Aggro: An Emotional Forbidden Romance

by CoraLee June

  I knew that. I knew it. Violet might have had her issues, but she did love me. The kind of friendship we had couldn’t be faked.

  “It just feels like I’m learning a lot about Violet now that she’s gone, and it’s hard because I can’t talk to her about any of it. She can’t tell me what she was thinking or why she hid things from me,” I said.

  “You have to make a choice, baby. You can let these new things that you are learning eat away at you. Or you can actively choose to remember Violet as your best friend who loved you.”

  I thought about what my mom said, and she was right. The night of her party, the night Violet died, she had so much going on in her own life, but she still stood up for me, and she died trying to protect me. She loved me the best way that she could, and I loved her completely. We all had faults and flaws, and we loved each other in spite of them. She wasn’t here to explain herself, and I owed it to my best friend to love her in spite of the things I found out. She was still the girl I grew up with—still my best friend.

  Dear Diary,

  I almost told Breeze today. We were sitting in my bedroom. I could practically feel the pulse of life in my stomach. We were talking about the normal things. School. Boys. The future. She looked so calm. So sure of herself and her happy life. I love her, Diary. I really do. But I know if she knew the truth, she’d hate me. So I pretended, like I always do. I let her think the world was good. I let her think I was her best friend.

  XOXO,

  Violet

  The weekend had gone by far too quickly. Talking to my mom had helped clear my head and gave me a new perspective, but I wasn’t looking forward to being around everybody at school—especially now that the rumors were spreading like wildfire that Chase had killed Violet. People could be so cruel, finding a hint of sensationalized gossip and grasping it in their fists. They didn’t really need an excuse to spread their lies.

  I kept my head down and did my best to ignore the whispers in the hallways as I walked to my classes. I swung by my locker on the way to my last class of the day, and when I opened the door, the picture of Violet greeted me. Instead of bringing tears to my eyes, the photo made me smile at how radiant and happy she looked. I put my books away and shut the locker door to find Chase standing on the other side.

  The smile vanished from my lips as I stared at him. My mother’s words about Chase being lost echoed in my mind. I took a deep breath and tried to push the image of Celeste’s neck with the finger-shaped marks out of my mind.

  “What do you want, Chase?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I just wanted to check on you.” Chase’s eye was swollen, black, and blue. He had a busted lip and swollen face. He looked like hell.

  “I’m fine,” I replied stiffly.

  Chase huffed before closing in on me. He wrapped his arms around my trembling body and pulled me into his chest. I breathed in his woodsy scent, grounded by the sober safety he offered. This was the Chase I knew and loved. Comforting and protective. “I’m sorry, Breezy Baby. I’ve been a shit friend lately. Do you hate me?”

  I squeezed him tighter. “You know it would take more than a stupid, drunken night for me to hate you.”

  Chase pulled back. “Oh really?” he asked, cocking his brow. “That’s good. Because apparently, I murdered my sister. Or at least that’s what everyone at this fucking school is insinuating now. For the record, Celeste likes to be choked when we fuck. I just went a little too hard last time.”

  His words made me want to gag, but I wasn’t hit in the gut with the jealous revulsion l came to expect whenever I thought of Chase with someone else. Maybe I was finally getting over my crush. As I became closer to Kai, my feelings evolved. Chase would always be important to me, but the more I learned about him, the more I realized that although there was friendship there, he wasn’t healthy for me. Maybe now we could actually be friends without the pressure of something more hanging over us.

  Chase wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled it up to his mouth, kissing the sensitive skin there with tender lips. “What are you doing?” I asked while watching him gaze lovingly at me.

  “I’m done with Celeste, Breezy Baby. Done with everything.” Although his words were meant to make me soar with hope, I just felt relief that he would stop using her. I actually felt pretty bad for Celeste. It wasn’t fair that Chase fucked his way through grief.

  An idea struck me. “Hey, my mom was talking about having you over for dinner. Maybe we could invite Kai, and the two of you can talk?”

  Chase’s face soured. “Fuck that dude. I’d rather get stung by a jellyfish on my dick.”

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s pretty harsh. Look, he knows stuff about Violet you need to hear. I found her diary—”

  “Yeah. I know. And you didn’t think to tell me about it? Is that what you’ve been doing, Nancy Drew? Working with fucking Kai to find out what happened? I thought you and I were doing this together, huh?”

  I wanted to lash out but kept calm instead. “Chase. You haven’t exactly been answering my calls. You’ve been distant, and Kai…”

  “Kai swooped in to save the day, huh? You fucking him, Breeze? You let him fuck you? Console you with his dick? I know how grief makes you horny.” I gasped at his painful words and thought back to our kiss at Violet’s funeral. Maybe I was lost and confused that day, but things had changed. How dare he! “I don’t need Kai. I don’t need anything from anyone. And you know what else, Breeze? I’m starting to think I don’t need you.”

  Chase started to saunter off, but for the first time in my life, I didn’t crumble at the idea of confrontation. No. I refused to let him destroy himself like this. We had too much history, and I felt too protective of Violet’s legacy and her love for Chase to let him throw it all away. I also refused to be treated this way.

  I reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him back. Chase’s eyes widened in shock, and I took advantage of his confusion. “You know what, Chase Jones? I love you. We grew up together. I saw you in your awkward toothless phase. I watched my first scary movie with you in fourth grade and didn’t laugh when you had to sleep with a nightlight. Violet and I might have been best friends, but there’s a special place in my heart for you, too. We could be friends, if you’d let yourself be loved.”

  Chase clenched his teeth. “Everyone I love leaves me.”

  My heart broke for him at that moment. “Then don’t give me a reason to leave. Be my friend. Let’s get through this together.” My voice carried throughout the hallway. “You aren’t the only one hurting. And when you aren’t fucking around and confusing me, you’re hitting me with crude words. This push and pull is like a game to you—a game I don’t want to play. I get it. You’re hurting. I’m hurting too. I’m pissed off. I’m confused. I want to murder the bastard that killed Violet. But you don’t get to be cruel just because you feel pain differently than me. You don’t get to speak to me this way because you don’t know how to process things in a healthy way.”

  Chase had the decency to look ashamed. “Breezy Baby,” he whispered.

  “Don’t Breezy Baby me,” I sneered. “For the record? I hate that nickname. Just because it’s you saying it, doesn’t mean the negative connotation from my bullies suddenly disappears. Figure your shit out. Man up. Be sad. Feel your feels. But don’t you dare ever talk to me that way again. You’re better than this. If you want my loyalty, be my friend. Be the guy I know you are.”

  And with those parting words, I spun on my heel and ran away.

  I didn’t have to work at the surf shop after school, but instead of going home, I decided to pull up to a quiet piece of the beach and catch up on my severely neglected studies. I went to The Point. It’s a secluded beach with a picnic table, and the only people were specks off in the distance. The sounds of the ocean drowned out my earlier conversation with Chase. It had been playing in my mind on repeat all afternoon. Even though it was a difficult conversation to have, I was feeling really proud of myself for stan
ding my ground and knew Violet would have been too.

  Opening my planner, I saw what needed to be done in order to catch up and save my grades. I had already been accepted to my first choice university, but hearing stories of people blowing off their senior year and their acceptances being withdrawn was more than enough incentive for me to buckle down. This was just another step in the process of moving on. I hated it, but it was necessary.

  I opened my books and completely lost myself in math, science, and history. It wasn’t until my belly started rumbling that I realized I had been out here for hours. After finishing one last lab report for biology and packing up, I felt good about my progress. Doing something mundane and tedious helped me feel settled in a sense of normalcy for a bit. I realized that I needed to do more things like this if I was ever going to heal. My life needed routine. Leaving my bag on the table and slipping off my sandals, I went to dip my toes in the water before heading back home.

  Standing at the water’s edge, watching the gulls and thinking about how much my life had changed, it seemed unreal. Vi was ripped away from me, and that act of senseless violence had reshaped my entire world. Looking back on my life through a lens of grief, it seemed so innocent and juvenile. My crush on Chase felt pitiful, and letting Celeste push me around felt laughable. Mostly, I just wished that I could tell my past self to treasure my time with Violet.

  My toes started to prune, and my stomach was getting more insistent that something should be in it. Hoisting my bookbag off the picnic table, I got on my bike to make the short ride home. When I got there, both of my parents’ cars were in the driveway, and I wondered what my dad was cooking for dinner. My mom didn’t like to cook, and I suspected that she had burned more than one dinner on purpose to get out of doing it. It worked out though, because my dad loved to cook. He said he found it relaxing.

  Opening the door, I could feel my mouth practically watering, but instead of being greeted by a savory aroma, my mom called out for me from the kitchen. I walked into the other room and set my bag down, disappointed by the lack of dinner.

  “Hey, sweetie, I’m glad you’re home. There’s something I need to tell you,” my mom said.

  Grabbing a granola bar from the pantry first, I took the seat across from her at the table. “What’s going on?”

  “Kai’s been arrested.”

  “What? Why?” I asked, shocked.

  “I’m surprised you haven’t heard already. The entire island is buzzing about it. I’m not really sure what is true and what is gossip.” Kai and I hadn’t spoken since the night of the party. I felt too torn between my loyalty to Chase and attraction to Kai to address the elephant in the room. I was avoiding him. I was avoiding everything lately.

  “I was studying at The Point and haven’t seen anybody since I left school. Mom, why was he arrested?”

  “It seems like his arrest was related to Violet’s murder.”

  My heart sank. I couldn’t help but wonder if they found something in the diary I’d given the police. Detective Rodriguez promised to let me know if there were any developments in the case, but maybe that was just something he said to pacify me. I itched to get on my bike and ride down to the police station and demand answers.

  “Baby?” Mom asked. “You okay?”

  I shook my head. “No. Kai is innocent, Mom. I just wish I knew what was going on.” I fidgeted, feeling antsy all of a sudden. How could they just arrest him? On what grounds?

  Mom let out a sigh. “Just let the police do their job, okay? I’m sure they’re being overly cautious. This is a tourist town. Lots of money wrapped up in its image. People don’t want to come to the island if a murderer is loose, and Violet’s death has reached national coverage. The police feel a lot of pressure to check every lead. Be patient. I’m sure it’s only temporary, and you know how everyone gossips like they have nothing better to do.”

  I nodded before digging through my pockets for my phone. I needed to do something—anything. After pulling it out, I sent a quick text to Kai. I knew he couldn’t answer it if he was actually arrested, but maybe he could respond when he got released. There was no way in hell he did this. The police couldn’t keep him for long. I knew it in my gut that Kai was innocent.

  Me: Call me as soon as you get home.

  I stared at my phone screen for a long while, debating on texting Chase and finally decided to do it. He was probably happy that Kai was sitting in a cell.

  Me: Do you know why Kai was arrested?

  The chat bubble immediately appeared. It danced along the screen, as if Chase was typing and deleting in frantic response.

  Chase: I got called in earlier. They wanted to know if Violet had any more journals lying around the house. BTW—I’m still pissed you didn’t tell me about that. They asked about my face again. They probably want to see if I got a few punches in, too.

  Fuck. Fuck! I immediately started typing.

  Me: Are you pressing charges?

  Chase: No. I’m not my fucking father, Breezy Baby. I don’t settle everything with a lawsuit.

  Chase: *Breeze

  I smiled a little. At least some of our previous conversation stuck. He’d corrected himself about my name. It was a start.

  Me: If you hear anything, can you let me know? I know you don’t like Kai, but I really think you should work together.

  Chase never responded. I spent my evening pacing the floors and wondering what the police could possibly want with Kai. It probably looked bad that he beat the shit out of Chase. I just had to hope they released him soon. I wanted to storm down to the police station, but I knew that wouldn’t do any good. There wasn’t much I could do, even though I was buzzing with anxiety. I prayed Kai would call soon.

  Kai: I’m home.

  The second I got that text, I shot out of bed, quickly typing my response. It was early Friday morning, and even though I knew I should go to school, I quickly got ready for the day and rode my bike to Kai’s place instead. Mom and Dad would probably be pissed that I was skipping again, but I had to know. Knowledge was like a drug, and I was addicted to answers.

  Kai was sitting outside on a lawn chair when I pulled up. He was smoking a cigarette and staring at the ocean, his expression full of exhaustion. He was wearing his work outfit, as if the police had plucked him from his job last night. He had the sleeves rolled up, and the black tattoos on his forearms peeked out. When my bike came to a stop, I got off and jogged over to him. “Kai?” I asked. “Fuck, I was so worried.”

  He took a slow drag of his cigarette, and when he exhaled, the smoke flowed around him, filling the air with the smell of tobacco. His eyes brightened a bit at the sight of me. I was sure I looked a distraught mess. My hair was a mess, and sweat clung to my scalp as I calmed my breathing from the hurried bike ride I’d just finished. I could feel the early morning sun blistering my bare shoulders.

  “Little Whisper, were you worried about me?” he asked in a teasing voice. I was beginning to really like that nickname for me.

  “What happened? People are saying you were arrested?” I looked around for another seat but settled for standing near him. Kai took his time responding to me, making a show of putting out his cigarette before wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me onto his lap. At first, I felt rigid with tension, but the relief I felt at seeing him made me melt into the hard planes of his body.

  “They just had a few questions. The ambiguity of Violet’s journals coupled with Chase’s black eye made them want more details about our relationship. We ended up coming to an agreement of sorts…”

  “An agreement?”

  Kai held me closer. I breathed in the scent of salt and tobacco on his skin. “They agree that Lex’s involvement is questionable. A couple more people came forward saying they saw Violet chatting with him around town. They want me to be an informant for them to build a case against him.”

  I shot up from his lap. “What?” I asked, my voice shaky. “How?”

  “I think Lex is the
father. I saw them together a few times, and he took a particular interest in Violet that never really made sense. It’s the only explanation. Violet didn’t talk to anyone else. Yeah, she was a major flirt, but he was the only consistent presence. She even defended him to me. Lex has proven his violent tendencies, and I want to get to the bottom of this. My forced loyalty isn’t to Lex anymore. Ma might have wanted us to live happily ever after, but he abused my grief and used it to get me to work for him. My loyalty is to you. It’s to Violet’s memory. I want to help the police catch him.”

  I couldn’t believe what Kai was saying about his brother. “Are you sure, Kai? This is huge. How do you plan on doing that? I don’t want you putting yourself in danger.”

  Kai stood up and wrapped his arms around me. I held him tight against my trembling body. I knew firsthand how temperamental and dangerous Lex was. The threats he’d thrown my way were proof enough of that. “I’m going to get closer to him—temporarily. I’m going to figure out what happened—”

  “No. I don’t like that, Kai. I’m not going to risk you.”

  I felt Kai smile against my neck. He was nuzzling me, breathing me in. “You care about me, Little Whisper?” he asked, his voice nothing more than a rasp.

  “Of course I care,” I stammered. “I don’t like this. Let the police handle it.”

  Kai pulled away and licked his lips, staring down at me. “Can I kiss you? Hearing you all worried about me makes me want to kiss your worries away.”

  I chewed the inside of my cheek. This felt like a big moment. Something that would send us diving into the depths of this budding thing between us. I knew I had a choice here. I knew I could push him away, and Kai would accept that. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want any more distance between us. I was feeling on the edge of something that felt bigger than the both of us. My mother’s words burned through my mind. I needed to let go of my guilt. I needed to live my life.