by Naomi Niles
“I’m telling you that I transferred my course, that I’m here in Minnesota, that I’m here for us, to really give us a go.” I knew out loud that sounded mad, but at the same time, from the way his eyes lit up, I felt like it was all just going to work out.
“Are you serious?” he yelled, pulling me over the barrier, and spinning me around in the air. “Are you really telling me you did that?”
“I know you didn’t ask me,” I laughed, hugging him tight. “But I know you wanted it, so I did it. That’s what I want to. I just want us to have a chance.”
He kissed me hard, making those familiar fireworks burst all over my body once more. It was only him that could make me feel that way, it was only him that had me flying higher than air, and I knew for a fact that I’d done the right thing.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe it,” he laughed as he slid me down to the ground. “This is amazing, the best thing ever. What an amazing Christmas gift: one that keeps on giving. A beautiful woman that I get to keep in my life forever more.”
We giggled together like crazy teenagers in love, and kissed for a little longer before he pulled back to look deeply into my eyes. “There’s something I want to tell you, and it’s something that I’ve been meaning to say for a while now, but I haven’t quite worked up the confidence to do so,” he stroked my cheek gently and I did my best to ignore my racing heart. “But now that you’ve made such a huge gesture I can’t hold it in any longer. I love you…I really do. I love you so much, Danielle Fisher; you make me the happiest man alive. I’m so glad that you made this crazy move, and I’m really appreciative because I know that you did it just for me.”
I sucked in a few deep and calming breaths for a few moments, trying to cool down my body that was currently freaking the hell out, before telling him that I felt the same way. “I love you too,” I said with a shaky voice. “I think I have done for a while now, and as crazy as it is, I’m so glad that we’re here now.”
“Me too,” he kissed me lightly, filling me with an intense warmth. “Now we can really start to have the future that we’ve always wanted.”
Chapter 1
Miles – Mid December - Friday
The whistle blasted out loudly, letting us all know that the third period of the hockey game was about to kick off. I narrowed my eyes and allowed the determination that had got me this far to flood through my veins. The game was pretty equal right then, and I needed to change that. As captain, it was my duty to get us through this, and to hand us the win, and that was a responsibility that I intended to take seriously. After all, I hadn't become one of the most famous players in the area by slacking off. It had taken hard work, dedication, and a whole lot of sacrifice.
We had just been through our team chat where I said all the typical motivational things that needed to be said. Now was the time for action. I hoped that I had done enough to get my team fired up, but I couldn’t psyche myself out by looking at them. If I saw even a flicker of doubt in any of their eyes, it would put me off too.
No, I had to focus only on myself if I was going to get this done.
I allowed my skates to glide seamlessly across the ice, and I took my position while we all waited anxiously for the last part of this game to begin. My focus zoned right in on the game, while everything else melted into the background. I ignored the crowd, the score board, the other players, and I simply focused on the puck. That was all I needed to get the goals we so desperately desired, so that was all I cared about.
“Fuck,” I cried out as the other team instantly took control, putting us at a disadvantage. They moved through us all, past their goal line, which caused me to skate faster than I’d ever gone before. As a forward, it wasn’t my duty to get involved in the defensive area of the pitch, but I didn’t care. I trusted my team wholeheartedly, but sometimes it felt like I was the only person that I could guarantee that would do well. It may not have been the best opinion to have, but in the heat of the moment, it was all I could think about.
Just as I was about to slide in position, to take control of the puck, I heard a whole heap of yelling bursting out from another direction entirely. My head span around as I instantly knew that meant trouble. Ice hockey was such an intense game that fights were common, but that didn’t mean I had to like them. In fact, they thoroughly pissed me off. I couldn’t understand how people could be so irresponsible, how they could allow their emotions to rule their heads. Control was vital, and that included control over yourself.
“Fucking hell,” I yelled out, instantly changing my direction, forgetting all about my previous mission. The referee would be over there in any second, and I needed to be there to supervise that, to try and prevent any members of my team getting sent off the pitch with misconduct penalties. It was likely that both teams would lose a couple of people here; the only question would be for how long. “Shit!”
By the time I got into the middle of the battle, too many fists had been swung for me to save anyone. The ref was pissed as hell and already making some sharp decisions that would impact on the rest of the game. The thunderous expression on his face said it all.
“What’s going on?” I asked him, trying to draw his attention on me for a second. If I could get him distracted for a moment, he might calm down and go a little easier on everyone. But of course I wasn’t going to get that lucky. He completely ignored me, as if I didn’t even exist.
I bashed my head with my palm in frustration, feeling angrier with each passing second. This was hopeless, and really fucking annoying! That sensation, that distraction, was how I managed to miss the biggest guy from the other team aiming a vicious kick at someone else, but somehow missing and bashing against my shin instead.
Maybe it was a genuine accident, or maybe he had planned that move all along to try and take out our strongest player – me – but the smug smile he gave me was enough to let me know that he was glad with how things had turned out anyway.
“Argh,” I screamed in agony. I might have had shin pads on, but they did nothing to protect me against the harshness of ice skate blades. “Fuck!” I held onto my leg for a second, but I didn’t go down, not even to try and gain some sort of advantage over the other team. That wasn’t my style at all. I was known as being hard as fuck, and there was a reason for that! I had trained myself to be tough as nails, and that was a reputation that I fully intended to keep.
As the game kicked off again, once the issues had been resolved and a lot of people had been taken into the box, I pushed through the pain in the best way that I could. I tried to lock that part of my experience in a box in the back of my brain, but every so often I would move in a way that caused it to flare up somewhat.
The pain pissed me off massively, and it made me much more determined to win. There was no way that I could lose to these fuckers now!
Tick…tick…tick…
I suddenly became acutely aware that time was ticking down, and that we were still on equal footing with the other team, which wasn’t a good position at all. This game wasn’t just important for our pride; we really did need this win too. If we wanted to continue progressing in this way, having the best season that we’d ever had, then this game was an essential one. We couldn’t lose, and we didn’t want to draw either. I needed to take some fucking serious action now, to put this to bed, so I pushed harder than I ever had before, moved faster than my body was fully able to, and I shoved more powerfully than I even knew I could, and before long, I had the puck on our side of the goal line, moving ever nearer to the grand prize.
Do this, I told myself calmly. Do not fuck this up now; there just isn’t enough time left. I knew for a fact that if I allowed this opportunity to slip through my fingers, then we would be screwed and it would be totally my fault.
I glanced around quickly, noticing that I had just enough time to do what needed to be done before everyone piled on top of me, making it impossible. With cool nerves of steel,I swung the hockey stick backwards, and connected quickly with the
puck, not wanting to waste any time. But before I could see if I had hit the target, bodies slammed into me from all angles, sending me tumbling hard towards the ground.
That didn’t matter though; I didn’t need to see. The crowd went absolutely wild which meant I’d done it. For the first time since this game had started, my heart lifted and fluttered wildly around my chest. There was no better feeling than winning, than scoring that final goal.
You did it! I thought happily as my team members joined me for a celebration. You fucking did it, you legend!
I was always confident in my abilities, but it felt amazing to have that confirmed. I always wanted the rest of the world to know exactly what I was capable of, and I’d achieved that again. The cheers were like music to my ears, and I lapped them up happily.
“You fucking awesome twat!” my teammate with a foul mouth, Benji, called over to me, hitting me hard on the back. “You’ve done it again.”
“That was amazing,” Marek, another one of the guys smiled. “Congrats dude.”
After jumping around the pitch and going wild, firing the crowd up even further, we made the elated journey back to the changing room. The opposing team had already snuck off in shame so we didn’t give a shit about yelling our loudest and really enjoying ourselves.
As we rejoiced, the guys alternated between showering, jumping in the ice bath, and mucking about with one another. Everyone else was growing increasingly excited as time went on, but as was typical for me, the high was wearing off and I was left feeling oddly subdued. Instead of focusing only on the good points, my mind circulated over every pass that I missed, every time I slid slightly in the wrong direction, every time I didn’t quite see what my team was doing.
I felt a lot of responsibility for everyone else, and that weighed heavily on me.
As I stripped my clothes down, I realized that the injury left on my leg was actually worse than I first assumed. The ice skates had left a nasty gash on my legs, and blood was still trickling out of it. I felt glad that I hadn't made a fuss of it on the pitch – the ref would have sent me off for injury right away, and I wouldn’t have been there to score that winning goal.
“Another trip to Sara?” my friend Gaz winked cheekily at me. “She’ll patch you right up. Make you feel better.”
He was referring to the team nurse who was known for being a little bit loose with her morals. She had already been with a lot of the team, which they seemed to think was awesome, but I totally disagreed. Sure, she was hot, with her dark, auburn hair, her green eyes, and her incredibly large (definitely fake) breasts, but knowing where she’d been was enough to put me off for life. I just couldn’t…even if I really wanted to.
“Nah,” I waved my hand, brushing his comment off. “This is nothing.” I winced as I stepped onto my foot, but it would be okay. I’d had a lot worse.
“Right team,” Coach Jordan called out loudly, and we all span around to face him right away. He was a kindly man, and a whole lot of fun, but he commanded respect and we willingly gave it to him. We knew that we would be nowhere without him, so we held him in the highest regard. “That was a good game. A little tight, but we made it there in the end.” He shot me a smile, and I couldn’t help but grin back. “Now, there are beers waiting for you at the bar down the road, but…” he intervened, before the cheers could get too loud, “just be careful. The snow is bad and I don’t need any of you with broken legs. I mean that! We all need to be on top form for our next game, all right?”
“Yes, boss,” we all replied in unison, almost acting like naughty school kids. “Thank you.”
With that, he span on his heels and left us to our elation. With that statement, even I started to feel happy once more. A drink was exactly what I needed, and combined with screaming fans who would give me a much needed ego boost, it would be even better. I enjoyed being loved – who wouldn’t – but I didn’t take advantage of that.
At least not since I was made captain of the team. The other guys could do what they wanted with fans, I didn’t care, but I had a responsibility that I intended to uphold, whether I was on the pitch or off of it.
Chapter 2
Danielle – Friday
“All of my clothes are just so…summery!” I whined to my roommate Kim, who was listening patiently to me while I complained endlessly about having to go home for the Christmas break. “I don’t think I’ll fit in there at all. I don’t even know how to live in such cold conditions.” I had never been to my parent’s new home in Minnesota, and to be perfectly honest, I really didn’t want to. All I knew about Minnesota was that it would be very cold at this time of year and I didn’t think that I was going to suit that weather at all.
“You should just come to NorthernCalifornia with me,” Kim teased, showing me a summery dress that she would be taking home with her. “It’s so warm.”
“Urgh, I wish I could,” I replied, jealousy coursing through my veins. “Nothing would please me more than to blow off my family and come with you.” I lived in Arizona before, so my blood was acclimatized to the warmth. I didn’t even know how to dress for the cold, never mind live in it – even if it was only going to be for a few, short weeks.
Kim knew all about my family strife, so she kept her lips firmly pressed together at that statement, refusing to say anything. I already knew her opinions on the subject anyway, so there really was no point in rehashing it all. My parents were very difficult (to put it politely), and they always had been with me. It was as if the phrase ‘black sheep of the family’ had been created just for me. They were doctors, and they valued their profession over everything else, whereas that wasn’t what I wanted from my life.
I just couldn’t handle it; it was not where my density lay, and I’d known that for a very long time. All I’d ever dreamed about was becoming a teacher, and that was what I had been studying to achieve. I had to fight a lot of battles with them to get there, but I wasn’t going to back down, no matter what. Not when it came to my life and my future. I had to live for myself and what I wanted, which was why I’d stuck to my guns so stubbornly.
I always stood up for myself when the family got together, especially when the comments came up about me not saving lives. But it didn’t seem to matter to anyone that I was actually doing something useful too: I was molding minds and helping to create a better future, but they never seemed to care. I just felt like I wasn’t good enough for them, and that I never would be, and that would never change.
It didn’t help that my older sister, Cynthia, was on the fast track to become a doctor too, pleasing mom and dad no end. I loved my sister, and I was glad for her that she was achieving just what she wanted to, but sometimes I thought that it would have been much easier on me if she had wanted to take another path in life too. In fact, she would have taken most of the negative slack and I could have coasted on by.
“It might not be that cold anyway,” Kim finally decided to talk, tackling another issue entirely. “You’re only going on what you’ve heard.”
“It’s practically arctic,” I told her sarcastically. “I might freeze to death out there.”
After a brief moment of laughter, Kim turned serious once more. “Look, you’re just gonna have to pull up your big girl panties and get through this holiday. If you go into it with the right attitude, you might actually have some fun.” I rolled my eyes, but she chose to ignore that. “Why don’t you just let your hair down and do something fun? Party, have a laugh, play in the snow…I don’t know, hang out with your sister. Learn to ice skate, even go on a few dates.”
“Dates?” I shot back quickly. “When have you ever known me go out on a date?” I would tackle the ice skating plan before a date, and I’d never been on the ice before!
In all honesty, when I first started at USD, I did meet someone. He was different than any other guy I’d known before – all sweet and romantic. He had a real surfer-boy look with sandy-blond hair and piercing blue eyes, which had made my heart melt. I fell hard and fast
, taking our fling much more seriously than he was, and within the second month, I had my heart shattered into a million pieces when I saw him kissing another girl in a club.
That wasn’t even the worst part: that was what he said to me when I confronted him about it.“You didn’t think that I actually liked you, did you?” He laughed nastily with the random girl while my brain remembered all the nice things he’d done for me – the flowers he’d brought for me, the times he had sat in the library with me while I studied, the amount of times he told me that I was beautiful during sex. None of that made sense with the person I saw standing in front of me that night. “I only wanted a quick fuck.”
Burned and humiliated I ran away, but that entire incident still stuck in my mind today. I wasn’t sure whether he had lied about the depth of his feelings for me to cover something up, or whether it was my judgment that was wrong. Either way, it had put me off getting close to anyone since. I hadn't even considered the idea. I wanted to lock my heart in a box, to keep it safe. I didn’t think that I could ever go through anything so awful again, but maybe that was where I was going wrong. Maybe I should be thinking about moving on?
“You need to pick someone a little more fun next time,” Kim continued, screwing up her nose. “Elliot was awful, but worse than that, he was so boring. You need someone a little more like Spike.”
The way her face lit up at the mere mention of her boyfriend’s name made me smile. He was a college football player with a very promising future ahead of him, and Kim absolutely adored him. I could see why – he was gorgeous, oodles of fun, and besotted with her. They would be together forever, I was sure of it. He wasn’t actually named Spike, that was just his nickname, but since no one seemed to know his actual name, that was all I’d ever heard him called.
“I suppose you’re right,” I replied a little distractedly, not really wanting to get into this right now.