by CoraLee June
“Trust me.”
Lex stalked over to us and paused right in front of us. “You look cozy. Glad to see you’ve moved on, brother. Violet was a high maintenance bitch. Us Lewis men don’t have time for princesses.”
Blinding rage surged through my body, but Kai’s grip held me still. To an onlooker, we looked like lovers embraced in a sweet cuddle. But his arms were like steel traps, caging me in. I felt like a shark in shallow waters, willing to fight for food and for my life. “I’m guessing you and Violet weren’t that close if you’re already fucking her boyfriend,” Lex continued with a light chuckle. Flames of fury burned through my awareness. Kai held me close.
“Fuck off, Lex,” Kai said in a bored tone.
“I’m just saying. I’m glad you moved on. Violet was trouble. You need a woman you can keep under your thumb. Why don’t you come help me in the kitchen, Breeze? I bought some pies.” I looked at Kai, not sure if I should go with Lex. The gesture seemed to make Lex preen. He let out a low whistle. “Look at that. So submissive. Already looking to you for permission.”
Kai shook his head in annoyance. “We’re comfortable here. Find someone else to help.”
Lex clicked his tongue. “Now, that’s not very nice. I just want to get to know her. I promise not to hurt a pretty little hair on her pretty little head.”
I swallowed. I didn’t want to go back in that house, and I certainly didn’t want to be alone with Lex.
“No,” Kai insisted.
“I wasn’t asking,” Lex replied, this time with more force. I could see the veins in his neck bulging threateningly.
I turned to Kai and pressed my palm against his chest, noting that his heart was racing at my touch. “I’ll be fine. Be right back.” It was better to just go along with whatever Lex wanted so we could hurry up and leave. Besides, I was feeling slightly brave. I wanted to know more about Violet’s role here. It was obvious she wasn’t liked, but why?
I slowly got up, and Kai’s hands lingered on my hips until I stepped away. “Five minutes,” Kai growled.
“Whatever, asshole. No use being possessive for some pussy,” Lex replied with a laugh while leading me toward the house, and the second we were back inside, a creeping sense of claustrophobia made me wince. “You like apple pie, Breeze?”
“Yep,” I replied with a swallow.
“Me too. I like to top mine with some ice cream. Kai and I used to make homemade ice cream with our Ma. She was the best.”
Curiosity got the best of me. “Was?”
“She died when I was ten. Kai was only seven. Dad was an angry man, ya know?” Lex winked, as if talking about his mother’s death was some sort of inside joke. I didn’t understand it. “Death makes you reckless. You see, I was real mad at my old man when Ma died.” Lex sifted through the kitchen as I listened. My heart felt like it was going to jump right out of my chest.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I wanted revenge for her death. So I waited until my dad was good and drunk.” Lex pulled a large knife out of a drawer that was hanging open and showed it to me. I took a step backward, making him smile. “But Dad had a knife on him. Never left home without his switchblade.”
Lex stalked closer to me, flipping the knife in his hand haphazardly. I pressed my back against the wall of the trailer, swallowing a scream when a roach climbed down the wall to my left. Lex continued to move closer and closer. “I tried to attack him, but he was too fast. Too quick with his blade. You know what I learned that night, Breeze?”
“What?” I choked out. I wanted to get away from him. Where was Kai?
“Let the dead be. Nothing good comes from revenge, Breeze. My own father sliced his blade across my cheek. And then two years later, he drowned. Such a sad accident.”
I stared at the ugly scar on his face with part pity, part fear. It didn’t take a genius to understand his threat. Lex didn’t want me searching for answers. I locked my knees as Lex positioned himself just inches from me. He used the tip of the blade and dragged it across my cheek, mimicking the exact spot where he was cut. The light but sharp touch made me hold my breath. I squeezed my eyes shut as he continued to speak. “You understand, Breeze? You have such a pretty face. I used to have a pretty face, too.”
Lex pulled away and focused his attention back on the pies. He took one out of the box and started slicing it with unnecessary force. “I like mine warmed up. Whadya think, Breeze, want yours warm too?” he asked casually, like he hadn’t just threatened me.
“Yep,” I managed to squeak out. I didn’t want pie, and I didn’t want to be in this kitchen for another second, but my survival instincts rooted me to the floor. I didn’t want to do anything that Lex might think is disrespectful.
“So, you and Violet weren’t all that close after all? I could have sworn you said she was your best friend,” Lex asked, sussing me out. “Did she ever talk about us? She used to love coming here,” Lex sneered. He put the pie in the microwave and turned to face me, waiting for my answer.
I hesitated and then went with my gut and lied, “No, we were best friends when we were little. But not so much anymore. She never mentioned coming out here.”
Lex looked me over from head to toe, making no effort to hide his gaze lingering at the skin where my shorts stopped. His eyes on my body made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t look away. Didn’t give him any kind of reaction. The microwave dinged, and I hoped my face didn’t betray me by revealing my relief.
“Kai upgraded, if you ask me.” Lex smirked. “Violet was too much work. Well, if you’re sure she never said anything about us, then I guess we don’t have anything left to talk about. Let’s go back outside. Ladies first.”
I had the distinct feeling that Lex’s eyes were glued to my ass the entire way back to the barbecue.
My mother once told me that people talked about what they feared. People who were afraid of being poor usually talked about their designer clothes and expensive tastes. People who were afraid of being dumb made sure to be the person in the room with all the answers. I was afraid of forgetting Violet, so I compulsively brought her up every chance I got.
When I went to the beach, I mentioned her favorite spots for sunbathing. When we went to the local diner, I stared at the menu and talked about her love for strawberry shakes. When a song came on the radio that she liked, I imagined her dancing to the beat, her hips swaying as she laughed.
Over the last few hours, I realized that Kai never really spoke. Getting him to talk was like pulling a deeply buried splinter from calloused skin. He didn’t open his mouth and spew words about where his family came from or what his brother was up to. He drove in complete silence, locking his thoughts behind the barrier of his teeth. I wanted to know more, especially after my confrontation with Lex, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he feared them or not. Was his silence acceptance or something more?
I was surprised when we pulled up to his home. “Aren’t you going to take me home?” I asked. The moon was high in the sky, and the crashing waves could be heard in the distance. The smell of salt in the air was refreshing and comforting. I looked at his refurbished bus with new eyes. It was clean and organized. Fresh. Kai took care of his home, and after seeing the conditions he grew up in, I understood the pride he felt in his place.
“Your mom is working tonight, and when we drove by the surf shop, your dad’s car was still parked there,” he stated as if that answered my question.
“And your point is?”
Kai clenched his jaw. “I don’t want you to be home alone right now. I promise, after tonight, you can go back to living your life. For now, I just want to make sure you’re safe, okay?”
A sinking feeling of dread overwhelmed me. Didn’t Kai know? I could never go back to normal. Did Kai think Lex would come to my house? I nodded and quickly followed him inside. The dark bus was warm from being off all day, and the humidity caused beads of sweat to form along my hairline. Kai flipped on the generator, and a loud buzzing filled my ears. The
lights flickered on, and the air conditioner started blowing through the window unit. I moved to sit in front of it, letting the icy air blow over my damp, heated skin.
As I stood there, it felt like I was staring up at a tidal wave of my emotions. I was powerless to keep it at bay. It was building, building, building. Fear. Hate. Grief. Despair. And then it crashed.
“Are you okay?” Kai asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. I didn’t know how to answer that question. I knew he was just concerned, but I struggled to keep my emotions in check. I wrestled with whether or not I wanted to go down the rabbit hole tonight, but ultimately decided that I had to know.
“Did your brother kill Violet, Kai?” I asked before looking down at the ground. I didn’t want to see him when he answered. I didn’t want to know what this meant. Lex warned me that searching for answers would have consequences, but I had to know. I just had to.
I heard Kai pad across the wooden floor and felt the warmth of his presence at my back. I braced my palms on the countertop in front of me, squeezing the hard edges while waiting for his answer.
“I-I don’t know,” Kai murmured.
Hearing his answer broke whatever dam was left holding back my grief and rage. I reacted on pure instinct. Spinning around, I punched Kai in the chest. I hit him again. I slapped him. I balled my fist and slammed hit after hit as hot tears streamed down my face. I cried. I broke. I died a little while marking his skin with fierce anger. Blaring red blotches of skin greeted me with every punch. He didn’t stop me. He didn’t even argue. He took every ounce of pain until my arms were shaking and weak. And when my trembling legs nearly gave out, he scooped me up and carried me to the couch.
It felt like someone had poured concrete down my throat. We needed to do something. We needed to go to the police. We needed to…
“Violet once went to the house without me. We had a huge fight that morning. She was worried I was cheating or something. She was always so fucking paranoid about that. So I guess she decided to take matters into her own hands and ask him if I was. Fucking stupid.” My mind flashed to the hotel keycard I found in the pocket of her shorts. People usually deflected blame to throw suspicion off of their own behaviors. Was Violet cheating?
I tried to search my memory but came up short. If I were being honest, Violet and Kai were always fighting. About everything. If Kai didn’t immediately text her back. If Violet wanted to drag him to some party. If Kai worked too much. Hell, they even fought about me. Kai hated it when Violet tried to dress me up and parade me around town. Sometimes I wondered if he was just looking for an excuse to argue. It was rarer when they weren’t at each other’s throats. “What happened?”
“That’s the thing. I don’t know. Hank was the one that told me she was there, and when I called to see what the fuck she was doing, she yelled at me. I was shocked she even went in the first place. Violet hated going there, not that I blamed her. Lex lives in a dump.” My mind went back to the overflowing trash and the smell of rotten food. “At first, I pushed for an explanation, but she was really fucking shaken up. I try to avoid my family as much as I can, so at the time, I was okay with dropping the subject. But it gnawed at me and I brought it up again a few days later. I never could get her to give me a straight answer about what she was doing there in the first place. She always just brushed me off or gave me some vague answer or pushed it off on me being suspicious and her just looking into things. She was...never the same after that. She distanced herself a bit. I’d catch her talking to Lex around town. I asked her probably a million times what happened, but she refused to tell me. She even said they were friends—friends! Then she went on this tangent about me minding my own business. It was one of our biggest fights.”
It was so odd to me that Violet could have been going through something without me knowing. We told each other everything. We shared everything. I thought I knew her so well, I thought I would know if she was going through something. I was supposed to know all her secrets, wasn’t I? “She never told you? Why?” I asked.
Kai folded his hands in front of him and sighed. When his eyes met mine, I was hit with so much pain I had to look away. “Maybe it was because she knew that I wanted nothing to do with my family.” I didn’t understand what compelled me to do so, but I reached out and placed my hand over his. He continued. “I worked really fucking hard to move out. To escape. My father wasn’t a good man. Actually, Lex is a lot like him. And when my dad died, Lex started working with our cousins, pushing drugs until he was old enough to take over.”
I shivered at the thought of two Lexes being in this world. “That’s why you moved out?”
“Yeah. With both my mom and dad gone, Hank took over as our guardian. He didn’t pay much attention to us and let Lex do whatever he wanted. I don’t think Hank even noticed when I moved out. I meet my brother once a week because my mother made us promise that we’d always be together. It was one of the last things she asked of us. I think she knew she was going to die.”
My heart swelled with pain for Kai. His entire body was tense, as if bracing for the invisible punch of disappointment. I could see sweat breaking out on his forehead, and his knuckles were white from clenching them. Kai felt like a wall of pain he refused to tear down. I couldn’t imagine the responsibility of being tied to a family you hated. “I want nothing to do with the drugs or the violence. Abuse runs through these veins, and I escaped it as much as I could. I have to play nice to honor my mom, but there is no love between Lex and me. And if he hurt Violet…”
Kai’s eyes narrowed and turned a shade darker. He didn’t have to finish his sentence for me to understand exactly what he was thinking. It was in this moment that I knew, without a doubt, Kai did not kill Violet. His vulnerability softened my own anger, and before I realized what I was doing, I reached out and brushed his cheek with my thumb.
Kai looked surprised at my touch. The look on his face was enough for me to remember that he was grieving. I started to drop my arm, but he caught my hand in his and brought it back up to his face, the fresh stubble biting at my skin.
“Breeze,” he rasped as he moved his other hand to my waist and pulled me closer.
A million thoughts swam through my head all at once. Kai’s touch electrified every cell in my body. All I wanted was to feel good again, and his skin on mine pumped adrenaline through my veins. It was so wrong, and I didn’t want it to stop. I wasn’t thinking about anything. My mind was wholly consumed with Kai. His tenderness. His passion. His pain.
Kai moved his hand to the back of my neck and drew me in. Without hesitation, I reached up and brought my lips to his. He kissed me back fiercely. His mouth parted, and his tongue explored my bottom lip before breaking through to find my tongue.
Heat flooded my body, settling between my thighs. My worries were replaced with a deep need to be as close to Kai as possible. I pressed my body against his and held him tight as our tongues moved furiously against each other.
Kai’s hands wandered down my back and gripped my ass. He lifted me up easily, positioning my legs around him, and carried me to the bedroom. He laid me down on the simple black sheets and then lowered himself on top of me. His weight on top of me brought me back to reality. Oh my God, what are we doing?
“Kai…” I whispered, my voice full of pain.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” He pulled away from me, and his eyes cleared.
“I wanted it to,” I admitted. “But I’m just not sure it’s a good idea.” I started to stand up to leave.
“Stay,” Kai demanded, though his voice sounded deceptively tender. “Stay the night. I don’t want you going back to an empty house. I promise nothing will happen.”
I didn’t really want to go back to an empty house either; I felt safer with Kai. Lex was undoubtedly dangerous, and there was still so much to learn. I was shocked that Violet considered him a friend. “Okay.”
Kai
gave me one of his oversized shirts to wear, and I got changed in his bathroom. The entire time I was in there, I obsessed about what we’d done. How could I do that to Violet? Why did I want to do it again? Once I came back out into the living room, a folded blanket and pillow were sitting on the leather couch, and Kai had already disappeared inside his partitioned bedroom, giving me space.
I stared at the door and gnawed on my lip. “Goodnight, Kai,” I whispered to the closed door before going to the couch and lying down. I cuddled into the blanket and closed my eyes, trying to let sleep take me away, but it wouldn’t come.
Visions of Lex and Violet held my thoughts hostage. Why would Violet go to Lex’s without Kai? It was the type of place she would never set foot in if she didn’t have to. I could imagine her crinkling up her nose at the flies circling the trash can.
Then images of Violet and Lex intertwined on ratty stained sheets invaded my thoughts. I didn’t want to believe that Violet was cheating on Kai, and definitely not with his brother. There had to be another reason for her going there on her own. I tossed and turned, wrestling with the idea of Lex and Violet together and then assuring myself that Violet wouldn’t do that.
Giving up on the idea of sleep, I got up and quietly slipped out the front door. Standing on the beach and looking out onto the ocean helped clear my head. I walked closer to the water and sat down on the cool sand.
“What were you doing?” I asked Violet, the universe, or whoever was listening. “I wish you were here to talk to me about it. I wish you had talked to me about it while you were still here.”
I sat and listened to the water, watching the patterns the moonlight made as it rushed back and forth. When my thoughts were calmer and my eyelids felt heavy, I got up and went back inside the bus.
Dear Diary,
He makes me feel dirty. I want to scrub my skin until it’s polished and new. Orgasms have turned to guilt. I think they know. We’re bound to be caught soon.