by CoraLee June
I played with the frayed edges of my cutoff shorts while waiting for him, my heart a tangled mess of nerves. This felt so personal. I knew Kai, but we never hung out without Violet there. I didn’t know about his family. His hobbies. I did know how skilled he was in the bedroom, thanks to my oversharing best friend. I also knew that he was a hard worker. He often took double shifts at the restaurant and wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He was thoughtful, making sure I had sunblock at the beach or offering me a block of wax for my board. He was definitely a skilled cook, the food he served at the restaurant was proof of that. And when he wasn’t fighting with Violet, he was considerate. Asking about her day and mine. Listening to stories about the surf shop without interrupting. He introduced himself to my mother when Violet dragged him over. He congratulated me when I got a good grade on my English test.
Maybe we were friends, but this was still a very intimate moment that felt forced. I’d always lumped him and Violet together as a unit, never taking the time to notice him separately. I wished I could pretend to be oblivious to the strangeness of it all.
“Here we go,” Kai said while walking toward me. He carried a cardboard box, hugging it close to his chest like it was precious gold.
“Are you sure you want to get rid of it?”
He sat down beside me instead of answering. His leg pressed against mine, and the heat rolling off of him grounded me. He kept the box in his lap as I started sifting through it, a chuckle breaking past my lips when I saw what was on top.
“She was always stealing my swimsuits,” I giggled before pulling out the strappy black bikini. “This is mine.”
Kai tenderly brushed his thumb along his bottom lip, and I wondered if he was thinking about something intimate between them. I continued to search through it. There was a perfume bottle. Mascara. A textbook. Nail polish. Violet was a mess, leaving a trail of debris in her path wherever she went. You could always tell when she came over. She’d leave her belongings scattered across the bathroom countertops.
I found a pair of cutoff shorts at the bottom of the pile and grabbed them. “These are mine too,” I said with a halfhearted giggle. Kai watched me as I pulled the shorts into my lap and started stroking the denim.
“She just kind of took over, huh?” Kai commented.
“She was the queen of better to ask forgiveness than permission,” I agreed.
Kai seemed lost in his thoughts, staring off in the distance. It felt wrong watching him have a vulnerable moment. “You know how we started dating?” he finally asked.
“Not really.”
“She saw me at a surf contest and informed me that I was taking her out. I was part terrified and part intrigued. She just kind of had that commanding presence. A confidence that couldn’t be faked.”
That definitely sounded like Violet. She saw something she wanted and went for it. Tears filled my eyes, and I started rifling through the pockets of the jeans to keep my hands and mind busy. It wasn’t until I dug into the back pocket that my finger connected with something hard. Plastic.
I pulled it out. It looked like a credit card but had the logo for one of the local hotels on it. It must have been a room card. “Do you want this?” I said with a smile. “Looks like a keepsake from a romantic evening.” I tried to keep my voice light, although for some reason, I felt...off. Anxious. Sad.
Kai grabbed it and frowned. “We never went to the Sandals Resort. We went nowhere other than this bus, really.”
I raised an eyebrow. Violet had never mentioned going to Sandals, which is strange because being whisked away for a romantic getaway is exactly the type of thing she reveled in. The realization slowly dawned on me that there would have to be a damn good reason for her not wanting to tell me about it—like a cheating on your boyfriend and knowing your best friend would disapprove kind of reason. This was something I would probably obsess over later, but I needed to swallow my concerns now.
“Oh, um,” I stammered, not wanting to upset Kai. “These shorts have been missing from my closet for a while, so I’m sure she went ages ago.” I flashed Kai a big, hopefully reassuring, smile while casually taking the keycard out of his hand and tucking it back into the pocket of the cutoffs.
I started looking through the box again, hoping for a distraction, when my eyes settled on some photos. I picked them up and started looking through them one by one. Most of them were selfies with different backgrounds. The beach. Violet’s house. The surf shop. Vi’s smiling face was the focal point in all the pictures, with Kai off to the side trying his best to look happy about taking thirty-seven selfies in a row. My dad had photobombed them in the picture at the surf shop. Vi must have taken it during one of her shifts. He was making a funny face and holding his arms out wide. Looking at it made me smile.
“Are you sure you don’t want any of the pictures?” I asked, still staring at them.
“They were more Violet’s thing. She printed them and brought them over one day; she said they made the bus feel cozier.” Kai shrugged. “I don’t want to look at them every day. I have pictures on my phone if I want them.”
I knew that everyone navigated grief differently. Some people clung to their loved one’s memories with a vise-like grip. Some wanted to completely eradicate the pain from their life. I didn’t want to judge Kai for being so quick to get rid of Violet’s things, but I didn’t understand it either. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t think I’d ever be ready.
“What are you thinking?” Kai asked as I put Violet’s things back in the box and sealed it shut.
“Just thinking how everyone processes things differently. I’m not ready to go through all her stuff at my house.”
Kai stiffened. “Are you accusing me of something? Just because I don’t want to cry over her box of crap doesn’t mean I don’t miss her, Breeze.”
I chewed on my lip. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m just different, that’s all.” I averted my gaze. There was something that had been bothering me since we found her body. It was probably foolish to bring it up, but I wanted to know. “You didn’t cry,” I whispered.
“What?”
“When we found her body, you didn’t cry. You didn’t go into shock. You didn’t do...anything. You dragged us out of the woods. You were calm in a way I never could be.”
I finally turned to face Kai and noticed a couple beads of sweat collecting on his brow. His shoulders were drawn up, with his elbows tucked into his sides. “If you want to know something, why don’t you just ask, Breeze?” Kai gritted.
“Why didn’t you cry?”
My question must have caught him off guard, because Kai furrowed his brow and stared at me before answering. “It wasn’t the first dead body I’d ever seen. Someone had to get you two out of there. I’m just better about compartmentalizing than most because I’ve seen more than most.”
I opened my mouth to ask him more. I wanted to know what he could have possibly seen to desensitize him to the graphic nature of Violet’s death. I didn’t understand how he could be so detached. But just as I was about to ask, a loud knock on the door interrupted us. I jumped at the sharp rapping of a fist on metal.
“Fuck,” Kai groaned. “Stay right here.” He got up and answered the door and I grabbed the discarded box of Violet’s belongings, clutching it close to my chest, as if her things could protect me from this awkward conversation. The moment the door was open, a low voice greeted Kai.
“Hey, bro. I got a shipment for you—”
“I have company,” Kai interrupted. I leaned over, trying to peer around Kai’s bulky body to see who was there.
“Company, huh? Mind if I introduce myself? We’re family after all.”
I didn’t think I had ever heard Kai talk about his family before. It was common knowledge on the island that he had moved out on his own at the age of seventeen, but I didn’t really know much more beyond that. I stepped out from behind Kai, eager to see who was there.
“Hi, I’m Breeze,” I introduced m
yself to the slightly older version of Kai.
“Well, hello, Breeze. I’m Lex. Kai’s older brother,” he said, leering at me. My skin instantly broke out in goose bumps.
Lex was tall and had black hair like Kai. But that’s where the similarities ended. While Kai was undeniably handsome, Lex’s allure came from the dangerous energy he radiated. His features were small and didn’t quite fill his face. He was lean, not overly muscular, and he was wearing all black, including his jacket that looked very out of place against the beach. I could see tattoos peeking over the neckline of his T-shirt and scrawled across his knuckles. But his single most defining feature was a scar that ran jagged across his right cheek. It began just under his dark, soulless eye and ended on the side of his mouth that was currently twisted into a sneer.
“Breeze. That’s a unique name,” he said with all of his attention focused on me. “I’m guessing you’re the same Breeze as Violet’s friend.”
It caught me off guard that Lex not only knew Violet, but he also knew who I was. I couldn’t remember Violet ever mentioning that Kai had a brother. With the serious bad vibes Lex was giving off, I couldn’t believe Violet wouldn’t have told me about him.
“Yes,” I responded, feeling the need to look confident. “That’s me. Violet was my best friend.” The word was stuck on my tongue like bubblegum. I didn’t like using the past tense where Violet was concerned. I especially didn’t like saying it to this stranger.
“Lex—” Kai started.
“It’s so sad what happened to her. I’m so sorry for your loss,” Lex interrupted, apologizing without a single trace of empathy in his voice.
“Thank you,” I said curtly. The little hairs on my arm were standing straight up. I glanced at Kai, who was standing with his lip curled in disgust. What was the history between these two?
“Listen, I was just here dropping something off for Kai, so I can’t stay. But we’re having a family barbecue tomorrow night. You should come. We can get to know each other better.”
“No,” Kai said firmly. “Breeze can’t come.”
“Sure she can, right, Breeze?” Lex said, never taking his eyes off of me. “She can be our guest of honor.”
“She’s busy.”
I wasn’t busy, but I wasn’t about to argue. Why didn’t Kai want me coming? And why the hell was Lex so insistent, especially since we just met. Did this have to do with Violet?
“Aw, I’m sure she can make time,” Lex said calmly, but it still managed to sound threatening. “I have to go, but I’ll see you both later. It was a pleasure to meet you, Breeze.”
Lex left, and I let out the breath I had been subconsciously holding.
“Fuck,” Kai cursed before slamming his fist into the side of the wall. I jumped at the rush of aggression and frustration.
“What? What’s wrong?” I asked while taking a tentative step closer.
“My brother does some shady shit, Breeze. I don’t really want you involved.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Was Violet involved? Are you involved?”
Kai gave me a pained expression that held all the answers his mouth wouldn’t form. “Fuck. I’ll pick you up tomorrow. You should go, Breeze. I’ll call later. I don’t think I can get you out of this.”
I blanched. “You can. I don’t have to go, Kai.” It seemed silly that a person I just met would have that much power over us.
Kai gnawed on his lip. “It’s complicated. I don’t want you to go, but it might be better if you do. Get it over with. He will question you, and I’d rather it happen while I’m there to watch you.”
“Question me about what?”
Kai chewed on his bottom lip before answering me. “Violet.”
“How does Lex know Violet, Kai? What aren’t you telling me?”
Kai didn’t answer me. There was a long, pregnant pause between us, and I gave up on trying to figure out what was going on. I guess I’d learn tomorrow at this BBQ.
I shook my head in disbelief, but I definitely would not argue. There were answers here, and I would figure it out. Grabbing the box of Violet’s belongings and clutching it to my chest, I headed outside. “See you tomorrow. Thanks for the stuff,” I murmured before slipping outside.
I pulled up to Chase’s mansion on the beach and nearly backed right back out at the sight of Celeste’s car parked in the drive. Violet’s belongings were sitting in the passenger seat of my dad’s Jeep, and I stared at them, feeling uncertain about showing up unannounced. There was a photo on the top, with Violet’s smiling face taking up most of the frame. She would have stormed in there like she owned the place. She wouldn’t apologize for showing up unannounced. She simply existed. She didn’t care about being judged or standing out. Even though Chase and I had bonded over the last couple of weeks, that didn’t mean our dynamic had changed. And it certainly didn’t mean that he’d stopped seeing Celeste. We were friends. Very close friends. I didn’t have to feel ashamed for stopping by.
Chase needed to know about Lex and the BBQ. I also wanted to see if he was interested in some of the pictures Kai gave me. I sat in my car for a few more moments, steeling myself with affirming words Violet used to pray over me.
You are unstoppable, Breeze Shirley. Act like it.
I grabbed the box and slowly made my way up the stairs to the Joneses’ immense deck, and I had to shuffle up the steps awkwardly to avoid putting strain on my side. I felt the strain with each step, and although I felt a brief lapse in my insecurities, I still knocked on the door instead of just letting myself in.
It took a few minutes before anyone answered the door. I tilted my chin up and puffed out my chest, crafting a smile of defiance and friendliness on my face. Celeste opened the door. She was wearing a loose white tank top with shorts that barely peeked out below. Her blond hair was pulled up in an effortless ponytail, and a touch of makeup made her sun-soaked skin glow.
“Oh! Hi, Breezy,” Celeste greeted me with an air of superiority. I flinched at the nickname. Chase had adopted it as a term of endearment; I’m sure he didn’t remember that Celeste and her crew used to torment me with it in middle school. Easy Breezy is what they called me. Ironic, considering I’m probably the last virgin in our class.
“Hi, Celeste.” I didn’t feel the need to ask her what she was doing here, I already had a pretty good idea. But she volunteered that information anyway.
“I was helping Chase work out some tension.” She rolled her shoulders and gave me a wink. “But I was just leaving,” Celeste added with a smirk before brushing past me. I couldn’t stop staring at the confident way she moved, my eyes following her as she practically skipped down the stairs. Before she got in her car, she gave me a little wave and called out, “Bye, Breezy!”
I waved politely before shutting the front door. I then walked up the large, winding stairs to Chase’s bedroom, arriving just in time to see him quickly pulling on a shirt and trying to smooth his hair into submission. The sight of his rippled abs made my breath hitch. His hair was wild, and there was a purple bruise on his neck. I knew that Chase wasn’t my boyfriend and that we weren’t exclusive, but it still felt like someone had punched me in the gut.
“Breeze! Celeste just, uh, brought me some lunch. Making sure I’m eating and taking care of myself, ya know? I didn’t know you were coming,” he rushed out while crossing his arms over his chest. He looked uncomfortable, but his words sounded forced, as if he wanted to seem casual and was failing. I hated this awkwardness between us.
“Yeah, sorry,” I muttered, trying my best to act like I was fine. It was probably better this way. It was wrong of us to try anything other than friendship. I didn’t think I could handle any additional guilt. Completely ignoring his comment about Celeste, I continued, “I picked up some things from Kai’s, and I wanted to bring them over. I also wanted to talk to you about something strange that happened while I was there.”
“You went to Kai’s house again?” Chase asked, his playful face now twisted in
a mix between anger and concern.
“Yeah, can we talk downstairs?” I asked, my nose wrinkled at the smell of sex in the air. I didn’t want to have this conversation here, with Chase’s bedding rumpled and Celeste’s jasmine perfume permeating my senses.
“Yeah, of course,” Chase said before quickly walking out of his room. He paused in the hallway and took the box from my hand before descending the steps. I slowly followed after him, taking my time as a swell of emotions built in my chest. Celeste was here. Chase had been so sweet to me. Tender. Caring. He spent the night and cuddled me.
But I guess he had other needs, too. Needs we both knew I wasn’t emotionally capable of meeting. There was still so much guilt weighing us down. Plus, it felt almost taboo. I couldn’t be with my best friend’s twin. Girl code didn’t just disappear because one of the girls was dead. This was better. Really. Chase cared about me, but as a friend. And I should be thankful for that—or at least that’s what I was telling myself.
“So, what is this stuff?” Chase asked when we were downstairs in the living room. I took a moment to look around before answering. The last time I was here, I was searching for Vi. The time before that, we were celebrating Chase and Violet’s eighteenth birthday. If I had known it would be the last time I’d ever see her, maybe I wouldn’t have hidden in the shadows. Maybe I would have danced more. Hugged her tighter. Drank something and actually enjoyed the evening. Maybe I would have ignored Violet and stayed behind when she insisted that I leave.
“It’s some things Violet left at Kai’s place. There are a few pictures in there I figured you might want.”
“Kai was just getting rid of all of this?” Chase asked before tenderly sifting through the box. He pulled out the black swimsuit and paused. “Isn’t this yours?” he smirked, and I felt my skin flush.