really want.”

  “I know, but there’s more to it than that. He doesn’t know everything about Charlie, and Jewel, and I’m afraid that once he finds out he’ll want nothing to do with me.”

  “You have to ask yourself if he’s worth the risk. If he walks away after knowing everything, then you know it wasn’t meant to be.”

  I sat up straight, taking every bit of his advice to heart, and smiled at him. “You’ve met someone.”

  His returning smile was shy, and he ducked his head. “What makes you say that?”

  With a smirk, I replied, “The Beau I knew didn’t know a thing about love.”

  “Of course he did,” he contended. “I might have been young when we met, but I loved you. I always will, but - ”

  “It’s not the same,” I finished for him.

  “A guy never forgets his first though.” He winked, and I gave him a playful shove.

  “I was not your first, Beau.”

  “No,” he sighed, “But you were the first girl that meant something to me, and I’ll always cherish that.”

  My heart constricted, but it didn’t hurt. I’d let Beau go when I moved back to Brighton, and we both knew that we weren’t forever. But we were for ‘right now’ and that was all our young hearts needed at the time.

  “What’s her name?” I asked.

  He gave me a goofy grin. “Her name is Sarah. She works at the preschool in Madison, and she stops by on a weekly basis to buy some of your Grams’ pies.”

  “You in love with her?”

  I wanted to know if he was happy. I wasn’t jealous in the slightest because I had already found my great love, despite having lost it. I wanted Beau to find someone who made him feel alive, someone he could share his life with, start a family with. He deserved that.

  “I am. I’m going to propose to her over Christmas, actually.”

  “Oh my God, Beau! That’s amazing! I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “You’ll love her,” he laughed. “She’s just as excited to meet you.”

  My smile faltered slightly. “She doesn’t know we…”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Not only would that be really awkward, but it felt wrong sharing that with her. That memory is yours and mine, and I’d like to keep it that way. Besides,” he snickered, “I don’t want you telling her I’m a lousy lay, and risk her saying no when I ask her to marry me.”

  I threw my head back, and laughed. “I would never.”

  Just then, I spotted Dane’s truck driving into the lot and I froze.

  Beau noticed, and he sat up, watching as Dane’s truck stopped a few spots away from us. “What’s wrong?” He sounded weary.

  “That’s him,” I said quietly. “I haven’t spoken to him all week. I think we’ve been trying to avoid each other like a plague.”

  “He gonna make trouble?”

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  Dane climbed out of his truck, and his blue eyes found mine as he’d sought them out. His face was a mask of coolness, and calm, but his eyes told me what I needed to know, like they always had. The air crackled but instead of feeling the sexual tension I’d become accustomed to, it was filled with an ache caused by self-inflicted wounds, and repentance for a decision neither of us could really take back. He inhaled deeply, spearing me with one final look, and then stalked away.

  “He didn’t look too pleased to see me here,” murmured Beau. “Isn’t he going to think something’s going on?”

  I tried for a careless shrug, but I knew that Dane misinterpreting what he saw between me and Beau was a real possibility.

  “Doesn’t matter. I’m sure he’s moved on by now anyway.”

  And that possibility was like taking a bullet to the chest.

  AFTER I’D SAID my goodbyes to Beau, and he’d reassured me he was staying the night in a motel before driving back to Georgia, I headed inside. I opened the door, and it looked like I’d landed in hell.

  Jade and Reid were having a screaming match, and judging by the sound of Jade’s voice she was winning. They were so wrapped up in their argument they hadn’t heard me come in.

  “You’re an asshole, Reid Cole,” she shrieked angrily.

  “Jesus, Jade, will you please just hear me out?” Reid looked exasperated. “I don’t understand why you’re so damn upset. You were the one who said you couldn’t do commitment!”

  I cleared my throat, and they both looked at me in surprise.

  “I didn’t meant to interrupt,” I said carefully. “I can leave… ”

  “Don’t bother,” snapped Jade. “Reid was just on his way out.”

  Reid exhaled, and hung his head. “So that’s it, then? We’re throwing away twenty years of friendship because of one night?”

  “NO!” Screamed Jade, causing both me and Reid to flinch. “YOU threw it away when you had sex with me, and then decided to screw someone else as soon as we landed. This is all on you. Now get the fuck out!” Reid stared at Jade as if he didn’t know her.

  “NOW!”

  Jade’s shriek sent him into motion, and he stormed past me, shutting the door with a slam!

  Jade collapsed onto the floor, and I rushed to her side.

  “Ssshhh….” I rubbed her hair, and felt her body shaking. “It’s going to be okay.”

  Ashley chose that exact moment to come in. She was beaming, and seemed completely oblivious to Jade’s emotional state.

  “You’re never going to believe who just asked me out on a date,” she crooned, twirling around us. Seriously? Could she not see we were in the middle of an emotional crisis here? How had I not realized she was so self-absorbed?

  She answered her own statement, and the single word that came out of her mouth shattered me. Completely annihilated me.

  “Dane.”

  I sat frozen, unblinking, and Jade’s head shot up.

  “What?” She snapped.

  Ashley rolled her eyes. “Weren’t you listening? I just said Dane asked me out on a date.”

  “When?” Asked Jade. My mouth was too dry; otherwise I wou
ld have asked the question myself.

  “Like, five minutes ago.”

  Jade looked at me, and I had nothing to say.

  Maybe he’d moved on, or maybe he’d seen me with Beau and jumped to conclusions.

  Either way I didn’t want to care anymore.

  I couldn’t.

  Because caring only got me hurt, and I was done with that.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Dane

  REID HAD FOUND me in the gym earlier pounding away at bag full of sand as if I was fighting for my life. For the last week it felt like I had been.

  “You’re going to pull a muscle if you keep punching that thing so hard,” he’d grumbled. I’d politely told him to fuck off, and leave me alone.

  Now it was Reid who looked like he needed to punch something. He stormed into our apartment, a mask of fury on his face, and slammed the front door hard enough to shake the walls. I had no idea what his problem was, and I wasn’t about to ask. He’d been testy ever since he’d come back from his trip with Jade. But then again, so had I.

  I sipped my beer, and watched him walk around like a caged tiger. I would have told him to chill the fuck out and have a beer if I wasn’t worried he’d have my balls, for opening my mouth.

  My phone rang, and when I saw my mother’s name flashing on the screen I decided not to answer it. I wasn’t in the mood for conversation. My phone stopped ringing, and when it started up again less than a second later, I frowned. My mother never called incessantly unless there was a problem.

  I slid my finger across the screen, and held my phone to my ear. “Hello?”

  “Hi, sweetheart. Is this a bad time?” My mother sounded nervous, and I detected an undertone of anxiety in her voice. That was never good.

  “No mom, it’s fine. Is everything okay?”

  Reid grabbed a beer from the fridge, and joined me on the sofa, staring daggers at the wall. What was his deal?

  “Everything’s fine,” my mother replied. “I just…there’s just something…” she stuttered. My mother never stuttered. I sat forward, and my mind started racing with everything that could be wrong.

  “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  I heard her exhale on the other end of the line, and waited for her to speak.