Aggro: An Emotional Forbidden Romance

by CoraLee June

  “Oh, Kai,” I whispered before rushing to him and wrapping my arms around his middle. “Babe, it’s not your fault.”

  “I told you I was a monster. I was relieved the night she said that the baby wasn’t mine. I was thinking of you when she died. And now…”

  “You can’t do this to yourself,” I whispered.

  “You really can’t,” another voice interrupted. I turned around to face Chase, who was staring at us with a frown on his face. “Violet fucked us all over.”

  “Chase,” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say.

  “She wasn’t a child. She knew what she was doing. My sister tore apart a family. She fucking cheated on you. She lied to all of us.” Chase clenched his fists before continuing. “I don’t want anyone to talk about what they could have done. Not here. Not in this big, empty house. Not in front of me. Violet made her own decisions. I don’t want her actions to ruin anything else.” Chase picked up a picture frame and tossed it at the wall. The sound of glass shattering filled my ears, and when I looked at the photo lying in a pile of shards on the floor, my heart broke. It was a photo of Chase and Violet when they were kids. Both of them wore wild smiles.

  “You’re gonna need to man up. So what if your brother is a piece of shit? Breeze needs you right now. The time for feeling bad about this has passed. We’re too far gone. Be there for Breeze, or I will.”

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kai growled.

  “It means exactly what I said. Figure it out.”

  Chase disappeared before Kai could respond. I felt so stunned by what Chase said and by Kai’s feelings that I didn’t know what to say. It was all too much. “I’m going to go,” Kai whispered.

  “What? Please don’t leave. I need you.” I couldn’t do this alone. Not tonight.

  “Chase is right. I need to get my shit together so I’m not making things worse for you.”

  “We can figure it out together,” I rushed out. “Stay. If you leave, I won’t be able to handle it.”

  Kai let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “Okay. Okay.” I hugged him tighter, my body exhausted. My mind was racing. My soul felt numb, but I couldn’t face this without Kai. I wanted to be there for him, too.

  The two of us sat down on the couch, and I rested my head on his lap, clutching his thigh with my fingers, as if to keep him in place. “Promise you won’t leave?” I asked.

  “Promise.”

  Weeks had gone by since my father’s arrest, but it was still the only thing anyone on the island could talk about. I understood it, nothing like this had ever happened before. I was still getting used to hearing my name in hushed whispers, but at least I didn’t break down in tears every time someone pointed at me anymore.

  Our little island didn’t have anywhere fit to hold my father while he awaited trial, so he was transferred to the closest prison on the main island. He could have been on a different continent for all it mattered to me. He hadn’t tried to call me or my mom, which was fine by us. We never wanted to see or hear from him again. We both just wanted to forget he even existed, not that the island would let us.

  Mom had taken a leave of absence from the hospital, and I couldn’t go back to school. The entire school loved Violet. I couldn’t face the accusing stares from her friends and our teachers. I couldn’t face the questions from people who didn’t even really know her but were morbidly curious. I couldn’t face walking the halls alone, knowing that if Violet and I hadn’t been friends, she would still be alive.

  My mom was able to work with the school to find a way for me to finish out my senior year from home. Between the internet and Chase helping wherever he could, it was actually pretty easy to get my work done. I threw myself into it every day, reading my textbooks and completing assignments like it was my life’s mission. My grades had never been better.

  Chase was still going to school and had even managed to make up for all of his absences following Violet’s murder. With Lex’s disappearance, Kai wasn’t doing deliveries for him anymore. But he was picking up a lot more shifts at the restaurant, and he wasn’t really around much. I tried not to take it personally. I didn’t know if he was deliberately pushing me away or if he needed to pick up the extra hours. Many times, I wanted to ask, but we were so distant I didn’t even know how to address it. Were we a couple? Was this it? We had also closed the surf shop. I couldn’t bear to step foot in the shop again, so my mom went and got our personal things and hung a sign on the door that read Closed Indefinitely.

  Since I wasn’t physically going to school anymore, I had a lot more free time. Even with reading every word thoroughly, meticulously filling out worksheets and writing papers, I was done every day around lunch. It turns out that there was a lot of wasted time built into the school day: passing periods, listening to the teacher explain the same concept to the one person who just doesn’t understand for the fourth time, and waiting for the class to settle down at the beginning of each period.

  I fell into a new routine of doing my schoolwork, eating lunch with my mom, and then spending the rest of the afternoon in the ocean. I usually drove to The Point since it was secluded to begin with, but factoring in that everybody was either at school or work, I rarely saw another person.

  I usually surfed until the end of the school day, and then I would go over to Chase’s. But today my muscles were screaming after only an hour in the water. I tried to push through, but I gave in and got out to lie on the warm sand, letting my body rest. I didn’t even care that the sand was sticking to my wet skin and hair. I surrendered to the physical and mental exhaustion and fell asleep right there on the beach.

  I woke up hours later to strong hands gently shaking my shoulders. As I slowly came out of the haze of my impromptu afternoon nap, I realized that it was Chase and he was saying something, but I wasn’t awake enough to register what it was.

  “Breeze, wake up,” Chase repeated.

  I lifted myself up onto my arms and squinted at Chase. The sun was directly behind him, so I was having a hard time seeing his face. “What’s going on?”

  “I found something, and I think you need to see it.”

  I scrambled to my feet, any trace of grogginess wiped out, and brushed the sand off my body as I followed Chase to where our cars were parked.

  “What is it?” I asked, my mind filled with trepidation. I wasn’t sure I could handle much more upheaval in my life.

  “It’s probably better if I show you.”

  The drive home was difficult. I felt a sense of dread similar to before. I wondered when the relief would come. When would the secrets stop?

  Once we got to the house, I found myself still sitting in the Jeep, clutching the steering wheel like my life depended on it. I hated this Jeep. If we could afford something else, I’d trade it in. Every inhale smelled like the surfing wax Dad preferred. I could see the stain on the seat from when he took me to get snow cones and I spilled my cherry slush. There was a scratch in the paint from when I accidentally bumped my surfboard against the door. The hanging air freshener on the rearview mirror was a hula girl dad picked out.

  “Breeze? You gonna come inside?” Chase asked. He was standing outside with his hands in his pockets, looking at me as if I were a ticking time bomb.

  “Yeah,” I murmured before unbuckling and getting out of the Jeep. I followed Chase inside, once again wishing Kai was here to support me. He hadn’t texted me in a couple of days, but that wasn’t new. Maybe our time had passed. Violet’s death taught me that everything and everyone had an expiration date. Nothing lasted forever, and the more distance between us, the more I realized that Kai and I would never get the happily ever after we deserved.

  Once I was sitting at the kitchen table, Chase brought over his iPad. “I figured out Violet’s email password,” he admitted. “One time she told me that she would draft emails to our parents and never send them. Sometimes, it would be about her day. Sometimes, it would be angry letters about their absence. I t
hought maybe if I sent them, Mom and Dad would come home, you know?”

  “Oh, Chase,” I whispered before reaching out to hold his forearm. “Did you find them?”

  “Yeah. I’m going to send them to my parents. They need to know everything they missed out on. I want Violet to be heard, despite it all.”

  “You know you can still care about her, right?” I said. “Just because…everything…doesn’t mean you have to hate her for my benefit.”

  “I know,” Chase said before pressing his lips into a thin line. I let out a puff of air, and he continued speaking. “I found an email addressed to you.”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “Yeah. It was in her drafts. Written the day before she was…”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to read it but knew I’d never feel closure unless I did. “May I?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I’ll leave you to read it.”

  I took the iPad from Chase’s hands and waited for him to go outside before setting my eyes on the words typed there. An eerie feeling settled over me. It was like Violet was sitting in the chair beside me, waiting to drop a bomb in my lap.

  With a steadying breath, I started reading.

  Dear Breeze,

  I’ve typed this email many times, not sure where to start. I’ve been lying to you, Breeze, and I’m so scared that once you figure out what I’ve done, you’ll never want to speak to me again. You’re like a sister to me. I’ve always envied you. You have parents that love you. Good grades. A quiet soul that makes people lean in and hear what you have to whisper. I think we connected because I’ve always wanted to be loved, and you don’t know how to do anything but love. It’s in everything you do. You leave your heart wide open for the people lucky enough to know you.

  Breeze. I’m pregnant. I betrayed you in the most horrendous ways. I can’t even say the father’s name out loud because I know that once I do, our sisterhood will be over. I don’t know if I love him or if I’m even capable of loving someone. I thought I did. But now I’m scared—so scared. He’s not the man I thought he was.

  I think I’d be a good mom. I’d do everything mine didn’t. I’d never leave this baby. I’d figure my shit out. Stop partying. Stop using my body like a weapon. And I’d make you the godmother. I think my child could have a lot to learn from you. But it’s not that simple. It never is. There is someone else, Breeze. Someone threatening me. I’m scared to bring this baby into a world where danger lurks around every corner.

  I’m not making any sense, am I? I have to be careful, Breeze.

  I hope you never read this. I hope my secret gets lost. I hope I heal—eventually. I hope you never know how terrible of a friend I’ve been. I hope you never learn of the secrets I’ve been keeping.

  But if you do learn, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. My whole life, I’ve been looking to feel something. I’ve been looking for a home. I’ve been looking for love and warmth and happiness. And I’m so fucking stupid. Because I’ve had it all along. With you. With Chase. Even Kai.

  I love you, Breeze Shirley. Thank you for being a good friend to me. I don’t deserve you. Not in the slightest. But I’m going to be better from now on.

  Love,

  Violet

  I reread the unsent email again. And then again. Violet was scared. She knew something was going to happen. Emotion swelled in my chest; I was feeling so many things at once that I didn’t even know where to start. My heart ached for Violet, living her last days pregnant, alone, and scared.

  For the millionth time since finding out she was pregnant, I wished that Violet had come to me. Now that I knew that my father was her killer and the father of her unborn child, I understood why she didn’t. But there was still a part of me that wished she had found a way to talk to me about it.

  I felt an overwhelming sadness that Violet was just searching for her place in this world. For family, love, and a place that felt like home. I never had to wonder if my parents loved me growing up. I had a happy childhood, and I knew where I belonged.

  I was angry with my father for ripping a broken and scared girl out of this world. A girl that he had known since she was three years old. A girl that easily could have been me. He took advantage of her, preyed on her, and then took her like her life meant nothing.

  I also felt an overwhelming amount of peace and closure. Violet did know that what she was doing was wrong. She wanted to change, to do better. She wanted to be a mom and give her baby the unconditional love she never got from her own mother. And now I knew without a doubt that Violet did love me.

  I asked Chase if he could print the email. While he was doing that, I dug around for a pen and some paper. I sat back down and let my words to Violet pour out.

  Dear Violet,

  Sometimes I wonder if I ever really knew you. It took me a while to navigate my feelings about all of this, and in the end, there is still love. It’s not as blinding as before. It’s layered with hurt and regret. But it’s there, still making a home for itself in my heart. You’ll always be my Violet. Always be my best friend.

  I wish I understood why you did this. I wish I understood why you risked it all. I’d like to think I would have helped you. But we’ll never know.

  But this letter isn’t about all the things you’ve done wrong. I think you’ve already paid the price for that in blood. In loss. I’m sorry you were alone, Violet. I’m sorry for your baby.

  I wanted to thank you. Our story might not be conventional, but I love Kai. I deeply, irrevocably love him. You taught me how to live every day to its fullest. I opened my heart because of you. I’ll always be thankful for the lessons you taught me. I’ll always be thankful for him. I’ll watch Chase. I promise to take care of him.

  Love Always,

  Breeze

  When Chase returned with the printed copy of the email, I took it and my letter and held them both in my hands. I grabbed Chase’s hand and led him outside, down the back staircase, and to the beach where their fire pit was.

  I turned the knob, and after a moment, flames sprung to life out of the beautiful crystals that filled the pit. I tossed both letters into the fire at the same time, one letter from the living and one from a ghost. Chase and I stood there and watched as the paper turned to ash and floated out onto the ocean.

  Time was a funny thing. Even though so much of it had passed, it still felt like Violet had just gone missing. That was back when I thought that finding her body had been the conclusion to a nightmare and not the beginning. Even though it had only been a few weeks since my father’s arrest and the DNA test revealed that he was the father of Violet’s unborn child, I had to remind myself every morning that Violet was gone and my father was in prison for taking her from us.

  Today was The Big Wave surf competition, the semi-annual counterpart to the Charging into Christmas competition where Kai really noticed me for the first time. This time six months ago, I was excited for all of the buzz around the island, the commotion associated with the competition, and the potential business for the surf shop. Violet was picking out her sexiest swimsuit and expertly applying eyeliner and lashes to look her best for Kai.

  Today I felt none of that same elation. I was going to support Chase and Kai, but I still didn’t really even know where I stood with Kai. Our occasional texting dwindled down to nothing. I wanted to respect his space. I wanted to understand, but I was also dealing with my own shit. I’d never been the girl to chase something that wasn’t mine. I liked to wait for the perfect wave to come crashing into me. I was okay when I didn’t think about it, but I knew that all of the feelings I had been suppressing were going to surface once I saw him again. I subconsciously brought my hand to my neck where I let my fingers run over the tiny silver surfboard.

  I pulled on my favorite suit and paired it with some cutoff shorts. I threw on a T-shirt and grabbed my beach bag, tossing in a water bottle and a full bottle of sunblock. Since I knew I was going to be seeing Kai, I swiped on some waterproof mascara and blu
sh. I also tamed my hair, holding it back with a ponytail. I made a mental note to grab some snacks from the kitchen as well. At the last minute, I quickly tossed a new block of wax in my bag, thinking back to the last time I gave it to Kai and what that meant for the evolution of our relationship.

  Everyone on the island showed up for the surfing competition. I could feel their eyes on me as I walked across the hot sand to find a spot to watch. I waited for the whispers, the mean glares, and the cruel accusations. I kept my spine straight and my chin held high. I’d survived worse than this. I just wanted a day to watch Chase and Kai surf.

  “Surprised you came,” a nasally voice said to my right. I turned to face Celeste, who looked like she’d just gotten off the runway. Her blond hair was blown out, and her makeup looked expertly applied. She wore a sexy bright red one piece that showed off her curves.

  “I can’t hide forever,” I replied, prepared for her cruel words.

  But instead of lashing me with gossip and commentary about the scandal surrounding my family, Celeste sat down beside me. My brows shot up in surprise. “Why are you sitting here?” I asked.

  “Oh hell, don’t start making us friendship bracelets or anything.” Celeste wore a look of disgust as she ran a hand through her hair. “Sitting alone at these competitions is pathetic. I felt bad for you.”

  My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “I don’t need your pity, Celeste.”

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t need it the night you helped me, so just shut up and don’t make me regret being nice.” Celeste and I hadn’t spoken since the night Chase and Kai fought. She let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. “Are you, like, doing okay?” she asked.