NEARLY Trilogy

by Ashley, Devon

  “Whatever he had planned for you, it was ugly.”

  “There’s seriously something wrong with me,” I replied monotonously.

  With curious eyes, he asked his question silently.

  “I mean, this really isn’t surprising given our last meeting.” I motioned toward the trunk. “I’m seeing this, and I know what his intentions were, but I’m not all that affected by it. The old me would’ve been upset by this. Now?” I shrugged and shook my head. “Nothing.”

  Zander blew a long breath of air out his nose. When he finally said something, it wasn’t what I was expecting.

  “You the reason he was in the hospital for all that head trauma?”

  “Yup.”

  Zander slammed the trunk closed. “Good girl.”

  Was it weird his approval actually lifted my spirits a little?

  “You think they could’ve tagged me while I was unconscious?” I asked. I certainly gave them a few opportunities, and with all the pain I endured, I might not have noticed one more prick in my skin.

  “Probably. Even with access to Friggs’ resources, he shouldn’t have found you that quickly. I was keeping track and you were all over the place.”

  “Finn was all for killing me, so why even bother tagging me?”

  “Finn was an enforcer. He got off on causing pain. He might’ve preferred you dead, but that didn’t mean Friggs wanted you that way anytime soon. And he certainly wouldn’t have wanted to lose you twice.”

  I closed my eyes to take a moment, but all I saw were images of what life would be like right now if Friggs had one the battle. It wasn’t pretty. “Do you have a scanner? To check for a tag?”

  “Not on me,” he said. He pulled his phone out of his pocket again and fingered through the screens. “But I’ve got a storage room a few hours away that’ll have everything we need.”

  “Awesome,” I muttered sarcastically. “Road trip. Why not?” I looked at the backside of the motel room that still contained a very dead body.

  Anywhere was better than here.

  I followed him to wherever he was taking us. Finn’s car we left behind for his clean-up expert to dispose of after the room was worked over. I didn’t even want to know what that would entail. Sometimes ignorance was the way to go.

  The storage center we pulled into was average. Nothing fancy and expensive, nothing run of the mill cheap. He unlocked his unit and slid the metal door up. I don’t know what I expected, but a couple of bags of luggage wasn’t it. He rummaged through them one by one. I saw weapons, a phone and laptop in their original boxes, some equipment I wasn’t familiar with, extra clothes and identification. My eyes lingered on the cash stash.

  He stood with some kind of wand instrument that he scanned my body with. He found something straight off on the back side of my right shoulder. My head fell back. “Seriously? Fuck my life.”

  He scanned the rest of my body but found nothing but the one he inserted. I sighed heavily. I was so done with this shit. “Do you have the tools to get it out?”

  “Yes. We can find a hotel nearby. Do it there so you can sleep it off.”

  I watched as he dug through another bag and pulled out a soft-zipped carryall. Inside were needles, scalpels and drugs.

  “What the hell is that?” I asked crossly, pointing at the clear liquids.

  “Local anesthetic and pain killers. You do remember how much your ass hurt the last time we did this, right?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Just don’t overdo it.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it, love.”

  My body stretched hand to toe as I slowly came awake. There was something soothing about the air. It was fresh. Mildly salty. And the breeze was weirdly intermittent considering our motel room only had a window A/C unit.

  I opened my eyes to the brightness. I knew before I did that something was up, but I wasn’t expecting what I saw. Windows all around, not a horribly patterned drapery in sight. Large glass sliding doors that were at least ten feet wide on both sides of the bedroom were wide open, and not to a familiar mountain range view I was used to seeing in the Pacific Northwest, but to white sandy beaches and turquoise water.

  I sat up slowly, my eyes panoramically taking in the view left to right. Obviously, this wasn’t the hotel room I fell asleep in, but my brain needed a moment to comprehend the obvious fact that Zander moved me while I was doped up. Everything in the bedroom was white and bright. The tile floor, the half-wall behind me and bed linens. Even the modern looking furniture. I climbed out of bed and walked toward the doors that opened near the water. There was nothing to the left or right but white sand, some trees and floral shrubbery. The sky was mostly clear, with just a few of those fluffy looking white clouds.

  I didn’t hear him coming, but my hair was suddenly draped over my left shoulder. His hand softly pulled back the taped gauze I hadn’t even noticed yet. “Looks good. How’s it feel?”

  “Fine,” I said casually.

  “You were burned,” he said flatly, though I detected the anger deep within his voice.

  “Yeah, I know. I was there when it happened.”

  I didn’t want to discuss it any further and I hoped the annoyance in my tone was enough to keep him from inquiring any more about it. Curious of the incredibly clean blue water, I asked, “Where are we?”

  “Belize.”

  My eyes widened as I rotated my head his direction. “How the hell did you get me to Belize?”

  His lips curled up on the left hand side. “I have a private plane.”

  “Well, of course you do. But we still had to go through customs, right? I was passed out. They let me through like that?”

  He shrugged, proving he didn’t find that a complication at all. “You suffered a traumatic flight previously, so you took something to calm your nerves.”

  “Calm?” I blurted. “I was unconscious.”

  “Like I said, you’d been traumatized. And you traveled as my wife, so the agent didn’t see that as a problem.”

  I just stared at him. His wife?

  “I know,” he teased. “You fucking hate me.” Cocking his head toward the door, he added, “Come to the kitchen. You need to eat. You’ve gotten way too skinny.”

  My stomach screamed its agreement. I was actually surprised it was hungry, given how dormant it had been lately. I took another long look at the calm water before following. The master bath was right past the door enroute to the living room, but I didn’t go past the doorless entry. The living room also had walls of windows on both sides and more white modern furniture with splashes of a soft sunset orange used in accent pieces. The room opened up to the sleek-looking kitchen that kept the clean, glossy white look going. A platter of cut fruits, cheeses and crackers was already prepared and laid out on the bar. Seeing as how I also sucked at the whole cooking thing, I could hardly complain. I filled a small plate with strawberries and kiwi slices and a handful of cheese cubes. Sliding doors were open on both sides here too, allowing the breeze to gently blow through.

  “What’s that way?” I asked, referring to the hall that came out the other side of the kitchen.

  “Just the laundry and garage.”

  I nodded my head and stepped outside, going down the three steps that led to the wraparound patio. The first ten feet were shaded by an extension of the roof. The last twenty were in the sun and eventually met the sand. “This is beautiful. But it’s also a little weird.”

  “How so?” he asked, popping a piece of cheese into his mouth.

  “It’s not your typical home. There’s no security system. I mean, you don’t even have real doors in this place. They’re all glass except the front.” Though from what I could see, he had no neighbors nearby.

  “Don’t really need them out here. This place is off the books. No one knows I have it.”

  “No one?”

  “No one but you now.”

  I looked to him with curiosity. “If this is a secret place for you to retreat to, why show it t
o me?”

  Zander casually shrugged before taking up a seat at the outside dining table, kicking his feet up on a second one. “You looked like you could use a vacation.”

  I huffed but joined him, placing my plate down on the glass top of a gray cast iron table. The chairs were softened with thick cushions in that same sunset orange. “And you thought I’d want to spend that vacation with you?” I jested.

  “Well, I figured since you were already living off my cash anyways, you wouldn’t mind an upgrade.”

  Touché. “Yeah, sorry about that. Kind of thought you were dead.”

  “I’m not worried about the ten bucks you spent to stay at those dumps.”

  “Hey, those cheap ass motels didn’t need to see identification if you slipped them a twenty.”

  I knew he could appreciate that, and with the smile that formed on his face, he did. We both kicked back facing the sea, enjoying the soft breeze skipping along our skin. After a long moment of silence, I asked, “So what now?”

  “There are suits inside if you want. I wouldn’t recommend the salt water on your cuts though yet.”

  Cuts. Plural. I’d completely forgotten he removed two since I wasn’t feeling anything. And that included a dressing or Band-Aid. I didn’t bother asking if a new tag got inserted somewhere – he’d never admit to it anyway.

  “Do I have a pain killer in me?”

  “Yes, though now that you’re awake you can take the pills if you want.”

  “I do.”

  After a moment, I said, “Well… I guess the whole Friggs thing is done and over with. So what are you going to do now?”

  Lightly shrugging, he replied, “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll look for my sister. Make sure her life turned out okay.”

  “You think you can? I hear adoption records can be a bitch to open.”

  He flashed me that please look. Like it was something he couldn’t find a back way in to get what he needed. “Right… Sorry. Forgot who I was talking to for a moment.”

  He chuckled at my expense. His money alone would probably be enough to get what he needed. Here was hoping his presence in her life would be for the better and not for the worse. I was still trying to figure out where I ended up on the scale.

  We sat there quietly in a daze over the view. It took me a few minutes to really come to terms with where I was and who I was casually sitting beside. Zander had tamed me once. Hell, more than once. He didn’t need drugs or force a weapon on me. All he had to do was show me something worse to fear. Or threaten those I loved. But you know what? I finally had nothing left to fear, with no one left to be used against me. Everything was lost.

  And I had changed. Significantly. I couldn’t really say it was for the better, but I couldn’t say it was for the worse either. I hardly remembered what I was like as Claire, but I did know this. I was stronger now. Bolder. Somewhere along the way I had become a survivor. I’d found a way to live when all seemed lost.

  Zander played a huge roll in making me this way. And I think I had the same kind of effect on him too. Maybe there was still the side of him that was dominating and cold, but I never saw it anymore. He was protective, and not because he still saw me as property, but more because he’d learned to care. It made me wonder if he held any regrets or anger deep inside for making him care. I had become his vulnerability, his Achilles’ heel, and one enemy had already exposed and tried to pilfer from it. In a way, I could be considered a threat to him. No wonder he always told people Donatello was dead.

  “You’ve changed,” I mentioned aloud.

  “I told you. This side of me always existed. I chose not to show it.”

  “Or you’ve changed but you like to hide behind that so you don’t have to admit it,” I said smartly.

  After a silent moment, he replied, “I suppose I could admit the right person can sometimes make a difference.”

  I chuckled inside my head. That was the most he was ever going to give on that.

  I tucked my hair behind my ears, the breeze gentle but constant. It really was beautiful here. If I wasn’t careful, I could be talked into staying forever.

  “You know I can’t stay, right?”

  “Why must you continue to fight this?” he asked softly. “Why can’t you just admit some part of this feels right?”

  “It’s not so much that. The problem is with the part that feels wrong.”

  “Sometimes you have to force yourself to just let go.”

  “I don’t think I can,” I answered tiredly.

  “Who are you trying to impress these days anyway?”

  I wanted to huff, but it actually stung a little. I had no one anymore. He was right. Other than my own self-respect, there was no one left to disappoint, no one to judge. No one who would ever know the truth if I stayed.

  No one but me.

  I could sense my thoughts beginning to tip in his favor. Determined to keep that from happening, I rebutted matter-of-factly, “You made me your slave, kept me chained.”

  “You haven’t been either of those things in a very long time. I was a different man then. You were a different woman.”

  That was funny. I thought he hadn’t changed…

  My head shook infinitesimally. It all seemed so long ago. “I was just a teen. I’m not even twenty-one yet.”

  “Do you want a beer?” he asked as he kicked back his chair and headed inside.

  I was a little stunned by his abrupt dismissal, but eventually muttered, “Yeah.”

  He returned and stood beside me, twisting the top off for me. I accepted it with gratitude, then took a long cool drink as he settled back down again. I didn’t bother with the subject we left off on because clearly he didn’t want to go down that road. So I asked, “How old are you anyway?”

  “Thirty-six.”

  About what I figured.

  “And well-endowed to take care of you.”

  Yeah, he was. Apparently the drug and slave business was extremely lucrative even thirty years ago. How long did people last as slaves anyway? It made me nauseous just thinking about it. Right now, just as I sat lounging on the beach, people were being trafficked. Somewhere someone was tied up in a dark room half-starving. Someone was being raped, someone gang-raped. Someone was being beaten, drugged, used for entertainment. Most were being destroyed from the inside out. How much was too much? How long until we’re no longer the same person? Until we were so broken we were beyond repair?

  For me, I was able to weather the storm, but it was the loss of my family I feared would do me in. Survivor’s guilt. Miserable, I took a long sip of beer. I felt so fucking tired now.

  “Well, I think you got your wish.”

  For once his head actually turned my way. Mine, however, didn’t return the gesture. “And what wish is that?”

  “I think I’m finally broken. Just probably not in the way you intended.”

  After soaking in the bath for an incredibly long time, I stood before the mirror. Once again I wasn’t a fan of what I saw. Physically, the evidence of my ordeal was gone, though my ass had definitely gotten skinnier from depression. My insides were a fucking disaster zone, its seeping radiation pushing farther and farther outward. And I had no idea how to go about fixing any of it. It seemed I lacked the desire to so anyway.

  For the first time ever, I didn’t have a stocked wardrobe waiting for me, so I guess he really hadn’t shared this location with anyone. Zander had brought the bags I had with us, which were filled with clothes from the previous house, and put them away while I slept. I felt hot from the bath, so I pulled one of the few satin chemises and a fresh pair of underwear. Once I dried my hair, I leaned against the sliding door’s edge in the bedroom. The moon was half full, the stars beautifully bright in the clear sky. I became enchanted by the rhythmic waves that crashed on shore, their rising crests reflecting the pure whiteness of the moon. It was all so stunning to the eyes, soothing to the ears and invigorating to my lungs.

  My mind began to wander. Our con
versation earlier in the day weighed heavily on my mind. How much we’d both changed. He was a man guilty of many evils, but now so was I. I might not have been successful at killing anyone, but I sure tried a few times over. All that anger and hatred made me feel dark and diseased inside.

  Would I feel this way if Thea hadn’t died? Would embracing my sister in a free world been enough to stop the ill festering within me on the spot? A shining light in the darkness? I just didn’t understand why this misery wouldn’t lift from my spirit. Why wouldn’t it allow me to move on? To accept reality for what it really was and not for what I wished it to be? That fucker killed every member of my family. That was my cruel reality. Maybe the chain of events leading up to their deaths were my fault, but I sure didn’t force his hand.

  Were our paths always meant to cross? Because what once started with Charles transferred through Zander and Friggs before Finn ever came into play. This nightmare was several years in the making, and no matter how many times I tried to detour, fate was never in my favor.

  Or my family’s, it seemed.

  Zander approached me from the outside, his feet sandy from his walk on the beach. He paused in the opening next to me, turning to take in the calming view. “Thank you,” I said quietly, keeping my eyes on the waves. “For taking care of Finn. I thought I had…”

  His head briefly turned my way, then returned to the view.

  “He killed my family. Did you know?” He slowly shook his head. Once again I could spot him out the corner of my eye turning to look at me. But this time his gaze was fixed. “All of them. He bragged about torturing my parents. Even killed Thea right in front of me.” I didn’t bother stopping the liquid that rushed over my eyes and out. Only one or two tears actually fled, but my eyes remained saturated. “It happened so fast I couldn’t stop it.”

  I wiped the tails of my tears off my cheeks. Wishing I’d never brought it up, I evaded with, “Was Donatello the last, or are there others you consider family?”