Newborn Under the Christmas Tree

by Sophie Pembroke

  ‘Then we’ll deal with that if it happens. But we’ll deal with it together. As a team. A family.’ Liam’s fingers traced up her arm, rubbing her skin reassuringly. ‘Just say you’ll give us a chance. Me and Jamie. Please.’

  She sighed. ‘Let me check I’ve got this straight. We work together to give Jamie a real family. You, me, him. No promises of love, or anything like that. Just a practical arrangement for Jamie.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Liam’s expression was so earnest, so hopeful. ‘I can’t promise you love, not now, not after just two weeks. But I can promise I won’t do anything to hurt Jamie, or you, ever. And I’ll do everything I can to make us all happy. Our little family.’

  He was right; it was crazy to worry about love so soon. And if they were to lose Jamie, it would be soon too. Iona, the social worker, had said the end of this week. That was only a few days away now. She didn’t have to worry about losing her heart to Liam in that time. Right?

  And she’d already lost it to Jamie. So why not enjoy these last few days as a family, if that was all she ever got?

  Alice stared at Liam’s face, at the openness there. This was her chance. Could she take it? Could she stay? For Jamie?

  Could she take the risk?

  She didn’t know. She couldn’t promise for ever, just like he couldn’t promise love.

  But she could offer for now.

  Leaning across the table, she placed a hand against his cheek and kissed him softly on the lips.

  ‘Is that a yes?’ he asked against her mouth.

  ‘It’s a yes for now,’ she said, unwilling to commit any further. ‘Until we know what the social worker says at the end of the week. If she says we have a chance...’

  ‘We’ll take it,’ Liam said, and kissed her again.

  * * *

  He’d wanted to leave the Fox and Hare right then, and drag Alice home to Thornwood and to bed, but naturally Jamie chose that moment to wake up, ready for his evening bottle.

  ‘We’ll get back to this,’ he murmured as he broke away to find the milk they’d brought with them. Alice fell back into her chair on the other side of the table, a pensive look on her face.

  He hoped to God she didn’t start overthinking this now.

  Yes, there were issues to be ironed out. And yes, the chances were maybe fifty-fifty that the plan would even work. But one thing Liam knew for certain—Alice wasn’t sleeping on the daybed tonight.

  Part of it was lust, he admitted. But another part—a bigger part, even—was the story she’d told him. After hearing that, he couldn’t bear her to be out of his sight, not even for a moment. He needed her close and safe. Somewhere he could look after her.

  Tucked up warm in his arms, for preference.

  The waitress brought their food shortly after and they took turns eating, swapping Jamie between them as he fed, was winded, and fussed. It was, Liam decided, by far the weirdest first date he’d ever had—and not just because it had started in a church, hit terrible lows, practically involved a marriage proposal, and still wasn’t guaranteed to end with sex. On the other hand, it had sort of been blessed by an angel, so he let himself be a little optimistic about the outcome.

  Eventually, Alice finished her wine and they wrapped Jamie back up into his snowsuit, ready for the walk home. Liam knew logically that Thornwood Castle was only a fifteen-minute walk from the village, but somehow tonight it seemed to take for ever. Finally they reached its ancient wooden doors and Alice eased them open carefully, trying not to wake the sleeping baby.

  ‘Bedtime?’ Liam asked as he lifted Jamie from the pram and rested him against his shoulder.

  Alice bit her lip, making him think thoughts he really shouldn’t be thinking while holding a child, and nodded.

  Upstairs, they went through Jamie’s usual bedtime routine, minus his nightly bath given how much later than usual it was. Finally he was swaddled in his blanket, asleep in his cot. Liam stared down at him and wondered when he’d become the sort of man who could picture himself as a father.

  Hell. A father. Him.

  He hadn’t thought of it like that before, and for a moment every muscle in his body screamed at him to run. He’d never wanted kids, never imagined being ready to take on the responsibility. He had no male role models—save perfect examples of what not to do.

  But maybe that was enough. He reached down to smooth a curl of fluffy baby hair away from Jamie’s forehead and smiled to himself.

  Maybe knowing what not to do was all that he needed. Just do the opposite of what every man and family member in his life had done to him, and everything any guy had ever done to Alice, and they’d all be fine.

  He hoped.

  Turning away from the cot, he saw Alice watching him from the bedroom door, her head resting against the wood as she studied him. In the low light, her hair glowed golden and she’d already removed those incredibly sexy boots. But somehow, seeing her in her stockinged feet seemed even sexier. He’d shared this suite with her every night for over a week, but tonight the air felt thicker, more full of promise.

  ‘Shall we go to bed?’ Alice asked, her voice low and husky.

  Liam smiled. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

  Yeah. This was all going to work out just fine.

  * * *

  Alice blinked into the darkness as her exhausted body tried to process what she’d heard.

  Jamie. Crying. Of course.

  She checked the time on her phone—time for his next feed. It didn’t matter to him that his pseudo parents had barely drifted off after what Alice had to admit had been some pretty phenomenal lovemaking.

  On autopilot, she made up his bottle, shushing and changing him as she waited for it to reach the right temperature. But even the familiar, everyday actions couldn’t clear her mind of the memories of the last few hours—of how Liam’s body had felt against hers, or the relief that had flooded through her body as he’d taken her.

  She hadn’t known how much she’d wanted him, needed that, until he’d kissed her that evening. Now she couldn’t imagine not having it again.

  And, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew it had only been so good because all the secrets were gone. Because she’d told him everything, left her soul bare, and he’d wanted her anyway.

  Not just wanted her. He wanted her to stay.

  He’d called them a family. The one thing she’d never thought she could have again.

  She swallowed hard, her eyes wet just at the thought.

  ‘He okay?’ Liam slurred from the doorway, his eyes barely open. He had to be every bit as exhausted as her—possibly more, actually—and he’d still dragged himself out of bed to check on them.

  ‘He’s fine,’ she assured him. ‘Go back to bed.’

  But Liam shook his head and slumped onto the end of the daybed, watching her as she settled Jamie in her arms ready for his feed.

  ‘You’re good with him, you know,’ he said as she sat beside him and reached for the bottle.

  ‘I guess it’s one of those things learnt best on the job,’ she replied.

  They sat together in silence for a minute or two, the only noises in the room the ticking clock on the mantel and the gentle snuffling sounds of a feeding baby.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Liam asked eventually. ‘About tonight, I mean. About us.’

  Alice considered, taking stock of her exhausted but oh-so-satisfied body. ‘I’m just great,’ she assured him with a smile.

  Liam let out a long breath. ‘Good. I mean, I know you enjoyed it...’ He flashed her a smug grin and she rolled her eyes.

  ‘As much as you did,’ she observed.

  ‘God, yes. But anyway, the physical stuff aside. What we’re doing here...’

  ‘It’s not the normal way to go about things,’ she finished for him, and
he nodded.

  ‘Exactly. And after everything you told me tonight... I know you know that it...it might not work.’

  Alice swallowed again, her throat suddenly thick with emotion. ‘I know.’ She cradled Jamie closer. How many more times would she get to do this? To hold his body to hers as he fed or slept?

  How would her heart survive if she had to give him back? How would Liam’s?

  She didn’t even bother thinking about what would happen to them. The only tie they had was Jamie. If he was taken from them, what would there be left to fight for? Some incredible sex and joint heartbreak? It wasn’t enough.

  She wasn’t fooling herself. This wasn’t love. It was lust, maybe, and convenience. But it wasn’t a white cottage with roses around the door, and family lunches and bedtime stories with a sleepy little boy.

  What she had was a broken man, a broken heart, and the most perfect baby she could imagine. One out of three was plenty for her—as long as she got to keep that all-important one.

  ‘But I promise you I’ll fight for him. For us. For our family,’ Liam said, his voice so sure and determined she almost cried. ‘I’ll do everything I can to give us the future we need.’

  ‘I know,’ Alice said, her voice breaking.

  Liam reached an arm around her shoulder, holding her head against his upper arm, enfolding them both in his embrace. The three of them. A family.

  It was almost too perfect for her to believe in.

  ‘Do you think his mother misses him?’ Alice asked, her voice so soft she wasn’t sure Liam even heard her.

  Until he replied, his voice rough, ‘If she does, then she should never have abandoned him in the first place.’

  ‘No. I suppose not.’ Jamie had finished feeding and Alice winded him gently against her shoulder before placing him back in his cot and wrapping him up again. ‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Let’s get back to bed.’

  If all of this could be taken from her again, then she had better enjoy it while she had it.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  IT WAS NEARLY CHRISTMAS, Liam realised one morning a few days later, as Jamie slumbered in his bouncy chair beside the desk in the room Liam had taken for his office. When he’d arrived, it had barely been December. Now, downstairs there was a horde of children awaiting the arrival of Father Christmas for some sort of festive afternoon tea with presents. Alice had explained it that morning as she’d been dressing, but he’d been rather more interested in the sight of her in her underwear than the topic of conversation.

  Alice. She’d sneaked up on him even more than Christmas had.

  How had she gone from an irritation to get rid of to someone he couldn’t quite bring himself to imagine his days without?

  He shook his head and went back to his list of possible sites for Alice’s groups and seminars. It was just familiarity, that was all. Familiarity and fantastic sex. Nothing more.

  He’d scoured every inch of the Thornwood estate over the past three weeks—sometimes alone, sometimes with Alice, sometimes with another local who wanted to make him understand the history of the place, and often with Jamie strapped to his chest. The lands were vast, with plenty of outbuildings and sites ripe for conversion—and not one of them suitable for Alice’s women.

  He sighed, thinking again of the cottage he and Alice had found on that first day. It wasn’t at all suitable for the seminars and groups that Alice ran—too small, too close to the village, no potential to extend. But for some reason he kept coming back to it. He’d visited it twice more on his excursions, and the last time he’d even snapped some photos. Pulling out his phone, he scrolled through them again, taking in the whitewashed walls, the tiled roof, the broken windows and the curve of the front door. It needed a lot of care and attention if anyone was ever to live there again.

  It wasn’t at all what he was looking for. But he knew it would make a perfect home for Jamie.

  Liam shut down his phone. He couldn’t be thinking about such things. Jamie wasn’t his yet—and there was a very real chance he’d never be. The social worker was due back this afternoon to discuss options, now it seemed clear that the mother would not be coming forward. Liam was apprehensive and excited all at once.

  But if they were allowed to keep Jamie, maybe he could stay at Thornwood. It wasn’t something he and Alice had discussed—where they’d live long-term. In fact, they hadn’t really hammered out any of the details of their arrangement beyond keeping Jamie. Everything else seemed on hold, until they knew that they had a chance to be his parents.

  As a result, he’d never seriously considered Thornwood as a for ever option before. But the more time he spent there...

  He flicked his phone on to stare at the photo of the cottage again and remembered Alice’s face as she’d looked at it. She’d wanted it, he knew, even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself. Just like she’d wanted him but hadn’t given a single sign until he’d pushed. Just like she wanted Jamie, even though she wouldn’t let herself believe it was a possibility.

  He’d worked so hard to convince Alice that things could change. That she could trust him with her secrets. That they could be a family—an unconventional one, for sure, but a family. What was one more step?

  Thornwood could be home, he knew now. If Alice was there with him.

  The very thought made him smile. And, as he looked down, he saw that Jamie was awake again, staring up at him with open, trusting eyes.

  Closing down his laptop, Liam unfastened the buckles on the bouncy chair and picked Jamie up.

  Time to take his son down to meet Father Christmas. And if he was very lucky, perhaps he’d get a chance to make a Christmas wish of his own.

  * * *

  ‘Don’t you want to go and see Father Christmas?’ Alice crouched before the little girl hiding in the corner of the main hall behind the Christmas tree. The girl shook her head. ‘Why not? Are you scared?’

  The girl nodded, making her blonde plaits bob. What was her name? Alice tried to picture her mother and remember what she’d called her. Bethany, she thought.

  Alice wanted to tell her that there was nothing to be scared of. That Christmas was the season of goodwill to all men and nothing bad could happen.

  But she knew herself how untrue that was.

  ‘What are you scared of, Bethany?’ she asked instead.

  ‘I’ve been a bad girl,’ Bethany whispered. ‘My stepdad said so. Santa won’t come for me this year.’

  Alice’s heart ached for her. She was so young to already believe that she was beyond redemption. ‘Why don’t we ask Santa that?’ she said. ‘Even if he can’t come on Christmas Eve, I definitely spotted a present for you in his sack today. Shall we go find out what it is?’

  Bethany’s face lit up as Alice led her over to the grotto they’d set up beside the main stairs.

  ‘Your child skills have definitely improved since Jamie arrived,’ Heather commented from her position as Santa’s elf. ‘I’m starting to think you might even like the little monsters.’

  ‘Of course I do,’ Alice said, but Heather still looked sceptical. She supposed she couldn’t blame her. Until Jamie, she’d kept her distance from the children and babies who came to Thornwood Castle, as much as she could. It just hurt too much to see and hold what she could never have. But now she had Jamie it was as if her heart had opened up again, ready to welcome in all the love she’d been holding at bay.

  ‘And it’s not just your love of children that seems to have grown.’ Heather nodded towards the stairs, where Liam was descending with Jamie in his arms. Alice held her breath until they safely reached the bottom. She’d got over her fear of stairs to some degree, but she’d never be fully comfortable with them again after her accident.

  ‘Now I know you’re definitely talking rubbish,’ Alice said absently, smiling as Liam held Jamie
up to see Father Christmas.

  ‘Am I?’ Heather raised an eyebrow. ‘Be honest. You’re besotted with the pair of them.’

  Was she? Maybe. But Alice was enough of a realist to know there was still a chance it wouldn’t last—even if the bubble of hope in her chest reminded her how much she wished it could.

  Liam turned and spotted her at last, smiling that lazy, slow smile that melted her insides every time.

  ‘In fairness, they both seem pretty besotted with you too,’ Heather observed, before wandering off to help with the next child waiting to see the man in red.

  Alice stared after her, computing her words. Besotted? That sounded a little too close to another emotion—one she and Liam had been very clear didn’t enter into their arrangement. Which was how it had to stay. Wasn’t it? She’d promised herself she wouldn’t let herself fall in love with Liam. Especially not before they knew if they could keep Jamie, if they were in this for the long haul. Falling in love now would be a disaster.

  Because if it was love that was causing this feeling in her chest, then how would she cope if she lost it again?

  ‘Alice?’

  At the sound of her name she spun to see Iona, the social worker, Dr Helene and another pale teenager standing behind her. Not just any teenager. Danielle—her missing assistant. And in that moment her bubble of hope burst.

  She knew what this meant. There was only ever one way this fairy tale she was living was going to end—and now apparently that ending was here, at Thornwood.

  Her legs wobbling, Alice walked forward to join them—even though all she wanted to do was grab Jamie and run far, far away. Somewhere where all the misery to come couldn’t touch them.

  But there was no place that could save her from this.

  ‘Hello, Danielle,’ she said. ‘You must be Jamie’s mother.’

  * * *

  Liam watched as Father Christmas—the vicar in a fake beard and red suit, apparently—handed out a gift to a small girl in plaits, who held it close to her body as if it was hidden treasure. It was hard not to smile, not to imagine Jamie, a couple of years from now, excited to meet Santa.