Home Is Wherever You Are

by Rose von Barnsley

  “Mom, I’d like to introduce you to my husband, Matthew Martin. We’ve been together for over a year now and just married a little over a week ago,” Addy said with a hopeful smile.

  I reached my hand across the table to shake Tamera’s hand, and she eyed it warily before taking it. “It’s good to finally meet you, Tamera. I understand you’ve been in town for a while,” I said, trying to make small talk. That was as friendly as I would get.

  “Yes, well, Jennifer Staley called, letting me know my daughter was getting married. Why didn’t you call me, Addy? It really hurt that I wasn’t invited.”

  Addy took a deep breath. “Mom, you said you didn’t want to see me anymore. You told the social worker to just keep me and not to bother bringing me back.” Her words became soft, like she was fighting tears. I wanted to deck that woman. I knew my mother had raised me better, but I think she would have made an exception for Tamera. I squeezed my girl closer to my side.

  Tamera let out a huff. “I didn’t mean it,” she snapped, sounding annoyed. “I just said that, so they’d get out of the apartment. I had shit I had to get done. Look, Addy, you’re my daughter. You’re my flesh and blood, so that means we always have each other’s backs, no matter where life takes us.” Tamera sounded like she was buttering Addy up. I hated that she was saying this crap to her.

  “Really?” Addy asked hopefully, and Tamera reached a hand out and took Addy’s.

  “Really, baby, you know I’ll always be there for you.”

  When Tamera said those words, Addy’s face seemed to turn to stone. She pulled her hand back. “What do you need, Mom?”

  “Look, I know we just reconnected and all, but I’m starting up a new business, and I wanted you to invest in it.”

  “Stop,” Addy said, putting her hand up. “Don’t give me the bull crap you’re selling to everyone else. What do you really need?”

  Tamera fidgeted, pulling up her sleeve a little to scratch a bump on her bruised arm. I realized she had track marks on her arm, along with some handprints. I wasn’t sure if that jerk she was with was beating her, but I didn’t think she was looking for help right now. Not the kind I would be willing to give her.

  “Money’s tight, and the market is down. Dwayne can’t catch a break,” she said, shaking her head. “We came here as a last resort. I heard you sold your last house and bought a new one. I was hoping you had some money left from that sale, or maybe you got a good deal and could take out a second mortgage?”

  “For what, Mom? Tell me what you want the money for,” Addy demanded.

  Tamera looked down at her lap for a moment and then back up at us, her eyes landed on our hands. “Dwayne and I want to get married.”

  “What’s the con? Why are you getting married?” Addy asked, not believing for a second that they would get married for love. Tamera must have noticed her tone.

  “He loves me,” Tamera said defiantly.

  “You don’t need money to get married, Mother,” she said sharply.

  Tamera dropped her head again and scratched her arm some more. I didn’t know if it was an itch, or if she had a bad bug bite, either way, if she didn’t stop, it would probably get infected.

  “He wants to buy life insurance.”

  “No,” Addy said sharply. “I will not let him kill you.”

  “He won’t, it’ll just look like…”

  Addy was furious and stopped her before she could say anything more about “the plan.”

  “I don’t trust him. I know you don’t love me, Mom, but I do care about what happens to you. I will not provide the means for some guy to make a quick buck off of killing you,” Addy said fiercely.

  Our conversation was interrupted by Daniel. “Addy, honey, I’ve got to go.” Daniel gave me a meaningful look, “George called.” He looked over at Tamera, glancing at her itchy arm and frowned. I had a feeling Daniel had overheard the whole conversation. “Your friend has been taken in for breaking and entering.” He looked over at me and said, “He’s being charged with burglary as well.”

  Tamera looked down at her lap, her face looked pained.

  “George caught him breaking into your house. He busted out a back window. You might want to see if you have the means to patch that before it rains tonight.”

  I nodded, thanking him, and he turned, walking out. He looked weary as he left.

  “Addy,” I said softly.

  She closed her eyes, and I could see she was fighting tears. What surprised me was Tamera was doing the same.

  “He said he wouldn’t. I told him not your house.” Tamera looked up, and as messed up as she was, I could see some sincerity in her eyes. “Addy, I’m…”

  Addy cut her off, putting her hand up. “No, I don’t want to hear I’m sorry from you one more time. You’re a mess, Tamera, you always have been. I’m sure he thought I wouldn’t press charges, but I am. I will. I don’t want him to kill you. I know you don’t see it or don’t want to see it, but Dwayne doesn’t love you, and he will kill you. I refuse to give you anything, until you’re ready to get clean and get away from him.”

  Tamera frowned and shook her head. “I can’t, I need…”

  Addy stopped her again. “You need the drugs he’s feeding you. Well, he’s going to jail. He won’t be feeding you anymore. You’re safe for now, Tamera. Pull yourself together, and then maybe I’ll let you back into my life,” my girl said bravely. She slid out of the booth and waved over the waitress, handing her a twenty. “Let my mother get whatever she wants to eat and keep the rest as a tip.”

  When we got to the truck, she climbed in, but once I was in, she grabbed me, holding on to me for dear life. I hugged her back, trying to comfort her, as she sobbed pitifully. I didn’t know how long we sat there, but Daniel eventually came back, and he saw me holding my crying girl and frowned. He glared at Tamera through the window. She was looking lost and confused at the moment. It was pathetic. He looked back at us, and I rolled the window down.

  Addy was startled by the movement, but once she saw her dad there, she quickly wiped her tears away. “She needs help, Daddy, please,” Addy begged.

  Daniel looked over at Tamera and rubbed his face. You could tell he really didn’t want to mess with his ex-wife, but he would do anything for his little girl. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do.”

  We watched as Daniel slid into the booth across from Tamera. She looked defensive at first, but then she suddenly burst into tears, crying into her hands. Daniel got up and moved next to her, wrapping his arm around her, letting her sob into his chest. He gave us a tight smile and nodded. We knew he had her and would do everything in his power to help her, to make Addy happy. Addy might have questioned her mother’s love, but at that moment, she knew her father loved her more than anything in the world.

  Chapter 29 – Negative Outlook

  Thing were going well, too well I think. I should have known better than to let my guard down, but I did. Addy was going to school, Tamera was getting help, Jason was sending Kyle and I work like crazy, Leon and Evette had moved in to their new home, and Daniel had invited me to go fishing. Oh yeah, I also hadn’t seen the Riley’s pussy again, so things were looking up.

  Unfortunately, I came home to my wife sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she shoved a little white plastic stick at me. I must have looked confused, because she dropped her hand and started bawling harder. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to our room. “What is it, baby?”

  “I’m not…I’m not…” she took a deep breath, trying to get herself together, “I’m not pregnant.”

  I kissed her forehead. “So we keep trying, no big deal,” I said with a shrug.

  “NO!” she shouted at me. “We’ve been trying for eight months! Nothing is happening! Why am I not getting pregnant?”

  “I don’t know, stress maybe? You need to relax, honey. There’s nothing to worry about. I can help out at home more, and your mom is doing fine. Reed’s taking good ca
re of her.”

  Daniel had taken Tamera to the reservation and asked Reed to help her clean up. Reed could hold Tamera against her will, because it was a lot of red tape and paperwork to do anything against the Native American nation. Reed got her cleaned up and on to some lighter drugs that kept her off the heavy stuff. She had a constant bodyguard twenty-four-seven, though. She was not left alone. She couldn’t leave. Addy and I had yet to visit her, but Daniel had once or twice and told us she was doing a lot better. I was happy to hear it.

  “Why can’t I have a baby?” my girl whimpered.

  I decided to go my mom’s route. “God will send one when we’re ready,” I said.

  She looked at me like I had grown a second head. I never spoke of God, but I did believe in one. When it came to making babies, I did believe he was the one to talk to about that.

  “God?” she asked, almost appalled.

  I shrugged again. If she wasn’t pregnant, she was definitely showing signs of PMS, and I wasn’t going to cross her.

  “You think God doesn’t want me to have kids?” she yelled at me. Yup, PMS for sure.

  “No, I think God will know when we’re ready for kids. He knows what’s going on and will send them when the time is right. You’ll be a great mother, Addy, I know it. God will send us kids,” I said, sure of myself.

  Her stance softened, and she slumped down on the bed. “I just wanted it now, you know. I wanted to have this with you. The house and family, heck, I’d even let you get a dog.”

  I chuckled lightly and shrugged. “We’ll see, let’s work on the babies first and then the dog, alright?” I asked.

  “I saw some chicks down at the feed store. I was thinking of getting some.”

  “Are they egg layers or good lookers?” I teased.

  She swatted my arm, “Egg layers, not women!”

  “Well, I do like eggs,” I said, kissing her softly. “As for good lookers, I think I got the best looking one, and I’m completely satisfied,” I purred and nuzzled her neck.

  “Even if I’m not pregnant?” she asked sadly.

  “We’ll have to keep practicing. It’ll happen when the time is right,” I said, smiling at her.

  She let out a sigh and held on to me tighter. I knew this was hard on her. I didn’t realize trying to have a baby would end up being so difficult.

  She threw herself into her schooling, and I threw myself into work. I thought we had put it behind us, but I started noticing a pattern. She would get antsy and start calling me to come home early a few days a month, and that was when I realized it was when she was ovulating. I wondered why she didn’t tell me. The kicker was finding the boxes of tests that told her the right time in the trash. Unfortunately, those boxes were always followed by a pregnancy test box and a negative test, making my beautiful wife fall apart.

  I felt helpless. I wanted to do everything in my power to make her happy, and I felt like a failure, because I wasn’t getting her pregnant. Meanwhile, Kyle told me his wife was pregnant with baby number two. They had just found out, but they weren’t sure if they should say anything around Addy. He knew we were trying without success.

  “Why don’t you talk to a doctor? It might be an easy fix or something,” Kyle suggested. “We have Dr. Stewart on the schedule, maybe talk to her and see if she’ll barter or something. She’s who Darlene sees.”

  I just nodded dumbly, not sure what to do.

  When we got to Dr. Stewart’s home, I spoke with her quietly in her office. She only had about one hundred dollars’ worth of repairs, but she told me to bring my wife by, and she would work her in. I had a feeling I was getting the better end of the deal.

  I told Addy about the appointment, and she looked at me nervously, but with hope in her eyes. We made our way to the office the next morning, just as it opened.

  Dr. Stewart greeted us with a smile. “My first appointment called to reschedule to later this afternoon, so I can get you in right now.” She took my wife’s weight herself, and I noticed she didn’t have a nurse this morning. “Just change into this paper gown, and I’ll come in and start the exam.”

  She slipped out, and I looked at my wife worried. “So, have you ever seen a woman’s doctor?” I asked.

  She shook her head no, making me more nervous. “I hope she says we’re okay,” my love mumbled. There was a tentative knock on the door, and we called for her to come in.

  “I usually don’t see patients alone, but my nurse called in sick. Could you sign a waiver, please?” she asked worried.

  Addy nodded yes and quickly took the paper from Dr. Stewart, signing it right away. Dr. Stewart pulled up her rolling chair to the counter, and wrote down a few notes. “Mrs. Martin, do you have a previous gynecologist I can request records from?”

  “No,” Addy all but whispered. “I’ve never been before.”

  “Matthew here tells me you’re trying for a baby?”

  “Yes, for almost a year now.”

  “Any chance you’ve miscarried?”

  Addy shook her head no. “I take a test every month, it never comes back positive.” She was fighting back tears, and Dr. Stewart reached out and squeezed her hand.

  “Let’s take a look and see what we’re dealing with. Is there any history of infertility?” she asked.

  I shook my head no. “Not on my side.”

  “No, I was an accident, and then my mother had her tubes tied. She never wanted children,” Addy said quietly.

  “Alright,” Dr. Stewart said and slid her seat toward the table. She pulled out a couple of bars with stirrup-looking things on the ends of them. “Feet up and bum to the end of the table,” she said, and Addy did as she was told.

  Dr. Stewart pulled out a gun-looking thing and told us she was going to do something called a pap smear and make sure everything was in place. “Look up at the butterfly and relax, hon,” Dr. Stewart said, and I wondered what butterfly she was talking about, but then I noticed some fake ones tacked to the ceiling. My girl gripped my hand and cringed. “So, are you pretty regular?” the doctor asked.

  “Yes,” Addy said, through gritted teeth.

  “Deep breath, if you relax, this isn’t so uncomfortable,” she said, as she poked and prodded my girl, pressing down on her stomach, feeling around and then finally backed away with a tight smile. “Well, you seem to check out okay. I’ll get this pap smear done, but I think I know what your problem is,” she said getting up, peeling her gloves off and washing her hands.

  “Your cervix is tipped. You’re not infertile from what I can tell. Matthew said you were using ovulation tests, and they were coming back positive, so I believe it’s your tipped cervix that’s slowing things down for you. People with tipped cervixes tend to have a little more difficult time conceiving, but it’s still possible. Maybe change your position to missionary and elevate your hips afterwards. Also, if your husband is well endowed, having him only enter shallowly will help as well. He might be passing up the cervix altogether and not even know it.”

  I looked over at Addy, squeezing her hand. “See, baby, we can do this. We were just having sex wrong. Who would’ve thought?” I said and kissed her forehead.

  “If in another year you don’t conceive, I think we should look into your husband’s reproductive organs.”

  I had to admit, I wasn’t looking forward to that idea at all.

  Of course, once we were home and back to our lives, some major issues ended up changing our plans. My father became very sick. My mother said it was something to do with his liver and kidneys. They weren’t being very open about it. All I knew was the constant use of pain medicine had done some damage to his kidneys, liver and stomach.

  Work started slowing down, because Jason was taking time off from work to spend time with the Christianson’s daughter, Kelly, and the family. Unfortunately, I had been right. They had moved away from the big city and had their daughter come home, because Evette, Leon’s wife, was also very ill. I didn’t know the whole story, since I wasn’
t as close to the Christianson’s as Kyle, but it was some kind of cancer, and Evette only had months left to live.

  It was shocking to find out she had been fighting it for a long time, and her perfect platinum hair was actually a wig she had been wearing for years, as she underwent treatment after treatment, trying to prolong her life a little longer.

  Business slowed, and a sad haze seemed to fall over Woodville.

  I had just come home, when Addy handed me a couple of envelopes. I opened the one from the Christianson’s. As suspected, Jason and Kelly were getting married. They were doing it in two weeks. I was guessing they were rushing to get it done before her mother passed.

  The second envelope was from my mother. I opened it and read it nervously. I could see where her writing had smudged from tears, making her happy words seem wrong. They were coming to visit. I hoped they were tears of joy and not of sadness.

  I passed them both to my wife, not telling her what they were, and I watched her smile grow, when she saw my parents were coming. She ran to the guestroom with the duster and pulled the bedding off to “freshen it up.”

  When my parent showed up three days later, I could see my father’s failing health had taken its toll on the both of them. My father looked much thinner and sickly, and my mother had dark circles under her eyes.

  “Matthew, dear, may I speak with you in your office?” she asked quietly and looked away from my father, who was talking animatedly with my wife, as if nothing was wrong.

  I pulled my mother in and closed the door. Once the door was shut, she burst into tears. I tugged her into my arms, hugging her tightly.

  “We need help. I can’t take care of him alone anymore. I just can’t. I’ve found him on the floor more than once. His bills are covered by the factory, but things are getting bad. I don’t have the means to hire a nurse for him.”

  “It’s fine, Mom.”