The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run

by Holly Hood

  “No, it’s fine. I can talk about this stuff.” She sat down. “Yes Ky, I probably will drink again in my life. Just not anytime soon.”

  Gretchen touched her arm. “And we both back you. Energy drinks are just as tasty.” She winced taking another sip for her friend.

  They both watched as Ky did a really impressive job applying eyeliner in the mirror. “I hope we all snag really hot guys tonight.”

  “I’m not sure if Elle can find anyone as hot as her last roll in the hay.” Gretchen pointed out. “That guy was brilliant to look at.”

  “I can only imagine what he looked like underneath the fitted jeans and casual t-shirts he is always walking around in. Do share, Elle,” Ky said with a devilish grin. “Was the sex mind blowing?”

  Elle’s cheeks warmed. “The sex was mind blowing. Hart is definitely someone I will never forget even if I try.” She sighed. “But tonight I am going to try really hard.”

  Ky clapped his hands, dancing around the room with his red bull. “That’s the Elle I know and love.”

  They all linked arms and headed out of the Gretchen’s bedroom to the club downtown. Elle was ready to enjoy the night and put Hart as far out of her mind as possible. If he wasn’t willing to admit that they shared something beyond physical, that maybe just maybe he loved her. She would let him go, even if deep down her emotions tugged at her mind, body and soul when it came to him.

  Chapter 46

  She handed over her id to the bouncer at the door. The strobe lights were visible even from out on the sidewalk. She was sure she was in for a wild night by the music and the dj over the loud speakers.

  “This is going to be great,” Ky shouted in her ear. He was ready to party no matter what.

  The bouncer looked her over and handed back her id. She slipped it in her pocket and let the next guy stamp her hand with the club logo.

  “This looks like a dick,” Gretchen said staring at her own stamp. “It really looks like a dick. Or maybe I just am in need of some right now.” She eyeballed the guys in front of her rearends.

  “What shall we do first?” Ky asked looking around the packed club. “Dance or dance?”

  He tugged Elle by her hand to the dance floor. She bounced along to the music letting her friend take the spotlight. Ky pointed to a group of good looking guys to their right and they giggled.

  As she spun around she ran into the one person she wasn’t planning on seeing.

  “I didn’t know you went to clubs anymore.” Pauly shouted over the music. “How you been?”

  He had a girl on each side.

  She moved along to the music. “It’s a celebration!”

  “For what?”

  “Graduation from school,” she yelled again. He moved in taking her hands in his.

  “I’m happy for you. Let me buy you a drink in celebration.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t drink remember?”

  He motioned her over. “I know. They do have other kinds of drinks.”

  She excused herself telling Ky she would be right back. He was too busy twerking to notice she was leaving. The air cooled closer to the bar she got. And she didn’t have to scream when she was talking to Pauly.

  “What will it be?” he asked, leaning against the bar counter.

  “A water with lime is fine,” she said crossing her arms, the ogling from the group of guy’s next to her made her a little uncomfortable. One of them stepped on her foot and apologized a dozen times before she could get him to shut up.

  “Here you go.” Pauly handed over her drink. “So how you been?” He offered her a seat at one of the tables.

  “I’m fine, Pauly. How are you?” she sipped on her drink.

  “Great. I’m great. I’ve been dating.”

  She didn’t know why he cared to share this bit of news with her, maybe to make himself feel better. “Great.”

  “What about you?” It stung. “Are you still seeing that one guy?”

  She took a long sip of her water and placed it on the table. “No, I’m not seeing anyone. And I need to be getting back to my friends. Thanks for the drink.”

  He grabbed her arm. “Don’t be that way. After everything we have been through you throw it all away for a druggie and now you’re done with him?”

  She tried breaking his grip on her arm. “Stop. Go back to your girls and leave me alone if this is the way you want to act.” She pulled again and fell backwards into her chair when he let her go. The crowd parted and Pauly stood over her. “Even when you’re sober you make a fool out of yourself.”

  Ky rushed to her side and helped her to her feet dusting her pants and shirt off. “Are you okay?”

  She stared at Pauly. “I’m just fine. Just get me away from this douche.”

  Ky got in between Pauly and Elle. “What is your problem, asshole? The girl is out to have a good time and you want to ruin it.”

  Pauly shoved Ky into the tables. “Nice eyeliner. Get out of my face before I smear it.”

  Ky laughed. “I may apply a good eyeliner, that doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass.” He pushed into Pauly.

  Elle grabbed a hold of Ky’s arm trying to stop him from doing something stupid. He didn’t need to get into trouble on her account. Pauly was an ass. He was angry and bitter, always had been.

  “Just walk away, Ky. He is so not worth it.” She kept her eyes on the bathroom doors and not all the eyes that were on all of them. The bouncers were making their way through the sea of people towards them and soon she was sure they would be in a ton of trouble if things went any further.

  “You weren’t worth it.” Pauly smirked. “And now I don’t have to deal with your drama and bullshit. You were fucked up before Stephy died. And once you killed her you went even farther downhill. Good luck with that.”

  She saw red, and winced when her fist crashed into Pauly’s face. He grabbed his nose doubling over. Ky pulled her through the crowd before the bouncer could get a hold of her and they snuck down a hallway to the bathrooms.

  “That’s was incredible!” Ky laughed looking down the hallway to make sure nobody was chasing after them. “I think you broke his nose.”

  “I think I need a drink,” she said pushing into the door to get into the bathroom.

  “Are you sure?” Ky fiddled with the long feather attached to his hair. “Gretchen is going to kick my ass for letting you drink you know.”

  “I’m an adult. If I want to drink I can,” Elle informed Ky.

  “Fine. Let’s go get some.” Ky clapped his hands and they hurried out of the bathroom to the bar to score something to get the party started.

  Chapter 47

  “That is your third shot,” Gretchen told her. “I think you need to take it easy.”

  It was obvious she was angry with her for drinking. She didn’t want to see her go down a road she didn’t need to go down again. But after decking her ex-boyfriend in the face she decided to let loose and live it up.

  “I feel just fine,” she said swaying on her barstool. Ky caught her before she landed on the floor.

  “Okay, girl. One more and then I cut you off. You haven’t drink in a long time.” He tapped on the counter getting the bartenders attention. “One more round and that’s it.”

  “I need to pee,” she yelled over the music. “Hold my phone.” She was afraid she might drop it in the toilet. She was pretty tipsy.

  She hurried through the crowd before either of her friends could tell her going alone wasn’t a good idea. She managed to cover the seat in toilet paper and pee without making a big mess. She was better at this than she remembered.

  She turned on the faucet and batted at her damp hair in the mirror as she washed her hands. They were out of soap so she just let the water run on them for a little while to get them clean.

  “Excuse me,” she slurred making her way through a group of giggling girls that were gossiping about some men out on the dance floor.

  She pushed against the door and nearly face p
lanted as she hit the hallway. She bumped into the wall and then fell against someone.

  “My apologies,” she said.

  “Yeah that tends to happen when you make stupid decisions,” Hart said. He shook his head. “What are you doing?”

  She couldn’t believe he was standing right in front of her. “How in the world did you get here? How did you know I was here?”

  He pulled out his phone showing her the numerous text messages she apparently had sent him. “You texted me, over and over again, telling me all about your night, telling me all about how you don’t care if you are screwing up your life. That if I don’t fix mine you aren’t going to fix yours.”

  She scoffed crossing her arms and leaned against the wall because she felt like gravity was trying to make her kiss the floor. “I think I would remember that.”

  “I think you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe,” Hart said pointing at her feet.

  She used one hand to steady herself against the wall and ripped the toilet paper off with the other one. “I’m surprised you showed.”

  “When someone threatens to prove how much of an idiot they are with liquor I usually come.”

  “Well, I’m not your problem. And this is actually fun. I forgot how much.” She sighed. “All those thoughts are gone.”

  Hart grabbed her arm. “I’m taking you home.”

  “No, you’re not.” She moved away from him. “I came with Ky and Gretchen. They are taking me home. You can go back to ignoring me.” She started down the hall.

  Hart sighed and shook his head and he followed her. Past the girls that laid about every corny pick up line they knew on him before he found her. “Ky and Gretchen told me to take you home. They were out of ways to get you to stop ruining your life so I let them go. They even gave me your phone.”

  She took off into the sea of dancing gyrating bodies ping ponging off guys and girls as they danced on the dance floor. She jumped up and down, shaking her hair and screaming the lyrics at the top of her lungs. She didn’t care, she didn’t want to care.

  And there he was in her face again. “I’m not going to let you do this to yourself,” he shouted over the music.

  She kept right on jumping. “Do what? The same stupid things you do every six months? Maybe I don’t want to be a better person. What’s the point?”

  He moved past a group of girls and pulled her closer so he didn’t have to yell. “The point isn’t the issue. You’re being an idiot.”

  “For someone who doesn’t care you sure act like you do.” She turned around moving her hips to the music and into Hart’s crotch. His hands found her hips. “You know you told me that you thought what you were feeling was love.”

  She spun back around. “No I didn’t.” She felt even hotter now.

  He nodded. “And I don’t take those words lightly.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re the first person who has ever said them to me.” He took her hand. “Now let’s get out of here.”

  She let him pull her through the club and right out the doors. “And what did you say?”

  He found his keys and unlocked his car. “I said you weren’t going to force me to say those words until I was ready.”

  She climbed into his car and let him shut her door.

  “So that will be never,” she said letting him buckle her seat belt.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “And you’re an ass,” she said back. “A big hot asshole that never gives me what I want.”

  He flashed a glorious smile in her direction, his eyes sparkling with amusement at her pouting. “I’m glad you think I’m hot. I think you’re pretty hot yourself.”

  “But you don’t love me,” she said. “Go figure.”

  He concentrated on the road. “I do. I’m just too afraid to say so out loud. Because one of my biggest problems is letting anyone know that I care about them.”

  “I think you should say it,” she insisted.

  “I think you need to sober up.” He took her hand, rubbing circles over her skin. He kissed the top of her hand and watched her stare out the window with such a sad expression on her face. “I love you. There, you happy?”

  She smiled, ear to ear. “That’s the best thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  Chapter 48

  She was in his arms the only place she wanted to be and she was there.

  “Why do you think humans are so quick to do such bad things to themselves?” She studied the fan blades as they swirled above their heads. She stroked his chest, one finger at a time.

  “To cope.” Hart stroked her back. “Some people have a harder time coping.”

  “What about you?” she asked. “Tell me about your life growing up. And don’t say no this time. You always say no.” She wanted inside his head.

  “My father had a drug problem and my mother was mentally absent.” He shrugged. “What time I did spend with them wasn’t fun. My old man wasn’t too bad when he wasn’t high, but that wasn’t often. And my mother, she was trying to cope with losing her mind while trying to raise three kids.”

  It was the most he ever said. “Where is she now?”

  “She’s better.” He cleared his throat. “She lives out in the country, she went back to school. They put her on medication, she thinks she’s been touched by Jesus.”

  She kissed his chest. “I’m sure that makes you feel better.”

  “I grew up taking care of her, and when things got bad she was put in a mental hospital. My family came and took my sister and brother because they were young and they needed someone to take care of them.” He stopped her hand from stroking his chest. “I was thirteen, I already thought the world was out to get me and everyone knew it. I had a bad attitude, and nobody wanted to help me deal with it. So I was on my own.”

  She couldn’t imagine being so young and left to fend for herself. “Where did you go?”

  “I stayed with a caseworker because she felt bad for me and I would run away from every foster home they tried to put me in.”

  “Hart, that’s awful. What about your dad what happened to him?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in years. And I don’t plan on it.” He sighed, and ran a hand across his head. “Is that enough information?”

  “More than enough, I think I get it,” she said.

  Hart sat up. “What exactly do you think you get? That I came from a broken home with two very messed up parents that turned me into an addict because I don’t know how else to cope?”

  His words were harsh. “No. I just mean I think I understand why you’re so afraid to open up to anyone.”

  “People disappoint you. No matter who they are they do it.” He kissed her lips. “And for some strange reason I find myself chasing after you instead of running away from you.”

  They fell back against the pillows. And she knew she wanted to be with him more now than ever before. Just knowing what kind of mess he was made her want to love him even more.

  The thought of waking up next to him every day made her feel okay. But she was afraid that it wasn’t something he wanted, even when he said all the amazing things that he said.

  He pulled away and looked into her eyes. “I want you to do something for me.”

  She nodded. “Anything.”

  “Maybe you should wait to hear what I have to say before you agree.” He was about to ask her to do something that took whatever they were to a whole new level. “I want you to come with me to my mom’s house.”

  She smiled. He wanted her to meet his mom. “Of course I will.”

  “She has a family dinner once or twice a month. I think it’s about time I show up to one.”

  He wanted to do something out of the norm for the sake of his sanity. Maybe seeing his mom changed would make moving forward and changing himself a little easier. And having Elle there he was pretty sure he could walk through the doors of her house.

  Chapter 49

  She stared down at her ye
llow dress smoothing out the fabric hoping she made the right impression when she met Hart’s mom.

  “Thanks again for coming,” he said. “Means a lot.”

  She smiled and took his hand in hers. She asked the same question all day to herself. And now she just wanted to ask him because it was eating away at her. “Does this mean what I think it means?” Or was she silly to think that maybe she got through to Hart and he wanted to be with her.

  They had both admitted they loved each other. It wasn’t much of a shock their connection began the moment they spoke in rehab. He put her back together. He always made her feel good.

  “I think it does.” He nodded, his eyes on the road. “Kind of crazy don’t you think?”

  “What’s that?”

  “That it took a slip up on both our parts to realize how we felt about each other.” He was referring to her drinking at the bar that night. She didn’t know about his using. She did know he was drinking vodka weeks ago.

  “Does this mean that you’re my boyfriend?” She jabbed him in the side. “Are we facebook official?”

  Hart swatted her hand and shook his hand. “Do we need to define the relationship to the world? Is that what you’re saying?”

  He kissed her knuckles. “I’ll be your man as long as you promise your mine for the long haul. You seem like long haul material.”

  “I think I can put up with you for the long haul.” However long that was. She knew he was serious. “Flaws and all, Hart.”

  “Flaws and all, Elle.” She was the girl who could handle him in every form. “And meeting my mother is the first step in this process. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen her in person.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine,” she said. “She’s your mother.”

  “That’s debatable.” He ran a hand over the back of his neck. “Depends on what day it is. She’s not as perfect as she likes to think she is.”

  ***