by Todd, E. L.
It was like they didn’t even see me. I felt the tears fall from my eyes. When a sniff escaped my nose, they both turned. Their eyes widened in surprise, obviously having no clue I was standing there the whole time. Janet’s face was stoic. I couldn’t read her expression. But it was obvious that she didn’t care whatsoever. Kyle kept his face averted, not bothering to look at me. When the pain was too much, I turned the other way and walked through the hallway, feeling my tears drip down my face and fall into my mouth. I couldn’t believe that just happened. My best friend was dating my ex-boyfriend—or a guy that I was talking to at one point.
When I walked down the street, I stumbled into people, unable to see where I was going. After I made it to my apartment, I walked into my shower and turned it on, fully clothed, and cried harder than I ever had. I couldn’t shake the picture of them in my head. The idea of him kissing her, kissing anyone, made me want to vomit. I clutched myself, feeling the water fall down on me for an hour. When I finally got out, I lay in bed, soaking wet. The water soaked into the mattress, but I didn’t care.
I called in sick the next day. At this point, I didn’t care if Kyle fired me. I bet he wanted to. Now I was giving him a reason. And he knew I wasn’t sick. There was no doubt why I wasn’t working today. I did some work at home, but it was only so I could keep my mind off the horrible thoughts in my head. I had no right to be angry with Kyle. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. In fact, he was doing exactly what he should be doing. But I was livid with Janet. The betrayal was unforgivable. She saw how miserable I was without him. I can’t believe she would do that to me.
When the next day arrived, I knew I had to go to work. If I called in sick too many times, I would surely get fired. Even though I was depressed, I needed to pay rent so I had a place to live. I didn’t leave my office all day, not eating or drinking. I didn’t use the restroom either.
Kyle walked into my room and I felt my heart fall from my chest.
He stared at me like nothing was different. He opened an envelope and pulled out a few documents. “These are the errors I found while you were—sick.” He spread them out on my desk. “Make sure you are more thorough next time.”
I didn’t make eye contact, looking at the papers. I missed two corrections. I waited for him to ask me how I was doing, to show concern of some sort, but he didn’t say a word.
“And make sure these are completed before you leave today. I need them done.” He turned and left my office, acting like I was just another person in this huge world. Somehow, I felt worse than I did the other day. My heart broke all over again.
I finished my work then fixed my errors. I printed them out and returned them to the envelope. After I turned off all the lights, I walked to his office and saw him talking to Janet. I felt my heart fall when I saw them together. She was wearing a tight dress and she was giggling, leaning close to him.
Kyle looked at me then waited for me to speak.
“I—here are the edits you wanted.” I held them in my hand, shaking.
Janet cleared her throat. “I’m going to use the bathroom before we go. I’ll meet you at the elevator.”
“Okay, baby.”
She walked past me like I didn’t exist.
I stepped forward then handed him the papers, desperately trying not to cry.
Kyle took it and opened it. He looked at the papers for a while.
I blinked my eyes, trying not to cry.
“Good. You got them all,” he said in a monotone voice. “I’m glad I caught them beforehand otherwise it would have cost your job.”
I sniffed, feeling a tear fall.
He looked at me with an indifferent expression. “Good night,” he said as he walked past me.
I stepped out of the way and watched him lock the door.
He turned away and headed down the hallway.
“How can you not even care?” I shouted.
Kyle stopped and turned around. “This is what you wanted, right?”
My dam broke and my tears fell in waves. “I can’t believe you would date my best friend.”
“I’m not seeing anyone and neither is she. You even said you didn’t care if she went out with me.”
I remembered saying that but I didn’t think it would actually happen.
“You expected me to just wait until you changed your mind?” he asked incredulously. “I was there in that relationship with you, but you acted like it never happened. You rejected our feelings, our connection, and our time. If you didn’t treasure it, why should I?”
“I—I did.”
“It didn’t seem like it. You don’t want me, that’s fine. But someone else does. Now excuse me and let me get to my date.”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, okay?”
He stopped and stared at me.
“I would take it back if I could. I don’t want you to date her anymore.” I wiped my tears away, looking at the floor. “I made a mistake and I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I covered my face.
“What does that mean?” he asked calmly.
“I—I want to be with you.”
“Like in a relationship?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Well, you missed your chance, Layla.”
I took a deep breath then sniffed loudly. “I was stupid. I know I was. We had something so great and I let my past sabotage that. I’m so scared of getting hurt that I hurt myself. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Kyle, you are such a sweet guy and I—I can’t believe I threw you away. Janet is so lucky.”
Kyle came closer to me, a smile on his face.
“How dare you mock my misery.”
He wrapped his arms around me then pressed his face close to mine. His lips kissed my tears away, making my lungs freeze. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I knew I wanted it to. The feel of his arms around me was exactly what I wanted, needed. I held my breath and stopped the tears from falling. He rubbed his nose against mine then kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry, Kyle.”
“You want to give this another chance?”
“What about Janet?”
“What about her?”
“Aren’t you dating her?”
Loud claps erupted in the hallway. “It’s about fucking time,” Janet said while she stared at us.
“What?” I asked.
Kyle smiled at me, his arm still around me. “You really think I would date your best friend?”
Janet approached me. “I’m hurt that you actually fell for this plan. I would never mess with your man.”
I stared at them both. “You tricked me?”
Kyle nodded. “It was her idea.”
“Really?” I asked.
“It was the only way I could get you to think straight,” she said with a smile. “I’m glad it worked. And don’t you dare get mad at him.”
I wrapped my arm around him. “I’m just so happy to have him back.”
He kissed my forehead. “You’ll be my girlfriend?”
“I am your girlfriend.”
“I knew persistence would work eventually,” he said with a light laugh.
Janet stepped away. “You two have fun.”
I pulled away from Kyle and hugged her. “Thank you so much.”
She squeezed me back. “I’m your best friend. I always have your back. Now go get him.”
She turned away and left the building.
Kyle grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Wanna come over?”
I nodded.
“Good. Because I wasn’t taking no for an answer.” He pulled me to his side and we left the building, walking back to his apartment. When we were inside, he pulled me to his chest and held me for a long time. “I was miserable without you.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
“Please don’t hurt me again.”
“I won’t.”
He picked me up and carried me to his bedroom. We�
�d never been in each other’s bedrooms, but the intimate place didn’t bother me. The room was dark, only the light from the street coming through the window. He laid me on the bed then kicked off his shoes. He pulled off his jacket and tie before he lied beside me.
Kyle turned on his side and cupped my cheek, lying close to me. “If this is going work, you’re going to have to open up to me.”
I sighed. “What do you want to know?”
“What happened with John?”
“That’s a long story.”
“And I have all the time in the world.”
“We were together for a few months when he started to become controlling and possessive. It started off innocent, like I couldn’t go out alone, but then it turned excessive, like I couldn’t wear certain clothes, I couldn’t hang out with my friends, I wasn’t allowed to talk to men, I wasn’t allowed to do anything. Then it got worse. If I disobeyed him, he’d hurt me. Every time I tried to get out of the relationship, he would just pull me back. One day, I left for New York and never turned back, trying to get away from him. I’m embarrassed of my past and who I used to be. I let him control me and ruin my life. I promised myself I would never let that happen again. But when I see him, I freeze. I can’t do anything. The new woman inside me just disappears.”
“You regress to the same behaviors at the time. That’s very common.”
“I’m just embarrassed that I was ever so weak. I can’t let that happen again.”
“Which is why you were afraid to be with me?”
I nodded.
“I understand your emotions perfectly. But you need to let your walls down. You can trust me, Layla. When you are in a loving relationship, it’s okay to cross certain lines. I’m already obsessed with you. I admit I come off temperamental and headstrong, but I understand the boundaries. I would never do anything like that, Layla. Please let me take care of you. I won’t hurt you.”
“I’m just scared.”
“Do you trust me?” He stared at me, giving me his heated gaze.
There was no reason why I shouldn’t. He was the ideal man, something that I’d been searching my whole life for. He was gentle, caring, passionate, and sweet. “Yes.”
“Then give yourself to me. I will be controlling and possessive, but not in a bad way. I know it’s hard for you to share power because you need to be in control at all times, but let’s split it. We’ll pick the areas we can’t live without.”
“What do you mean?”
“For instance, I’m very dominant in the bedroom.” I felt my heart skip at his words. “I like to be in control, completely and utterly. You are mine and you will do as I say. I don’t mean that in a bad way. But if you trust me, I can make the experience beautiful and amazing.” He stared at me, gauging my features. “I know you don’t like to be told what to do in other scenarios, so I’ll never ask you to do anything. We can share the power.”
I leaned close to him. “Just promise me you won’t be like John—ever.”
“I swear on everything that ever meant anything to me, baby. Please don’t’ worry about that. I’ll love you and protect you from everything. You are mine and I want the whole world to know. You will always feel loved and cherished by me. I know you are used to taking care of yourself, but now it’s my job. Please let me do it. Let yourself fall into me. I promise I’ll catch you.”
I took a deep breath, feeling the ice thaw from around my heart. “Okay.”
He smiled. “Thank you.”
“But there’s something I’m worried about.”
“What?”
“I’m afraid John will hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of me.”
Kyle grabbed my face. “Don’t worry about that. Nothing will happen to either of us. I promise.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“So, tomorrow is Saturday...”
“Yeah?”
“Wanna spin the night? We can have breakfast then walk through the park.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
He smiled. “Good. Now we can actually go on a real date, one that you’re aware of.”
“Well, that means I’m sleeping with you on the first date. That’s pretty skanky.”
“I like skanky,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
I wrapped my arm around his waist then snuggled next to him, taking in his scent and his presence. His forehead was pressed to mine and his fingers moved through my hair slowly. The sound of the city disappeared while we held each other. The night passed but no further words were said. I relaxed the longer I lied beside him. Now that I understood how painful it was to be without him, I was never going to let him go.
My hand felt his side, sliding over the grooves of muscles underneath. His back was just as detailed, lines and mounds covering his skin. When I felt his hips, my fingers touched his narrow waist then moved to his thigh. I glanced at his crotch and let my mind wander. When my hand moved back up to his chest, I looked at him. He was staring at me, his eyes bright even in the darkness. His hand remained on my waist but he didn’t explore my body like I explored his. I was always attracted to Kyle, but I never let myself completely fantasize about him. There was a burn between my legs when I thought about him shirtless. When I imagined his cock, wondering about his size, the heat turned into a fire. His lips were my favorite feature. When I looked at them, I wondered how his mouth would feel on mine. The one time he kissed me, I felt weak in the knees. It had been quick and emotional, but it was enough to make me sway on the spot. I’d never been so attracted to someone before. Now that I trusted him and was committed to him, I felt my true desires bubble to the surface.
Kyle’s hand moved to my shoulder then rubbed me gently. Now that we were alone in his bedroom, I wondered if something would happen between us. We’d been together for a few months, in a way, but our sexual relationship had never really started. The tension had always been there, but ignored. I wondered if he was as attracted to me as I was to him. I doubted it. He was gorgeous and perfect. There was nothing fascinating or amazing about me.
I sighed quietly, waiting for him to kiss me or make a move, but he never did. If he wasn’t leaning in, there must be a reason. I remained where I was until I felt my eyes close and my mind drift off to sleep.
11
When I woke up the next morning, Kyle wasn’t beside me. I heard the sound of the coffee pot and the stove it the next room. He was moving pans around then turning on the faucet. I sighed then stretched on the bed, loving the feel of his sheets. When I sat up, I looked at his room. It was plain and barren. He had a few dressers and a closet, but there were no paintings or pictures. His living room was far more decorative.
I smoothed out the wrinkles of my dress then walked into the bathroom to freshen up. My makeup was disastrous. It couldn’t be saved so I washed my face and patted it dry with a towel. I l looked through his drawers until I found a toothbrush still in the package. I opened it and brushed my teeth.
When I walked into the living room, Kyle smiled when he spotted me. “Good morning, beautiful.”
Beautiful? “Morning.”
“I hope you’re hungry.”
I looked at the table and saw the waffles and eggs. “I’m definitely hungry.”
“Good.” He put down the pan he was holding then wrapped his arm around me, kissing me on the forehead. The touch was gentle and short, and I wanted it to last longer.
“Why didn’t you kiss me last night?” I blurted.
He rubbed his nose against mine, his hand still on my back. “Did you want me to kiss you?”
“Yeah…”
“Then why didn’t you kiss me?”
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”
He laughed. “Are we in junior high right now?”
I blushed.
“You strike me as a woman who grabs what she wants. I’m surprised you didn’t go for it.”
“I guess I’m shyer than I thought.”
His hand gripped my back, rubbing me gently. “I know we’re finally together, but I didn’t want to rush anything and scare you off. I’m willing to be patient as long as you want me to be. There’s no hurry. We’ll get there eventually.”
“You’re so sweet, Kyle.”
“Wow. I love it when you’re nice to me. You usually call me an asshole.”
“Because I’m a bitch.”
“Whoa, hold on. Don’t ever call yourself that.”
“I was a total jerk to you, Kyle. I’m sorry for acting that way.”
He cupped my face and gave me a hard expression. “It’s okay. I completely understand why you were so scared. We’re past that. Let’s just forget about it.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “I was so miserable without you. You have no idea how bad I felt.”
“It’s nothing in comparison to my misery,” he said calmly. “I tried so hard to get you, and when I thought I did, you just left me. It broke my heart.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He kissed my forehead. “Let’s move on.”
“You’re letting me off the hook real easy.”
“Well, I was an ass to you too. I acted like I was sleeping with your best friend so you would come back to me. That was cold.”
I shook my head. “You did the right thing. I hate to imagine what would have happened if you did really date someone else and moved on. It would be too late and I would lose you forever. This was the lesser of two evils.”
“Baby, I’d never be able to move on from you.”
My eyes softened when I looked at him. “Why do you like me so much?”
He shrugged. “I don’t really have an answer. I just do.”
“But you’re a nice guy.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“I’m just not used to nice guys wanting me.”
“Because most men aren’t nice guys. And I’m not an exception to that.”
“You aren’t?”
“No,” he said. “I’m nice to you because I care about you. Not everyone gets the same treatment.” He turned to the table and pulled out my seat, letting me sit down. We sat together at the table and ate quietly.